b "Virtual" means never knowing where your next byte is coming from.
b $HOME is where you hang your @.
b /Earth is 98% full...  Please delete anyone you can.
b 1 bull, 3 cows.
b 10.0 times 0.1 is hardly ever 1.0.
b A bad random number generator:  1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 4.33e+67, 1, 1, 1
b A bug in the hand is better than one as yet undetected.
b A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
b A computer program does what you tell it to do, not what you want it to do.
b A computer scientist is someone who fixes things that aren't broken.
b A CONS is an object which cares.  -- Bernie Greenberg
b A crash reduces your expensive computer to a simple stone.
b A journey of a thousand sites begins with a single click.
b A list is only as strong as its weakest link.  -- Donald Knuth
b A true Klingon Warrior does not comment his code!
b A user and his leisure time are soon parted.
b Access denied -- nyah, nyah!
b After enough decimal places, nobody gives a damn.
b All computers run at the same speed...  With the power off.
b All computers wait at the same speed.
b All wiyht.  Rho sritched mg kegtops awound?
b An elephant is a mouse with an operating system.
b And on the seventh day, He exited from append mode.
b Another megabytes the dust.
b Any given program will expand to fill available memory.
b Any nitwit can understand computers.  Many do.  -- Ted Nelson
b Any program that runs right is obsolete.
b Any sufficiently advanced bug is indistinguishable from a feature.  -- Rich Kulawiec
b APL is a write-only language.  -- Roy Keir
b Artificial intelligence usually beats real stupidity.
b Artificial Intelligence:  Making computers behave like they do in the movies.
b As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing!
b As far as we know, our computer has never had an undetected error.  -- Conrad Weisert
b As of next week, passwords will be entered in Morse code.
b Asking whether machines can think is like asking whether submarines can swim.
b Back up my hard drive?  I can't find the reverse switch!
b Backup not found:  (A)bort (R)etry (P)anic?
b Backups?  We don't NEED no steenking backups.
b Bad command.  Bad, bad command!  Sit!  Stay!  Staaay...
b Base 8 is just like base 10, if you are missing two fingers.  -- Tom Lehrer
b Best file compression around:  "DEL" = 100% compression.
b Beware of programmers who carry screwdrivers.  -- Leonard Brandwein
b Brain fried -- core dumped.
b BREAKFAST.COM Halted -- Cereal Port Not Responding.
b Breakthrough:  It finally booted on the first try.
b Buy a Pentium 586/90 so you can reboot faster.
b Cannot find REALITY.SYS.  Universe halted.
b CChheecckk yyoouurr dduupplleexx sswwiittcchh..
b COFFEE.EXE Missing -- Insert Cup and Press Any Key.
b Compatible:  Gracefully accepts erroneous data from any source.
b Computer and car salesmen differ in that the latter know when they are lying.
b Computer chips are so small because computers don't eat much.
b Computer programmers do it byte by byte.
b Computer:  A device designed to speed up and automate errors.
b Computers are a more fun way to do the same work you'd have to do without them.
b Computers are not intelligent -- they just think they are.
b Computers are useless.  They can only give you answers.  -- Pablo Picasso
b Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.
b Congratulations!  You are the one-millionth user to log into our system.
b CONGRESS.SYS corrupted:  Reboot Washington, DC?  (Y/N)
b Counting in binary is just like counting in decimal if you are all thumbs.
b Counting in octal is just like counting in decimal if you don't use your thumbs.
b Dain bramaged, dore cumped.
b Death is a non-maskable interrupt.
b Diagnostics are the programs that run when nothing else will.
b Disc space -- the final frontier!
b Disclaimer:  Any errors in spelling, tact, or fact are transmission errors.
b Don't byte off more than you can view.
b Don't hit the keys so hard, it hurts.
b Don't let the computer bugs bite!
b Don't pay computer programmers too much money, it just encourages the bad ones.
b Dreams are free, but you get soaked on the connect time.
b E Pluribus Modem.
b E Pluribus UNIX.
b Emacs is a nice operating system, but I prefer UNIX.  -- Tom Christaensen
b Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue.
b Error, no keyboard.  Press F1 to continue.
b Ethernet:  Something used to catch the etherbunny.
b Every program can be reduced to just one instruction -- that doesn't work.
b Every program in development at MIT expands until it can read mail.
b Every program is a part of some other program, and rarely fits.
b Everybody needs a little love sometime; stop hacking and fall in love!
b Excuse me for butting in, but I'm interrupt-driven.
b f u cn rd ths, u cn gt a gd jb n cmptr prgrmmng.
b Failure is not an option; it comes bundled with the software.
b Feature:  A bug with seniority.
b File not found.  Should I fake it?  (Y/N)
b Foolproof operation:  All parameters are hard coded.
b fortune:  No such file or directory
b Futuristic:  It will only run on a next generation supercomputer.
b God is real, unless declared integer.
b God made machine language; all the rest is the work of man.
b Hackers have kernel knowledge.
b Hardware:  The parts of a computer system that can be kicked.
b Help!  I'm trapped in a Chinese computer factory!
b Help,MySpaceBarIsBroken!AnndMyBBackspaaceKeyyToo!
b Hit any user to continue.
b HOST SYSTEM NOT RESPONDING, PROBABLY DOWN.  DO YOU WANT TO WAIT?  (Y/N)
b How an engineer writes a program:  Start by debugging an empty file...
b How do I love thee?  My accumulator overflows.
b How do I set my laser printer on stun?
b How do you know it's an ENDLESS loop?
b How long is this Beta guy going to keep testing our stuff?  -- Mark Roop-Kharasch
b How much net work could a network work, if a network could net work?
b How was Thomas J. Watson buried?  9 edge down.
b I "upgraded" my computer to several levels above my head.  -- Ellen Goodman
b I am a computer -- dumber than any human and smarter than an administrator.
b I am still waiting for the advent of the computer science groupie.
b I am the computer your mother warned you about.
b I bet the human brain is a kludge.  -- Marvin Minsky
b I came, I saw, I deleted all your files.
b I haven't lost my mind; it's backed up on disk somewhere.
b I must have slipped a disk; my pack hurts.
b I smell a wumpus.
b I still get goose bumps every time I override a method...  -- Harry Wiguna
b I'm a firm believer in baseball bat therapy for computers.  -- Dan Gookin
b If a listener nods his head when you're explaining your program, wake him up.
b If a program is useful, it must be changed.
b If a program is useless, it must be documented.
b If a train station is where the train stops, what is a work station?
b If at first you don't succeed, you must be a programmer.
b If God had intended Man to program, we would be born with serial I/O ports.
b If I had it all to do over again, I'd spell creat with an "e".  -- Brian Kernighan
b If it was easy, the hardware people would take care of it.
b If it's not in the computer, it doesn't exist.
b In computer science, we stand on each other's feet.  -- Brian Reid
b In God we trust; all else we walk through.
b In the future on the Web, everyone will have 15 megabytes of fame.
b It is now pitch dark.  If you proceed, you will likely fall into a pit.
b It is ten o'clock; do you know where your processes are?
b It's a bad sign when you need a screwdriver to install a new operating system.
b Keyboard:  The standard way to generate computer errors.
b Kiss your keyboard goodbye!
b Last one out, turn off the computer!
b Life would be so much easier if we could just look at the source code.
b Lisp Users:  Due to the holiday, there will be no garbage collection on Monday.
b LISP:  To call a spade a thpade.
b Login incorrect.  Only perfect spellers may enter this system.
b logout
b Long computations that yield zero are probably all for naught.
b Machine-independent:  Does not run on any existing machine.
b Mainframe:  The biggest PC peripheral available.
b Managing software engineers is like herding cats.
b Manual Writer's Creed:  Garbage in, gospel out.
b Maybe Computer Science should be in the College of Theology.  -- R. S. Barton
b Meets quality standards:  Compiles without errors.
b Mental backup in progress -- do not disturb.
b MIPS:  Meaningless Indicator of Processor Speed.
b Mouse:  An advanced input device to make computer errors easier to generate.
b My New Year's resolution is:  1024 x 768.
b My software never has bugs.  It just develops random features.
b Netnews is like yelling, "Anyone want to buy a used car?" in a crowded theater.
b Never trust a computer you can't lift.  -- Stan Masor
b Never trust a computer you can't throw out the window.  -- S. Hunt
b Nice computers don't go down.
b No line available at 300 baud.
b No program done by a hacker will work unless he is on the system.
b No program done by an undergrad will work after she graduates.
b Obsolete:  Any computer you own.
b Old mail has arrived.
b Old programmers never die; they just branch to a new address.
b Old programmers never die; they just GOSUB without RETURN.
b On a clear disk you can seek forever.  -- Denning
b One if by LAN, two if by C.  -- Paul Revere, as told by John Karwoski
b One man's constant is another man's variable.  -- Alan Perlis
b One person's error is another person's data.
b One picture is worth 128K words.
b Our mothers would be proud of us if we could explain to them what it is we do.
b Over-computered is when you try to enter your password on your microwave oven.
b Overflow on /dev/null; please empty the bit bucket.
b Pause for storage relocation.
b People who deal with bits should expect to get bitten.  -- Jon Bentley
b Portable:  Survives system reboot.
b Power corrupts, and PowerPoint corrupts absolutely.  -- Vint Cerf
b Press any key to continue or any other key to quit.
b Press any key...  No, no, no, NOT THAT ONE!
b Profanity is the one language all programmers know best.
b Program:  A magic spell that converts input data to error messages.
b Programmers do it bit by bit.
b Programming Department:  Mistakes made while you wait.
b Programming is an art form that fights back.
b Programming is an unnatural act.
b Programming just with goto's is like swatting flies with a sledgehammer.
b Protect your software at all costs -- all else is meat.
b RAM disk is NOT an installation procedure.
b Random access is the optimum of the mass storages.
b Real programs don't eat cache.
b Remember the good old days, when CPU was singular?
b Remember, UNIX spelled backwards is XINU.
b Revolutionary:  Disk drives go round and round.
b Save energy:  Drive a smaller shell.
b SCCS, the source motel!  Programs check in and never check out!  -- Ken Thompson
b Shift to the left!  Shift to the right!  Pop up, push down, byte, byte, byte!
b Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.
b Software is to computers as yeast is to dough.  -- Chuck Bradshaw
b Some programming languages manage to absorb change but withstand progress.
b Southern DOS:  Y'all reckon?  (Yep/Nope)
b Spelling checker:  Converts spelling errors into malapropisms.
b State-of-the-art:  Any computer you can't afford.
b Structured programming supports the law of the excluded muddle.
b Supercomputer:  Turns CPU-bound problem into I/O-bound problem.  -- Ken Batcher
b Swap read error.  You lose your mind.
b Syntax error:  "Hello, I want to buy a computer and money is no object."
b System going down at 1:45 for disk crashing.
b System going down at 5 pm to install scheduler bug.
b Systems programmers are the high priests of a low cult.  -- R. S. Barton
b That does not compute.
b The amount of clue on the Internet remains constant.  -- Evi Nemeth
b The attention span of a computer is only as long as its power cord.
b The code was willing.  It considered your request, but the chips were weak.
b The computer is mightier than the pen, the sword, and usually, the programmer.  -- Alan Silverstein
b The determined programmer can write a FORTRAN program in any language.
b The e-mail of the species is more deadly than the mail.
b The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance.
b The hardest bugs to find are the easiest ones to fix.
b The Internet is a logic-optional forum.  -- Marc Callier
b The moving cursor prints, and having printed, blinks on.
b The next generation of computers will have a "Warranty Expired" interrupt.
b The original point-and-click interface was a Smith & Wesson.
b The program is absolutely right; therefore, the computer must be wrong.
b The steady state of disks is full.  -- Ken Thompson
b The Tao that is seen is not the true Tao, until you bring fresh toner.
b The value of a program is proportional to the weight of its output.
b The world is coming to an end...  SAVE YOUR BUFFERS!!
b The world will end in 5 minutes.  Please log out.
b There are two ways to write error-free programs; only the third one works.
b There must be more to life than compile-and-go.
b There's no place like http://www.home.com.
b This fortune soaks up 47 times its own weight in excess memory.
b This login session:  $13.76, but for you:  $11.88.
b This screen intentionally left blank.
b This site was moved.  We'd tell you where, but then we'd have to delete you.
b This system will self-destruct in five minutes.
b Those who can't write, write help files.
b Those who can, do.  Those who cannot, teach.  Those who cannot teach, HACK!
b Thrashing is just virtual crashing.
b Three things are certain:  Death, taxes, and lost data.  Guess which occurred.
b To be, or not to be, those are the parameters.
b To err is human; to forgive, beyond the scope of the Operating System.
b To err is human; to really foul things up requires a computer.
b To iterate is human; to recurse, divine.  -- Robert Heller
b Too many clicks spoil the browse.
b Unable to locate coffee -- operator halted!
b UNIX is a nice place to live, but you don't want to visit there.
b UNIX is very user-friendly...  It's just picky about its friends.
b Unprecedented performance:  Nothing ever ran this slow before.
b Upgrade:  Take old bugs out, put new ones in.
b Variables won't; constants aren't.  -- Adam Osborn
b Virtual memory is for weenies!  -- Seymour Cray
b What boots up must come down.
b What do computer engineers use for birth control?  Their personalities.
b What this country needs is a good five-cent microcomputer.
b Where the system is concerned, you are not allowed to ask "Why?".
b Why do we want intelligent terminals when there are so many stupid users?
b Would YOU pass a Turing test?
b You can't go home again, unless you set $HOME.
b You can't make a program without broken egos.
b You can't teach a new mouse old clicks.
b You depend too much on computers for information.
b You forgot to do your backup 16 days ago.  Tomorrow you will need that version.
b You had mail, but the super-user read it, and deleted it!
b You have a tendency to feel you are superior to most computers.
b You have junk mail.
b You know it is going to be a bad day when you forget your new password.
b You might have mail.
b You never finish a program, you just stop working on it.
b Your email has been returned due to insufficient voltage.
b Your fault -- core dumped.
b Your password is pitifully obvious.
b [Unix] is not necessarily evil, like OS/2.  -- Peter Norton
c A bug in the code is worth two in the documentation.
c A fault tolerant system must report the faults even as it tolerates them.
c A hacker does for love what others would not do for money.  -- Laura Creighton
c A low level language is one whose programs require attention to the irrelevant.
c A paperless office has about as much chance as a paperless bathroom.
c A successful tool is used to do something undreamed of by its author.  -- Samuel Johnson
c Abstraction is achieved by data hiding and enforced by encapsulation.
c Actual usability is inversely proportionate to apparent user-friendliness.
c Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later.  -- Frederick Brooks
c All programmers are playwrights and all computers are lousy actors.
c All the simple programs have been written, and all the good names taken.
c All you need to know is the user interface.  -- J. Redford
c An algorithm must be seen to be believed.  -- Donald Knuth
c An infinite loop is OK as long as you don't get stuck in it.
c An operating system without virtual memory is an OS without virtue.
c Any programming language is at its best before it is implemented and used.
c Avoid GOTOs completely if you can keep the program readable.
c Avoid the Fortran arithmetic IF (or better yet, just avoid Fortran).
c Avoid unnecessary branches.
c Bad style destroys an otherwise superb program.
c Bad tools result in bad software.  -- J.L. Marsh
c BASIC is to computer programming as QWERTY is to typing.  -- Seymour Papert
c Be careful when a loop exits to the same place from side and bottom.
c Choose variable names that will not be confused.
c Computers are unreliable, but humans are even more unreliable.  -- Gilb
c Computers talk to each other worse than their designers do.
c Computers... are not designed, as we are, for ambiguity.  -- Thomas
c Controlling complexity is the essence of computer programming.  -- Brian Kernighan
c Digital circuits are made from analog parts.
c Disk is cheap, but storage is expensive.
c Don't comment or patch bad code; rewrite it.
c Don't compare floating point numbers solely for equality.
c Don't diddle code to make it faster; find a better algorithm.
c Don't document the program; program the document.
c Don't stop at one bug.
c Every bug you find is the last one.
c Every good work of software starts by scratching a developer's personal itch.
c Every program is either trivial or it contains at least one bug.
c Everything should be transparent to the user.
c Expert systems are built to embody the knowledge of human experts.  -- Rich Kulawiec
c Favor object composition over class inheritance.
c Garbage in, garbage out.
c Given enough eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.  -- Eric Raymond
c Good programmers know what to write.  Great ones know what to rewrite.  -- Eric Raymond
c I do not fear computers.  I fear the lack of them.  -- Isaac Asimov
c I suppose when it gets to that point, we shan't know how it does it.  -- Alan Turing
c If the code and the comments disagree, then both are probably wrong.  -- Schryer
c If you have a procedure with 10 parameters, you probably missed some.
c In the long run, every program becomes rococco, and then rubble.  -- Alan Perlis
c It is easier to change the specification to fit the program than vice versa.
c It is easier to write an incorrect program than understand a correct one.
c It wasn't as easy to get programs right as we had thought.  -- Maurice Wilkes, 1949
c It's easy to get lost in the details of an incorrect implementation.  -- Tom von Alten
c It's very important that we build a general AI that loves humanity.  -- Ilya Sutskever
c Know Thy User.
c Let the machine do the dirty work.  -- Elements of Programming Style
c Machine independent code isn't.
c Make input easy to proofread.
c Make it right before you make it faster.
c Make sure all variables are initialized before use.
c Make sure comments and code agree.
c Make sure your code "does nothing" gracefully.
c Never put off till run-time what you can do at compile-time.  -- David Gries
c Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.  -- Steinbach
c Never underestimate the bandwidth of a station wagon full of tapes.  -- Jackson
c Never write software that anthropomorphizes the machine.
c Never write software that patronizes the user.
c New technology becomes salable three years before it becomes usable.
c New technology becomes usable three years before its users become competent.
c No extensible language will be universal.  -- T. Cheatham
c On the Web, understanding the medium matters more than controlling the layout.
c Performance is easier to add than clarity.
c Plan the system for change.  -- Frederick Brooks
c Program to an interface, not an implementation.
c Replace repetitive expressions by calls to a common function.
c Smart data structures and dumb code works a lot better than vice versa.
c Software is best understood as a branch of movie making.  -- Ted Nelson
c Software is mind work.  Having the right frame of mind is essential.
c The best packed information most resembles random noise.
c The computer is the Proteus of machines.  -- Seymour Papert
c The computing field is always in need of new cliches.  -- Alan Perlis
c The less time planning, the more time programming.
c The Macintosh was the first personal computer good enough to be criticized.
c The number of UNIX installations has grown to 10, with more expected.  (6/72)
c The purpose of computing is insight, not numbers.  -- Richard Hamming
c The wise person writes bomb-proof code.
c There are always at least two ways to program the same thing.
c There are never any bugs you haven't found yet.
c There can never be a computer language in which you cannot write a bad program.
c There is no problem that, when programmed just right, isn't more complicated.
c To understand a program you must become both the machine and the program.
c Try not to let implementation details sneak into design documents.
c Undetectable errors are infinite; detectable errors by definition are finite.
c UNIX is many things to many people, but it has never been everything to anybody.
c Use free-form input where possible.
c Use GOTOs only to implement a fundamental structure.
c Use IF...ELSE  IF...ELSE  IF...ELSE... to implement multi-way branches.
c Use text for text and images for images.  -- Paul Martz
c Using a free internet service, you're not the customer, you're the product.
c Watch out for off-by-one errors.
c When a program is being tested, it is too late to make design changes.
c When we write programs that "learn", it turns out we do and they don't.
c You don't have to know how the computer works, just how to work the computer.
f A gift of flower will soon be made to you.
f A nickel ain't worth a dime anymore.  -- Yogi Berra
f A visit to a fresh place will bring strange work.
f A visit to a strange place will bring fresh work.
f All the troubles you have will pass away very quickly.
f Among the lucky, you are the chosen one.
f An actor without a writer is a waiter.  -- RJ Colleary
f Baseball is 90 percent mental.  The other half is physical.  -- Yogi Berra
f Courage is your greatest present need.
f Divide your time evenly to keep others happy.
f Do not overtax your powers.
f Don't despair; your ideal lover is waiting for you around the corner.
f Executive ability is prominent in your make-up.
f Exercise caution in your daily affairs.
f Flee at once, all is discovered.
f Generosity and perfection are your everlasting goals.
f Good news from afar will bring you a welcome visitor.
f His heart was yours from the first moment that you met.
f Hold tight to your dreams.
f I always thought that record would stand until it was broken.  -- Yogi Berra
f I didn't really say everything I said.  -- Yogi Berra
f I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once.  --  Ashleigh Brilliant
f I want to thank everyone for making this night necessary.  -- Yogi Berra
f I'm not buying my kids an encyclopedia.  Let them walk to school like I did.  -- Yogi Berra
f If the people don't want to come to the ballpark, nobody's going to stop them.  -- Yogi Berra
f If you don't know where you are going, you might wind up someplace else.  -- Yogi Berra
f It gets late early out here.  -- Yogi Berra
f Life is to you a dashing and bold adventure.
f Long life is in store for you.
f Love is in the offing.  Be affectionate to one who adores you.
f Never answer an anonymous letter.  -- Yogi Berra
f Old acquaintance will soon be remembered.
f Retribution will be yours.
f Show your affection, which will probably meet with pleasant response.
f Show your appreciation for your lover by surprising him/her with a small gift.
f Someone close to you is taking advantage of your trust.
f Someone is enthusiastic about your work.
f Someone is speaking well of you.
f Stop searching forever.  Happiness is just next to you.
f Take time in life to smell the rabbits, eat the flowers, and pet the cactus.
f That wasn't chicken.  -- fictitious fortune cookie in an ad
f The future is bright in affairs of the heart.
f The lousy teams are good this year.  -- Yogi Berra
f The luck that is ordained for you will be coveted by others.
f The only things that come out of meetings, are people.
f The time is right to make new friends.
f There will be big changes for you but you will be happy.
f Torture numbers and they will confess to anything.  -- Gregg Easterbrook
f Value useful qualities in one who loves you.
f Why buy good luggage, you only use it when you travel.  -- Yogi Berra
f You are capable of planning your future.
f You are going to have a new love affair.
f You have a deep appreciation of the arts and music.
f You have a deep interest in all that is artistic.
f You have an ability to sense and know higher truth.
f You have an ambitious nature and might make a name for yourself.
f You like to form new friendships and make new acquaintances.
f You look on the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true.
f You love peace.
f You need not worry about your future.
f You talk health, happiness, and prosperity to every person you meet.
f You will always have good luck in your personal affairs.
f You will attract cultured and artistic people to your home.
f You will be advanced socially, without any special effort on your part.
f You will be called to a post requiring ability in handling groups of people.
f You will be recognized and honored as a community leader.
f You will be singled out for promotion in your work.
f You will be successful in love.
f You will be traveling and coming into a fortune.
f You will get what you deserve.
f You will have a long-term stimulation relative to business.
f You will have domestic happiness and faithful friends.
f You will have good luck and overcome many hardships.
f You will have long and healthy life.
f You will hear good news from one you thought unfriendly to you.
f You will reach the highest possible point in your business or profession.
f Your aims are high, and you are capable of much.
f Your business will go through a period of considerable expansion.
f Your depth of comprehension might tend to make you lax in worldly ways.
f Your love life will be happy and harmonious.
f Your mode of life will be changed for the better because of new developments.
f Your present plans will be successful.
f Your talents will be recognized and suitably rewarded.
h "  "  -- Harpo Marx
h "Breakfast sometime?"  "Sure."  "Shall I call you, or just nudge you?"
h "Criminal lawyer" is a redundancy.
h "Daddy, the garbage man is here!"  "Tell him we don't need any."  -- Edward Abbey
h "Define UNIVERSE; give two examples." "The perceived world; 1) mine, 2) yours."
h "Have you lived here all your life?"  "Oh, twice that long."
h "In no language can a double positive form a negative."  "Yeah, yeah..."
h "Name two pronouns."  "Who?  Me?"
h "Those good old days" really means "those good young days."  -- Herbert Salzer
h "Was that an avalanche, or was that thunder?"  Mountaineers HATE that question.
h "Wayne Newton is," he says, "an example of what America can be."
h 2.4 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing:  1 I.V. League.
h 24 hours in a day...  24 beers in a case...  Coincidence?
h 28.35 grams of prevention are worth 0.45359 kilograms of cure.
h 355/113 -- Not the famous irrational number pi, but an incredible simulation.
h 97% of what I say is correct, and I don't care about the other 4%.
h A backscratcher will always find new itches.  -- Gomme
h A backward poet writes inverse.
h A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
h A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two tired.
h A bird in the bush usually has a friend in there with him.
h A bird in the hand is safer than one overhead.
h A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
h A blind skydiver knows he's approaching the ground when the leash goes slack.
h A boss with no humor is like a job that's no fun.
h A bull market is like sex.  It feels best just before it ends.  -- Barton Biggs
h A career is just a job that went on too long.
h A cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.  -- Mark Twain
h A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
h A clean tie attracts the soup of the day.
h A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
h A comet is about as close to nothing as you can get and still have something.
h A committee is an animal with at least six legs, and no brain.  -- Robert Heinlein
h A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
h A consultant saves his client almost enough to pay his fee.  -- Arnold Glasgow
h A corkscrew is the best thing with which to open a conversation.
h A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats.  -- Franklin
h A couple of months in the lab can often save a couple of hours in the library.
h A crisis is when you can't say, "Let's just forget the whole thing."  -- Ferguson
h A day without fusion is like a day without sunshine.
h A day without orange juice is like a day without orange juice.
h A day without sunshine is like night.
h A dean is to a faculty as a hydrant is to a dog.  -- Alfred Kahn
h A diamond is just a lump of coal that made good under pressure.
h A dime is a dollar after the taxes are taken out.
h A drink a day keeps the shrink away.  -- Edward Abbey
h A fail-safe circuit will destroy others.  -- Klipstein
h A fine is a tax for doing wrong.  A tax is a fine for doing well.
h A fool and his money are soon invited places.
h A fool and his money are soon partying.
h A fool and his money stabilize the economy.
h A fool with money to burn soon meets his match.
h A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.
h A friend in need is a pest indeed.
h A gambler plays slot machines.  I prefer to OWN slot machines.  -- Donald Trump
h A general leading the State Department resembles a dragon commanding ducks.
h A good compromise is where two people both end up unhappy.
h A good landing: You can walk away.  A great landing: You can reuse the airplane.
h A good scapegoat is hard to find.
h A harp is a nude piano.
h A helicopter is just a bunch of parts flying in close formation.
h A home where the buffalo roam...  Is messy.
h A homeowner's reach should exceed her grasp, or what's a weekend for?
h A husband is living proof that a wife can take a joke.
h A journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.
h A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance from Mom.
h A kid'll eat the middle of an Oreo, eventually.
h A king's castle is his home.
h A lack of leadership is no substitute for inaction.
h A lady draws a line, while a tramp falls for a line.  -- Robert Byrne
h A lady is chaste.  A tramp is chased.
h A lady lives for a loving.  A tramp loves for a living.
h A lie in time saves nine.
h A little dangering is a learneous thing.  -- The Covert Comic
h A lot of people are afraid of heights.  Not me, I'm afraid of widths.  -- Steven Wright
h A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
h A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who never owned a car.  -- Snow
h A man in the house is worth two in the street.  -- Mae West
h A man is incomplete until he is married.  After that, he is finished.  -- Zsa Zsa Gabor
h A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.
h A man who fishes for marlin in ponds will put his money in Etruscan bonds.
h A man who turns green has eschewed protein.
h A man without a woman is like a fish without gills.
h A man's got to do what a man's got to do.  A woman must do what he can't.
h A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
h A man's house is his hassle.
h A million here, a million there; soon you're talking real money.  -- Sen. Everett Dirksen
h A modest little person, with much to be modest about.  -- Winston Churchill
h A motion to adjourn is always in order.
h A movie's badness is directly proportional to the number of helicopters in it.
h A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the pants.  -- Ella Wilcox
h A penny saved has not been spent.
h A penny saved is an economic breakthrough.
h A penny saved is better than a penny earned -- after taxes.
h A penny saved is ridiculous.
h A person is innocent until proven President.
h A pessimist is a married optimist.
h A plateau is a high form of flattery.
h A poet can survive anything but a misprint.  -- Oscar Wilde
h A poet who reads his verse in public might have other nasty habits.
h A preposition is a terrible word to end a sentence with.  -- William Safire
h A pun is the lowest form of humor -- when you don't think of it first.
h A quarter ounce of chocolate equals four pounds of fat.
h A radical is a man with both feet firmly planted in the air.  -- Franklin Roosevelt
h A recent survey indicated 54% of the population is interested in statistics.
h A recent survey proved 51% of the population are in the majority.
h A Renaissance man diffuses to refine himself.  -- Steve Hug
h A ring is a hole with a rim round it.
h A rolling stone gathers momentum.
h A sadist is a masochist who follows the Golden Rule.
h A sadist is a person who is kind to a masochist.  -- Arthur Koestler
h A sentence is worth a thousand words.
h A ship carrying a cargo of yo-yos was hit by a typhoon and sank 23 times.
h A shortcut is the longest path between two points.
h A sine curve goes off to infinity, or at least the end of the blackboard.
h A sinking ship gathers no moss.  -- Donald Kaul
h A small town that cannot support one lawyer can always support two.
h A smile is a curve that can set a lot of things straight.
h A Smith & Wesson beats four aces.
h A soft drink turneth away company.
h A student who changes the course of history is probably taking an exam.
h A successful American spends more supporting the government than a family.
h A sucking chest wound is nature's way of telling you to slow down.
h A table centerpiece should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.
h A taxi driver is a man who drives away customers.  -- Henry Cate
h A theorist right once in ten is a hero; an observer wrong that often is a bum.
h A theory is better than its explanation.  -- Woodward
h A triangle that has an angle of 135 degrees is called an obscene triangle.
h A truly wise person never plays leapfrog with a Unicorn.
h A university without students is like an ointment without a fly.  -- Ed Nather
h A verbal contract isn't worth the paper its printed on.  -- Samuel Goldwyn
h A virtuoso is a musician with real high morals.
h A waist is a terrible thing to mind.  -- Ziggy
h A watched clock never boils.  -- Tom Weller
h A wedding is a funeral where a man smells his own flowers.
h A white bear which is nice, then nasty, then nice, is a...  Bipolar bear.
h A woman need not reveal her age, only her passions.
h A young child is a noise with dirt on it.
h Abandon the search for Truth; settle for a good fantasy.
h Abandoning my search for truth, now I search for petrified wood.
h About all some men accomplish in life is to send a son to Harvard.
h About the only thing on a farm that has an easy time is the dog.
h About when we think we can make ends meet, somebody moves the ends.  -- Herbert Hoover
h Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest precedent.
h Absence makes the heart go wander.
h Absence makes the heart grow fonder...  For someone else.
h Absolute truth is a 5-4 decision by the Supreme Court.
h Absolutum obsoletum.  (If it works, it is out of date.)  -- Stafford Beer
h Abstain from wine, women, and song; mostly song.
h Abstinence makes the heart grow fonder.
h Abstinence vanishes with presence.
h Absurdity:  Statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion.
h Academy:  A modern school where football is taught.
h Accept a breath mint if someone offers you one.  -- H. Jackson Brown
h Accident:  When presence of mind is good, but absence of body is better.
h According to my calculations, the problem does not exist.
h According to the official figures, 43% of all statistics are totally worthless.
h Accordionated:  Able to drive and refold a road map at the same time.
h Accuracy:  The vice of being right.
h Act old later.  -- Lily Tomlin
h Acting:  An art that consists of keeping the audience from coughing.
h Activation Energy:  The useful energy available in one cup of coffee.
h Actors will happen in the best-regulated families.
h Acupuncture is a jab well done.
h Ad:  Amana washer $100.  Owned by clean bachelor who seldom washed.
h Ad:  Cute kitten for sale, 2 cents or best offer.
h Ad:  Free puppies:  1/2 cocker spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor dog.
h Ad:  Georgia peaches -- California grown -- 89 cents/lb.
h Ad:  Joining nudist colony, must sell washer & dryer -- $300.
h Ad:  Snow blower for sale...  Only used on snowy days.
h Ad:  Tickle Me Elmo.  New in box.  Hardly tickled.  $700.
h Admiration:  Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.
h Adolescence:  That period of time between puberty and adultery.
h Adult:  A person that has stopped growing at both ends but not in the middle.
h Adult:  One old enough to know better.
h Adultery:  Putting yourself in someone else's position.
h Adults are just kids who owe money.
h Advanced design:  Upper management doesn't understand it.
h Advanced technology:  It's too complicated for me.
h Adventure is a sign of incompetence.  -- Roald Amundsen
h Advertising is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission.  -- Fred Allen
h Aeroma:  Odor emanating from an exercise room after an aerobics workout.
h Affluenza:  Compulsively buying possessions to satisfy some inner urge.  -- Moxcey
h After all is said and done, a hell of a lot more is said than done.  -- Olmstead
h After having sex, talk to your wife, if there is a phone in reach.
h After painting the town red, take a rest before applying a second coat.
h Afterism:  A concise, clever statement you don't think of until too late.  -- Thom
h Afternoon very favorable for romance.  Try a single person for a change.
h Age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill.
h Age is not important unless you're a cheese.
h Aging is a birth defect.  -- Al Rosenthal
h Aging is a non-curable disease.  -- Seneca
h Aging means it takes all day to do what you used to be able to do all day.
h Agriculture is something like farming; only farming is doing it.
h Ah, to be a buzzard now that spring is here!  -- Edward Abbey
h Aiming for the least common denominator sometimes causes division by zero.
h Air is water with holes in it.
h Air travel:  Breakfast in London, dinner in New York, luggage in Brazil.
h Airlines have really changed:  Now a flight attendant can get a pilot pregnant.
h Airplanes are interesting toys but of no military value.  -- Marechal Foch
h Alaska is our biggest, buggiest, boggiest state.  -- Edward Abbey
h Alcohol and calculus don't mix.  Never drink and derive.
h Alcohol kills you slowly, but who's in a hurry?
h Alcoholic:  Someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do.  -- Dylan Thomas
h Aleph-null bottles of beer on the wall, aleph-null bottles of beer...
h Alimony and bribes will engage a large share of your wealth.
h Alimony is a splitting headache.
h Alimony is the high cost of leaving.
h All bleeding eventually stops.
h All conversations with a potato should be conducted in private.
h All I ask is the chance to prove that money cannot make me happy.  -- Lauris
h All I ask of life is a constant and exaggerated sense of my own importance.
h All I want is a little more than I'll ever get.
h All I want is a warm bed and a kind word and unlimited power.  -- Ashleigh Brilliant
h All men are created equal, but some must be sent to Siberia.  -- Henry Cate
h All men are created equal.  All women are created superior.  -- Cathy Guisewitz
h All men are idiots, and I married their king.
h All my friends and I are crazy.  That's the only thing that keeps us sane.
h All new:  Parts not interchangeable with previous model.
h All people are born alike -- except Republicans and Democrats.  -- Groucho Marx
h All probabilities are really 50%.  Either a thing will happen or it won't.
h All signs in metric for the next 20 miles.  -- road sign in Ohio
h All syllogisms have three parts; therefore this is not a syllogism.
h All that glitters has a high refractive index.
h All the good ones are taken.  -- Suzy Harris
h All the men on my staff can type.  -- Bella Abzug
h All the modern inconveniences...  -- Mark Twain
h All the parts falling off this car are of the very finest British manufacture.
h All the points in between are, well, in between.  -- Jim Morrison
h All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
h All things being equal, fat people use more soap.
h All things being equal, I'd rather be created.  -- John Taylor
h All things considered, life is 9 to 5 against.
h All trails have more uphill sections than they have downhill sections.
h All true wisdom is found on T-shirts.
h All we need here, God, is one little precision earthquake.
h All you need to grow healthy, vigorous grass is a crack in your sidewalk.
h All's well that ends.
h Allan Roth describes himself as argumentative...  it's hard to argue with him.  -- Jonathan Clements
h Allow me to introduce my selves.
h Almonds are members of the peach family.
h Almost everyone agrees it's fair to discriminate against lazy and stupid people.
h Alpha geek:  The most technically proficient member of an engineering team.
h Although our information is incorrect, we do not vouch for it.  -- Erik Satie
h Although the moon is 1/4 the size of the earth, it is much farther away.
h Aluminum rain:  What falls after a midair passenger exchange.
h Always borrow money from a pessimist; he doesn't expect to be paid back.
h Always do right.  This will gratify some people and astonish the rest.
h Always draw your curves, then plot the data.
h Always drink upstream from the herd.
h Always hire a rich attorney.  Never buy from a rich salesman.  -- Goldenstern
h Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
h Always leave room to add an explanation if it doesn't work out.
h Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.
h Always pick on the correct idiom.  -- William Safire
h Always remember that you are unique...  Just like everyone else.
h Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn.
h Always take both skis off before hanging them up.
h Always try to do things in chronological order; it's less confusing that way.
h Am I in charge here?...  No, but I'm full of ideas.  -- Dr. Who
h Ambiguity:  Telling the truth when you don't mean to.
h Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy.  -- Charlie McCarthy
h Ambivalent?  Well, yes and no.
h America was created by geniuses to be run by idiots.
h America:  A nice place to own, but I wouldn't want to live there.
h Amnesia used to be my favorite word, but then I forgot it.
h Amoebit:  Amoeba/rabbit cross; it can multiply and divide at the same time.
h Among economists, the real world is often a special case.  -- Horngren
h An after-dinner speaker is the fellow who starts the bull rolling.
h An after-dinner speaker rises to the occasion -- and stays too long.
h An airplane glides through the air; a helicopter beats the air into submission.
h An ambush:  Engaging the enemy on all sides.
h An apple a day keeps the doctor away...  If it is aimed well.
h An apple a day makes 365 apples a year.  -- Tom Weller
h An apple every eight hours keeps three doctors away.
h An artist should be fit for the best society and kept out of it.
h An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
h An elm's bark is worse when there's blight.  -- Henry Gay
h An example of hard water is ice.
h An expert has a great reason for guessing wrong.
h An expert is a man who has made all the mistakes in a very narrow field.  -- Neils Bohr
h An expert is a person who knows more and more about less and less.  -- Butler
h An expert is one who is never in doubt, but often in error.
h An honest God's the noblest work of man.  -- Robert Ingersoll
h An idle mind is worth two in the bush.
h An informed citizen panics more intelligently.
h An inverse paranoid believes the world is plotting to do him good.  -- Jack Canfield
h An object at rest will always be in the wrong place.
h An object in motion will always be headed in the wrong direction.
h An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
h An ounce of rejection is worse than a pound of "sure".
h An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.  -- Van Roy
h Anarchy is against the law.
h Anarchy might not be the best form of government, but it is better than none.
h Anarchy:  It's not a law, it's just a good idea.
h And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
h And now for something completely different.
h Animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give wrong answers.
h Answer my prayers, steal this car.
h Antonym:  The opposite of the word you are trying to think of.
h Any country with "democratic" in the title isn't.  -- Murray
h Any idiot can face a crisis; it is this day-to-day living that wears you out.
h Any landing you can walk away from is a good one.
h Any simple idea will be worded in the most complicated way.  -- Malek
h Any smoothly functioning technology is indistinguishable from a "rigged" demo.  -- J.L. Marsh
h Any tool when dropped rolls into the least accessible corner.
h Any two philosophers can tell each other all they know in two hours.  -- Oliver Holmes
h Anybody can win, unless there happens to be a second entry.
h Anyone can admit they were wrong; the true test is admitting it to someone else.
h Anyone can keep a marriage together, but staying happily divorced takes work!
h Anyone can make an omelet with eggs.  The trick is to make one with none.
h Anyone who doesn't cut his speed at the sight of a police car is parked.
h Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined.  -- Samuel Goldwyn
h Anyone who makes an absolute statement is a fool.
h Anything can be made to work if you fiddle with it long enough.
h Anything dropped in the bathroom falls in the toilet.
h Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral, or fattening.  -- Pardo
h Anything that doesn't make sense ends up in court and becomes case law.
h Anything that is good and useful is made of chocolate.
h Anything worth doing is a lot more difficult than it's worth.  -- Scott Adams
h Anything worth doing is worth doing slowly.  -- Mae West
h Anything worth fighting for is worth fighting dirty for.
h Anything you do can get you shot, including nothing.
h Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
h Apart from the unknowns, everything is obvious.  -- James Hogan
h Apparently the Creator likes diversity a lot more than we humans do.
h Appearances are not everything; it just looks like they are.
h Aquadextrous:  Able to turn the bathtub faucet on and off with your toes.
h Arachnoleptic fit:  Frantic dance just after running into a spider web.
h Archaeologists will date any old thing.
h Archeology is the only profession where your future lies in ruins.
h Are you going to be more interesting than you were yesterday?
h Are you lustworthy?
h Are you making this up as you go along?
h Arguments are to be avoided; they are always vulgar and often convincing.
h Arguments with furniture are rarely productive.
h Arithmetic is counting to twenty without taking off your shoes.  -- Mickey Mouse
h Art is anything you can get away with.  -- Marshall McLuhan
h Artery:  Study of paintings.
h As a matter of fact, I DO own the road!
h As God is my witness, Andy, I thought that turkeys could fly.  -- WKRP in Cinncinnati
h As I learn to trust the universe, I no longer need to carry a gun.
h As is often the case when I generalize, I don't care.  -- Dave Barry
h As long as the answer is right, who cares if the question is wrong?
h Ask about our layaway plan.  -- sign in funeral parlor
h Ask about our plans for owning your home.  -- sign in loan company office
h Ask not for whom the bell tolls, and pay only station-to-station rates.
h Astronauts are out to launch.
h Astronomers bring light to the darkest discussions.  -- Kreigh Tomaszewski
h At 300 miles an hour, you can make a rock fly.  -- Sam Wheeler
h At least five buses go by in the opposite direction before yours arrives.
h At least I have a positive attitude about my destructive habits.
h At my age, I don't buy green bananas.
h At some point you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.
h At these prices, I lose money -- but I make it up in volume.  -- Peter Alaquon
h Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
h Atheists are beyond belief.
h Atheists are people with no invisible means of support.
h Auditors always reject expense accounts with a bottom line divisible by five.
h Auntie Em:  Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog.  -- Dorothy
h Author:  An imaginary person who writes real books.  -- Edward Abbey
h Authority:  A person who can tell you more than you really care to know.
h Autobiography is fiction written by the one who knows the facts.
h Autocorrect has become my worst enema.
h Automobile:  A four-wheeled vehicle that runs up hills and down pedestrians.
h Avoid cliches like the plague; seek viable alternatives.  -- William Safire
h Avoid colloquial stuff.
h Avoid commas, that are not necessary.
h Avoid trendy locutions that sound flaky.  -- William Safire
h Avoid truth decay.  Be sure to use mental floss twice a day.  -- Steve Bhaerman
h Babies can't walk because their legs aren't long enough to reach the ground.
h Babies learn decibels before they learn syllables.
h Bachelor:  A guy who is footloose and fiancee-free.
h Bachelor:  A man who never made the same mistake once.
h Bachelor:  A selfish guy who has cheated some woman out of a divorce.  -- Quinn
h Bacteria are the only culture some people have.
h Bad luck is being run over by the welcome wagon.
h Bad weather reports are more often right than good ones.
h Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.
h Ban the bomb.  Save the world for conventional warfare.
h Bananosecond:  The time between slipping on a peel and landing on the pavement.
h Banectomy:  The removal of bruises on a banana.  -- Rich Hall
h Barium:  What doctors do when treatment fails.
h Baseball is religion without the mischief.  -- Tom Boswell
h Baseball is to football as Beethoven is to rap.  -- Patrick Mott
h Basic unit of laryngitis:  1 hoarsepower.
h Be a better psychiatrist and the world will beat a psychopath to your door.
h Be alert; the world needs more lerts.
h Be careful not to screw yourself in the foot.
h Be careful of reading health books; you might die of a misprint.  -- Mark Twain
h Be content with what you've got, but be sure you've got plenty.
h Be different, act normal.
h Be glad you're going so slowly, because you're going in the wrong direction.
h Be here now.  Be someplace else later.  Is that so complicated?
h Be kind to your inferiors, if you can find any.
h Be kind to your knees.  You'll miss them when they're gone.  -- Mary Schmich
h Be nice to your kids; they will choose your nursing home.
h Be of good cheer:  We'll live to piss on the graves of our enemies.  -- Edward Abbey
h Be patient and achieve all things.  Be impatient and achieve all things faster.
h Be reasonable:  Do it my way.
h Be sure to poofread your writing.
h Be wary of strong drink.  It can make you shoot at tax collectors and miss.
h Beam me up, Scotty.  There's no intelligent life down here.  -- James Kirk
h Beauty is in the body of the beholdee.  -- John Taylor
h Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder...
h Beauty is only skin deep, but it is very agreeable, for all that.  -- Cobbett
h Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clear to the bone.
h Beauty times brains equals a constant.
h Becoming overweight is something that snacks up on you.
h Bedfellows make strange politicians.
h Beer, one of my favorite solvents... It dissolves even thoughts!  -- JR Hodel
h Before each flight ensure your bladder is empty and your fuel tanks are full.
h Before enlightenment, also do the laundry.  -- Alan Silverstein
h Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
h Before you find your handsome prince, you must kiss a lot of frogs.
h Begathon:  A multi-day event on public television, used to raise money.  -- Hall
h Behaviorism is the art of pulling habits out of rats.  -- O'Neill
h Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.
h Behold the warranty:  The bold print giveth, and the fine print taketh away.
h Being a good communicator means people find out what's really wrong with you.
h Being a pilot is a hard way to earn an easy living.
h Being a woman is quite difficult since it consists mainly of dealing with men.
h Being normal is driving me crazy.
h Being popular is important.  Otherwise people might not like you.
h Benjamin Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.
h Benjamin Franklin produced electricity by rubbing cats backwards.
h Best gift for the person who has everything:  A burglar alarm.
h Best place to take a leak.  -- sign in radiator shop
h Better living through denial.
h Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.  -- Mae West
h Beware of a dark-haired man with a loud tie.
h Beware of a tall dark man with a spoon up his nose.
h Beware of low-flying butterflies.
h Beware of Natural Selection.  -- Bob Thaves
h Bigamy is having one spouse too many.  Monogamy is the same.
h Billboard:  Keep your eyes on the road and stop reading these signs.
h Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
h Biological Science:  A contradiction in terms.
h Biology grows on you.
h Birth control pills are tax-deductible, but only if they fail.  -- Dear Abby
h Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.
h Black holes were created when God divided by zero!
h Blamestorming:  A group figuring out who was responsible for a failure.
h Blessed are the brief, for they shall have lower phone bills.
h Blessed are the meek for they shall inhibit the Earth.
h Blessed are the young for they shall inherit the national debt.  -- Herbert Hoover
h Blessed are they that run around in circles, for they shall be known as wheels.
h Blood flows down one leg and up the other.
h Bluntness:  The art of saying nothing in a way that leaves nothing unsaid.
h Boat:  A hole in the water into which one throws money.
h Bore:  A person who talks when you wish him to listen.  -- Ambrose Bierce
h Bore:  He who talks so much about himself that you can't talk about yourself.
h Bore:  The kind of man who, when you ask him how he is, tells you.  -- Pollock
h Bore:  Wraps up a two-minute idea in a two-hour vocabulary.  -- Winchell
h Born free...  Taxed to death.
h Born to shop!
h Boss spelled backwards is, "double S.O.B."  -- Reid Stanley
h Bozone:  Substance surrounding idiots that stops bright ideas from penetrating.
h Brad, where Tad had had "had had", had had "had".  "Had had" had had me glad.
h Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.
h Brain:  The apparatus with which we think that we think.  -- Ambrose Bierce
h Breeding rabbits is a hare raising experience.
h Bride:  A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.
h Brigands ask for your money or your life; spouses require them both.
h Broad-mindedness:  The result of flattening high-mindedness out.
h Budget:  A method for going broke methodically.
h Budget:  A method of worrying before you spend money, as well as afterward.
h Budget:  Mathematical confirmation of your suspicions.  -- Latimer
h Bumper sticker on an old truck:  Don't Laugh -- Your Daughter Might Be In Here.
h Bumper sticker, Dec 2000:  Don't Blame Me, I Voted for Al Gore...  I Think.
h Bumper sticker:  Don't Honk, I'm Pedaling as Fast as I Can.
h Bumper sticker:  Forget about World Peace...  Visualize using your turn signal.
h Bumper sticker:  Friends Don't Let Friends Vote Republican.
h Bumper sticker:  Horn broken.  Watch for finger.
h Bumper sticker:  Hug Your Kids at Home and Belt Them in the Car.
h Bumper sticker:  I Brake for Hallucinations.
h Bumper sticker:  I'd rather be teleporting.
h Bumper sticker:  If you can read this, I can hit my brakes and sue you.
h Bumper sticker:  My Child Can Beat Up Your Honor Student.
h Bumper sticker:  Stamp out crime; Abolish the IRS.
h Bumper sticker:  Your kid might be an honors student, but you're still an idiot.
h Bureaucracy:  A method of transforming energy into solid waste.
h Bureaucrat:  A person who cuts red tape sideways.  -- J. McCabe
h Bureaucrat:  A politician with tenure.
h Bureaucratic organization is like a septic tank:  Big chunks rise to the top.
h Business before pleasure unless pleasure is your business.
h Business will be either better or worse.  -- Calvin Coolidge
h But enough about me.  Let's talk about you.  What do you think of me?  -- Midler
h But officer, I stopped for the last one, and it was green!
h But two in the bush are more FUN than one in the hand!
h Buy a stock, if it goes up, sell it, if it goes down, don't buy it.
h By self-pollination, the farmer might get a flock of long-haired sheep.
h By the time you have the right answers, no one is asking you questions.
h Cabnicreep:  When closing one kitchen cabinet causes another to open.
h California is proud to be the home of the freeway.  -- Ronald Reagan
h Californians are not without their faults.
h Calling a person a runner-up is a polite way of saying they lost.
h Can a man do no worse than to fall in love?
h Can I yell "movie" in a crowded firehouse?
h Can you be a closet claustrophobic?
h Can you think of another word for "synonym"?
h Candy / is dandy / but liquor / is quicker.  -- Ogden Nash
h Capitalism is based on the assumption that you can win.
h Car service:  If it ain't broke, we'll break it.
h Career plans:  "I want to rule the world."  -- Madonna
h Careful planning will never replace dumb luck.
h Carpe diem dulcis:  Seize a nice day!  -- The Covert Comic
h Carpenters (and pilots) are just plane folks.
h Cashtration:  Buying a house renders you financially impotent for a long time.
h Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds, while dogs only have about ten.
h Cauterize:  Made eye contact with a woman.
h Caution:  Breathing might be hazardous to your health.
h Celibacy is hereditary.
h Chainsaw consultant:  An outside expert brought in to fire employees.
h Change is great...  You go first.
h Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
h Character density:  The number of very weird people in the office.
h Charity:  A thing that begins at home and usually stays there.
h Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the organ of the species.
h Charm:  A way of getting a "yes" -- without having asked any clear question.
h Chastity is the most unnatural of the sexual perversions.  -- Aldous Huxley
h Cheap:  Much less expensive than ones selling for up to twice as much.
h Chemicals:  Noxious substances from which modern foods are made.
h Chicken Little was right.
h Children act like their parents despite every effort to teach them good manners.
h Children are a nine month illness and a lifetime convalescence.  -- Benito Galdos
h Children are beloved sources of dirty laundry and ceaseless noise.  -- Bill Cosby
h Chocolate has a side effect:  It makes your clothes shrink.  -- Cie Scott
h Choconiverous:  Biting off the head of the chocolate Easter bunny first.
h Choice is good.  Except for those people who choose poorly.  -- Bob Proulx
h Cinemuck:  Popcorn, soda, and candy that covers the floors of movie theaters.
h Circle:  A line that meets its other end without ending.
h Citation:  Reputation by repetition.  -- Gerhard Uhlenbruck
h Civilization exists by geological consent, subject to revocation without notice.  -- Will Durant
h Cleaning one's ears should be done in private using one's OWN truck keys.
h Cleanliness is next to impossible.
h Clients who pay the least complain the most.
h Climate:  What you expect.  Weather:  What you get.
h Cloning is the sincerest form of flattery.
h Clothes make the man.  Naked people have little or no influence on society.
h Cogito Eggo sum.  (I think, therefore I am a waffle.)
h Cogito ergo spud.  (I think, therefore I yam.)
h Coincidence is God's way of remaining anonymous.  -- Albert Einstein
h College:  The fountains of knowledge, where everyone goes to drink.
h Colorless green ideas sleep furiously.
h Come in and buy what your grandparents threw away.  -- antique store
h Come up and see me sometime when I've nothing but the wireless on.  -- Mae West
h Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.  -- Peter Ustinov
h Comets are like cats:  They have tails and do what they want.  -- David Levy
h Committee:  People who keep minutes and waste hours.  -- Milton Berle
h Committee:  The unwilling, selected from the unfit, to do the unnecessary.
h Common sense:  The collection of prejudices acquired by age 18.  -- Albert Einstein
h Compromise:  A deal in which two people get what neither of them want.
h Concentrated bases are much more dangerous since YOU are soluble in them.
h Concept:  Any "idea" for which an outside consultant bills more than $25,000.
h Concern is the first time you can't do it the second time.  -- Isaac Asimov
h Conference:  Where many people gather to decide nothing can be done alone.
h Confession is good for the soul, but bad for the career.
h Confidence:  The feeling you have before you understand the situation.
h Conform, go crazy, or become an artist.
h Confound those who have said our remarks before us.  -- Aelius Donatus
h Confucius say too much.  -- recent Chinese proverb
h Congress is not the sole suppository of wisdom.  -- Rep. Bill Schuette (R-MI)
h Conscience is a mother-in-law whose visit never ends.  -- H. L. Mencken
h Conscience is the inner voice that warns us somebody may be looking.  -- Mencken
h Conscience is the thing that hurts when everything else feels great.
h Conscious is being aware of something; conscience is wishing you weren't.
h Consciousness:  That annoying time between naps.
h Conservative:  A Liberal who has just been mugged.
h Conservative:  A man who just sits and thinks, mostly sits.  -- Woodrow Wilson
h Conservative:  A person who believes nothing should be done for the first time.
h Conservative:  One who is too cowardly to fight and too fat to run.
h Consider what might be fertilizing the greener grass across the fence.
h Consultant:  Someone who knowns 101 ways to make love, but can't get a date.
h Consultation:  Medical term meaning "to share the wealth."
h Contents:  One universe.  Some assembly required.  -- Bob Thaves
h Continental Life.  Why do you ask?
h Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.
h Coordinator:  Brings organized chaos out of regimented confusion.
h Coordinator:  The guy with his desk between two expediters.
h Corduroy pillows are making headlines.
h Correct to within an order of magnitude:  Wrong.
h Cosmetics are a woman's way of keeping a man from reading between the lines.
h Could you be a poster child for retroactive birth control?
h Courage:  Two cannibals having oral sex.
h Coward:  One who in a perilous emergency thinks with his legs.  -- Bierce
h Crazee Edeee, his prices are INSANE!!!
h Credit is what keeps you from knowing how far past broke you are.
h Crime does not pay...  As well as politics.  -- A. E. Newman
h Criticism is not nearly as effective as sabotage.
h Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.  -- Steve Wright
h Culture is for bacteria.  -- Christopher Hyatt
h Customers are beautiful people.  Listen to them.  -- Richard Whitley
h Cut to measurements; file to shape; hammer to fit.
h Cynic:  A person searching for an honest man, with a stolen lantern.  -- Shoaff
h Cynic:  A person who tells you the truth about your own motives.  -- Russel Green
h Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire.
h Danger!  I drive like you do.
h Dare to be average.
h Dark dirt is attracted to light objects, and light dirt to dark objects.
h Dating is never easy for engineers.  -- Scott Adams
h De-access your euphemisms.
h Death and taxes are inevitable; at least death doesn't get worse every year.
h Death comes to all men, but some just can't wait.  -- Darwin Awards
h Death has been proven to be 99% fatal to laboratory rats.
h Death is God's way of telling you not to be such a wiseguy.
h Death is life's way of telling you you've been fired.  -- R. Geis
h Death is often a good career move for an author.  -- Nassim Taleb
h Death is the greatest kick of all.  That's why they save it for last.
h Death:  To stop sinning suddenly.  -- Elbert Hubbard
h Defense attorney's ad:  Reasonable Doubt At Reasonable Prices.
h Deja Fu:  The feeling that you have been kicked in the head like this before.
h Deja Moo:  The feeling that you have heard this BS before.
h Delegates from the original thirteen states formed the Contented Congress.
h Deliberation:  Examining one's bread to determine which side it is buttered on.
h Democracy is the worship of Jackals by Jackasses.  -- H. L. Mencken
h Democrats fall in love; Republicans fall in line.  -- Karen Tumulty
h Demons are a ghoul's best friend.
h Dentists are incapable of asking questions that need a simple yes or no answer.
h Design simplicity:  Developed on a shoe-string budget.
h Despite treatment, the patient improved.
h Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines on them and makes them perspire.
h Diamonds are a girl's best friend.  Dogs are man's best friend.  Who's smarter?
h Diets are for people who are thick and tired of it.
h Difference between a garbage dump and a sanitary landfill:  About $20 a load.
h Difference between artist and craftsman:  A craftsman knows what he's doing.
h Dijon vu -- the same mustard as before.
h Dinner is ready when the smoke alarm goes off.
h Dinosaurs were calm because they lived in pre-hysteric times.
h Diplomacy:  Saying "go to hell" such that they look forward to the trip.
h Diplomacy:  The art of letting someone else have your way.
h Diplomacy:  The art of saying "nice doggy" until you can find a rock.
h Diplomat:  A man who can convince his wife she would look stout in a fur coat.
h Disco is to music what Etch-A-Sketch is to art.
h Disconfect:  Blowing on a piece of candy retrieved from the floor.
h Disguise your feelings when you put your relatives on the plane for home.
h Distinctive:  A different color or shape than our competitors.
h Diversity's fine; subscribe to mine.
h Divorce is having your genitals torn off through your wallet.  -- Robin Williams
h Divorced:  Post-graduate in the School of Love.
h Do as I say, not as I do.
h Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift?
h Do hungry crows have ravenous appetites?
h Do I strike you as a violent person?  -- Brian Hammer
h Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
h Do married people live longer, or does it just seem that way?
h Do not be led astray onto the path of virtue.
h Do not drink and drive.  You might hit a bump and spill it!
h Do not drink coffee in the morning or it will keep you awake until noon.
h Do not judge a book by its movie.
h Do not kiss an elephant on the lips today.
h Do not let people drive you crazy when you know it's within walking distance.
h Do not merely believe in miracles; rely on them.  -- Finagle
h Do not put statements in the negative form.  -- William Safire
h Do not read beauty magazines.  They will only make you feel ugly.  -- Schmich
h Do not repeat yourself or say what you have said before.
h Do not suffer from insanity.  Enjoy every minute of it.
h Do not tell big lies.  Small ones can be just as effective.
h Do not underestimate the power of the Force.
h Do not use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice.
h Do not use a foreign term when there is an adequate English quid pro quo.
h Do not use contractions in formal writing.
h Do not use hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it effectively.
h Do not worry about temptation.  As you grow older, it starts avoiding you.
h Do unto others as they wish to do unto you, but do it first.  -- Mayor Curley
h Do unto others before they undo you.
h Do you ever stop to think and then forget to start again?
h Do you find yourself thinking more and enjoying it less?
h Do you have lysdexia?
h Do YOU have redeeming social value?
h Do you think much about dying?  No, it's the last thing I want to do.  -- Abby
h Does fuzzy logic tickle?
h Does the name "Pavlov" ring a bell?
h Does this hurt?  How about now?  -- Scott Adams
h Dog wisdom:  Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride.
h Dog wisdom:  When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.
h Dog wisdom:  When you are happy, dance around and wag your entire body.
h Doing nothing is the something I do best.  -- Richard Sherman
h Doing nothing makes you tired because you can't take a break.
h Don't be afraid of work.  Make work afraid of you.  -- Tom Magliozzi
h Don't be fooled by his twinkling eyes; it's the sun shining between his ears.
h Don't be humble...  You're not that great.  -- Golda Meir
h Don't bother me, I'm living happily ever after.
h Don't create a problem for which you do not have the answer.  -- Burke
h Don't do anything in public that you wouldn't do in private.
h Don't do anything you'll regret having not done sooner.
h Don't eat the yellow snow.
h Don't force it, get a larger hammer.  -- Anthony
h Don't forget to never use negative commands.
h Don't get even -- get odd!  -- Steve Bhaerman
h Don't get stuck in a closet; wear yourself out.
h Don't give someone a piece of your mind unless you can afford it.
h Don't go away mad...  Just go away!
h Don't lend people money...  It gives them amnesia.
h Don't make me come down there...  -- God
h Don't marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper.  -- Scottish Proverb
h Don't mind him; politicians always sound like that.
h Don't open bills on the weekend.  -- H. Jackson Brown
h Don't overuse exclamation marks!  -- William Safire
h Don't panic, but do you believe in reincarnation?  -- Bob Thaves
h Don't pick on your sister when she's holding a baseball bat.  -- Joel, age 10
h Don't pray in my school, and I won't think in your church.
h Don't say yes until I finish talking.  -- Darryl Zanuck
h Don't steal.  The government hates competition.
h Don't sweat the petty things -- just pet the sweaty things.
h Don't take life too seriously; you won't get out of it alive.  -- Hubbard
h Don't tax you, don't tax me, tax that fellow behind the tree.  -- Russell Long
h Don't tell me not to burn the candle at both ends; tell me how to get more wax!
h Don't undertake vast projects with half-vast ideas.
h Don't use no double negatives, not never.
h Don't vote -- it only encourages them!
h Don't wear your glasses on a blind date.  You'll look better, and he will too.
h Don't worry, if everything worked right you'd be out of a job.
h Don't worry; the brontosaurus is slow, stupid, and placid.
h Don't you hate it when you lock your keys out of your car?  -- Scott Adams
h Don't you have anything more useful you could be doing?
h Dopelar effect:  How stupid ideas seem smarter if they come at you fast.
h Down with the categorical imperative!
h Dress for radio.  -- Swami Beyondananda
h Drilling for oil is boring.
h Drive carefully.  We are overstocked.  -- sign in junkyard
h Drive on ice no faster than you want to hit something.
h Driving in the snow is a spectator sport.
h Drug:  A substance that, when injected into a rat, produces a scientific paper.
h Drugs are the scenic route to nowhere.
h Ducks?  What ducks??
h Due to a mixup in Urology, orange juice will not be served this morning.
h Dumbwaiter:  One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.
h Dying is easy.  Comedy is difficult.
h Dyslexics of the world, untie!  -- Andrew Jamner
h Eagles may soar, free and proud, but weasels never get sucked into jet engines.
h Early to bed and early to rise, 'til I make enough to otherwise.
h Early to rise and early to bed makes a man healthy and wealthy and dead.
h Earth Destroyed by Solar Flare -- Film at eleven.
h Earth got a lot more interesting once it went multicellular.
h Earth is a great funhouse without the fun.  -- Jeff Berner
h Easiest way to figure the cost of living:  Take your income and add ten percent.
h Eat a live toad in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you that day.
h Eat yogurt and get culture.
h Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow it might be illegal.
h Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we diet.  -- Lewis Henry
h Ecology:  The study of who eats whom.
h Economics is extremely useful as a form of employment for economists.
h Education helps earning capacity.  Ask any college professor.
h Education:  That which enables you to get into more intelligent trouble.
h Eeny, Meeny, Jelly Beanie, the spirits are about to speak...
h Efficiency:  Getting someone to do the work you don't like to do.
h Egocentric:  A person who believes he is everything you know you are.
h Egotism:  Doing a crossword puzzle with a pen.
h Eighty percent of all people consider themselves to be above average drivers.
h Either do wrong or feel guilty, but don't do both.  -- Rudolf Dreikurs
h Either I'm dead or my watch has stopped.  -- last words of Groucho Marx
h Either that wallpaper goes, or I do.  -- last words of Oscar Wilde
h Elbonics:  Two people maneuvering for one armrest in a movie theater.
h Elections come and go, but politics are always with us.
h Electricity comes from electrons; morality comes from morons.
h Elephant:  A mouse built to government specifications.
h Eliminate government waste, no matter how much it costs!
h Eloquence is logic on fire.
h Employees enjoy the illusion of security; contractors, of independence.
h Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far.  Especially if they are dead.
h Emus cannot walk backwards.
h Energizer Bunny arrested -- charged with battery.
h Engineers are widely recognized as superior marriage material.  -- Scott Adams
h Engineers can actually hear machines talk to them.  -- Scott Adams
h Engineers have problems that ordinary people don't.  -- Catherine Grow
h Engineers will go without food and hygiene for days to solve a problem.  -- Scott Adams
h Engineers...  They love to change things.  -- Leonard McCoy MD
h Enjoy life; you could have been a barnacle.
h Enough research will tend to support your theory.
h Entropy isn't what it used to be.
h Epigram:  Half-truth stated so as to irritate people who believe the other half.
h Epitaph:  A postponed compliment.
h Eschew obfuscation.
h Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.  -- Woody Allen
h Even a genius can have an off-day.  -- Wile E. Coyote
h Even a stopped clock is right twice a day.
h Even if you can't get a date, avoid kidnapping; it's bad for your reputation.
h Every baby resembles the relative with the most money.  -- James Hastings
h Every cloud has a silver lining; you should have sold it, and bought titanium.
h Every day more money is printed for the Monopoly game than for the US Treasury.
h Every four minutes a woman has a baby.  Find this woman and stop her!
h Every instructor assumes you have nothing else to do but study for that class.
h Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
h Every lazybones deserves a kick in his can'ts.
h Every little picofarad has a nanohenry all its own.
h Every morning is the dawn of a new error.
h Every silver lining has a cloud around it.
h Every time I close the door on reality, it comes in through the window.
h Every time I lose weight, it finds me again.
h Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.  -- Lieberman
h Everybody talks about the weather, but nobody does anything about it.  -- Warner
h Everyone else my age is an adult, whereas I am merely in disguise.  -- Atwood
h Everyone gets lots of fertilizer; but what you plant is up to you.
h Everyone has a photographic memory, but some do not have film.
h Everyone is a genius.  It is just that some people are too stupid to realize it.
h Everyone is entitled to my opinion.
h Everyone needs belief in something.  I believe I'll have another beer.
h Everyone stopping by with unsought advice will see your mistake.
h Everyone's crazy but you and me, and I've been wondering about you lately.
h Everyone's thinking part wonders what the part not thinking isn't thinking of.
h Everything can be filed under "miscellaneous".
h Everything coming your way?  You're in the wrong lane!
h Everything goes on sale...  Right after you buy it.
h Everything going good?  You must have overlooked something.
h Everything happens for a reason, but sometimes it's your bad decision.
h Everything in moderation, including moderation.
h Everything is actually everything else, just recycled.
h Everything is always done for the wrong reasons.  -- O'Brian
h Everything put together falls apart sooner or later.  -- Simon
h Everything that can be invented has been invented.  -- Duell, patent commissioner
h Everything worthwhile is mandatory, prohibited, or taxed.
h Everything you know is wrong, but you can be straightened out.
h Excellent day to have a rotten day.
h Exceptions always outnumber rules.
h Exceptions prove the rule, and wreck the budget.  -- Miller
h Exclusive:  We are the only ones who have the documentation.
h Executive ability:  Deciding quickly and getting somebody else to do the work.
h Exercise extends your life ten years, but you spend 15 of them doing it.
h Experience enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.  -- Jones
h Experience is directly proportional to the amount of equipment ruined.  -- Horner
h Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.  -- Olivier
h Experience is what causes a person to make new mistakes instead of old ones.
h Experiments should be reproducible.  They should all fail the same way.
h Expert:  A person one step ahead of a non-expert.
h Expert:  A person who creates confusion out of simplicity.
h Expert:  Avoids the small errors while sweeping on to the grand fallacy.
h Expert:  Knows tomorrow why today's prediction failed.
h f u cn rd ths, itn tyg h myxbl cd.
h Failure is not an option, it's an employee stock purchase plan.  -- The Covert Comic
h Fairy tale:  A horror story to prepare children for the newspapers.
h Falling in love is awfully simple.  Falling out of love is simply awful.
h Familiarity breeds attempt.
h Familiarity breeds contempt -- and children.  -- Mark Twain
h Families can choose between keeping up with their neighbors or their creditors.
h Famous last words:  Don't worry, I can handle it.
h Fanatic:  Someone who, having lost sight of his goal, redoubles his efforts.
h Farmer:  A man who is outstanding in his field.
h Fashion:  A form of ugliness so intolerable that it changes every six months.
h Fast, Cheap, Good:  Choose any two.
h Faunacated:  How wildlife ends up when its environment is destroyed.
h Fear is nature's warning sign to get busy.  -- Henry Link
h Federal Reserve:  A reserve where federal employees hunt wild game.
h Feel good?  Don't worry, you'll get over it.
h Felix navidad.  (Our cat has a boat.)
h Fenderberg:  Deposit that forms on the inside of a car fender after a snowstorm.
h Fertility is an inherited trait that never skips a generation.  -- Bob Thaves
h Few women admit their age.  Few men act theirs.
h Fidelity:  A virtue peculiar to those who are about to be betrayed.
h Field tested:  Manufacturing doesn't have a test system.
h Fill what's empty; empty what's full; scratch where it itches.  -- Longworth
h Finance:  Passing money from one hand to another until it finally disappears.
h Financial manager:  Someone who keeps investing your money until it's all gone.
h Fine day for friends.  So-so day for you.
h First things first, but not necessarily in that order.
h Fishing is a delusion entirely surrounded by liars in old clothes.  -- Marquis
h Fishing:  A jerk at one end of the line waiting for a jerk at the other end.
h Fits like a sock on a duck's nose.
h Five days a week, my body is a temple.  The other two, it's an amusement park.
h Five is a sufficiently close approximation to infinity.  -- Robert Firth
h Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
h Flabbergasted:  Appalled over how much weight you have gained.
h Flashlight:  A container for holding dead batteries.
h Flopcorn:  The unpopped kernels at the bottom of the cooker.
h Flying is the second greatest experience known to man.  Landing is the first.
h Flying small aircraft makes everything else seem cheap by comparison.  -- Alan Silverstein
h Foodwinking:  Giving exotic names to otherwise mundane food products.
h Foolproof operation:  No provision for adjustment.
h Fools rush in -- and get the best seats in the house.
h Football, like religion, brings out the best in people.  -- Larry Chapman
h For a good time, call 555-3100.
h For adult education, nothing beats children.
h For asphyxiation:  Apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead.
h For back-country preparedness, "what if" weighs about 20 pounds.
h For every action, there is a corresponding over-reaction.  -- Anthony Battista
h For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.  -- Harrison
h For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.  -- Main
h For every expert, there is an equal and opposite expert.
h For every knee, there is a jerk.
h For NASA, space is still a high priority.  -- Dan Quayle
h For nosebleed:  Put the nose much lower than the body.
h For people who like peace and quiet:  A phoneless cord.
h For people who like that kind of book, that is the kind of book they will like.
h For sale:  Secondhand tombstone.  Good buy for a person named Murphy.
h For some reason, this statement reminds everyone of Marvin Zelkowitz.
h For things to stay the same, many things must change.
h For this, I spent all those years in college?
h For those who like this sort of thing, this is the sort of thing they like.
h Foreploy:  Any misrepresentation about yourself that leads to sex.
h Form follows function, and often obliterates it.
h Fortune favors the lucky.  -- Tom Weller
h Fossil flowers come from the Petrified Florist.
h Four kinds of homicide:  Felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy...
h Four wheel drive:  Lets you get more stuck, further from help.
h Free love is priced right.  -- Edward Abbey
h Freedom is just chaos, with better lighting.  -- Alan Foster
h Frequent naps prevent old age, especially if taken while driving.
h Friction is a drag.
h Friend:  One who knows all about you and loves you just the same.  -- Hubbard
h Friends don't let friends beer goggle.
h Friends help you move.  Real friends help you move bodies.
h Friends:  People who borrow my books and set wet glasses on them.  -- Robinson
h Friends:  People who know you well, but like you anyway.
h Frisbeetarianism:  Belief that when dead, your soul gets stuck up on the roof.
h Front seat children cause accidents; back seat accidents cause children.
h Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded...
h Furbling:  Walking a maze of ropes even when you are the only person in line.
h Gambling:  The sure way of getting nothing for something.  -- Wilson Mizner
h Garmites:  Clothing that fits well in the store but shrinks on the way home.
h Gee, I thought we'd be a lot higher at MECO!  -- Hawley, STS 41-D pad abort, 1984
h Genderplex:  Trying to determine from the cutesy pictures which restroom to use.
h Generally you don't see that kind of behavior in a major appliance.  -- Murray
h Generica:  Mass-produced identical stores, etc. throughout America.
h Genetics:  Why you look like your father, or if you don't, why you should.
h Genius is the infinite capacity for picking brains.
h Genius:  A chemist who discovers a laundry additive that rhymes with "bright".
h Gentleman farmer:  One who has more hay in the bank than in the barn.
h Gentleman:  Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
h Geometry teaches us to bisex angles.
h Get out of an experience only the wisdom that is in it -- and stop there.
h Get your facts first, then you can distort them as much as you please.  -- Twain
h Getting from A to B often requires visiting C through Z.  -- Alan Silverstein
h Getting old is NOT for sissies.  -- Andy Hill
h Giraffes have no vocal cords.
h Giraffiti:  Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
h Girls, like flowers, bloom but once.  But once is enough.  -- Edward Abbey
h Give a man a free hand and he'll run it all over you.  -- Mae West
h Give a man enough rope and he will lasso another woman.
h Give a skeptic an inch and he'll measure it.
h Give me a lever long enough, and a place to stand, and I'll break my lever.
h Give me a place to sit, and I'll watch.
h Give me a sleeping pill and tell me your troubles.
h Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
h Give me chastity and continence, but not just now.  -- St. Augustine
h Give your child mental blocks for Christmas.
h Give your very best today.  Heaven knows it is little enough.
h Giving away baby clothes and furniture is the major cause of pregnancy.
h Gleemites:  Petrified deposits of toothpaste found in sinks.
h Glibido:  All talk and no action.
h Go away.  I'm all right.  -- last words of H. G. Wells
h Go directly to jail.  Do not pass Go, do not collect $200.
h Go soothingly in the grease mud, as there lurks the skid demon.
h Go to Heaven for the climate but Hell for the company.  -- Mark Twain
h God could create everything in six days because he had no installed base.
h God could not be everywhere; therefore he made mothers.
h God created the Midwest to keep California 3000 miles away.
h God divided things evenly:  He gave food to the rich and appetite to the poor.
h God don't make mistakes.  That's how He got to be God.  -- Archie Bunker
h God gave us two ears and one mouth.  That ought to tell us something.
h God gives us relatives; thank God we can choose our friends.  -- Addison Mizner
h God has no real style, he just goes on trying other things.  -- Pablo Picasso
h God help the poor, for the rich can help themselves.
h God help us, we're in the hands of engineers.  -- Ian Malcom, "Jurassic Park"
h God invented marijuana.  Man invented beer.  Who do you trust?
h God is a low-impact camper.
h God is a polytheist.
h God is an extremely uneven writer, but when he's good, nobody can touch him.
h God is dead. (Nietzsche)  Nietzsche is dead. (God)  Nietzsche is God. (the Dead)
h God is my co-pilot, but the devil is my bombardier.
h God is not dead.  He is alive and autographing Bibles at Cody's!
h God is not dead.  He is alive and working on a much less ambitious project.
h God is not dead.  He just couldn't find a parking place.
h God is religion.  Love is biology.  And sex is physics.
h God made everything out of nothing, but the nothingness shows through.
h God made the idiot for practice, and then he made the School Board.  -- Twain
h God made the world in six days, and was arrested on the seventh.
h God must love the common man -- he made so many of them.
h God was my co-pilot, but we crashed in the mountains and I had to eat him.
h God, I ask for patience -- and I want it right now!
h Going the speed of light is bad for your age.
h Gold:  A metal men dig out of holes for dentists and governments to put back in.
h Golf is like masturbation -- fun to do, but disgusting to watch.
h GOLF:  Game Of Limitless Frustration.  -- Bobbie Piety
h Good advertising can make people buy your product even if it sucks.  -- Adams
h Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad example.
h Good day for a change of scene.  Repaper the bedroom wall.
h Good news is just life's way of keeping you off balance.
h Good news.  Ten weeks from Friday will be a good day.
h Good sopranos and tenors have resonance -- where others have brains.
h Good-bye.  I am leaving because I am bored.  -- last words of George Saunders
h Got mole problems?  Call Avogadro:  6.02 x 10^23.
h Government expands to absorb all available revenue and then some.  -- Wiker
h Governmental machinery:  Labor-saving device, lets ten men do the work of one.
h Grad school is the snooze button on the alarm clock of life.  -- Jim Squire
h Graduate life:  It's not just a job, it's an indenture.
h Graft:  An illegal means of uniting trees to make money.
h Grasshoppotamus:  A creature that can leap to tremendous heights...  Once.
h Gravity:  What you get when you eat too much and too fast.
h Great leaders are rare, so I'm following myself.
h Great minds run in great circles.
h Grocery store wanted ad:  Perishable Employee Needed.  Experience Required.
h Group IQ:  Lowest IQ of any member divided by the number of people in the group.
h Growing old is inevitable, but growing up is optional.
h Grub first, then ethics.  -- Bertolt Brecht
h Guests who kill talk show hosts -- On the last Geraldo.
h Gymnastics exercises our outsides while genetics exercises our insides.
h Had there been an actual emergency, you would no longer be here.
h Hailing frequencies open, Captain.
h Half of the people you know are below average.
h Half of what we taught you is wrong -- and we don't know which half.  -- Neifert
h Handel was half German, half Italian, and half English.  He was rather large.
h Hangover:  The wrath of grapes.
h Happiness is a ball in the fairway.
h Happiness is an inside job.  -- Carolyn Myss
h Happiness is having a scratch for every itch.  -- Ogden Nash
h Happiness is your mother-in-law's picture on the back of a milk carton.
h Hard work has a future payoff.  Laziness pays off now.
h Hard work might be respectable, but that doesn't make it popular.
h Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?
h Harlez-vous francais?  (Can you drive a French motorcycle?)
h Have a good laughsitive twice a day, and that will ensure regularhilarity.
h Have an adequate day.
h Have an ordinary day.
h Have you flogged your crew today?
h Have you noticed that most one-liners do not fit on one line?  -- Sundqvist
h Haven't you got anyone better to do?
h Having children is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain.
h Having children will turn you into your parents.
h He got in touch with reality, but it was a bad connection.  -- Bob Thaves
h He had delusions of adequacy.  -- Walter Kerr
h He had insomnia so bad that he couldn't sleep when he was working.  -- Baer
h He hadn't a single redeeming vice.  -- Oscar Wilde
h He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.  -- Oscar Wilde
h He has the heart of a little child...  It's in a jar on his desk.
h He is a player who can be relied upon to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory.
h He is considered a most graceful speaker who can say nothing in the most words.
h He is no lawyer who cannot take two sides.
h He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others.  -- Johnson
h He is so short he has to reach up to tie his shoes.
h He is so skinny he has to run around in the shower to get wet.
h He is such a steady worker that he is really motionless.
h He is the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of.  -- Mae West
h He knew the precise psychological moment when to say nothing.  -- Oscar Wilde
h He leads his readers to the latrine and locks them in.  -- Oscar Wilde
h He looked at me as if I was a side dish he hadn't ordered.
h He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.  -- Forrest Tucker
h He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
h He speaks Esperanto like a native.  -- Martha Freedman
h He that loves law will get his fill of it.
h He was a suitor for her hand, but he did not suit her.
h He was so narrow-minded he could see through a keyhole with both eyes.
h He who believes the past cannot be changed has not yet written his memoirs.
h He who dies with the most toys has spent the most time on maintenance.  -- Dix
h He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead.
h He who dies with the most toys, wins.
h He who enters the contest is optimistic as submarine with screen doors.
h He who has a shady past knows that nice guys finish last.
h He who has had has been but he who has not been has been had.
h He who hesitates is a damned fool.  -- Mae West
h He who hesitates is last.  -- Mae West
h He who hesitates is not only lost, but several miles from the next freeway exit.
h He who hesitates is probably right.
h He who hoots with owls by night cannot soar with eagles by day.
h He who invents adages to peruse takes along rowboat when going on cruise.
h He who is born to misfortune falls on his back and fractures his nose.
h He who is content with his lot probably has a lot.
h He who is still laughing hasn't yet heard the bad news.  -- Bertolt Brecht
h He who knows all the answers never gets asked the questions.
h He who laughs last didn't get the joke.
h He who laughs last is probably your boss.
h He who laughs last thinks slowest.
h He who reads many fortunes gets confused.
h He who shouts the loudest has the floor.  -- Swipple
h He who speak with forked tongue, not need chopsticks.  -- Chinese proverb
h He who spends a storm beneath a tree, takes life with a grain of TNT.
h Headline:  20-Year Friendship Ends at Altar
h Headline:  Antique Stripper to Display Wares at Store
h Headline:  Autos Killing 110 a Day -- Let's Resolve to Do Better
h Headline:  Blind Bishop Appointed to See
h Headline:  Blind Woman Gets New Kidney from Dad She Hasn't Seen in Years
h Headline:  Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
h Headline:  Croupiers on Strike -- Management:  "No Big Deal"
h Headline:  Diaper Market Bottoms Out
h Headline:  Fund Set Up for Beating Victim's Kin
h Headline:  Half of U.S. High Schools Require Some Study for Graduation
h Headline:  Henshaw Offers Rare Opportunity to Goose Hunters
h Headline:  If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While
h Headline:  Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
h Headline:  Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years
h Headline:  L.A. Voters Approve Urban Renewal by Landslide
h Headline:  Lawyers Give Poor Free Legal Advice
h Headline:  Lingerie Shipment Hijacked -- Thief Gives Police the Slip
h Headline:  March Planned for Next August
h Headline:  Nicaragua Sets Goal to Wipe Out Literacy
h Headline:  Patient at Death's Door -- Doctors Pull Him Through
h Headline:  Prostitutes Appeal to Pope
h Headline:  Queen Mary Having Bottom Scraped
h Headline:  Stadium Air Conditioning Fails -- Fans Protest
h Headline:  Teacher Strikes Idle Kids
h Headline:  War Dims Hope For Peace
h Headline:  Women's Movement Called More Broad-Based
h Heads they win, tails you lose.
h Health is just keeping well; hygiene is being clean about it.
h Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
h Hearsay:  What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.
h Heat expands:  In the summer the days are longer.
h Heating with wood, you get warm twice:  Once chopping it, and once stacking it.
h Heavy:  Seduced by the chocolate side of the force.
h HECK is where people go when they don't believe in GOSH!
h Heineken Uncertainty Principle:  Never sure how many beers you had last night.
h Heinz Catsup leaving the bottle travels at 25 miles per year.
h Heisenberg might have been here.
h Hell hath no fury like a bureaucrat scorned.  -- Milton Friedman
h Help fight continental drift.
h Help stamp out and abolish redundancy.
h Help Wanted:  Telepath.  You know where to apply.
h HELP!  MY TYPEWRITER IS BROKEN!  -- E. E. CUMMINGS
h Her kisses left something to be desired -- the rest of her.
h Here are the opinions on which my facts are based.
h Here I am!  Now what are your other two wishes?
h Here is champagne to our real friends, and real pain to our sham friends.
h Hi, my name's Ron, how do you like me so far?
h Highbrow:  A man who has discovered something more interesting than women.
h Hippoposthumous:  A deceased hippopotamus.  -- Bob Thaves
h Hire the morally handicapped.
h His mind is like a steel trap:  Full of mice.  -- Foghorn Leghorn
h His work is very poor, but at least it's slow.
h History chronicles the small portion of the past that was suitable for print.
h History does not repeat itself; historians merely repeat each other.
h History not only repeats itself, it increasingly forgets where it put its keys. -- The Covert Comic
h History repeats itself.  That's one thing wrong with history.
h Hit and run means never having to say you're sorry.
h Hollywood is where if you don't have happiness you send out for it.  -- Rex Reed
h Home is the place where, when you have to go there, they have to take you in.
h Home is where the house is.
h Honest men marry soon, wise men not at all.  -- Howell
h Honesty is the best policy -- there is less competition.
h Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense.
h Honesty pays, but it doesn't seem to pay enough to suit some people.  -- Hubbard
h Honeymoon:  A short period of doting between dating and debting.  -- Ray Bandy
h Honeymoon:  A thrill of a wife time.
h Honeymoon:  The vacation a man takes before beginning work under a new boss.
h Honk if you base your life on advice from bumper stickers.  -- Bob Thaves
h Honk if you love peace and quiet.
h Hors d'oeuvres:  A ham sandwich cut into forty pieces.
h Horse sense:  The thing a horse has that keeps it from betting on people.
h Horsepower: How fast you hit the wall.  Torque: How far the wall comes with you.
h Hospitality:  Making your guests feel at home, even though you wish they were.
h Hotdogs are best served with a ballgame.
h Housework won't kill you.  But then again, why take the chance?  -- Phyllis Diller
h How about never?  Is never good for you?
h How can I miss you if you won't go away?
h How can someone "draw a blank"?
h How can there be self-help groups?
h How can you govern a nation which has 246 kinds of cheese?  -- Charles de Gaulle
h How come wrong numbers are never busy?
h How did a fool and his money get together in the first place?
h How do they get all those little metal bits on a zipper to line up so well?
h How do they get deer to cross at the yellow road signs?
h How do you explain school to a higher intelligence?  -- Elliot
h How do you keep a dummy in suspense?
h How do you make an elephant float?  Two scoops of elephant and some rootbeer...
h How long is a minute depends on which side of the bathroom door you are on.
h How long should a man's legs be?  Long enough to reach the ground.  -- Lincoln
h How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?  All you can afford.
h How many light bulb jokes does it take to change the subject?
h How many weeks are there in a light year?
h How much sin can you get away with and still go to heaven?
h How much wood would a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
h How sharper than a hound's tooth it is to have a thankless serpent.
h How to paint a perfect painting:  Make yourself perfect, then paint naturally.
h How to regain your virginity:  Reverse the process until it returns.
h How wonderful opera would be if there were no singers.
h Human beings were created by water to transport it uphill.
h Human nature will eventually reach perfection; we should enjoy ourselves now.
h Humidity is the experience of looking for air and finding water.
h Hummingbirds never remember the words to songs.
h Humor is the best antidote to reality.
h Humorists:  Those who can talk sensibly about a controversy.
h Husbands are like fires; they go out when they're unattended.  -- Zsa Zsa Gabor
h I almost had a psychic girlfriend, but she left me before we met.
h I am a creationist; I refuse to believe that I could have evolved from humans.
h I am a great housekeeper.  I get divorced.  I keep the house.  -- Zsa Zsa Gabor
h I am a Hollywood writer, so I put on a sports jacket and take off my brain.
h I am a Libra.  Libras don't believe in astrology.  -- Al Hibbs
h I am a nutritional overachiever.
h I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.  -- A. Whitney Brown
h I am ashamed to be here, but not ashamed enough to leave.
h I am at one with my duality.
h I am defending her honor, which is more than she ever did.
h I am dying beyond my means.  -- last words of Oscar Wilde, sipping champagne
h I am dying with the help of too many physicians.  -- Alexander the Great
h I am going to live forever, or die trying!  -- Spider Robinson
h I am having an out of money experience.
h I am Homer from BORG, prepare to be assim...  Oooh, donuts!
h I am in shape...  Round is a shape!
h I am looking for myself.  Have you seen me lately?
h I am neither for nor against apathy.
h I am not a complete idiot, some parts are missing!
h I am not a crook.  -- Richard Nixon
h I am not a lovable man.  -- Richard Nixon
h I am not a perfectionist, but my parents were.
h I am not an Economist.  I am an honest man!  -- Paul McCracken
h I am not as dumb as you look.
h I am not cynical, just experienced.
h I am not deaf, I'm ignoring you.
h I am not eating, so I must be asleep.  -- John Taylor
h I am not living in the past -- I'm just paying for it.
h I am not part of the problem.  I am a Republican.  -- Dan Quayle
h I am not playing hard to get; I AM hard to get.
h I am not prejudiced, I hate everyone equally.
h I am not sure what this is, but an "F" would only dignify it.  -- English prof
h I am not young enough to know everything.  -- J. M. Barrie
h I am out of bed and dressed.  What more do you want?
h I am prepared for all emergencies but totally unprepared for everyday life.
h I am really enjoying not talking to you, so let's not talk again real soon, OK?
h I am sorry, but I'm not going to apologize.
h I am the mommy, that's why!
h I am the mother of all things, and all things should wear a sweater.
h I am the person your mother warned you about.
h I am woman, I am invincible, I am tired...
h I awoke one morning and found myself famous.  -- Byron
h I base most of my fashion taste on what doesn't itch.  -- Gilda Radner
h I believe I am God, but can't prove my own existence.
h I belong to no organized party.  I am a Democrat.  -- Will Rogers
h I bet you have never seen a plumber bite his nails.
h I bid you all a very heartfelt goodnight.  -- Johnny Carson, last Tonight show
h I blame sex and paper for most of our current problems.  -- Scott Adams
h I bother to show up for work because beer isn't free.
h I bought a vacuum cleaner six months ago, and so far it's just gathering dust.
h I bought my boyfriend a waterbed, but we drifted apart.
h I bought some powdered water...  But I didn't know what to add.  -- Steven Wright
h I brake for brick walls.
h I came to MIT to get an education for myself and a diploma for my mother.
h I came, I saw, I had no idea what was going on, so I left.  -- Dick Ross
h I can only please one person each day.  Today's not your day.  Maybe tomorrow.
h I can relate to that.
h I can resist everything except temptation.  -- Oscar Wilde
h I can see clearly now, the brain is gone...
h I can't believe you are the result of millions of years of evolution.  -- Cate
h I can't give you brains, but I can give you a diploma.  -- the Wizard of Oz
h I can't help hearing, but I don't always listen.  -- George Burns, "Oh God"
h I can't remember if I'm the good twin or the evil one.
h I can't win enough to excite me, but I can lose enough to depress me.  -- Kenny Rogers ("The Gambler")
h I carry a gun because a cop is too heavy.  -- John Steinbeck
h I couldn't have said that longer myself.  -- John Taylor
h I decided success would be making just one person happy.  I picked me.  -- Thaves
h I did not believe in reincarnation the last time either.
h I did not fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
h I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
h I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
h I do desire we may be better strangers.  -- William Shakespeare
h I do most of my work sitting down; that is where I shine.  -- Robert Blenchey
h I do not believe in afterlife, but I am bringing a change of underwear.  -- Allen
h I don't ask questions, I just have fun!  -- Bugs Bunny
h I don't care who does the electing as long as I get to do the nominating.
h I don't date outside my species.
h I don't have a license to kill...  I have a learner's permit.
h I don't have a problem with San Francisco parking.  I drive a forklift.
h I don't have an attitude problem.  You have a perception problem.
h I don't have any solution, but I certainly admire the problem.  -- Ashleigh Brilliant
h I don't know what my expectations are until they're not met.  -- Chuck Lorre
h I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
h I don't know where I am, but I'm not too far back.  -- Alan Silverstein
h I don't know whether to kill myself or go bowling.
h I don't like money actually, but it quiets my nerves.  -- Joe Louis
h I don't love my mother, I just hate her less than everyone else.
h I don't make jokes.  I just watch the government and report the facts.  -- Rogers
h I don't suffer from stress.  I'm a carrier.
h I don't worry about terrorism.  I was married for two years.  -- Sam Kinison
h I doubt, therefore I might be.
h I drank what?  -- Socrates
h I drink to make other people interesting.  -- George Nathan
h I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
h I embrace poverty.  To annoy me, send money.
h I feel like a million tonight, but one at a time.  -- Mae West
h I feel more like I do now than I did a little while ago.
h I finally got my head together, but now my body is falling apart.
h I get enough exercise just pushing my luck!
h I go on working for the same reason that a hen goes on laying eggs.  -- Mencken
h I googled the quote, "Power means not having to respond."  Nothing happened.  -- The Covert Comic
h I graduated first in my class from alibi school.  -- Jeffrey McDaniel
h I had plastic surgery last week.  I cut up my credit cards.  -- Henny Youngman
h I hate quotations.  -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
h I hate the outdoors.  To me the outdoors is where the car is.  -- Will Durst
h I have already told you more than I know.
h I have always been crazy, but it's kept me from going insane.
h I have been in more laps than a napkin.  -- Mae West
h I have been on a diet for two weeks, and all I've lost is 14 days.
h I have enough money to last me the rest of my life unless I buy something.
h I have found that children remember only what they want to.  -- Bill Cosby
h I have found that the best direction for a hot tub to face is up.  -- Dave Barry
h I have given up reading books; it takes my mind off myself.
h I have had a perfectly wonderful evening.  But this wasn't it.  -- Groucho Marx
h I have heard about people like me, but I never made the connection.  -- McLean
h I have known a great many troubles, most of which never happened.  -- Mark Twain
h I have no problems with God; it's his fan club that bothers me!
h I have not seen as far as others because giants were standing on my shoulders.
h I have seen that pattern on wallpaper before, but never on clothing.
h I have seen the evidence...  I want DIFFERENT evidence.
h I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.  -- Albran
h I have seen the truth and it makes no sense.
h I have the simplest tastes.  I am always satisfied with the best.  -- Oscar Wilde
h I have ways of making money that you know nothing of.  -- John D. Rockefeller
h I haven't been everywhere, but it's on my list.  -- Susan Sontag
h I haven't lost my mind; I know exactly where I left it.
h I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months.  I don't like to interrupt her.
h I hope my record gets out before the world blows up.  -- Madonna
h I hope you receive all the letters I mean to write.
h I just need enough to tide me over until I need more.  -- Bill Hoest
h I just want revenge.  Is that so wrong?
h I keep on making the same misttakes.  -- Christer Sundqvist
h I know I am efficient.  Tell me I am beautiful.
h I know on which side my bread is buttered.  -- John Heywood
h I like a woman with a head on her shoulders.  I hate necks.  -- Steve Martin
h I like cats, too.  Let's exchange recipes.
h I like it better in the dark.
h I like looking at geniuses, and listening to beautiful people.  -- Oscar Wilde
h I like men who have a future and women who have a past.  -- Oscar Wilde
h I like the outsides of some things and the insides of others.  -- Madonna
h I like work; it fascinates me.  I can sit and look at it for hours.  -- Jerome
h I like you.  You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
h I live in my own little world, but that's OK, they know me here.
h I love California, I practically grew up in Phoenix.  -- Dan Quayle
h I love children, especially when they cry, for then someone takes them away.
h I love defenseless animals, especially in a good gravy.
h I love it when it stays light out until it gets dark.
h I love mankind...  It's people I hate.  -- Schulz
h I love my job; it's the work I can't stand.
h I married Miss Right.  I just didn't know her middle name was Always.
h I may be human scum, but damn it, I'm still scum.  -- The Covert Comic
h I may not always be right, but I'm never wrong.  -- Isaac Asimov
h I may not be the world's greatest lover, but number seven's not bad.  -- Allen
h I may not be totally perfect, but parts of me are excellent.  -- Ashleigh Brilliant
h I might be crazy, but I am not stupid.
h I might not always be perfect, but I am always me.
h I might not know what I am doing, but I know how to do it.
h I must follow the people.  Am I not their leader?  -- Benjamin Disraeli
h I must get out of these wet clothes and into a dry Martini.  -- Woolcott
h I need a list of specific unknown problems we will encounter.  -- Dan Rome
h I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.  -- Marx
h I never heard a minute's silence like that.  -- Glenn Hoddle
h I never knew what happiness was until I got married...  Then it was too late!
h I never made a mistake in my life.  I thought I did once, but I was wrong.
h I often quote myself; it adds spice to my conversation.  -- George Shaw
h I once put instant coffee in a microwave and almost went back in time.  -- Wright
h I only like two kinds of men:  Foreign and domestic.  -- Mae West
h I own and operate a ferocious ego.  -- Bill Moyers
h I plan on living forever.  So far, so good.
h I plead contemporary insanity.
h I prefer beauty to brains because I can see better than I can think.
h I promise we would only loose ten to twenty million TOPS!  -- Dr. Strangelove
h I really had to act; 'cause I didn't have any lines.  -- Marilyn Chambers
h I refuse to star in your psychodrama.
h I reserve the right to die or resign without notice.  -- Justice Harlan
h I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.  -- Steven Wright
h I see time away from the refrigerator as exercise.  -- Ellen Langer
h I shot an arrow into the air and it stuck.  -- graffiti in Los Angeles
h I should've bought a CATCHING license instead of a FISHING license!  -- Saiff
h I sort of always get low-grade mystical experiences.  -- Carolyn Myss
h I spilled spot remover on my dog.  Now he's gone.  -- Steve Wright
h I stand by all the misstatements that I've made.  -- Dan Quayle
h I stared Mother Nature in the face, and she smiled back.  -- Doug Baskins
h I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it left.  -- R.E. Atkinson
h I suggest a new strategy, Artoo:  Let the Wookee win.  -- CP30
h I think I am a sexual threat.  -- Madonna
h I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.  -- Steven Wright
h I think sex is better than logic, but I can't prove it.
h I think that I shall never see a billboard lovely as a tree.  -- Ogden Nash
h I think we are all Bozos on this bus.
h I think, therefore I am paid.
h I think, therefore I am!  I think?  -- William Etkin
h I think, therefore I am...  Usually in a lot of trouble.
h I think, therefore I'm single.  -- Lizz Winstead
h I thought growing old would take longer.
h I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
h I thought YOU were supposed to feed the dinosaurs!  -- Bob Thaves
h I took a break from not working so I could spend less time with my family.  -- Roseanne Barr
h I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
h I typo ther fr I m.
h I used to be a nun, but I kicked the habit.
h I used to be a people person.  People ruined this for me.
h I used to be agnostic, but now I'm not so sure.  -- John Kock
h I used to be an adult before I grew up.
h I used to be an idealist, but I got mugged by reality.
h I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.  -- Boscoe Pertwee
h I used to be lost in the shuffle.  Now I just shuffle along with the lost.
h I used to be Snow White, but I drifted.  -- Mae West
h I used to get high on life, but lately I have built up a resistance.
h I used to have a handle on life, then it broke.
h I used to know that stuff.
h I used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.
h I want buns of steel so I can hold up my pants with refrigerator magnets.
h I want it all and I want it now.
h I want to achieve immortality through not dying.  -- Woody Allen
h I want to make sure everybody who has a job wants a job.  -- George Bush
h I was an expert parent.  Then I had children.
h I was dangerously boring.  -- Scott Adams
h I was gratified to be able to answer promptly and I did.  I said I didn't know.
h I was having a great day until I woke up.  -- Richard Lewis
h I went looking for trouble, and I found it.  -- Charles Ponzi
h I went on two diets at once because one diet wasn't giving me enough food.
h I will always love the false image I had of you.  -- Ashleigh Brilliant
h I will meet you at the corner of Walk and Don't Walk.
h I will never lie to you.
h I wish you happy New Year...  But only one.  -- Frederick Lonsdale
h I worked in a pet shop and people kept asking how big I'd get.  -- Dangerfield
h I worked myself up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.  -- Groucho Marx
h I would explain it to you but your brain would explode.
h I would give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
h I would have made a good pope.  -- Richard Nixon
h I would know what to think if I knew who to believe.
h I would like to help you out.  Which way did you come in?
h I would like to lick apricot brandy out of your navel.  -- Cerebus
h I would never join any club that would have the likes of me as a member.  -- Marx
h I would rather be an extemporaneous fool than a premeditated ass.
h I would rather fish than eat, particularly eat fish.  -- Corey Ford
h I wouldn't be caught dead with a necrophiliac.
h I wouldn't mind being poor if I had lots of money.
h I wrote a friend a check for a negative amount, but he wouldn't cash it.
h I wrote a song but I can't read music so I don't know what it is.  -- Wright
h I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
h I'd like to meet the person who invented sex, and see what he's working on now.
h I'd rather have a free bottle in front of me than a prefrontal lobotomy.
h I'd rather walk through a fire than walk away from one.  -- Madonna
h I'll bet you $4,567 you can't guess how much I owe my bookie.
h I'll give you a definite maybe.  -- Samuel Goldwyn
h I'll play it first and tell you what it is later.  -- Miles Davis
h I'll race you to China.  You can have a head start.  Ready, set, GO!
h I'll tell you the meaning of life if you promise not to laugh.  -- Bob Thaves
h I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
h I'm a psychic amnesiac:  I know in advance what I'll forget.  -- Michael McShane
h I'm going to commit suicide, or die trying.  -- Michael Burgess
h I'm in Pittsburgh.  Why am I here?  -- Harold Urey
h I'm just working here till a good fast-food job opens up.
h I'm leaving my body to science fiction.  -- Roseanne Barr
h I'm lost and out looking for myself.  If I show up before I return, I'll wait.
h I'm mad as hell, and I'm not going to take it any more!
h I'm not 27, I'm 12, with 15 years of experience.
h I'm not a recovering chocoholic...  Why would I want to be?
h I'm not afraid of heights, I'm afraid of falling.  -- Darren Smith
h I'm not afraid to die.  I just don't want to be there when it happens.  -- Allen
h I'm not cheap, but I am on special this week.
h I'm not crazy, I've just been in a very bad mood for 30 years.
h I'm not going deaf.  I'm ignoring you.
h I'm not into working out.  My philosophy is:  No pain, no pain.
h I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.
h I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am.
h I'm pretty good with BS but I love listening to an expert.  Keep talking.
h I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.
h I'm smarter than the average bear!  -- Yogi Bear
h I'm still an atheist, thank God.  -- Luis Bunuel
h I'm thirty years old, but I read at the thirty-four-year-old level.  -- Carvey
h I've been on a calendar, but I've never been on time.  -- Marilyn Monroe
h I've been rich and I've been poor.  Believe me, rich is better.  -- Mae West
h I've been things and done places.  -- Mae West
h I've just learned about his illness.  Let's hope it's nothing trivial.  -- Cobb
h I've only got one other speed, and it's slower.  -- Glenn Ford
h I've sometimes thought of marrying, and then I've thought again.  -- Noel Coward
h Ice cream cures all ills.  Temporarily.  -- Seleznick
h Idiot box:  Part of an envelope that tells a person where to place the stamp.
h Idiots drag you down to their level, then beat you with experience.
h If "I am" is the shortest sentence in English, "I do" is the longest.
h If A = B and B = C, then A = C, except where void or prohibited by law.
h If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?
h If a funeral procession is at night, do people drive with their lights off?
h If a man keeps his trap shut, the world will beat a path to his door.  -- Adams
h If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
h If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
h If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?
h If a straight line fit is required, obtain only two data points.
h If a tree wants to make a sound in a forest, must it fall to do so?  -- Taylor
h If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
h If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
h If a young writer can refrain from writing, he shouldn't hesitate to do so.
h If all is not lost, where is it?
h If all men were brothers, would you let one marry your sister?
h If all the world's a stage, I want some better lighting.
h If all the world's a stage, I want to operate the trap door.  -- Paul Beatty
h If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
h If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.
h If an item is advertised as "under $50", you can bet it's not $19.95.  -- McGowan
h If any word is improper at the end of a sentence, a linked verb is.  -- William Safire
h If aquarium gravel is bad for you, how come it tastes so good?  -- Ralph Wiggum
h If at first you do succeed, try to hide your astonishment.
h If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
h If at first you don't succeed, quit; don't be a nut about success.
h If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.
h If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving isn't for you.
h If at first you don't succeed, you probably didn't really care anyway.
h If at first you don't succeed, you'll get lots of advice.
h If at first you don't succeed, you're doing about average.  -- Leonard Levinson
h If at first you don't succeed, your successor will.  -- Lord Birdwood
h If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
h If cats could talk, they'd say things like, "Hey, I don't see the problem here."
h If conditions are not favorable, bacteria go into a period of adolescence.
h If drinking directly from a bottle, hold it with fingers covering the label.
h If enough data is collected, anything can be proven by statistical methods.
h If entropy is increasing, where is it coming from?
h If flattery gets you nowhere, try bribery.
h If God had meant for us to be naked, we would have been born that way.
h If God had wanted you to go around nude, He would have given you bigger hands.
h If God is perfect, why did he create discontinuous functions?
h If God is so great, how come everything he makes dies?  -- George Carlin
h If God lived on Earth, people would knock out all his windows.  -- Yiddish proverb
h If God meant for you to take life seriously, you would have no sense of humor.
h If guns are outlawed, how will we shoot the liberals?
h If high heels were so wonderful, men would be wearing them.  -- Sue Grafton
h If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.  -- Lily Tomlin
h If I can be of any help, you're in worse trouble than I thought.  -- Henry Cate
h If I can't take it with me, I'm not going!
h If I could drop dead right now, I'd be the happiest man alive.  -- Samuel Goldwyn
h If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it.
h If I ever marry, it will be on a sudden impulse -- as a man shoots himself.
h If I follow you home, will you keep me?
h If I had a life, I'd end it.
h If I had a ruler, I'd beat you within an inch of your life.  -- Groucho Marx
h If I had any humility I would be perfect.  -- Ted Turner
h If I had known I would live so long, I would have taken better care of myself.  -- Eubie Blake
h If I have sex with my clone, will I go blind?
h If I insult you, you can be goddamn sure I intend to.  -- John Wayne
h If I owned Texas and Hell, I would rent out Texas and live in Hell.  -- Sheridan
h If I told you you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?
h If I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary forms.
h If I was under any more pressure, the carbon in my body would turn to diamonds.
h If I were you, who would you be?
h If I win the lottery I won't change, but my bad decisions will become epic.
h If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times:  Resist hyperbole.
h If ignorance is bliss, why aren't there more happy people?
h If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.
h If ignorance isn't bliss, I don't know what is.  -- Craig Ewing
h If in doubt, make it sound convincing.
h If in doubt, mumble.
h If it ain't broke, you're not trying hard enough.  -- New Red Green Show
h If it ain't damp, it ain't camp.
h If it falls off, it doesn't matter.  -- Tom Magliozzi
h If it flies, floats, or fornicates, it is cheaper to rent.
h If it is Tuesday, this must be someone else's fortune.
h If it is worth doing, it is worth doing for money.
h If it jams, force it.  If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.
h If it looks easy, it's tough.  If it looks tough, it's nearly impossible.
h If it pours before seven, it has rained by eleven.
h If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
h If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
h If it wasn't for Newton, we wouldn't have to eat bruised apples.
h If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.
h If it were truly the thought that counted, more women would be pregnant.
h If it weren't for pick-pocketers I'd have no sex life at all.  -- Dangerfield
h If it's called tourist season, why can't we shoot them?  -- George Carlin
h If liberals really hated America -- they'd vote Republican!
h If life gives you lemons, take them, free stuff is cool.
h If life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic.
h If little else, the brain is an educational toy.  -- Tom Robbins
h If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
h If money can fix it, it's not a problem.  -- Tom Magliozzi
h If more than one person is responsible for a problem, no one is at fault.
h If Murphy's Law can go wrong, it will.  -- Silverman
h If my life wasn't funny it would just be true, and that is unacceptable.  -- Carrie Fisher
h If no one ever took risks, Michelangelo would have painted the Sistine Floor.
h If nothing ever sticks to teflon, how do they make it stick to the frying pan?
h If one hundred people do a foolish thing, one will become injured.
h If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
h If only I could be respected without having to be respectable.
h If opportunity came disguised as temptation, one knock would be enough.
h If parents would only realize how they bore their children.  -- George Shaw
h If reproducibility might be a problem, conduct the test only once.
h If Satan ever loses his hair, there'll be hell toupee.
h If some people didn't tell you, you'd never know they'd been away on vacation.
h If sound can't travel in a vacuum, why are vacuum cleaners so noisy?
h If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
h If the facts do not conform to your theory, they must be disposed of.
h If the genie won't grant you more than three wishes, wish for more genies.
h If the odds are a million to one against something, chances of it are 50-50.
h If the plane you're on is late, the plane to which you're connecting is on time.
h If the Pope wants to see me, he can come to my show.  -- Madonna
h If the probability of success is not almost one, it is damn near zero.  -- Ellis
h If the question of what it all means doesn't mean anything...  -- xkcd
h If the ship is not sinking, the rats must be the ones not leaving.
h If the shoe fits, buy the other one too.
h If the shoe fits, it's ugly.  -- Gold
h If there is anything a public servant hates to do it's something for the public.
h If there is light at the end of the tunnel...  ORDER MORE TUNNEL.
h If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?  -- Art Hoppe
h If there is no self, whose arthritis is this?
h If they lined up all the men in the world...  That would be one funky line!
h If they won't read my words, no one's going to stop them.  -- John Taylor
h If things get any worse, I will have to ask you to stop helping me.
h If this aphorism did not exist, somebody would have invented it.
h If this were subjunctive, I'm in the wrong mood.
h If thou art in the bathtub, the telephone tolls for thee.
h If time flies, does it mean you are having fun?
h If time heals all wounds, how come bellybuttons don't fill in?
h If today is the first day of the rest of your life, what was yesterday?
h If tomatoes are technically a fruit, is ketchup a smoothie?
h If triangles had a God, he'd have three sides.  -- old Yiddish proverb
h If we all work together we can totally disrupt the system.  -- Ashleigh Brilliant
h If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?
h If we do not succeed, we run the risk of failure.  -- Dan Quayle
h If we knew what we were doing, it wouldn't be research.  -- J. C. Stamos
h If we were meant to fly, we wouldn't keep losing our luggage.
h If we're here to take care of other people, what are they here for?  -- Wilson
h If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi?
h If you are a fatalist, what can you do about it?  -- Ann Edwards-Duff
h If you are asked to join a parade, don't march behind the elephants.  -- Zisla
h If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?
h If you are given a take-home test, you will forget where you live.
h If you are given on open-book exam, you will forget your book.
h If you are going to do something wrong, you should do it right.  -- Garfield
h If you are good you get all the work.  If you're really good you get out of it.
h If you are horny, it's lust, but if your partner's horny, it's affection.
h If you are mad at your neighbor, buy his kid a drum.
h If you are not very clever you should be conciliatory.  -- Benjamin Disraeli
h If you are seen fixing it, you will be blamed for breaking it.
h If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry?
h If you believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.
h If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.  -- J. Paul Getty
h If you can get a new car for your spouse, it's a great trade.
h If you can lead it to water and force it to drink, it isn't a horse.
h If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
h If you can survive death, you can probably survive anything.
h If you can't be good, be careful.  If you can't be careful, give me a call.
h If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
h If you can't dazzle 'em with brilliance, baffle 'em with bullshit.
h If you can't find your glasses, it's probably because you don't have them on.
h If you can't get your work done in the first 24 hours, work nights.
h If you can't make it good, make it big.
h If you can't say anything nice, you probably don't have many friends.
h If you can't understand it, it is intuitively obvious.
h If you cannot convince them, confuse them.  -- Harry S Truman
h If you cannot hope for order, withdraw with style from the chaos.  -- Stoppard
h If you do a job too well, you will get stuck with it.  -- Slous
h If you do something right once, someone will ask you to do it again.
h If you do something right the first time, no one will know how hard it was.
h If you don't believe me, stand in line.
h If you don't care where you are, then you aren't lost.
h If you don't go to other men's funerals they won't go to yours.  -- Clarence Day
h If you don't know what you're doing, do it neatly.
h If you don't like my driving, don't call anyone.  Just take another road.
h If you don't like the news, go out and make some.
h If you don't like the weather in New England, just wait a few minutes.  -- Twain
h If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.
h If you don't say anything, you won't be called on to repeat it.  -- Coolidge
h If you explain so clearly that no one can possibly misunderstand, someone will.
h If you find a place to park, later you won't find your car.
h If you get a mouthful of hot soup, the next thing you do will be wrong.
h If you get angry at a newspaper columnist, he will get rich or famous or both.
h If you have half a mind to watch TV, that is enough.
h If you have kleptomania, you can always take something for it.
h If you have nothing to say, please say it only once.
h If you have to ask how much it is, you can't afford it.
h If you have to travel on the Titanic, why not go first class?  -- Hempstone
h If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.
h If you keep trying to prove Murphy's Law, will something keep going wrong?
h If you lend someone $20 and never see them again, it was probably worth it.
h If you liked Earth, you will love Heaven.
h If you listen to too much advice you may wind up making other people's mistakes.
h If you live alone, deodorant is a waste of good money.
h If you live in a country run by committee, be on the committee.  -- Graham Summer
h If you look like your passport photo, it's time to go home.  -- Erma Bombeck
h If you look like your passport photo, you aren't well enough to travel.  -- Fuch
h If you mess with a thing long enough, it will break.  -- Schmidt
h If You Pass This Point You Will Most Certainly Die.  -- sign on birth canal
h If you put it off long enough, it might go away.
h If you start off dumb enough, you can learn something new each day.
h If you stay up all night wondering where the sun is, it will dawn on you.
h If you talk to God you are praying; if God talks to you, you have schizophrenia.
h If you think before you speak, the other fellow gets in his joke first.  -- Howe
h If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try filing your income tax late.
h If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
h If you think outside the box, the box will think outside you.  -- Quarnstrom
h If you think the problem is bad now, just wait until we've solved it.  -- Kasspe
h If you think there is good in everyone, you haven't met everyone.
h If you thought yesterday was bad, wait till you see what happens today.
h If you throw a cat out a car window, does it become kitty litter?
h If you took out all your blood vessels and laid them end-to-end, you'd die.
h If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
h If you turn on the light quickly enough you can see what the dark looks like.
h If you want a kitten, start out by asking for a horse.  -- Naomi, age 15
h If you want to come back after death, be sure to get your hand stamped first.
h If you want to know how old a man is, ask his brother-in-law.
h If you want to put yourself on the map, publish your own map.
h If you were to ask me this question, what would my answer be?
h If you're born again, do you get two bellybuttons?
h If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.  -- Wright
h If you've got part of it, flaunt that part.
h If you've seen one redwood, you've seen them all.  -- Ronald Reagan
h If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise.
h If your feet smell and your nose runs, you were built upside down.
h If your parents didn't have any children, neither will you.
h Ignorance:  When you don't know anything, and someone else finds out.
h Ignoranus:  A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
h Ignore previous fortune.
h Ill-bred children always display their pest manners.
h Illiterate?  Write for free help.
h Immigration is the sincerest form of flattery.  -- Jack Paar
h Immortality -- a fate worse than death.  -- Edgar Shoaff
h Imports are ports very far inland.
h In 1869 the waffle iron was invented for people who had wrinkled waffles.
h In a gambit you give up a pawn for the sake of getting a lost game.  -- Boden
h In a ham and egg breakfast, the chicken was involved, but the pig was committed.
h In a modern household, the only things we have to wash by hand are children.
h In America, anyone can be President.  That's one of the risks you take.
h In America, it is not how much an item costs, it is how much you save.
h In an accident, it's not who's right, but who's left.  -- Geoff Torres
h In an orderly world, there is always a place for the disorderly.
h In base infinity, all integers are just one digit.
h In Boston, drivers don't even obey the laws of PHYSICS.  -- Dave Barry
h In case of emergency, contact:  "A good doctor."
h In case of fire...  Yell "fire".
h In cyberspace, everyone gets their 15 minutes of shame.  -- Michael Fry
h In democracy your vote counts.  In feudalism your count votes.
h In England, the Speaker of the House is not allowed to speak.
h In English, every word can be verbed.
h In everything but brains and brawn, women are vastly superior to men.  -- Edward Abbey
h In government, where there is a vacancy, there is a relative.
h In Lake Wobegon, all the children are above average.  -- Garrison Keilor
h In marriage, as in war, it is permitted to take every advantage of the enemy.
h In married life three is company and two is none.  -- Oscar Wilde
h In matrimony, to hesitate is sometimes to be saved.  -- Butler
h In midevil times most of the people were alliterate.
h In my case, saving the world was only a hobby.  -- Edward Abbey
h In New York City, it is easier to get a girlfriend than an apartment.
h In order to get a loan you must first prove you don't need it.
h In principle I am against principles.  -- Tristan Tzara
h In process:  So wrapped up in red tape that the situation is almost hopeless.
h In some cultures what you do would be considered normal.
h In spite of the high cost of living, it is still very popular.  -- Laurence Peter
h In Texas the men are men, but for some reason they have to keep proving it.
h In the battle between airplanes and the ground, the ground has yet to lose.  -- Darwin Awards
h In the first half of our life we learn habits that shorten the second half.
h In the future, your clothes will be smarter than you.  -- Scott Adams
h In the memo field of every check you issue, write, "for sexual favors."
h In the morning, I do not want to eat gum drops and cheese doodles.  -- Madonna
h In the subway it is called congestion; in the disco it is called intimacy.
h In the world of words, one of my best-loved tribes is the diatribe.  -- Edward Abbey
h In the years ahead, when you come to a fork in the road, take it.  -- Yogi Berra
h In this world, truth can wait; she is used to it.
h Include me out.  -- Samuel Goldwyn
h Incoming fire has the right of way.
h Incompetence is a double-edged banana.  -- J. P. Barlow
h Indecision is the key to flexibility.
h Individualists unite!
h Infectious disease is one of the few genuine adventures left in the world.
h Ingrate:  Bites the hand that feeds him, and then complains of indigestion.
h Ingress is not a necessary precursor to egress.
h Inoculatte:  To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
h Insanity is inherited; you get it from your kids!
h Inside every old person is a young person...  Wondering what the heck happened.
h Insomnia:  What you have when you lie awake all night for an hour.  -- Gilbert
h Insomniac agnostic dyslexic:  Lays awake at night wondering if there is a dog.
h Instant sex will never be better than the kind you have to peel and cook.
h Institute:  An archaic school where football is not taught.
h Insufficient data for a meaningful answer at this time.  -- Isaac Asimov
h Intaxication:  Misguided euphoria about a tax refund (of your own money).
h Intellectuals going round in circles until they disappear up their own holes.
h Intelligence has much less practical application than you'd think.  -- Scott Adams
h Interchangeable parts won't.
h Invest in physics; own a piece of Dirac.
h Iowa State grads put their diploma on the dashboard to park in handicap zones.
h Irrationality is the square root of all evil.  -- Douglas Hofstadter
h Irresistible force + immovable object = inconceivable disturbance.
h Irritainment:  Media spectacles that are annoying but spellbinding.
h IRS:  Income Reduction Service.
h Is Interstate 35 the best thing to come out of Iowa?
h Is is the verb for when you don't want a verb.
h Is it possible to be totally partial?
h Is it the God of the Catholics or of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
h Is it time for lunch yet?
h Is knowledge knowable, and how do we know?
h Is that a pistol in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me?  -- Mae West
h Is there life before coffee?
h Is there life before death?  -- Belfast graffiti
h Is this really happening?
h It ain't loafing unless they can prove it.  -- Dick Brown
h It behooves the writer to avoid archaic expressions.
h It bothers people if you are lucid and ironic.  -- Albert Camus
h It does not do to leave a live dragon out of your calculations.
h It doesn't matter that everything has already been said -- no one was listening.
h It doesn't matter whether you win or lose -- until you lose.
h It has been Monday all week today.
h It has just been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
h It is a mistake to let any mechanical object know you are in a hurry.
h It is a small world.  So you gotta use your elbows a lot.
h It is an inappropriate response to get a headache in the presence of a miracle.
h It is bad luck to be superstitious.  -- Andrew Mathis
h It is better for civilization to go down the drain than to come up it.  -- Allen
h It is better to be an ancestor than a descendant.
h It is better to be on penicillin than never to have loved at all.
h It is better to be on the ground wishing you were flying, than vice versa.
h It is better to burn out than to fade away.
h It is better to give than to lend, and it costs about the same.
h It is better to have a positive Wasserman than never to have loved at all.
h It is better to have loved and lost -- much better.
h It is better to have loved and lost than just to have lost.
h It is better to light one candle than to torch a wax museum with a flamethrower.
h It is better to remain childless than to father an orphan.  -- Tom Weller
h It is better to sit still than rise and fall.  -- Scott
h It is called cold cash because we don't keep it long enough to get it warm.
h It is considered tacky to take a cooler to church.
h It is dangerous to name your children before you know how many you will have.
h It is difficult to legislate morality in the absence of moral legislators.
h It is difficult to make predictions, particularly about the future.  -- Confucius
h It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
h It is easier to take it apart than to put it back together.  -- Washlesky
h It is easy being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
h It is easy to love a sleeping baby.
h It is great to live in the fast lane, if you can find the on-ramp.
h It is hard to be humble when you are so perfect.
h It is hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
h It is hard to seize the day when you must first grapple with the morning.
h It is kind of fun to do the impossible.  -- Walt Disney
h It is later than you think.
h It is lonely at the top of the food chain, but you eat better.
h It is morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money.
h It is more than magnificent -- it is mediocre.  -- Samuel Goldwyn
h It is much easier to suggest solutions when you know nothing about the problem.
h It is not a good omen when goldfish commit suicide.
h It is not a pre-existing condition unless you had it before you existed.
h It is not an optical illusion, it just looks like one.  -- Phil White
h It is not Camelot, but it's not Cleveland, either.  -- Boston mayor Kevin White
h It is not my week to care.
h It is not premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married.
h It is not procrastination if you decide to postpone it right now.
h It is not speeding if there are still cars in front of you.
h It is not that you and I are so clever, but that the others are such fools.
h It is not the end of the world, but you can see it from there.
h It is possible to lead a cow upstairs but not downstairs.
h It is so soon that I am done for, I wonder what I was begun for.  -- epitaph
h It is sweet to be remembered, but cheaper to be forgotten.
h It is tough being you, but you are the one most qualified for the job.
h It is trying not to appear poor that keeps a lot of folks broke.
h It isn't what a teenager knows that bothers his parents; it is how he found out.
h It might appear I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level I'm quite busy.
h It now costs more to amuse a child than it once did to educate his father.
h It requires strong constitution to withstand repeated attacks of prosperity.
h It seems to make an auto driver mad if she misses you.
h It takes 45 muscles to frown, but only four to give the finger.  -- Niki Roman
h It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.
h It takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.  -- Mark Twain
h It takes years to become an overnight success.
h It was a book to kill time for those who liked it better dead.
h It was a brave man that ate the first oyster.
h It was such a beautiful day I decided to stay in bed.  -- W. Somerset Maugham
h It works better if you plug it in.
h It would be best if you did not remind God of my existence.  -- Doug Quarnstrom
h It would be nice to be sure of anything the way some people are of everything.
h It would take a miracle to get you out of Casablanca.  -- Humphrey Bogart
h It's a damn poor mind that can only think of one way to spell a word.  -- Jackson
h It's a rare person who wants to hear what he doesn't want to hear.  -- Dick Cavett
h It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to paint it.  -- Stephen Wright
h It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of karma to burn off.
h It's all funds and gains until someone loses ROI.  -- The Covert Comic
h It's all right to hold a conversation, but you should let go of it now and then.
h It's been real and it's been fun, but it hasn't been real fun.
h It's better to be looked over than overlooked.  -- Mae West
h It's better to have loafed and lost than never to have loafed at all.  -- Thurber
h It's certainly strange how little I look like me.  -- Bob Thaves
h It's good to get a taste of someone else's moccasins.
h It's hard to be funny when you have to be clean.  -- Mae West
h It's hard to get ivory in Africa, but in Alabama the Tuscaloosa.
h It's hard to soar like an eagle when you are surrounded by turkeys.
h It's hell to work for a nervous boss, especially if you are why he's nervous!  -- Alan Silverstein
h It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.
h It's just too easy to start a religion.  -- Bill Maher
h It's not easy being green.  -- Kermit the frog
h It's not hard to meet expenses; they are everywhere.
h It's not the men in my life, it's the life in my men.  -- Mae West
h It's not the pace of life that concerns me; it's the sudden stop at the end.
h It's not weird to piss in the river; it's only weird if you watch.  -- OARS river guide
h It's not whether you win or lose, it's how you look playing the game.
h It's often your clothing that gets promoted.  -- Scott Adams
h It's sick the way you people keep having sex without me.
h It's the friends you can call up at 4 am that matter.  -- Marlene Dietrich
h It's time for the human race to enter the solar system.  -- Dan Quayle
h Jealousy:  All the fun you think they have.
h Jehovah has a very limited repertoire of emotional responses, as gods go.  -- Dass
h Jesus saves sinners and redeems them for valuable cash prizes.
h Jesus saves; Moses invests; but only Buddha pays dividends.
h Jesus to headwaiter at Last Supper:  "Separate checks, please."  -- Edward Abbey
h Job placement:  Telling your boss what he can do with your job.
h John Muir was the sum of his parks.  -- Henry Gay
h Journalism is literature in a hurry.  -- Matthew Arnold
h Journalism is the first draft of history.  -- Philip Graham
h Journalism will kill you, but it will keep you alive while you are at it.
h Journalists print 10% of what you tell them, and they get that wrong.  -- Richard Hill
h Junk:  Stuff we throw away.  Stuff:  Junk we keep.
h Jury:  Twelve men and women trying to decide which party has the best lawyer.
h Just as nature abhors a vacuum, truth abhors a know-it-all.  -- Michael Mode
h Just because everything is different doesn't mean anything has changed.
h Just because you are not paranoid doesn't mean they are not out to get you.
h Just give Alice some pencils and she will stay busy for hours.
h Just when you get going, someone injects a dose of reality with a large needle.
h Just when you learn to make the most of it, most of it is gone.
h Justice:  A decision in your favor.
h Karmageddon:  When the Earth explodes due to bad vibes.
h Keep a very firm grasp on reality, so you can strangle it at any time.
h Keep America beautiful.  Swallow your beer cans.
h Keep in mind that all I had to work with was chaos.  -- God, per Bob Thaves
h Keep stress out of your life.  Give it to others instead.
h Keep the pointy end forward and the dirty side down.
h Keychain:  A device that allows you to lose multiple keys at once.
h Kilroy occupied these spatial coordinates.
h Kiss me twice, I'm schizophrenic.
h Klatu barada nikto.
h Klein bottle for rent -- inquire within.
h Kleptomaniac:  A rich thief.
h Knocked; you weren't in.  -- Opportunity
h Know thyself -- but don't tell anyone.
h Know what I hate most?  Rhetorical questions.  -- Henry Camp
h Krogt:  The metallic silver coating found on fast-food game cards.
h Lack of prior planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part.
h Lactomangulation:  Abusing the "open here" spout on a milk carton.
h Landing:  A controlled mid-air collision with a planet.
h Late to bed, early to rise, makes a man tired.
h Laugh alone, and the world thinks you're an idiot.
h Laugh and the world laughs with you.  Cry and the world laughs at you.
h Laugh at your problems; everybody else does.
h Laugh, and the world ignores you.  Crying doesn't help either.
h Lawyers:  America's untapped export market.
h Lead me not into temptation.  I can find it myself.
h Leakproof seals...  Do.
h Learn from your parents' mistakes -- use birth control!
h Learn the rules.  Then break some.  -- H. Jackson Brown
h Learning at some schools is like drinking from a firehose.
h Lecture:  Makes you feel numb on one end and dumb on the other.  -- C. N. Pearce
h Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.
h Leftover nuts never match leftover bolts.
h Legalize freedom.
h Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
h Let not the sands of time get in your lunch.
h Let us share the deepest secrets of our souls!  You first.
h Let's get drunk and be somebody.
h Let's hope God grades on a curve.
h Liberal arts major...  Will think for money.
h Liberal:  A Conservative who has just been arrested.
h Liberal:  Someone too poor to be a capitalist and too rich to be a communist.
h Liberal:  Too broadminded to take his own side in a quarrel.
h Licorice is the liver of candy.  -- Michael O'Donoghue
h Lie:  A very poor substitute for the truth, but the only one discovered to date.
h Life -- love it or leave it.
h Life begins at the centerfold and expands outward.  -- Miss November, 1966
h Life does not begin at 40 for those who went 60 at 20.
h Life is a game of bridge -- and you have just been finessed.
h Life is a jigsaw puzzle with most of the pieces missing.
h Life is a journey, but relax, you will find a parking place at the end.
h Life is a sexually transmitted terminal disease.
h Life is a whole series of circumstances beyond your control.
h Life is antagonistic to the living.
h Life is carcinogenic.  -- Abdul Khaliq
h Life is complex.  It has real and imaginary parts.
h Life is difficult because it is non-linear.
h Life is fraught with opportunities to keep your mouth shut.
h Life is just a stage:  We all go through it.  -- John Taylor
h Life is just sudden-death overtime.
h Life is like a fountain...  I will tell you how when I figure it out.
h Life is like a maze in which we all go around trying not to find an exit.
h Life is like a sewer...  What you get out of it depends on what you put into it.
h Life is like an analogy.
h Life is nature's way of keeping meat fresh.  -- Doug Quarnstrom
h Life is not for everyone.
h Life is something to do when you can't get to sleep.
h Life is the ultimate cause of death.  -- Lyle McDonald
h Life is too confusing for novices.  We should let the experts take care of it.
h Life is too important to be taken seriously.
h Life is tough.  If it wasn't, anybody could do it.
h Life is uncertain, so eat dessert first.
h Life is wasted on the living.
h Life is what puts the "pee" in entropy.
h Life might have no meaning, or worse, it might have a meaning you don't like.
h Life not only begins at forty, it begins to show.
h Life without caffeine is stimulating enough.  -- Sanka ad
h Lisa, in this house we obey the laws of thermodynamics!  -- Homer Simpson
h Little things come in small packages.  -- Tom Weller
h Live each day as if it were your last, because someday you're going to be right.  -- Muhammed Ali
h Live fast, die young, and leave a good looking corpse.
h Live within your income, even if you must borrow to do so.
h Livestock usually is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
h Living on Earth includes an annual free trip around the Sun.
h Living your life is so difficult, it has never been attempted before.
h Loafer:  Someone trying to make two weekends meet.
h Logic is a little bird, sitting in a tree, that smells AWFUL.
h Logic is an organized way of going wrong with confidence.  -- Charles Kettering
h Loneliness is a good thing to share with someone.  -- Ernie Pantusso, Cheers
h Long-lived:  You can't buy parts when it DOES get old and wears out.
h Long-term planning is anticipatory expiation for short-term fiasco.  -- Hirsch
h Look out for number 1.  Don't step in number 2 either.
h Look under the sofa cushion; you will be surprised at what you find.
h Looking for love, everyone runs away because you remind them of themselves.
h Looking like a weed doesn't make you organic.  -- Edward Abbey
h Losing my virginity was a career move.  -- Madonna
h Losing your driver's license is just God's way of saying "BOOGA, BOOGA!"
h Lots of money saved for a rainy day is blown on a wet night.
h Lottery:  A tax on people who are bad at math.
h Love does much; money does everything.
h Love does not make the world go around, just up and down a bit.
h Love is a vacation from reality.
h Love is being stupid together.
h Love is blind, but marriage is definitely an eye-opener.
h Love is Grand...  Divorce is Twenty Grand.
h Love is like an avalanche where you have to run for your life.  -- John, age 9
h Love is sentimental measles.
h Love is sex misspelled.  -- Harlan Ellison
h Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.
h Love is the only game that is not called on account of darkness.
h Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.  -- H. L. Mencken
h Love lasts as long as money endures.
h Love means having to say you're sorry every five minutes.
h Love means nothing to a tennis player.
h Love the sea?  I dote upon it -- from the beach.
h Love thy neighbor as thyself, but choose thy neighborhood.  -- Louise Beal
h Love thy neighbor:  Tune thy piano.
h Love thyself, and others will hate thee.
h Love your enemies.  It will make them crazy.
h Love your neighbor, but don't get caught.
h Love:  An obsessive delusion that is cured by marriage.
h Love:  The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
h Love:  Two vowels, two consonants, two fools.  -- Rodney Dangerfield
h LSD melts in your mind, not in your hand.
h LSD soaks up 47 times its own weight in excess reality.
h Lullabuoy:  A nagging thought that prevents you from drifting off to sleep.
h Machines have less problems.  I'd like to be a machine.  -- Andy Warhol
h Madness takes its toll.  Please have exact change.
h Magazine:  Printed pages that tell you what's coming in the next issue.
h Maggit:  A subscription card that falls from a magazine.
h Magnocartic:  An automobile that when left unattended attracts shopping carts.
h Maintain thy airspeed, lest the ground rise up and smite thee.
h Major steps to building a business plan:  1. Gather information.  2. Ignore it.
h Majority:  That quality that distinguishes a crime from a law.
h Make a firm decision now...  You can always change it later.
h Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.
h Make three consecutive correct guesses and you will be considered an expert.
h Make yourself at home!  Start by cleaning my kitchen.
h Male zebras have white stripes, but female zebras have black stripes.
h Man has made his bedlam; let him lie in it.  -- Fred Allen
h Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.  -- Lily Tomlin
h Man is the only animal that blushes -- or needs to.  -- Mark Twain
h Man sometimes stumbles over the truth, but he picks himself up and keeps going.
h Man was created to complete the horse.  -- Edward Abbey
h Man who arrives at party two hours late finds he has been beaten to the punch.
h Man who falls in blast furnace is certain to feel overwrought.
h Man who falls in vat of molten optical glass makes spectacle of self.
h Man:  A remarkable animal whose head swells when you pat his back.
h Managers are like cats in a litter box.  -- Scott Adams
h Mankind has never reconciled itself to the ten commandments.
h Mankind... infests the whole habitable Earth and Canada.  -- Ambrose Bierce
h Manners are the noises you don't make when eating soup.  -- R.E. Atkinson
h Many a family tree needs trimming.
h Many a yo-yo thinks he has the world on a string.
h Many are called, but few are at their desks.
h Many are cold, but few are frozen.
h Many can rise to the occasion, but few know when to sit down.
h Many pages make a crowded castle.
h Many pages make a thick book, except for pocket Bibles on very thin paper.
h Many people have eaten in this kitchen and gone on to lead healthy, happy lives.
h Many quite distinguished people have bodies similar to yours.
h Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of the feet.
h Markets can remain irrational longer than you can remain solvent.  -- John Keynes
h Marriage causes dating problems.
h Marriage halves our griefs, doubles our joys, and quadruples our expenses.
h Marriage is a rest period between romances.
h Marriage is a three ring circus:  Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.
h Marriage is a trip between Niagara Falls and Reno.
h Marriage is an institution -- but who wants to live in one?
h Marriage is for those who don't like eating leftovers alone.
h Marriage is like pi:  Natural, irrational, and very important.  -- Lisa Hoffman
h Marriage is low down, but you spend the rest of your life paying for it.
h Marriage is not a word; it is a sentence.
h Marriage is not for wimps.
h Marriage is the only adventure open to the cowardly.  -- Voltaire
h Marriage is the sole cause of divorce.
h Marriages are made in heaven and consummated on Earth.  -- John Lyly
h Marry carefully, for spouses are temporary, but ex's are forever.  -- Alan Silverstein
h Martin Luther died a horrible death, being excommunicated by a bull.
h Masturbation is having sex with someone I love.  -- Woody Allen
h Math is like love; a simple idea, but it can get complicated.  -- R. Drabek
h Math is our native language.  English is our foreign language.  -- George Lance
h Mathematicians are willing to assume anything -- except responsibility.
h Mathematicians take it to the limit.
h Matrimony is the root of all evil.
h Matter cannot be created or destroyed; nor can it be returned without a receipt.
h Matter will be damaged in direct proportion to its value.
h Maturity is a high price to pay for growing up.
h May all your troubles last as long as your New Year's resolutions.  -- Joey Adams
h May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.  -- George Carlin
h May you die in bed at 95, shot by a jealous spouse.
h May you have many friends and very few living enemies.
h Maybe you can't buy happiness, but these days you can certainly charge it.
h Me...  A skeptic??  I trust you have proof?
h Measure with a micrometer; mark with chalk; cut with an axe.  -- Ray
h Mechanical engineers build weapons, while civil engineers build targets.
h Medicine consists of amusing the patient while nature cures the disease.
h Meditation is not what you think.
h Meeting:  A gathering where the minutes are kept and the hours lost.  -- Gourd
h Meetings are indispensable when you don't want to do anything.  -- Galbraith
h Mel Blanc, the voice of Bugs Bunny, was allergic to carrots.
h Men control fashion.  But that's the only thing men control.  -- Scott Adams
h Men learned to walk upright to free their hands for masturbation.  -- Jane Wagner
h Men seldom make passes at girls who wear glasses.  -- Dorothy Parker
h Men seldom show dimples to girls who have pimples.
h Men think, "I know what I'm doing, just show me somebody naked."  -- Seinfeld
h Meteorologists have warm fronts.
h Michelangelo would have made better time with a roller.
h Microwave fireplace:  Spend an evening in front of the fire in about 8 minutes.
h Microwaves frizz your heir.
h Middle class:  Too rich to qualify for charity, too poor to make any donations.
h Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.  -- Groucho Marx
h Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.  -- Groucho Marx
h Military targets are targets that are hit and thus defined as military targets.
h Millihelen:  The amount of beauty required to launch one ship.
h Miracles are great, but they are so damned unpredictable.
h Misery no longer loves company; nowadays it insists on it.
h Moderation is a fatal thing.  Nothing succeeds like excess.  -- Oscar Wilde
h Modern man is the missing link between apes and human beings.
h Modesty is a vastly overrated virtue.  -- J. K. Galbraith
h Modesty is being comfortable that others will discover your greatness.
h Mold has spores.  People have pores.  It is one way to tell us apart.
h Molybdenum...  No joke here, I just like saying "molybdenum".  -- David Letterman
h Momentum:  What you give a person when they are going away.
h Monday is the root of all evil.
h Money can't buy happiness, but it can certainly rent it for a couple of hours.
h Money can't buy happiness, but it lets you be miserable in comfort.
h Money costs too much.  -- Lew Archer
h Money DOES talk -- it says goodbye.
h Money doesn't buy happiness, but a lack of it can certainly buy unhappiness.  -- Allan Roth
h Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.  -- Woody Allen
h Money is the root of all evil, and man needs roots.
h Money isn't everything, but it sure keeps the kids in touch.
h Monotony:  The practice of having only one spouse at a time.
h More than enough is too much.
h Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments.
h Most general statements are false, including this one.  -- Alexander Dumas
h Most lipstick contains fish scales.
h Most people are too stupid to butter the pancake on the right side.
h Most people get lost in thought because it is unfamiliar territory.  -- Paul Fixx
h Most people who want to live forever are pretty miserable to begin with.
h Mother is far too clever to understand anything she does not like.  -- Bennett
h Mother is the invention of necessity.
h Mother told me to be good, but she has been wrong before.
h Mountain climbers rope together to prevent the sensible ones from going home.
h Mountain range:  A cooking stove used at high altitudes.
h Mouse potato:  The computer equivalent of a TV addict.
h Mowmuffins:  Dried accumulation of grass on the underside of lawnmowers.
h Mummy:  An Egyptian who was pressed for time.
h Murphy never met anyone he didn't meet.
h Murphy was an optimist.
h Music sung by two people at the same time is called a duel.
h My body is rejecting me.  -- Alan Silverstein
h My commitment is to truth, not consistency.
h My doctor gave me just 100 years to live, and I am making the most of it.
h My family history begins with me, but yours ends with you.  -- Iphicrates
h My father taught me to work; he did not teach me to love it.  -- Abraham Lincoln
h My favorite book on tape is, "Where's Waldo?"
h My God is alive and kicking.  Sorry about yours.  -- Edward Abbey
h My inferiority complex isn't very good.
h My life has a superb cast but I can't figure out the plot.  -- Ashleigh Brilliant
h My life is like one long obstacle race, with me as its chief obstacle.
h My mother had morning sickness after I was born.  -- Rodney Dangerfield
h My mother is a travel agent for guilt trips.
h My mother wants grandchildren, so I said, "Mom, go for it!"  -- Sue Murphy
h My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.  -- Ashleigh Brilliant
h My own business always bores me to death; I prefer other people's.  -- Wilde
h My peers are all smart enough to be excused from jury duty.
h My problem is I say what I'm thinking before I think what I'm saying.  -- Peter
h My reality check just bounced.
h My reputation grows with every failure.  -- G. B. Shaw
h My rise to the top was through sheer ability and inheritance.  -- Malcolm Forbes
h My theology, briefly, is that the universe was dictated but not signed.  -- Morley
h My toughest fight was with my first wife.  -- Mohammad Ali
h My truck does not leak, it's marking its territory.
h My whole life has been an out-of-body experience.
h My wife is so immature.  Every time I'm in the bath she sinks my little boats.
h My wife keeps complaining I never listen to her...  or something like that.
h My wife made me join a bridge club.  I jump off next Tuesday.  -- Dangerfield
h My wife ran off with my best friend, and I miss him.
h Mysticism is based on the assumption that you can quit the game.
h Myth:  A young female moth.
h Napjerk:  Sudden convulsion of the body just as one is about to doze off.
h Narcolepulacy:  The contagious action of yawning.
h Nature abhors a hero.
h Nature abhors a vacuous experimenter.
h Nature always sides with the hidden flaw.
h Nature is blind.  We are merely shortsighted.  That's an improvement.  -- Spencer
h Neanderthals delivered children without training manuals.  -- Bill Cosby
h Necessity has no law; I know some attorneys of the same.  -- Franklin
h Necessity is a mother.
h Neckties strangle clear thinking.  -- Lin Yutang
h Negative expectations yield negative results.  So do positive expectations.
h Neutrinos have bad breadth.
h Neutrinos have mass?  I didn't know they were Catholic!
h Never be photographed with a cocktail glass in your hand.  -- H. Jackson Brown
h Never be worth more to anyone dead than alive.  -- Alan Silverstein
h Never believe a rumor until it is officially denied.
h Never buy anything electrical at a flea market.  -- H. Jackson Brown
h Never do card tricks for the group with which you play poker.
h Never do today what you can put off until tomorrow.
h Never draw fire, it irritates everyone around you.
h Never eat anything bigger than your head.  -- Kliban
h Never eat more than you can lift.  -- Miss Piggy
h Never give an inch!
h Never go to bed mad; stay up and fight.
h Never have any children, only grandchildren.  -- Gore Vidal
h Never hit a man with glasses.  Hit him with a baseball bat.
h Never hold a Dustbuster and a cat at the same time.  -- Kyoyo, age 9
h Never invest your money in anything that eats or needs repainting.  -- Billy Rose
h Never laugh at live dragons.  -- Bilbo Baggins
h Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.  -- Erma Bombeck
h Never let the facts stand in the way of a good answer.  -- Tom Magliozzi
h Never look back, someone might be gaining on you.  -- Satchel Paige
h Never make forecasts, especially about the future.  -- Samuel Goldwyn
h Never miss a good chance to shut up.
h Never offend with style when you can offend with substance.  -- Sam Brown
h Never pass a snowplow on the right.
h Never put off till tomorrow that which can be done the day after tomorrow.
h Never put off till tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.
h Never put off till tomorrow what you can do today -- while it's still legal.
h Never raise your hands to your kids; it leaves your groin unprotected.
h Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle, especially when driving.
h Never replace a successful experiment.
h Never say anything more predictive than, "Watch this!"
h Never send a monster to do the work of an evil genius.
h Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than yourself.
h Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.  -- Hartley
h Never sleep with anyone whose troubles are worse than your own.
h Never stand between a fire hydrant and a dog.
h Never take a beer to a job interview, nor ask if they press charges.
h Never tell your mom her diet's not working.  -- Michael, age 14
h Never throw a bird at a dragon.
h Never tow another car using pantyhose and duct tape.
h Never trust a dog to watch your food.  -- Patrick, age 10
h Never try to baptize a cat.  -- Eileen, age 8
h Never try to outstubborn a cat.
h Never use an outhouse while holding your car keys in your mouth.  -- David Boll
h Never verb your nouns.
h Never worry about theory as long as the machinery does what it's supposed to do.
h New:  Different color from previous model.
h Niagara Falls is beautiful for thirty seconds.  -- Gertrude Stein
h Nice guys don't finish nice.
h Nice guys don't get laid.
h Nice perfume...  Must you marinate in it?
h Nice tie -- does it run on batteries?
h Nihilism should commence with oneself.
h Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
h Nine out of ten people think they are above average.  The rest are in therapy.
h Ninety eight percent of Americans support the use of mass transit by others.
h Ninety-nine percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
h No brains, no headache.
h No generalization is wholly true, not even this one.  -- Oliver Holmes
h No good deed goes unpunished.  -- Andrew Mellon
h No guts, no glory.
h No job is so simple that it cannot be done wrong.
h No maintenance:  Impossible to fix.
h No major religion specifically bans the pilfering of office supplies.  -- Adams
h No man is an island, but some of us are long peninsulas.
h No man would listen to you talk if he didn't know it was his turn next.  -- Howe
h No matter how much you care, some people are just assholes.
h No matter how much you do, you never do enough.
h No matter how rich or famous you are, the laws of physics are still very strict.
h No matter what goes wrong, there's always someone who knew it would.
h No matter what happens, someone will take it too seriously.  -- Dave Barry
h No matter what occurs, someone believes it happened according to his pet theory.
h No matter what results are expected, someone is always willing to fake it.
h No matter what you do, someone always knew you would.
h No name, no matter how simple, can be correctly understood over the phone.
h No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish.
h No one gets too old to learn a new way of being stupid.
h No one is listening until you make a mistake.
h No one within an organization really knows what is going on.
h No prizes for predicting rain.  Prizes only awarded for building arks.
h No problem is so large it can't be fit in somewhere.
h No project is so risk-free that your company lawyer can't kill it.  -- Scott Adams
h No sentence fragments.
h No trespassing without permission.  -- sign on public school grounds
h No verb is not a crime.  No crime, no sentence.
h Nobody can be as agreeable as an uninvited guest.
h Nobody can be exactly like me.  Even I have trouble doing it.
h Nobody ever has a reservation on a plane that leaves from Gate 1.
h Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!
h Nobody goes there anymore 'cause it's too crowded.  -- Yogi Berra
h Nobody knows the trouble I have been.
h Nobody remembers the second person to say E = mc2.  -- N. Samios
h Nobody wants constructive criticism.  We can barely handle constructive praise.
h Nondeterminism means never having to say you are wrong.
h Nonsense.  Space is blue and birds fly through it.  -- Heisenberg
h Norwegians have deep pockets, but very short arms.
h Nostalgia just isn't what it used to be.
h Not all men are annoying.  Some are dead.
h Not all men who drink are poets.  Some of us drink because we are not poets.
h Not so random and clumsy as a blaster.  -- Obi Wan Kenobi, Star Wars
h Not writing a book cause I don't want to tell the truth and I don't want to lie.  -- Harrison Ford
h Nothin' ain't worth nothin', but it's free.
h Nothing can be done in one trip.  -- Snider
h Nothing cures insomnia like the realization that it is time to get up.
h Nothing ever gets built on schedule or within budget.
h Nothing exceeds like excess.
h Nothing in life is so exhilarating as to be shot at without result.  -- Winston Churchill
h Nothing increases your golf score like witnesses.
h Nothing is as inevitable as a mistake whose time has come.  -- Tussman
h Nothing is certain but the unforeseen.
h Nothing is ever a total loss; it can always serve as a bad example.
h Nothing is finished until the paperwork is done.
h Nothing is impossible or impassable if you have enough nails.
h Nothing is so impudent as success.
h Nothing is so smiple that it cannot be screwed up.
h Nothing recedes like success.  -- Walter Winchell
h Nothing ruins the truth like stretching it.
h Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.  -- Mark Twain
h Nothing will dispel enthusiasm like a small admission fee.  -- Kim Hubbard
h Now and then an innocent person is sent to the Legislature.
h Now it's time to say goodbye, to all our company...  M-I-C, K-E-Y, M-O-U-S-E.
h Now that I have it all, can I give some of it away?  -- Marianne Neifert
h Now, 1 + 1 is 2; 2 + 2 is 4; but 4 + 4 is the reason they make calculators!
h Nuclear war would really set back cable.  -- Ted Turner
h Nudists are people who wear one-button suits.
h Nudists are the last people you want to see naked.  -- David Sedaris
h Nugloo:  Single continuous eyebrow that covers the entire forehead.
h Occupation:  The principal thing one engages in to avoid thinking.
h Of all our privileges, the license to breed is most grossly abused.  -- Edward Abbey
h Of all the animals, the boy is the most unmanageable.  -- Plato
h Of course God loves you; He's just not ready to make a commitment.  -- Bhaerman
h Of course I am happily married -- she's happy, and I'm married.
h Of course I'm vain.  Every time I pass by a mirror I look.  -- Madonna
h Of course the game is rigged, but if you don't play, you can't win!  -- Robert Heinlein
h Often it is fatal to live too long.  -- Racine
h Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to conceive.  -- Herold
h Oh, Aunty Em, it's so good to be home!
h Oh, if faces could only talk!  --  John Madden
h Ohnosecond:  Instant in which you realize you have just made a big mistake.
h Old accountants never die; they just lose their balance.
h Old actors never die; they just drop apart.
h Old age comes at a bad time.
h Old age:  You + 20 years.
h Old bankers never die; they just lose interest.
h Old beekeepers never die; they just buzz off.
h Old cashiers never die; they just check out.
h Old chauffeurs never die; they just lose their drive.
h Old cooks never die; they just get deranged.
h Old daredevils never die; they just get discouraged.
h Old deans never die; they just lose their faculties.
h Old doctors never die; they just lose their patience.
h Old electricians never die; they just lose contact.
h Old farmers never die; they just go to seed.
h Old frogs never die; they just croak.
h Old hippies never die; they just smell that way.
h Old investors never die; they just roll over.
h Old is needing a fire permit for your birthday cake.
h Old laser physicists never die; they just become incoherent.
h Old lawyers never die; they just lose their appeal.
h Old limbo dancers never die; they just go under.
h Old MacDonald had an agricultural real estate tax abatement.
h Old mathematicians never die; they just disintegrate.
h Old milkmaids never die; they just lose their whey.
h Old musicians never die; they just get played out.
h Old numerical analysts never die; they just get disarrayed.
h Old owls never die; they just don't give a hoot.
h Old pacifists never die; they just go to peaces.
h Old photographers never die; they just stop developing.
h Old pilots never die; they just go to a higher plane.
h Old policemen never die; they just cop out.
h Old postmen never die; they just lose their zip.
h Old schools never die; they just lose their principals.
h Old sculptors never die; they just lose their marbles.
h Old seers never die; they just lose their vision.
h Old sewage workers never die; they just waste away.
h Old skiers never die; they just go downhill.
h Old steelmakers never die; they just lose their temper.
h Old students never die; they just get degraded.
h Old tanners never die; they just go into hiding.
h Old teachers never die; they just lose their class.
h Old wrestlers never die; they just lose their grip.
h Old:  A cute gal catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens your garage door.
h Omit needless words!  Omit needless words!  Omit needless words!  -- EB White
h Omniscience:  Talking only about things you know about.
h On the other hand, you have different fingers.
h On the whole, I'd rather be in Philadelphia.  -- W. C. Fields's epitaph
h On time.  No defects.  Pick one.  -- Scott Adams
h Once a fool and his money were soon parted.  Now it happens to everyone.
h Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it only makes it worse.
h Once is happenstance.  Twice is coincidence.  Thrice is enemy action.
h Once the trust goes out of a relationship, it's no fun lying to them anymore.
h Once there was a man who loved his wife so much, he almost told her.
h Once upon a time, charity was a virtue and not an organization.
h Once upon a time:  Back when snakes used to walk.
h Once you give up your integrity, the rest is a piece of cake.  -- J. R. Ewing
h Once you miss the first buttonhole you never manage to button up.
h Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.
h One Bell System -- it sometimes works.
h One bit of advice:  Don't give it.
h One child is not enough, but two children are far too many.
h One day you will find yourself and be quite disappointed.
h One figure can sometimes add up to a lot.  -- Mae West
h One good thing about repeating your mistakes is that you know when to cringe.
h One good turn usually gets most of the blanket.
h One horsepower:  Energy required to drag a horse 500 feet in one second.
h One learns in life to keep silent and draw one's own confusions.  -- Skinner
h One millionth of a mouthwash = one microscope.
h One nice thing about egotists:  They don't talk about other people.
h One of us is thinking about sex...  OK, it's me.
h One picture is worth a few thousand bucks -- in the New York Times.  -- Sundqvist
h One picture is worth a thousand words.  See diagram below.
h One reason you can't take it with you is that it goes before you do.
h One seventh of your life is spent on Monday.
h One should always be a little improbable.  -- Oscar Wilde
h One should always be in love.  That is the reason one should never marry.
h One size fits all:  Doesn't fit anyone.
h One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
h One thing leads to another, and usually does.
h One way to make your old car run better is to look up the price of a new model.
h One will not have needed the future perfect in one's entire life.
h Only 55% of all Americans know that the sun is a star.
h Only adults have difficulty with childproof caps.
h Only fools are quoted.  -- Anonymous
h Only God could mess up your life that much.  -- Carolyn Myss
h Only those with nothing to be sorry for smile back at the rear of an elephant.
h Only through hard work and perseverance can one truly suffer.
h Only two groups of people fall for flattery:  Men and women.
h Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back, and instead of bleeding, he sings.
h Opportunity always knocks at the least opportune moment.  -- Ducharme
h Opportunity knocks only once, but temptation bangs on your door for years.
h Optimist:  Always sees the bright side of other people's problems.
h Optimist:  Thinks he can break up a traffic jam by blowing his horn.
h Optimist:  Woman who regards a bulge as a curve.
h Oratory:  The power to talk people out of their sober and natural opinions.
h Oregonians don't tan, they rust.
h Our eyes are the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.
h Our parents were never our age.
h Our policy is, when in doubt, do the right thing.  -- Roy Ash
h Our problems are mostly behind us.  Now we have to fight the solutions.
h Our sequiturs tend to be non.
h Our vision is to speed up time, eventually eliminating it.  -- Alex Schure
h Out of the mouths of babes does often come cereal.
h Outpatient:  A person who has fainted.
h Oversteer is when the passenger is scared; understeer when the driver is scared.
h Ow:  The first word spoken by children with older siblings.
h Packrat's credo:  "I have no use for it, but I hate to see it go to waste."
h Page yourself over the intercom, and don't disguise your voice.
h Pain is just a sensory input.  -- Aussie rugby player skiing with broken thumb
h Pain is relative.  Unfortunately it's a close relative and it visits often.
h Pain is temporary.  Either it goes away, or you do.  -- York
h Pampered cows give spoiled milk.
h Panic is the second time you can't do it the first time.  -- Isaac Asimov
h Paper is always strongest at the perforations.  -- Corry
h Paradise is exactly like where you are, only MUCH, MUCH better.  -- Anderson
h Paradox of travel planning:  By the time you leave, you really need a vacation.  -- Alan Silverstein
h Paradox:  An assistant to PhDs.
h Parallel lines never meet unless you bend one or both of them.
h Paranoia:  A healthy understanding of the nature of the universe.
h Paranoid schizophrenics outnumber their enemies at least two to one.
h Pardon me, you have apparently mistaken me for someone who gives a damn.
h Part of the art of being a woman is knowing when not to be too much of a lady.
h Passionate hatred can give meaning and purpose to an empty life.  -- Eric Hoffer
h Patience is counting down without blasting off.
h Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.  -- Groucho Marx
h Pediatricians eat, because children don't.  -- Carleton Fredericks
h Pedlock:  When a bicycle pedal wedges itself against the kickstand.
h People accept an idea more readily if you say Benjamin Franklin said it first.
h People are idiots.  -- Scott Adams
h People compelled to tell you they have a great sense of humor, have none.
h People have one thing in common:  They are all different.  -- Robert Zend
h People rarely think alike until it comes to buying wedding presents.
h People should be aware of the dangers of killing themselves.
h People usually get what's coming to them...  Unless it was mailed.
h People who concern themselves with what's cool and what's not cool are not cool.
h People who go to conferences are the ones who should not.
h People who live in glass houses should undress in the dark.
h People who live in glass houses shouldn't invite in people without sin.
h People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw parties.
h People who live in stone houses shouldn't throw glasses.
h People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one.  -- Leo Burke
h People who study the Bible in their old age must be cramming for their finals.
h People who take cat naps usually don't sleep in a cat's cradle.
h People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
h People who verb nouns really weird language.
h People will buy anything that is one to a customer.  -- Lewis
h People with dogs are cowards who haven't got the guts to bite people themselves.
h People with no faults are terrible; there is no way of taking advantage of them.
h Perfect guest:  One who makes his host feel at home.
h Perfect paranoia is perfect awareness.
h Performance review:  Signed confession of your crimes against productivity.
h Perhaps men and women should live next door and just visit now and then.
h Perhaps your whole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
h Pessimist:  Complains about the noise when opportunity knocks.
h Petrophobic:  Embarrassed to undress in front of a household pet.
h Phasers locked on target, Captain.
h Philadelphia just seems dull because it's next to exciting Camden, New Jersey.
h Philosophy:  Unintelligible answers to insoluble problems.
h Phoenix is an oasis of ugliness in the midst of a beautiful wasteland.  -- Edward Abbey
h Phonesia:  Dialing and forgetting whom you were calling just as they answer.
h Physicist:  Someone who averages the first three terms of a divergent series.
h Pioneer:  Early American lucky enough to find his way out of the woods.
h Pity the meek, for they shall inherit the Earth.  -- Don Marquis
h Pity the poor egg; it only gets laid once.
h Pizza shop slogan:  Seven days without pizza makes one weak.
h Plagiarism:  Losers must be choosers.  -- Gerhard Uhlenbruck
h Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
h Planet three is the place to be!  -- Rich Testardi
h Plastic explosives will be appropriate later in the week.
h Please continue dancing until the floor comes to a complete stop.  -- radio DJ
h Plumber:  A man who gets paid for sleeping under other people's sinks.
h Plunder first, THEN pillage.
h PMS:  Something that makes a woman act once a month like a man acts every day.
h Polar bear:  A rectangular bear after a coordinate transform.
h Politician:  "My father was a minister.  I had to make up for the lack of sin."
h Politicians aren't born, they're excreted.  -- Mark Twain
h Politics consists of deals and ideals.
h Politics:  The art of turning influence into affluence.
h Positive:  Being mistaken at the top of your voice.
h Possessions increase to fill the space available for their storage.  -- Ryan
h Pound for pound, the amoeba is the most vicious animal on Earth.
h Poverty is no disgrace to a man, but it is confoundedly inconvenient.  -- Smith
h Power corrupts.  Absolute power is great!
h Power means not having to respond.
h Practice makes perfect, but no one's perfect, so why practice?
h Predestination was doomed from the start.
h Prejudice doesn't have a Chinaman's chance in Chicago.  -- Richard Daley
h Pressure:  The normal force acting upon an engineer.
h Preudhomme's Law of Window Cleaning:  It's on the other side.
h Pride is what we have...  Vanity is what others have.
h Princess, having sufficient experience with princes, seeks frog...
h Princesses don't do dishes or take out garbage.
h Prisoners talk to each other on cell phones.
h Pro is to con as progress is to Congress.
h Procrastinate now.
h Procrastination means never having to say you're sorry.  -- Toni Epstein
h Procrastination:  The art of keeping up with yesterday.
h Proctologist:  A doctor who puts in a hard day at the orifice.
h Producing a system from a spec is like walking on water:  Easier if it's frozen.
h Professionals built the Titanic, but amateurs built the Ark.
h Professor:  One who talks in someone else's sleep.  -- W.H. Auden
h Progress is made on alternate Fridays.
h Progress means replacing a theory that is wrong with one more subtly wrong.
h Progress might have been all right once, but it went on too long.  -- Ogden Nash
h Proof that we don't understand death is that we give dead people a pillow.  -- Jerry Seinfeld
h Proofread carefully to see if you words out.  -- William Safire
h Proofreading is more effective after publication.  -- Barker
h Properly trained, a man can be a dog's best friend.  -- Nora Roberts
h Prose books are the show dogs I breed and sell to support my cat.  -- Graves
h Proximity isn't everything, but it comes close.
h Prunes give you a run for your money.
h Psychiatrist:  A doctor who doesn't have to worry so long as other people do.
h Psychiatry:  Figuring out the program from the printout.  -- Chris Gates
h Psychosclerosis:  Hardening of the attitude.
h Psychotheology:  A religious fervor about psychological beliefs.
h Public speaking is very easy.  -- Dan Quayle
h Puppies still have bad breath even after eating a tic-tac.  -- Andrew, age 9
h Puritanism:  The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.  -- Mencken
h Push something hard enough and it will fall over.
h Pushing 40 is exercise enough.
h Put your nose to the grindstone and you are a bloody fool.
h Quack!
h Quality assurance doesn't.
h Quantity is no substitute for quality, but it is the only one we have.
h Quantum mechanics is incredibly easy once you take the physics out.  -- Scott Aaronson
h Quantum mechanics is nice because you can both have your cat and eat it too.
h Quark!  Quark!  Beware the quantum duck!
h Queen Victoria was the longest queen.  She sat on a thorn for 63 years.
h Question Authority...  And the Authorities will question you!
h Quidquid latine dictum sit, altum viditur.  (Anything in Latin sounds profound.)
h Quinine is the bark of a tree; canine is the bark of a dog.
h Quip pro quo:  A fast retort.
h Quit working and play for once!
h Quo signo nata es?  (What's your sign?)
h Quoting one is plagiarism.  Quoting many is research.
h Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives.
h Rain is often known as soft water, oppositely known as hail.
h Rain is saved up in cloud banks.
h Rainy days and automatic weapons always get me down.
h Raising a teenager is like trying to nail jello to a tree.  -- Steve Feidler
h Rap music is nature's way of punishing those who have lived too long.  -- Gay
h Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter:  Eskimo Pi.
h Read my lips:  No new taxes.  -- George Bush
h Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.  -- Mary Schmich
h Reading the small print is education; not reading it is experience.
h Real life is not like this.
h Real women don't have hot flashes, they have power surges.
h Real Work + Appearance of Work = Total Work.  -- Scott Adams
h Reality -- what a concept!  -- Robin Williams
h Reality has a well-known liberal bias.  -- Stephen Colbert
h Reality is an illusion brought on by lack of alcohol.
h Reality is an illusion created by an intelligence deficiency.
h Reality is an obstacle to hallucination.
h Reality is for people who can't deal with drugs.  -- Lily Tomlin
h Reality is for people who can't face science fiction.
h Reality is for people who lack imagination.
h Reality is just a convenient measure of complexity.  -- Alvy Smith
h Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.  -- Albert Einstein
h Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.  -- Dick
h Really slow vacations involve chartering continental drift.  -- Andrew Plotkin
h Recent studies prove I don't have to be reasonable.
h Recycle old photons -- for a brighter future!
h Recycle your mother-in-law.  -- John Taylor
h Red lights always last longer than green lights.
h Red, white, and blue stand for freedom, until they're flashing behind you.
h Refrain means don't do it.  A refrain in music is the part you better not sing.
h Refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person.
h Regulations grow at the same rate as weeds.
h Rehab is for quitters.
h Reintarnation:  Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
h Religions are maintained by people who can't get laid.  -- Bill Maher
h Remember that the rabbit's foot didn't work for the rabbit.  -- Shay
h Remember to breathe when your head is above water.
h Remember to finish what
h Remember, life is not a test, it is an actual emergency.
h Repartee is something we think of twenty-four hours too late.  -- Mark Twain
h Reputation:  What others are not thinking about you.
h Research is something that tells you that a jackass has two ears.  -- Lasker
h Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.  -- von Braun
h Researchers often become quite attached to leeches they study, and vice versa.
h Reserve the apostrophe for it's proper use and omit it when its not needed.
h Respondez s'il vous plaid.  (Honk if you're Scottish.)
h Responsibility always exceeds authority.
h Rest assured that your dog is finally getting enough cheese.  -- Deteriorata
h Retired:  Under new management.  See spouse for details.
h Reunite Pangea!
h Revenge travel: After a year at home, people getting back at the pandemic.  -- Heather Davis
h Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time.  -- Wright
h Rignition:  Trying to start the car when the engine is already running.
h Roll up your sleeves...  And you won't lose your shirt.
h Rome was not built in a day.  (They worked well into the night.)  -- John Taylor
h Rome was not built in a day.  If it was, we would have hired their engineer.
h Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic, and so am I.
h Rubber bands have snappy endings.
h Rugged:  Too heavy to lift.
h Rumper sticker on a horse:  "Get off my tail, because shit happens."
h Russia has abolished God, but so far God has been more tolerant.  -- Swayze
h Sacred cows make the best hamburger.  -- Mark Twain
h Saddam Hussein is the father of the mother of all cliches.
h Safest way to double your money:  Fold it over once and put it in your pocket.
h Sagan:  The international unit of humility.
h Sailing is a form of mast transit.
h Sailing:  Getting wet and ill while slowly going nowhere at great expense.
h Saint:  A dead sinner revised and edited.
h Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
h Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
h Sarchasm:  Gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the clueless recipient.
h Satisfaction guaranteed, or twice your load back.  -- sign on septic tank truck
h Save energy:  Be apathetic.
h Save the whales.  Collect the whole set.
h Schedule chicken:  When no team wants to admit THEIR part will be late.
h Schroedinger's cat might have died for your sins.
h Science is a game for the fame of the name.  -- Gerhard Uhlenbruck
h Science is a wonderful thing if one does not have to earn one's living at it.
h Science is gradually filling our homes with appliances smarter than we are.
h Science is material.  Religion is immaterial.
h Scientists are explorers; philosophers are just tourists.  -- Richard Feynman
h Scientists prolong life so we have time to pay for the gadgets they invent.
h Scotty, beam me up a double!
h Sculpture:  Mud pies that endure.
h Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
h See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil.
h Seeing is deceiving.  It's eating that's believing.  -- James Thurber
h Seek and ye shall have sought.  -- John Taylor
h Seek simplicity -- and distrust it.  -- Alfred Whitehead
h Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.
h Self-control:  The ability to eat only one peanut.
h Self-delusion:  Pulling in your stomach when you step on the scale.  -- Sweeney
h Serendipity:  The process by which human knowledge is advanced.
h Serving coffee on aircraft causes turbulence.
h Sex for money usually costs a lot less than sex for free.  -- Brendan Francis
h Sex has no calories.
h Sex is dirty only when it's done right.  -- Woody Allen
h Sex is hereditary.  If your parents never had it, chances are you won't either.
h Sex is like air:  It's not important unless you aren't getting any.
h Sex is not the answer.  Sex is the question.  "Yes" is the answer.  -- Swami X
h Sex is so popular because it's centrally located.
h Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing.
h Sex on television can't hurt you unless you fall off.
h Sex takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble.
h Shakespeare never made much money and is famous only because of his plays.
h Shakespeare thought more of the lady than of the poem.  -- F. Scott Fitzgerald
h Shakespeare was a dramatist of note who lived by writing things to quote.
h She got her good looks from her father:  He's a plastic surgeon.
h She is always late.  Her ancestors arrived on the June Flower.
h She loves you as much as she can, which is not very much.
h She walks as if balancing the family tree on her nose.
h She was a sigh to behold.  -- John Taylor
h She was all signs and no scenery.  -- John Taylor
h She was suffering from fallen archness.  -- Franklin Adams
h She's the kind of girl who climbed the ladder of success wrong by wrong.  -- West
h Should vegetarians eat animal crackers?
h Show off:  A child who is more talented than yours.
h Shower the people you love with love.  Shower with the people you love.
h Shut her down Scotty, she's sucking mud again!
h Sign at a bar:  We install and service hangovers.
h Sign at towing company:  We don't charge an arm and a leg.  We want tows.
h Sign in counselor's office:  Growing old is mandatory; growing wise is optional.
h Sign in electrician's office:  Let us remove your shorts.
h Sign in plumber's shop:  We repair what your husband fixed.
h Sign in tire shop:  Invite us to your next blowout.
h Sign in vet's office:  All unattended children will be given a free kitten.
h Sign in veterinarian's office:  Be back in five minutes.  Sit!  Stay!
h Sign on a fence:  Salesmen welcome...  Dog food is expensive.
h Sign on bank:  "FREE BOTTLE OF CHIVAS WITH EVERY MILLION-DOLLAR DEPOSIT."
h Silly is a state of mind.  Stupid is a way of life.
h Since I'm not handicapped by facts, I'm free to speculate.  -- Jim Randle
h Smile!  It is the second best thing you can do with your lips.
h Smile!  You're on Candid Camera.
h Smile, tomorrow will be worse.
h Smile...  People will wonder what you have been up to.
h Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.  -- Fletcher Knebel
h Snackmosphere:  The 95% air inside bags of potato chips.
h Snow and adolescence are problems that disappear if you ignore them long enough.
h So long, and thanks for all the fish.  -- Douglas Adams
h So many men, so little time.  -- Mae West
h So what if we get half what we want; we asked for twice what we needed.  -- Taylor
h So, what's the speed of dark?
h Socialism is based on the assumption that you can break even.
h Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock.
h Solipsism:  I think, therefore you are.  -- Larry Byler
h Solipsists of the world, unite!  -- Freya Harris
h Soloist:  One man falling alone.  Roped party:  Several men falling together.
h Solomon, one of David's sons, had 500 wives and 500 porcupines.
h Some are wise, and some are otherwise.
h Some circumstantial evidence is very strong, as finding a trout in the milk.
h Some days are more expensive than others.
h Some days you're the dog; some days you're the hydrant.
h Some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.
h Some is good, more is better, too much is just right.
h Some make things happen; some watch what happens; some wonder what happened.
h Some men are discovered; others are found out.
h Some mornings it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps.  -- Phillips
h Some of us quit looking for work when we find a job.
h Some of what we know is false.  The problem is figuring out what.
h Some people cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
h Some people must get a whole lot older to become a little bit wiser.
h Some people who can, should not.
h Some people would not recognize subtlety if it hit them on the head.
h Some people wouldn't recognize diplomacy even if you rubbed their faces in it.
h Some persons are very decisive when it comes to avoiding decisions.  -- Francis
h Some prefer the happiness of pursuit to the pursuit of happiness.
h Some trails are uphill in both directions.
h Someday they'll collect our skulls and refer to us as "early man".
h Someday you will get your big chance -- or have you already had it?
h Someday you will look back on this moment and plow into a parked car.
h Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject.
h Someone is speaking well of you.  How unusual!
h Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.  -- Sigmund Freud
h Sometimes it takes me all day to get nothing done.
h Sometimes people don't recognize how wise you are.  -- Paul Holdeman
h Sorry about the dinosaurs...  Can I have all my iridium back?  -- David Mitchell
h Sorry, but my karma just ran over your dogma.
h Sounds like a head thing.  I don't much believe in head things.  -- Jenny Pruett
h Sounds like a personal problem to me.
h Souport publik edekasion.
h South America has cold summers and hot winters, but somehow they still manage.
h Spare no expense to save money on this one.  -- Samuel Goldwyn
h Speak softly and carry a cellular phone.
h Speaking of trade relations, almost everyone would like to.
h Specialists are people who always repeat the same mistakes.  -- Walter Gropius
h Speed is n subsittute fo accurancy.
h Speed of a tortoise breaking the sound barrier:  Mach Turtle.
h Spelling is a lossed art.
h Spending on the military doesn't increase the deficit.  -- Ronald Reagan
h Spinster:  A bachelor's wife.
h Spirobits:  The frayed bits of left-behind paper in a spiral notebook.
h Spock:  We suffered 23 casualties in that attack, Captain.
h SPQR:  What every Roman always knew:  Small Profit Quick Return!
h Stalin's grave is a communist plot.
h Standing on head makes smile of frown, but rest of face also upside down.
h Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.  -- W.C. Fields
h Statisticians do it with 95 percent confidence.
h Statistics are used as a drunk uses lampposts:  For support, not illumination.
h Stay away from flying saucers today.
h Stealing a rhinoceros should not be attempted lightly.
h Steer clear of incorrect forms of verbs that have snuck in the language.
h Stock item:  We shipped it once before and we can do it again.
h Stop committing useless mistakes.  Make your next mistake count!
h Strangers are friends you haven't bled for twenty bucks yet.
h Strategy is when you keep firing so the enemy doesn't know you're out of ammo.
h Street lights timed for 35 mph are also timed for 70 mph.  -- Jim Samuels
h Stress:  When you wake up screaming and you realize you didn't fall asleep yet.
h Stupid:  Losing $25 on the game, and $25 more on the instant replay.
h Stupidity got us into this mess -- why can't it get us out?
h Stupidity is a renewable resource.
h Stupidity is not a survival trait.
h Subject and verb always has to agree.
h Suburbia:  Where they tear out the trees and then name streets after them.
h Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.
h Success comes in cans, failure in can'ts.
h Success is relative.  The more success the more relatives.
h Success is something I will dress for when I get there, and not until.
h Success:  The ability to go from failure to failure without being discouraged.
h Successful man:  One who makes more money than his son at college can spend.
h Successful people:  Those who think up things to keep everyone else busy.
h Suffering is not the object of adventure; it's just a byproduct.  -- Alan Silverstein
h Suicide is man's way of telling God, "You can't fire me.  I quit."  -- Bill Maher
h Suicide is the sincerest form of self-criticism.  -- Donald Kaul
h Superiority is a recessive trait.
h Support Search & Rescue:  GET LOST!
h Supposed to respect my elders, but getting harder and harder for me to find one.
h Sure fire diet:  Swallowing pride.
h Sure it will sell product, but will it win awards?  -- advertising agency
h Sure we can laugh at ourselves, but laughing at other people is more fun.
h Surly grammarians insist that all words ending in "ly" are adverbs.
h Survivors eat anything.  Non-survivors taste a lot like chicken.  -- Papa Bear Whitmore
h Sweater:  A garment worn by a child when his parent feels chilly.
h Swimming pool:  A mob of people with water in it.
h Swiped out:  ATM or credit card rendered useless by wearing away the magstripe.
h System-independent:  Works equally poorly on all systems.
h T shirt:  I have a degree in liberal arts...  Do you want fries with that?
h Tact is the unsaid part of what you are thinking.
h Tact:  Changing the subject without changing the mind.
h Take everything in stride.  Trample anyone who gets in your way.
h Take it easy, we're in a hurry.
h Take me drunk, I'm home.  -- John Taylor
h Take the bull by the hand and avoid mixing metaphors.  -- William Safire
h Take time to stop and smell the roses, and sooner or later, you'll inhale a bee.
h Take what comfort there may be in owning a piece thereof.  -- Deteriorata
h Take your low opinion of yourself somewhere else, will you?
h Talent does what it can; genius does what it must; I do what I am paid to do.
h Talk is cheap because the supply exceeds the demand.
h Talk is cheap, unless you hire a lawyer.
h Taxation WITH representation isn't so hot, either!
h Taxes are going up so fast, the government might price itself out of the market.
h Taxes:  The one of life's two certainties for which you can get an extension.
h Taxpayers don't have to take a civil service exam to work for the government.
h Teach your kids the value of money -- borrow from them.
h Teachers are the only profession that teach our children.  -- Dan Quayle
h Teamwork is essential; it allows you to blame someone else.
h Technique:  A trick that works.
h Technological progress provides us with more efficient means of going backwards.
h Technology can be used for good or evil.  Please use only for good.
h Technology simply means finding the right wrench to pound in the correct screw.
h Teenagers are two year olds with hormones and wheels.  -- Will Limon
h Teenagers never consider that someday they'll know as little as their parents.
h Telepathy:  Knowing what people think when really they don't think at all.
h Tell a man a bench has wet paint on it and he'll have to touch to be sure.
h Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it.
h Terrorists blow up celluloid factory...  No film at 11.
h Texans are southerners with an attitude.
h Texas remains our largest unfrozen state.  -- Edward Abbey
h Thank God we can't prove he exists.  -- John Taylor
h Thank you for observing all safety precautions.
h Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it.
h Thank you.  We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
h That man's silence is wonderful to listen to.  -- Thomas Hardy
h That must be wonderful; I don't understand it at all.  -- Moliere
h That that is is that that is not is not.
h That which does kill us makes us smell stronger, after a few days anyway.
h That's the way I got married.  My wife lowered her expectations.  -- Charlie Munger
h The 51st state of the USA is paranoia.
h The adjective is the banana peel of the parts of speech.  -- Clifton Fadiman
h The adverb always follows the verb.  -- William Safire
h The amount of sleep required by the average person is five minutes more.  -- Wilson Mizener
h The amount of work done varies inversely with the time spent in the office.
h The arrival of a baby coincides with the departure of our minds.  -- Bill Cosby
h The beatings will continue until morale improves.
h The beginning of family values is not eating dead relatives.  -- Robert Bakker
h The best car safety device is a rearview mirror with a cop in it.  -- Dudley Moore
h The best cure for insomnia is a Monday morning.  -- Sandy Cooley
h The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.  -- W. C. Fields
h The best laid plans of mice and men are usually about equal.  -- Blair
h The best parachute folders are those who jump themselves.
h The best thing about growing older is that it takes such a long time.
h The best time to buy anything is last year.
h The best vacations are spent near the budget.
h The best way out of yourself is through someone else.  -- Norris Burkes
h The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else.
h The best way to inspire fresh thoughts is to seal the envelope.
h The bigger they are, the harder they hit.
h The biggest fish he ever caught were those that got away.  -- Eugene Field
h The blunders are all there on the chessboard waiting to be made.  -- Tartakower
h The bureaucracy expands to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
h The careful application of terror is also a form of communication.
h The cart has no place where a fifth wheel could be used.
h The celebrity is a person who is known for his well-knownness.  -- Boorstin
h The chances of being eaten by a tiger are one in a million, but once is enough.
h The chicken was the egg's idea of getting more eggs.  -- Samuel Butler
h The chief cause of problems is solutions.
h The Christmas presents of today are the garage sales of tomorrow.
h The clairvoyants meeting was canceled due to unforeseen circumstances.
h The climate of Bombay is such that its inhabitants have to live elsewhere.
h The clothes that make a woman are the clothes that break a man.
h The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco.  -- Mark Twain
h The cost of feathers is higher.  Down is up.
h The cost of living is going up, and the chance of living is going down.
h The covers of this book are too far apart.  -- Ambrose Bierce
h The cow is a machine that makes grass fit for us people to eat.  -- John McNulty
h The cow is of the bovine ilk; one end is moo, the other, milk.  -- Ogden Nash
h The crucial thing for a writer is the ability to make up coherent words.
h The cure for boredom is curiosity.  There is no cure for curiosity.
h The dandelion song:  I fought the lawn, and the lawn won.
h The day is the same length as anything that is the same length as it.  -- Carroll
h The day will happen whether or not you get up.  -- John Ciardi
h The days just before marriage are like a snappy introduction to a tedious book.
h The death rate on Earth is:  One per person.
h The decision does not have to be logical; it was unanimous.
h The difference between a good haircut and a bad one is seven days.
h The difference between a lady and a tramp is about three drinks.
h The difference between a wife and a mistress is night and day.  -- Dear Abby
h The difference between genius and idiocy:  Genius has its limits.  -- Darwin Awards
h The difficult we do immediately; the impossible takes a little longer.  -- USACE
h The doctor felt the patient's purse and said there was no hope.
h The dog's life is a good life, for a dog.  -- Edward Abbey
h The eager beaver works twice as hard but does not know why.
h The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
h The early worm gets eaten first.
h The early worm gets the late bird.
h The earth is like a tiny grain of sand, only much, much heavier.
h The Earth makes one resolution every 24 hours.
h The eastern part of Asia is called Euthanasia.
h The Egyptians built the Pyramids in the shape of a huge triangular cube.
h The English spell much better than they pronounce.  -- Mark Twain
h The essence of being human is not understanding the opposite sex.
h The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.
h The fact that it works is immaterial.  -- Ogborn
h The facts, although interesting, are irrelevant.
h The famous politician was trying to save both his faces.
h The fastest way to discover all your bad habits is to move in with your lover.
h The fewer the data points, the smoother the curve.  -- May
h The first liar has a significant advantage.  -- Lawrence Hirsch
h The first myth about management is that it exists.  -- Robert Heller
h The first novel ever written on a typewriter was "Tom Sawyer".
h The first piece of luggage out of the chute does not belong to anyone, ever.
h The first rule of gun fighting is -- bring a gun.
h The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to save all the parts.  -- Ehrlich
h The first step in learning from your mistakes is admitting you took the course.
h The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue.
h The first thing that strikes a stranger in New York is a big car.  -- Evan Esar
h The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers.  -- William Shakespeare
h The flush toilet is the basis of Western civilization.  -- Alan Coult
h The following statement is not true...
h The Forecaster Hall of Fame is an empty room.  -- Jane Quinn
h The four seasons are salt, pepper, mustard, and vinegar.
h The French for London is Paris.  -- Ionesco
h The future is a myth created by insurance salesmen and high school counselors.
h The future will be better tomorrow.  -- Dan Quayle
h The general direction of the Alps is straight up.
h The golfer wore two pairs of pants in case he got a hole in one.
h The grass is always greener on the other side of your sunglasses.
h The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax.  -- Albert Einstein
h The hardest thing to stop is a temporary chairman.  -- Kin Hubbard
h The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy.  -- Helen Hayes
h The heart has its reasons, and the endocrines have theirs.  -- Aldous Huxley
h The highway of life is always under construction.
h The holodeck will be society's last invention.  -- Scott Adams
h The House of Representatives is really a substitute for violence.  -- Gephardt
h The human mind is a big place and it is very easy to get lost in it.
h The idea is to die young as late as possible.  -- Ashley Montague
h The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has.
h The invention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to spring up.
h The IRS has what it takes to take what you've got.
h The key to longevity is to keep breathing.  -- Sophie Tucker
h The knack of flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.
h The last person who said that, God rest his soul, lived to regret it.
h The last thing I want to do is hurt you, but it's still on my list.
h The law of gravity says no fair jumping up without coming back down.
h The law of gravity was enacted by the British Parliament.
h The least experienced fisherman always catches the biggest fish.
h The length of a meeting rises with the square of the number of people present.
h The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of an approaching train.
h The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep.
h The locals treat the speed limits as short works of numeric fiction.  -- Robert Niland
h The longest one-syllable word in the English language is "screeched".
h The longest recorded flight of a chicken is thirteen seconds.
h The march of his intellect is like that of a crab, backward.  -- Peacock
h The meek shall inherit the Earth -- they are too weak to refuse.
h The meek shall inherit the Earth after we are done with it.
h The meek shall inherit the earth, but not its mineral rights.  -- J. Paul Getty
h The moon is a planet just like the Earth, only it is even deader.
h The more keys you have, the more likely to be you are locked out.
h The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.
h The more things change, the more they stay insane.  -- Tom Weller
h The more things change, the more they will never be the same again.
h The mosquito is the state bird of New Jersey.  -- Andy Warhol
h The most common name in the world is Mohammed.
h The most dangerous part about playing cymbals is near the nose.
h The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
h The most enjoyable form of sex education is the Braille method.
h The most popular after-dinner speech is, "Waiter, bring me the check".
h The most popular labor saving device is still a husband with money.  -- Joey Adams
h The moving finger having writ...  Gestures.
h The Navy, it's not just a job, it's an extended middle-east vacation cruise.
h The Neanderthal's brain was bigger than yours.
h The next thing I say will be true.  The last thing I said was false.
h The nice thing about standards is that there are so many of them to choose from.
h The night is not young; it's just wearing a good concealer.  -- The Covert Comic
h The number one thing only women understand:  Other women.
h The number watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.
h The number you have dialed is imaginary.  Please multiply by i and dial again.
h The older a man gets, the farther he had to walk to school as a boy.
h The older I get, the better I used to be.  -- William Keogh
h The oldest known goldfish lived to 41 years of age.  Its name was Fred.
h The one day you would sell your soul for something, souls are a glut.
h The one thing I can do better than anyone else is talk about myself.  -- Cook
h The one who says it can't be done should never interrupt the one doing it.
h The only "ism" Hollywood believes in is plagiarism.  -- Dorothy Parker
h The only bad publicity is your obituary.  -- Cynthia Typaldos
h The only easy day was yesterday.
h The only function of economic forecasting is to make astrology look respectable.  -- John Kenneth Galbraith
h The only objective proof of aging is when you start to talk about aging.  -- Nassim Taleb
h The only problem with poetic justice is that it doesn't know when to quit.
h The only reason I feel guilty about masturbation is because I do it so badly.  -- David Steinberg
h The only short meetings are when no one shows up.
h The only thing to do with good advice is pass it on.  -- Oscar Wilde
h The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.
h The only thing wrong with doing nothing is that you never know when you're done.
h The only time people work like a horse is when the boss rides them.
h The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you're in the bathroom.
h The only tools some people are competent to use are a pen and a checkbook.
h The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.  -- Oscar Wilde
h The opera isn't over until the fat lady sings.
h The optimist invents the airplane.  The pessimist invents the parachute.  -- Gladys Stern
h The optimum committee has no members.  -- Norman Augustine
h The other line always moves faster.
h The overwhelming majority of people have more than the average number of legs.
h The past is another country; they do things differently there.
h The patient, be he dead or alive, needs a doctor's order to be released.
h The pen is mightier than the pencil.
h The perfect lover would turn into a pizza at 4 am.
h The person who walks alone is soon trailed by the FBI.  -- Wright Morris
h The perversity of the universe tends toward a maximum.  -- Finagle
h The phrase "working mother" is redundant.  -- Jane Sellman
h The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.
h The player who wins a game is the one who has made the second-to-last mistake.
h The plural of "musical instrument" is "orchestra".
h The poor are rightfully the property of the rich, because the rich made them.
h The poor ye have with ye always -- but they are not invited.  -- Addison Mizner
h The prairies are vast plains covered by treeless forests.
h The problem with the future is that it keeps turning into the present.  -- Hobbes
h The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
h The process of turning steam back into water again is called conversation.
h The proper basis for marriage is mutual misunderstanding.  -- Oscar Wilde
h The punishment for bigamy is two mothers-in-law.
h The purpose of the body is to carry the brain around.  -- Thomas Edison
h The Pyramids are a range of mountains between France and Spain.
h The race is not always to the swift...  But that's the way to bet.  -- Runyon
h The Ranger isn't gonna like it, Yogi.
h The rate at which a disease spreads through a corn field:  The speed of blight.
h The real F-word is "future".  -- The Covert Comic
h The real thing does not advertise.
h The reason people sweat is so they won't catch fire when making love.  -- Don Rose
h The reason to have children is to give yourself immortality.  -- Bill Cosby
h The richer your friends, the more they will cost you.
h The rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost luggage.
h The road of life is paved with flat squirrels who couldn't make a decision.
h The road to success is filled with women pushing their husbands along.  -- Dewar
h The role of culture is to enable us to talk nonsense with distinction.  -- Maugham
h The rooster may crow, but the hen delivers.
h The scenery in the play was beautiful, but the actors got in front of it.
h The Schizophrenic:  An Unauthorized Autobiography.  -- Mark Hogue
h The scientific name for an animal that doesn't fight its enemies is "lunch".
h The second best policy is dishonesty.
h The secret of being a bore is to tell everything.  -- Voltaire
h The secret of life is to look good at a distance.  -- Snoopy
h The secret of success is discovering at an early age that you are not God.
h The secret of success is sincerity.  Once you can fake that, you have it made.
h The secret told in confidence is repeated with the same discretion.  -- McKeown
h The seminar for time travel will be held two weeks ago.
h The severity of an itch is inversely proportional to your reach.
h The sex act is the funniest thing on the face of this Earth.  -- Diana Rigg
h The shortest distance between two jokes is a straight line.
h The shortest distance between two points is no fun.
h The shortest distance between two points is through hell.  -- Brian Clark
h The shortest distance between two points is under construction.  -- Altito
h The sixth sheik's sixth sheep's sick.
h The Society of Independent People has no members.
h The sooner you fall behind, the more time you have to catch up.  -- Ogden
h The stapler runs out of staples only while you are trying to staple something.
h The stock market takes the stairs up but the elevator down.
h The supernova makes Mt. St. Helens and Krakatoa look puny.  -- Time Magazine
h The theory of evolution was greatly objected to because it made men think.
h The things that interest people most are usually none of their business.
h The three most expensive cuts:  Sirloin, tenderloin, and vasectomy.
h The three stages of sex in marriage:  Tri-weekly; try-weekly; try-weakly.
h The total intelligence on the planet is a constant; the population is growing.
h The Tree of Learning bears the noblest fruit, but noble fruit tastes bad.
h The trouble with a kitten is that, when it grows up, it is always a cat.  -- Nash
h The trouble with being punctual is that no one is there to appreciate it.
h The trouble with cash flow is that the tide always seems to be going out.
h The trouble with political jokes is that they get elected.  -- Henry Cate VII
h The trouble with socialism is socialists, and with capitalism is capitalists.  -- Willi Schlamm
h The two great tragedies in life:  Not getting what one wants, and getting it.
h The two kinds of egotists:  Those who admit it, and the rest of us.
h The two most beautiful words in the English language:  "Check Enclosed".
h The two most common things in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.
h The universe is a big place, perhaps the biggest.  -- Kilgore Trout
h The universe is surrounded by whatever it is that surrounds universes.
h The universe will soon need replacing.  It's not holding a charge.  -- Chilton
h The vast majority of the mass of the universe seems to be missing.  -- Broad
h The voices in my head tell me I'm perfectly sane.  -- Cristina Rad
h The voices in my head told me to come over and talk with you.
h The wages of sin are probably not what you're making now.  -- John Taylor
h The weather at home improves as soon as you go away.  -- Gomme
h The weather is here, I wish you were beautiful.  -- Jimmy Buffett
h The whole world is a tuxedo and you are a pair of brown shoes.
h The wind blows harder in the summer so the sun sets later.
h The winds of change aren't what they used to be.  -- Scott Adams
h The wiser and more conscious you become, the crazier you will appear to others.
h The Wonder Bra will give a cucumber a cleavage.
h The word today is legs...  Spread the word.
h The world is a toy box full of sub-optimized and feature-poor toys.  -- Adams
h The world is run by C students.
h The world isn't any worse.  It's just that the news coverage is so much better.
h The world's a stage and most of us are desperately unrehearsed.  -- Sean O'Casey
h The worst jolt most of us ever get is when we fall back on our own resources.
h The worst thing about censorship is xxxxxxxxxx.
h The worst you can say about God is that he's an underachiever.  -- Woody Allen
h The young wish to give their elders the full benefits of their inexperience.
h The zebra is chiefly used to illustrate the letter Z.
h Therapy is expensive; popping bubble wrap is cheap!  You choose.
h There are 26 vitamins in all, but some of the letters are yet to be discovered.
h There are 336 dimples on a regulation golf ball.
h There are as many grammars as there are grammarians.  -- Erasmus
h There are better things than money in this life, but it takes money to buy them.
h There are bunches of errors in this book, except this one.  -- Christer Sundqvist
h There are many excuses for being late, but there are none for being early.
h There are many experts on child raising who have no children.  -- Bill Cosby
h There are many kinds of people in the world.  Are you one of them?
h There are moments when art attains almost to the dignity of manual labor.
h There are more collect calls on Father's Day than on any other day of the year.
h There are more fish taken out of a stream than ever were in it.  -- Oliver Herford
h There are more old drunkards than old doctors.
h There are more things in heaven and Earth than anyplace else.  -- Tom Weller
h There are no bad haircuts in cyberspace.  -- Dave Barry
h There are no failures at a class reunion.
h There are no stupid questions, but there are a lot of inquisitive idiots.
h There are people who mention the word "umbrella" for no apparent reason.
h There are so many Smiths in the phone book because they all have phones.
h There are three sides to every issue:  For, Against, and "Who Cares?"
h There are two instruments worse than a clarinet:  Two clarinets.
h There cannot be a crisis next week.  My schedule is already full.  -- Kissinger
h There comes a time in every man's life, and I've had plenty of them.  -- Stengel
h There is a 20% chance of tomorrow.
h There is a fine line between courage and foolishness.  Too bad it's not a fence.
h There is a green, multi-legged creature crawling on your shoulder.  -- Spock
h There is a non-empty set in every aggregate, undoubtedly shouting something.
h There is a time and a place for everything:  8 o'clock, my place, everything.
h There is a vas deferens between men and women.
h There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness".
h There is absolutely no substitute for a genuine lack of preparation.
h There is always more hell that needs raising.  -- Lauren Leveut
h There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
h There is an alarming increase in the number of things you know nothing about.
h There is an old proverb that says just about whatever you want it to.
h There is another advantage of being poor; a doctor will cure you faster.
h There is at least one fool in every married couple.
h There is exactly one true categorical statement.  -- John Kessenich
h There is intelligent life on Earth, but I am just visiting.
h There is life after death:  In Chicago, dead people are still allowed to vote.
h There is no bad beer.  Some kinds are better than others.  -- German Proverb
h There is no devil; it's God when he's drunk.
h There is no distinctly native American criminal class except Congress.  -- Twain
h There is no excuse for laziness, but I am working on it.
h There is no fool like an old fool, because he's experienced.
h There is no future in time travel.
h There is no problem a good miracle can't solve.  -- Shick
h There is no problem between us that cannot be solved by your departure.  -- Mark Twain
h There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face.  -- Williams
h There is no remedy for sex but more sex.
h There is no room in the drug world for amateurs.  -- Raoul Duke
h There is no substitute for good manners, except, perhaps, fast reflexes.
h There is no such thing as a little garlic.
h There is no time like the pleasant.
h There is no time like the present to postpone what you ought to be doing.
h There is nothing more permanent than a temporary tax.
h There is nothing wrong with sobriety in moderation.  -- John Ciardi
h There is nothing wrong with teenagers that reasoning with them won't aggravate.
h There is nothing wrong with you that Prozac and a polo mallet wouldn't fix.
h There is nothing you can do that can't be done.
h There is only one difference between a madman and me.  I am not mad.  -- Dali
h There is only one way up a mountain, but 360 ways down.
h There is so much comedy on television.  Does that cause comedy in the streets?
h There is so much to say, but your eyes keep interrupting me.
h There is something to be said for originality, but I can't remember what it is.
h There is very little future in being right when your boss is wrong.
h There isn't room enough in this dress for both of us.
h There must be more to life than sitting wondering if there is more to life.
h There's a lot to be said for denial; sit back and enjoy the ride!  -- Chidester
h There's no such thing as bad weather, only bad clothing.  -- Garrison Keillor
h There's only one alternative to getting older, so suck it up.  -- Whoopi Goldberg
h There's plenty of room at the bottom.  -- Richard Feynman
h They also serve who only pay their dues.  -- The SETI League, Inc
h They also surf who only stand on waves.
h They call television a medium because it's neither rare nor well done.  -- Kovacs
h They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist...  -- last words of General Sedgwick
h They said, "Say no to drugs," so I did, but it had no effect on my aspirin.
h They took some of the Van Goghs, most of the jewels, and all of the Chivas!
h Things are going to get a lot worse before they get worse.  -- Lily Tomlin
h Things are more like they are today then they ever were before.  -- Eisenhower
h Things are more like they used to be than they are now.
h Things equal to nothing else are equal to each other.
h Things look better when they are falling down.  -- Hanif Kureshi
h Things that upset a terrier may pass virtually unnoticed by a Great Dane.
h Things to do today:  1. Get up.  2. Survive.  3. Go to bed.
h Things to do today:  1. Hunt.  2. Gather.  -- Bob Thaves
h Things will be brighter tonight.  A cop will shine a light in your face.
h Things will get better despite our efforts to improve them.  -- Will Rogers
h Things won't get any better, so get used to it.
h Things work better if you plug them in.
h Think honk if you are telepathic.
h Think how much fun you could have with the doctor's wife and a bucket of apples.
h Third marriage is the triumph of desperation over wisdom.
h This aphorism would be seven words long if it were six words shorter.
h This book fills a much-needed gap.  -- Moses Hadas
h This fellow Charles Lindbergh will never make it.  He's doomed.  -- Guggenheim
h This fortune is encrypted -- get your decoder rings ready!
h This fortune is inoperative.  Please try another.
h This fortune was brought to you by the people at Hewlett-Packard.
h This is a crude version of a more advanced joke that has never been written.
h This is a good time to punt work.
h This is a great day for France!  -- Richard Nixon, at De Gaulle's funeral
h This is a haiku.  Well, I'm not so sure it is.  Oh, wait, yes it is.
h This is a recording.
h This is as bad as it can get, but don't count on it.
h This is National Non-Dairy Creamer Week.
h This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly, but thrown with great force.
h This is the day for firm decisions!  Or is it?
h This is the sort of English up with which I will not put.  -- Winston Churchill
h This isn't right.  This isn't even wrong.  -- Wolfgang Pauli, on physics paper
h This land is your land.  This land is my land.  So stay on your land.
h This may not be the best of all worlds, but it is certainly the most expensive.
h This prediction will not come true.
h This report is filled with omissions.
h This sentance has threee errors.
h This sentence contains ten words, eighteen syllables, and sixty-four letters.
h This sentence no verb.
h This statement is in no way to be construed as a disclaimer.
h This will be a memorable month -- no matter how hard you try to forget it.
h This won't hurt, did it?
h This won't hurt, I promise.
h Thomas Edison was afraid of the dark.
h Those are my principles.  If you don't like them, I have others.  -- Groucho Marx
h Those were the days...  And the nights weren't bad either.
h Those who can, do; those who can't, simulate.
h Those who don't mingle will die single.
h Those who flee temptation generally leave a forwarding address.  -- Olinghouse
h Those who forget this sentence are condemned to reread it.  -- Bill Yochum
h Those who know, cannot explain; those who don't know, cannot understand.
h Those who like sausages and the law had better not watch either one being made.
h Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
h Three good things about school:  June, July, August.
h Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillars.
h Three kinds of people in the world:  Those who can count and those who can't.
h Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead.  -- Ben Franklin
h Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything...  -- Sartre
h Thumbs Up to a Healthy Prostate!  -- Ken Tough
h Time flies like an arrow.  Fruit flies like a banana.
h Time flies when you don't know what you are doing.
h Time is an illusion perpetrated by the manufacturers of space.
h Time is an illusion; lunchtime doubly so.  -- Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
h Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once.  -- Onsager
h Time is the best teacher; unfortunately, it kills all its students.
h Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.
h Time's fun when you're having flies.  -- Kermit the Frog
h Tip the world over on its side and everything loose will land in LA.  -- Wright
h To attract a vegetarian, make a noise like a wounded vegetable.
h To be safe, make a copy of everything before you destroy it.
h To be, or not to be.  -- Shakespeare...  Oo-bee-doo-bee-doo.  -- Sinatra
h To collect fumes of sulfur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube.
h To discover a man's income, ask him what incomes should be exempt from taxation.
h To err is human -- but it feels divine.  -- Mae West
h To err is human; to admit it is a blunder.
h To err is human; to blame someone else for your errors is even more human.
h To err is human; To forgive is Not Company Policy.
h To err is human; to forgive is unusual.
h To err is human; to moo, bovine.
h To generalize is to be an idiot.  -- William Blake
h To get holy water, boil the hell out of it.
h To get it done:  Do it yourself, hire someone, or forbid your kids to do it.
h To hell with deep thoughts, this is the mating process.  -- Kevin Keirn
h To keep milk from turning sour, you should keep it in the cow.
h To know recursion, you must first know recursion.
h To live to be 100, give up all the things that make you want to live to be 100.  -- Woody Allen
h To make a small fortune in the commodities market, start with a large fortune.
h To make God laugh, tell him your plans.  -- Carolyn Myss
h To prevent conception when having intercourse, the male wears a condominium.
h To pull a rabbit out of a hat, ensure you put one in there first.
h To read about love and marriage, you must buy two separate books.  -- Alan King
h To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose.
h To split is human, to infinitive, divine.  -- John Taylor
h To study a subject best, understand it thoroughly before you start.
h To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.
h To vacillate or not to vacillate, that is the question...  Or is it?
h To YOU I am an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.  -- Woody Allen
h Toastmaster:  A guy who goes around introducing guys who need no introduction.
h Today is a good day for you to jump in a lake.
h Today is a good day to bribe a high ranking public official.
h Today is the first day of the rest of the mess.
h Today is the last day of the past of your life.
h Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.
h Today is the yesterday you will be embarrassed about tomorrow.
h Toe:  A part of the foot used to find furniture in the dark.  -- Rilla May
h Tomorrow looks like a good day to sleep in.
h Tomorrow will be canceled due to lack of interest.
h Too much is not enough.
h Too much of a good thing is WONDERFUL.  -- Mae West
h Toothaches tend to start on a Saturday night.
h Toto, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore.  -- Judy Garland
h Tragedy:  A busload of lawyers driving off a cliff with three empty seats.
h Traveling through hyperspace isn't like dusting crops, boy.  -- Han Solo
h Trends are the new trend.  -- Reinier Evers
h Troglodytism does not necessarily imply a low cultural level.
h Truth is the most valuable thing we have.  Let us economize it.  -- Mark Twain
h Truthful:  Dumb and illiterate.
h Try the Moo Shu Pork.  It is especially good today.
h Try to get all of your posthumous medals in advance.
h Try to look unimportant, they might be low on ammo.
h Trying to define humor is one of the definitions of humor.  -- Saul Steinberg
h Trying to push your way through a door that doesn't open?  Connect the dots.
h Tuesday After Lunch is the cosmic time of the week.
h Turnabite is foreplay.  -- Alan Silverstein
h Twenty percent of zero is better than nothing.  -- Walt Kelly
h Two can live as cheaply as one for half as long.  -- Howard Kandel
h Two cars in every pot and a chicken in every garage.
h Two heads are more numerous than one.  -- Tom Weller
h Two is not equal to 3, not even for large values of 2.  -- Grabel
h Two kinds of people:  Those who love to talk, and those who hate to listen.
h Two thousand mockingbirds = two kilomockingbirds.
h Two wrongs are only the beginning.  -- Kohn
h Two wrongs do not make a right, but the three...  do.  -- Deteriorata
h Two wrongs don't make a right, but two Wrights made an airplane.
h UFOs are real.  The Air Force doesn't exist.
h Unauthorized fornication with this equipment is disallowed.
h Under capitalism, man exploits man.  Under communism, it is just the opposite.
h Under every stone lurks a politician.  -- Aristophanes
h Under-Achievers Anonymous has an 11-step program.
h Unfortunately there is more to life than getting enough sleep.  -- Alan Silverstein
h University:  An institution for the postponement of experience.
h Unmatched:  Almost as good as the competition.
h Unqualified superlatives are the worst of all.
h Upon discovering the center of the universe, many will be sad they're not it.
h Use the newest medicines quickly before their effectiveness runs out.
h Use the word "paradigm" several times a day.  -- Scott Adams
h Using only a compass and straightedge, it's impossible to construct friends.  -- Randall Munroe
h Vacuum:  A large, empty space where the Pope lives.
h Ventis secundis, tene cursum.  (Go with the flow.)
h Verbosity leads to unclear, inarticulate things.  -- Dan Quayle
h Verbs have to agree with their subjects.  -- William Safire
h Very few profundities can be expressed in less than 80 characters.
h Very funny, Scotty.  Now beam down my clothes.
h Vescere bracis meis.  (Eat my shorts.)
h Vibration:  A motion that cannot make up its mind which way it wants to go.
h Violuminescence:  Things that glow in the dark when smashed.  -- Axel Emmermann
h Virgin wool comes from ugly sheep.
h Virginity can be cured.
h Virtual reality is its own reward.
h Virus:  A Latin medical term, meaning, "Your guess is as good as mine".
h VISA la France.  (Don't leave the chateau without it.)
h Visitors who throw litter into the crocodile pit will be asked to retrieve it.
h Vital papers demonstrate their vitality by spontaneously moving.
h Volcano:  A mountain with hiccups.
h Vote anarchist.
h Vote yes on no.
h Voting is like driving a car:  Choose R to go backward, choose D to go forward.
h Vuja De:  The feeling that none of this has happened before.
h Wagner's music is better than it sounds.  -- George Shaw
h Walk a mile in his shoes, so if he gets angry, he is barefoot and a mile away.
h Wall Street predicted nine out of the last five recessions.  -- Paul Samuelson
h Walt Disney didn't die.  He's in suspended animation.
h War is God's way of teaching us geography.  -- Paul Rodriguez
h War is menstruation envy.
h Warning:  Dates in calendar are closer than they appear.
h Warranty clauses are voided by payment of the invoice.
h Waste not, get your budget cut next year.
h Water?  I never touch the stuff:  Fish make love in it.
h We all get a little crazy now and then; the rest of the time we get big crazies.  -- The Covert Comic
h We all keep busy keeping each other busy.
h We are all politicians.  Some of us are just honest enough to admit it.
h We are all self-made, but only the rich will admit it.
h We are born naked, wet and hungry.  Then things get worse.
h We are living in a golden age.  All you need is gold.  -- Robertson
h We are making progress.  Things are getting worse at a slower rate.
h We are not a loved organization, but we are a respected one.  -- John Fisher
h We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur.  -- Dan Quayle
h We are so fond of each other because our ailments are the same.  -- Jonathan Swift
h We are sorry.  We cannot complete your call as dialed.
h We are the people our parents warned us about.  -- Jimmy Buffett
h We aren't sure how clouds form.  But they know, that is what counts.
h We buy junk and sell antiques.  -- sign in country store
h We can all admit we like acronyms and leave it at that.  -- Scott Adams
h We can loan you enough money to get you completely out of debt.  -- sign in bank
h We can't all be heroes, someone has to sit on the curb and clap as they go by.
h We can't leave the haphazard to chance.  -- N. F. Simpson
h We could do that, but it would be wrong, that's for sure.  -- Richard Nixon
h We dispense with accuracy.  -- sign in pharmacy
h We don't care.  We don't have to.  We're the Phone Company.
h We don't have to protect the environment; the Second Coming is at hand.  -- Watt
h We don't really understand it, so we'll leave it for the poets.  -- John Taylor
h We don't want to go back to tomorrow, we want to go forward.  -- Dan Quayle
h We have 64 arm bones but only 62 leg bones.  The mistake is yet to be found.
h We have been through so much together, and most of it was your fault.
h We have enough youth, how about a fountain of SMART?
h We have nothing to fear about work but the work itself.
h We have the best politicians that money can buy.  -- Edward Abbey
h We have them just where they want us.  -- James Kirk
h We interrupt this fortune for an important announcement...
h We learn by making better mistakes.
h We live on one-third of what we eat, and the doctors live on the rest.
h We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
h We put stamps on letters because we don't know where else to put them.
h We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
h We will cross out that bridge when we come back to it later.
h We will get along fine as soon as you realize I am God.
h We will have solar energy when the power companies develop a sunbeam meter.
h We will sell gasoline to anyone in a glass container.  -- Sante Fe gas station
h We're all on the road to the grave, but why be in the passing lane?  -- Orben
h We're going to have the best-educated American people in the world.  -- Dan Quayle
h Wealth:  The ability to support debt.
h Weather forecaster:  One with whom the weather does not always agree.
h Wedding is destiny, and hanging likewise.  -- John Heywood
h Welcome to President Bush, Mrs. Bush, and my fellow astronauts.  -- Dan Quayle
h Welcome to the Lou Holtz Show.  Unfortunately, I'm Lou Holtz.
h Well adjusted:  Makes the same mistake twice without getting nervous.
h Well, gee, I don't know if I have mixed feelings about that or not.  -- T. Gross
h Well, if I called the wrong number, why did you answer the phone?  -- Thurber
h Well-adjusted:  Able to play bridge or golf as if they were games.
h What about an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?
h What an elephant never forgets isn't worth knowing in the first place.  -- The Covert Comic
h What can't be said, can't be said.  And it can't be whistled, either.  -- Tirtha
h What did God say after creating man?  "I can do better."
h What did you bring the book I want to be read to out of about Down Under up for?
h What do Winnie the Pooh and John the Baptist have in common?  Their middle name.
h What do women want?  Nowadays mainly...  Other women.
h What do you call 10,000 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?  A good start.
h What do you call 1000 rabbits in a row hopping backwards?  A receding hareline.
h What do you call a lawyer buried up to his neck in sand?  Not enough sand.
h What do you call a river guide without a partner?  Homeless.  -- OARS river guide
h What does DNA stand for?  National Dyslexia Association.
h What doesn't kill us makes us bitter.  -- Chuck Lorre
h What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
h What happens to the hole when the cheese is gone?  -- Bertolt Brecht
h What happens when you cut back the jungle?  It recedes.
h What has four legs and an arm?  A happy pit bull.
h What has reality ever done for anyone?
h What I lack in actual talent, I make up for in work ethic.  -- Kelly Ripa
h What if there were no hypothetical situations?
h What is a nice person like me doing in a place like this?
h What is an atheist's favorite movie?  "Coincidence on 34th Street"
h What is another word for Thesaurus?  -- Stephen Wright
h What is Life?  It's the cereal Mikey likes.
h What is mind?  No matter.  What is matter?  Never mind.  -- Thomas Key
h What is orange and goes "click, click"?  A ball point carrot.
h What is research but a blind date with knowledge?  -- Will Harvey
h What is the difference between a duck?  One of its legs is both the same.
h What is the difference between a viola and a violin?  A violin burns faster.
h What is the difference between government bonds and men?  Bonds mature.
h What is worth doing is worth the trouble of asking someone to do.
h What orators lack in depth they make up for in length.  -- Baron de Montesquieu
h What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy?  -- Ursula LeGuin
h What scoundrel stole the cork from my lunch?  -- J. D. Farley
h What the tyrannosaurus lacked in arms he made up in other areas.  -- Brett Nelson
h What this country needs is a dime that will buy a good five cent bagel.
h What this country needs is more leaders who know what this country needs.
h What use is magic if it can't save a unicorn?  -- Peter Beagle
h What was sliced bread the greatest thing since?
h What!  Me worry?  -- Alfred E. Newman
h What's the point of being God if you can't even fulfill your own prophecies?  -- Cristina Rad
h What, after all, is a halo?  It's only one more thing to keep clean.  -- Fry
h Whatever became of eternal truth?
h Whatever is your lot in life, build on it.
h Whatever it is, I am against it.
h Whatever it is, I didn't do it!
h Whatever misfortune may be your lot, it could only be worse in Milwaukee.
h Whatever you set out to do, something else must be done first.
h When a girl goes bad -- men go right after her.  -- Mae West
h When a man tells you he got rich through hard work, ask him, "Whose?" -- Marquis
h When a man's best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem.  -- Edward Abbey
h When a person brags about his ancestors, the best part of him is underground.
h When all else fails, lower your standards.
h When all else fails, try reading the directions.
h When angry, count four; when very angry, swear.  -- Mark Twain
h When anything is used to its full potential, it will break.
h When crazy people go through the forest, they take the psycho path.
h When cryptography is outlawed, bayl bhgynjf jvyy unir cevinpl.
h When evolution is outlawed, only outlaws will evolve.
h When God created two sexes, he might have been overdoing it.  -- Charles Smith
h When God endowed human beings with brains, he did not intend to guarantee them.
h When God gives you AIDS... make lemonAIDS.  -- Sarah Silverman
h When I born I was so surprised, I didn't talk for a year and a half.  -- Allen
h When I look at my children, I often wish I had remained a virgin.  -- L. Carter
h When I played in the sandbox the cat kept covering me up.  -- Rodney Dangerfield
h When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.  -- Henny Youngman
h When I was a Brownie, I ate all the cookies.  -- Madonna
h When I'm good, I'm very good.  But when I'm bad, I'm better.  -- Mae West
h When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.
h When in charge, ponder.  When in doubt, mumble.  When in trouble, delegate.
h When in doubt, lead trump.
h When in trouble or in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout.
h When it comes to helping you, some people stop at nothing.
h When it is a question of money, everybody is of the same religion.  -- Voltaire
h When it rains, it pours.
h When it's you against the world, bet on the world.
h When Lincoln was President, he wore only a tall silk hat.
h When management wants your opinion, they will give it to you.
h When marriage is outlawed, only outlaws will have inlaws.
h When Mozart was my age, he had been dead for two years.  -- Tom Lehrer
h When one burns one's bridges, what a very nice fire it makes.  -- Dylan Thomas
h When one door closes, another opens, but the hallways are hell.  -- Sol Wachler
h When pigs back into an electric fence, there is a short circus.
h When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their picket signs?
h When someone says, "It ain't the money, but the principle," it's the money.
h When talking nonsense try not to be serious.
h When the going gets tough, everyone leaves.  -- Lynch
h When the going gets tough, the tough go shopping.
h When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.  -- Hunter Thompson
h When there's a will, I want to be in it.
h When they ship styrofoam, what do they pack it in?
h When this sign is under water, this road is impassable.  -- sign on rural road
h When working hard, be sure to get up and retch every so often.
h When working on a problem, it helps to know the answer.
h When you are in it up to your ears, keep your mouth shut.
h When you breathe you inspire.  When you do not breathe you expire.
h When you can't make all of the pieces fit, throw one away.
h When you die at 72, not matter what you die of, it's natural causes. -- Chris Rock
h When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS.
h When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.
h When you feel terrific, notify your face.  -- H. Jackson Brown
h When you finally discover all of life's answers, they'll change the questions.
h When you make your mark in the world, watch out for guys with erasers.
h When you mention something, if it's bad, it happens, if it's good, it goes away.
h When you sit too long on the ice, you get a polaroid.
h When you smell an odorless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.
h When you're old and something hits you, you don't bounce back from it, you skid.
h When you've got them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow.  -- LBJ
h When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
h When your memory goes, forget it!
h When your mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair.
h Whenever anyone says, "theoretically", they really mean, "not really".  -- Parnas
h Whenever I feel like exercise, I lie down until the feeling passes.
h Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"?
h Where does a 300 pound gorilla sleep?  Anywhere he wants!
h Where in the world does the guy who has everything put it?
h Where is Denver?  Denver is just below the O in Colorado.
h Where there's a whip, there's a way.
h Where there's a will, there's a relative.
h Where there's a will, there's an Inheritance Tax.
h Wherever you go, there you are.
h Wherever you go, there you are.  Your luggage is another story.
h Whether you can hear it or not, the universe is laughing behind your back.
h Which came first, the chicken or the egg?  Neither, it was the rooster.
h Which is worse, ignorance or apathy?  Who knows?  Who cares?
h While in jail a man worked on his alibiography.  -- Henry Cate
h While money doesn't buy love, it puts you in a great bargaining position.
h Whining martyrs get a lot of stage time.  -- Scott Adams
h White dwarf seeks red giant for binary relationship.
h Who am I to criticize another maniac?
h Who are these children, and why are they calling me Mom?
h Who cares about procreation, as long as it tickles?
h Who dat who say "who dat" when I say "who dat"?  -- Hattie McDaniel
h Who marries for love without money has good nights and sorry days.
h Who needs astrology?  The wise man gets by on fortune cookies.  -- Edward Abbey
h Who needs companionship when you can sit alone in your room and drink?
h Who was that masked man?
h Who's on first?
h Whoever it was who told you you were wrong was right.  -- Tom von Alten
h Whoever put the second S in the KISS principle added 33% needless complexity.  -- The Covert Comic
h Whoever said money can't buy happiness didn't know where to shop.
h Why are there flotation devices under airplane seats instead of parachutes?
h Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
h Why are they called "stands" when they are made for sitting?
h Why are today's rough times always tomorrow's good old days?
h Why argue when we both know I am right?
h Why be difficult when, with a bit of effort, you could be impossible?
h Why bother building any more nuclear warheads until we use the ones we have?
h Why can't elephants play tennis?  They don't make tennis shoes in their size.
h Why did God give us ten fingers and only two nostrils?
h Why did the chicken cross the road?  He was giving it last rites.
h Why did the chicken cross the road?  The rooster was on the other side.
h Why did the elephant cross the road?  Chicken's day off.
h Why did the politician cross the road?  To get to the middle.
h Why did the tachyon cross the road?  Because it was on the other side.
h Why didn't Noah just swat those two mosquitos?
h Why do expenses always rise to meet income?
h Why do men die before their wives?  They want to.
h Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?
h Why do we sing, "Take me out to the ball game" when we're already there?
h Why do you change your image so often?  "To entertain myself."  -- Madonna
h Why do you park on a driveway and drive on a parkway?  -- Larry Anderson
h Why does a ship carry cargo and a truck carries shipments?
h Why does bread always fall butter side down?
h Why does sour cream have an expiration date?  -- Larry Anderson
h Why does the other lane always move faster?
h Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
h Why doesn't life come with subtitles?
h Why don't "minimalists" find a shorter name for themselves?
h Why don't blind people bungee jump?  Because it scares hell out of their dogs.
h Why go elsewhere and be cheated when you can come here?  -- sign in store
h Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
h Why is "palindrome" spelled "palindrome" and not "palindromeemordnilap"?
h Why is brassiere singular and panties plural?
h Why is charging ahead OK, but charging an arm and a leg is not?  -- Alan Driscoll
h Why is it called "rush hour" when nothing moves?
h Why is it called a "building" when it is already built?
h Why is it that there are so many more horses' asses than horses?  -- Liddy
h Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
h Why is there a "permanent press" setting on an iron?
h Why isn't "phonetic" spelled the way it's said?
h Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet?  -- Lily Tomlin
h Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
h Why listen to reason when insanity prevails?
h Why was I born with such contemporaries?  -- Oscar Wilde
h Why would anyone want to be called Later?
h Wilderness:  A place where something might eat you.
h Willie was a chemist; Willie is no more.  What Willie thought was H20 was H2SO4.
h Wine and youth increase love.
h Winning isn't everything, but losing isn't anything.
h Wisdom is only happening to guess right.  -- Euripides
h With a rubber duck, one's never alone.
h With enough garlic, you can eat the New York Times.  -- Morley Safer
h With enough thrust, pigs fly just fine.
h With sex, who cares if practice doesn't make perfect.
h Withhold from screaming when you hear the phrase, "Let's just be friends..."
h Without ice cream life and fame are meaningless.
h Without life, biology itself would be impossible.
h Woman was God's second mistake.  -- Friedrich Nietzsche
h Women fake orgasm because men fake foreplay.
h Women like the simplest things in life...  Men.
h Women most enjoy receiving the kind of letters that should never be written.
h Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place.  -- Billy Crystal
h Women sometimes make fools of men, but most guys are the do-it-yourself type.
h Women speak in estrogen but men listen in testosterone.
h Women speak two languages, one of which is verbal.  -- Steve Rubenstein
h Women spend more time wondering what men are thinking than men spend thinking.
h Women truly are better than men.  Otherwise, they'd be intolerable.  -- Edward Abbey
h Women want one man to meet every need; men want every woman to meet one need.
h Women want their men to be deep, but they don't want to hear about it.
h Women who carry a little extra weight live longer than men who notice it.
h Women who desire to be like men, lack ambition.
h Women who love only women may have a good point.  -- Edward Abbey
h Women, to make a man happy, all you must do is show up naked.
h Women:  We cannot love them all.  But we must try.  -- Edward Abbey
h Work is the curse of the drinking classes.  -- Oscar Wilde
h Work is the greatest thing in the world; always save some of it for tomorrow.
h Work off excess energy.  Steal something heavy.
h Worry kills more people than work because more people worry than work.
h Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
h Would it help if I got out and pushed?
h Wrinkled was not one of the things I wanted to be when I grew up.
h Write all adverbial forms correct.
h Writing carefully, dangling participles must be avoided.  -- William Safire
h Writing free verse is like playing tennis with the net down.
h Yale is one big party...  With a $25K cover charge.
h Yawning is an orgasm for your face.  -- Gunvar Ingeborg
h Years of development:  We finally got one to work.
h Yes, it works well in practice, but will it work in theory?
h Yesterday was the deadline on all complaints.
h Yield to temptation; it might not pass your way again.
h YKK on a zipper stands for Yoshida Kogyo Kabushikigaisha.
h Yo-yo:  Something occasionally up but normally down (see also "computer").
h You are confused; but this is your normal state.
h You are entitled to your own wrong opinion.
h You are halfway through life before you realize it's a do-it-yourself thing.
h You are here.  But you are not all there.
h You are in a maze of little twisting passages, all alike.
h You are in a maze of little twisting passages, all different.
h You are never going to fail unless you try.
h You are not abusing drugs if they're stored in a dry place and never yelled at.
h You are not as fat as you imagine.  -- Mary Schmich
h You are not fat if clothes are actually made in your size.
h You are not from Earth, are you?
h You are not overweight if you can still touch somebody's toes.
h You are not paranoid if they're really after you...
h You are still sober as lounge as you can still say your worms promperly.
h You are ugly and your mother dresses you funny.
h You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
h You are warm and giving toward others.  What are you after?
h You aren't a real engineer until you make one $50,000 mistake.
h You can cage a swallow, can't you, but you can't swallow a cage, can you?
h You can drive through Wyoming at night and still see the scenery.  -- Vodall
h You can fool some of the people all of the time...  But you can't fool Mom.
h You can fool some of the people some of the time, and that is sufficient.
h You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word.
h You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.
h You can lead a horse to water, but if he walks on it, patent him.
h You can learn many things from children...  Like how much patience you have.
h You can never find a lost-and-found when you need one.  -- Greg Clifford
h You can observe a lot just by watchin'.  -- Yogi Berra
h You can rent this profound space for only $5 a week.
h You can tell if you're on the right track -- it's usually uphill.
h You can tell the men from the boys by the price of their toys.
h You can't belay a man who's falling in love.  -- Edward Abbey
h You can't feel as bad as you look.  Or look as bad as you feel.  -- Edward Abbey
h You can't fix stupid, but you can vote it out.
h You can't fool me -- there ain't no sanity clause.  -- Chico Marx
h You can't get there from here.
h You can't have Kate and Edith too!
h You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.  -- Armir, age 9
h You can't legislate against human nature.  -- Robert Reuben
h You can't see the forest if you're barking up the wrong tree.
h You cannot buy beer; you can only rent it.
h You cannot determine beforehand which side of the bread to butter.
h You cannot have everything because where would you put it?  -- Christer Sundqvist
h You could be playing a video game instead.
h You couldn't pay me to work on commission.
h You don't have to be weird to be my friend, I'm willing to train you.
h You don't know what you want, and are willing to go through hell to get it.
h You don't know what you're talking about, do you?
h You don't need a parachute to skydive, only to skydive twice.  -- Darwin Awards
h You enter into a certain amount of madness when you marry a person with pets.
h You gotta break some eggs to make a real mess on the neighbor's car!
h You have a right to your opinions.  I just don't want to hear them.
h You have an important role as a negative example.
h You have been selected for a secret mission.
h You have good manners, but never carry them about you.  -- Fuller
h You have the body of a 19 year old.  Please return it before it gets wrinkled.
h You have the capacity to learn from mistakes.  You will learn a lot today.
h You keep using that word.  I do not think it means what you think it does.
h You know how happy a motorcyclist is by the bug stains on his teeth.
h You know you are a little fat if you have stretch marks on your car.  -- Cyrus
h You know you are over the hill when work is less fun and fun is more work.
h You know you have landed gear-up when it takes full power to taxi.
h You know you're getting old when you hurt yourself sleeping.  -- Billy Gardell
h You know you're old when your back goes out more than you do.
h You look like a million dollars...  All green and wrinkled.
h You made me think.  I will be wary of you in the future.
h You might get attention, but attention ain't the same thing as love.
h You never find a lost item until after you replace it.
h You never know how many friends you have until you rent a house on the beach.
h You never know who is right, but you always know who is in charge.  -- Whistler
h You never realize how short a month is until you pay alimony.  -- John Barrymore
h You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
h You now have Asian Flu.
h You say things with your eyes that others waste time putting into words.
h You shake milk in a big stirrer machine to make it homicidal.
h You should avoid hedging, at least that's what I think.
h You should hardly ever equivocate.
h You sound reasonable...  Must be time to up my medication.
h You were conspicuous by your absence.  -- Lord John Russell
h You will be reincarnated as a toad; and you will be much happier.
h You will be surprised by a loud noise.
h You will become rich and famous, unless you don't.
h You will experience a strong urge to do good; but it will pass.
h You will feel hungry again in another hour.
h You will live a long full life and gradually decay into a useless blob.
h You will live a long, healthy, happy life and make bags of money.
h You will never hit your finger if you hold the hammer with both hands.
h You will pay for your sins.  If you have already paid, please disregard.
h You will soon forget this.
h You will step on the night soil of many countries.
h You will wish you hadn't.
h You won't skid if you stay in a rut.  -- Frank Hubbard
h You would if you could but you can't so you won't (and probably shouldn't).
h You!  Off my planet!
h You'll find it all at Greeley Mall.  -- Radio advertisement
h You're never too old to learn something stupid.
h You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.  -- Dean Martin
h You're not late until you get there.
h You're only given a little spark of madness.  You mustn't lose it.  -- Robin Williams
h You're only young once, but it makes you tired for the rest of your life.
h Your boss is the biggest obstacle to workday leisure.  -- Scott Adams
h Your chance of forgetting something is directly proportional to...  uh...
h Your check is in the mail.
h Your fly might be open (but don't check it just now).
h Your intuition nearly makes up for your lack of good judgment.
h Your love life will be...  Interesting.
h Your lucky number has been disconnected.
h Your lucky number is 364958674928.  Watch for it everywhere.
h Your reasoning is silly and irrational but it is beginning to make sense.
h Your true value depends entirely on what you are compared with.
h Your weapon is made by the lowest bidder.
h Your weight is perfect for your height -- which varies.
h Youth is too good to be wasted on the young.  -- George Shaw
h Zenophobia:  The irrational fear of convergent sequences.
h Zoo:  Place devised for animals to study the habits of human beings.  -- Herford
h [He] has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.  -- Winston Churchill
h [Nuclear war]... may not be desirable.  -- Edwin Meese III
p "Do-so" is more important than "say-so".  -- Pete Seeger
p "Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt".
p "For example" is not proof.  -- Yiddish proverb
p "I really don't believe that, but I was raised that way."  -- Carolyn Myss
p "Keep the tourists out..."  As fellow tourists we heartily agree.  -- Edward Abbey
p "Know thyself"?  If I knew myself, I'd run away.  -- Johann von Goethe
p "My country right or wrong" is like saying, "My mother drunk or sober."
p "Things" are thieves of time.
p ...context...  -- Manny Farber
p 1. Thought is creative.  2. Fear attracts like energy.  3. Love is all there is.
p A "jiffy" is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second.
p A baby is God's opinion that the world should go on.  -- Carl Sandburg
p A beggar can never be bankrupt.  -- John Ray
p A billion hours ago man had not yet walked on earth.
p A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.
p A boss says, "Go!"  A leader says, "Let's go!"  -- E.M. Kelley
p A boy gets to be a man when a man is needed.  -- John Steinbeck
p A business without a path to profit isn't a business, it's a hobby.  -- Jason Fried
p A candle loses nothing by lighting another candle.
p A chain is no stronger than its weakest link.
p A child does not need to be parented.  He needs to be mothered and fathered.
p A child that is not embraced by the village will burn it down to feel its warmth.  -- African proverb
p A city is a large community where people are lonesome together.  -- Prochnow
p A civilized society makes swords into decoration.  -- Danny Low
p A clash of doctrine is not a disaster; it is an opportunity.
p A clever prophet makes sure of the event first.
p A closed mouth gathers no foot.
p A collection of facts not necessarily science.  -- Henri Poincar
p A company is known by the people it keeps.
p A compliment is something like a kiss through a veil.  -- Victor Hugo
p A confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished.  -- Johann von Goethe
p A conspiracy of silence speaks louder than words.
p A continuing flow of paper is sufficient to continue the flow of paper.  -- Dyer
p A coward dies a thousand deaths, a brave man dies but once.
p A critic is a man who knows the way but can't drive the car.  -- Kenneth Tynan
p A critic is to an author as a fungus to an oak.  -- Edward Abbey
p A crocodile cannot stick out its tongue.
p A cult becomes a religion when it begins to kill those outside its membership.
p A culture can be no stronger than its strongest myths.  -- James Carse
p A cynic is a disappointed lover.
p A cynic is a man who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.
p A day without fear changes your life forever.  -- Jerry Stocking
p A deceased body harms the mind.
p A dime has 118 ridges around the edge.
p A disease known is half cured.
p A doctor gets no pleasure out of the health of his friends.  -- de Montaigne
p A donkey raised among horses is still a donkey.
p A drastic change to stay where you are always puts you in a different place.
p A dream that is not interpreted is like a letter that is not read.  -- Talmud
p A drill is a tool.  A hole is a solution.
p A dry cough is the trumpeter of death.
p A dying man can do nothing easy.  -- Benjamin Franklin
p A fair exterior is a silent recommendation.
p A family is the difference between a house and a home.
p A fault recognized is half corrected.
p A feather in hand is better than a bird in the air.  -- George Herbert
p A fellow with a closed mind often has an open mouth.
p A flood of words over a desert of thought.  -- Simon Bolivar
p A fool and his money are soon parted.
p A fool and his words are soon parted.  -- William Shenstone
p A fool with tool is still a fool.
p A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds.  -- Ralph Emerson
p A free society is one where it is safe to be unpopular.  -- Adlai Stevenson
p A friend in need is a friend indeed.
p A friend is one with whom you dare to be yourself.
p A friend to everyone is a friend to no one.
p A full belly makes a dull brain.
p A full heart should not go where an empty mind leads.
p A genius is always on duty; even his dreams are tax deductible.  -- Edward Abbey
p A goal is a dream with a deadline.  (But do you really need a deadline?)
p A god can create a world only by listening.  -- James Carse
p A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.
p A good example is the best sermon.  -- H. Jackson Brown
p A good memory does not equal pale ink.
p A good painter can draw a devil as well as an angel.  -- G. Delamothe
p A good philosopher is one who does not take ideas seriously.  -- Edward Abbey
p A good plan today is better than a perfect plan tomorrow.  -- Patton
p A good supervisor can step on your toes without messing up your shine.
p A good tale cannot too often be told.  -- Sir T. More
p A good tongue is a good weapon.  -- James Kelly
p A good word costs no more than a bad one.  -- B. Googe
p A good workman is known by his tools.
p A government able to give you all you want can also take away all you have.
p A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on Paul's support.
p A grasshopper has 100 more distinct muscles than a human.
p A great idea needs landing gear, not just wings.
p A great person never reminds us of others.
p A great ship asks deep waters.  -- George Herbert
p A half-truth is closer to falsehood than to veracity.  -- Abba Eban
p A hammer sometimes misses its mark; a bouquet, never.
p A handful of friends is worth more than a wagon of gold.
p A handful of sand is an anthology of the universe.  -- David McCord
p A hard life is a free lesson in poetry.  -- John Taylor
p A hard-working farmer has plenty to eat.  -- Solomon
p A heavy purse makes a light heart.
p A hen is only an egg's way of making another egg.  -- Samuel Butler II
p A hermit is a deserter from the army of humanity.
p A hero is a man who does what he can.  -- Romain Rolland
p A highbrow is a person educated beyond his intelligence.  -- Brander Matthews
p A house is a large liability masquerading as a safe asset.  -- Morgan Housel
p A house without books is like a room without windows.  -- Horace Mann
p A joke breaks no bones.
p A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step.  -- Lao Tzu
p A learned fool is more foolish than an ignorant fool.  -- Molire
p A learned man always has wealth within himself.
p A leopard cannot change his spots.  -- William Shakespeare
p A liar is not believed when he speaks the truth.  -- Cicero
p A liar needs a good memory.  -- Quintilian
p A lie has a short life, but truth lives on for ever.  -- Solomon
p A life without tragedy would not be worth living.  -- Edward Abbey
p A likely impossibility is always preferable to an unconvincing possibility.
p A little experience often upsets a lot of theory.
p A little fire consumes a great wood.  -- Roger Edgeworth
p A little inaccuracy saves a world of explanation.  -- C. E. Ayres
p A little knowledge can be a ridiculous thing.  -- Scott Adams
p A little sunlight is the best disinfectant.  -- Justice Louis Brandeis
p A living dog is better than a dead lion.  -- Old Testament
p A log may float in a river, but that does not make it a crocodile.
p A long life deprives man of his optimism.  -- Ernest Hemingway
p A long tongue is a sign of a short hand.  -- George Herbert
p A lost ounce of gold may be found, a lost moment of time never.
p A love for the land does not necessarily equate with good care of the land.
p A loving mate can see the good in you even when you cannot.
p A man can do everything with a sword except sit on it.  -- Talleyrand
p A man can do no more than he can.
p A man can only be young once, but he can be immature forever.  -- Catherine Aird
p A man cannot be in two places at the same time.
p A man does not look behind the door unless he has stood there himself.
p A man doesn't become a failure until he is satisfied with being one.  -- Henry Cate
p A man is a lion in his own cause.
p A man is known to be mortal by two things, sleep and lust.  -- Francis Bacon
p A man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams.  -- John Barrymore
p A man is not so soon healed as hurt.  -- Porter
p A man may lose his goods for want of demanding them.  -- Thomas Draxe
p A man may lose more in an hour than he can get in seven.
p A man must not swallow more beliefs than he can digest.  -- Havelock Ellis
p A man never becomes an orator if he has anything to say.  -- Finley Dunne
p A man who cannot seduce men cannot save them either.  -- Soren Kierkegaard
p A man who fears suffering is already suffering from what he fears.  -- Montaigne
p A man will never change his mind if he has no mind to change.  -- Trench
p A man with two clocks never knows exactly what is the time.
p A man without reason is a beast in season.  -- Howell
p A man without religion is like a horse without a bridle.
p A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small package.
p A man's envy alludes to where his ambition fails.  -- William Wall
p A man's home is his castle.
p A man's library is his map drawn to scale.  -- John Taylor
p A man's praise in his own mouth stinks.
p A man's soul may be buried under a pile of money.  -- Nathaniel Hawthorne
p A mantra is a training device to break you out of your attachments.  -- Ram Dass
p A mask tells us more than the face.  -- Oscar Wilde
p A mathematician knows how to solve a problem, but can't do it.  -- Milne
p A memorandum is written not to inform the reader but to protect the writer.
p A mind that is stretched by an idea will never return to its original size.
p A mink is just a high-budget weasel.
p A miracle is not an event that heals the physical body, but the mind and spirit.
p A moment's insight is sometimes worth a life's experience.  -- Oliver Holmes
p A moneyless man goes fast through the market.  -- Fuller
p A museum is a collection of labels, illustrated by specimens.  -- George Goode
p A mushroom cloud has no silver lining.
p A nerd is simply someone who thinks exceedingly inside the box.  -- Nassim Taleb
p A nuclear war cannot be won and must never be fought.  -- Ronald Reagan
p A page of history is worth a volume of logic.
p A peaceful man is the first criterion if you want to have a peaceful universe.
p A pedestal is as much a prison as any small, confined space.  -- Gloria Steinem
p A penalty for hubris is always exacted.  -- Jon Bayh
p A pencil with no point needs no eraser.
p A person before birth knows exactly what they're buying into.  -- Ram Dass
p A person forgives only when he is in the wrong.
p A person is just about as big as the things that make him angry.
p A person paints with his brains and not with his hands.
p A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.  -- George Wald
p A pious man is one who would be an atheist if the king were.  -- la Bruyere
p A plagiarist steals a writer's mental children.  -- Isaac Asimov
p A plucked goose doesn't lay golden eggs.
p A poet is born not made.
p A political career brings out the basest qualities in human nature.  -- Bryce
p A poor man sells his saucepan to buy something to put in it.
p A pound of salt will not sweeten a single cup of tea.
p A pragmatist is one who's ideology/theology has failed.  -- Herbert Schlossberg
p A prediction is but an explanation in advance.  -- James Carse
p A President is impeachable if he attempts to subvert the Constitution.  -- Madison
p A private sin is not so prejudicial in the world as a public indecency.
p A problem found by appraisal must be found and fixed each time it occurs.
p A problem found by solution is gone forever.
p A problem is nothing more than a solution in disguise.  -- John Taylor
p A productive drunk is the bane of moralists.
p A professorship of theology should have no place in our institution.  -- Thomas Jefferson
p A project not worth doing at all is not worth doing well.
p A proliferation of theories is a symptom of a lack of data.  -- Eddington
p A prophet is not without honor save in his own country.  -- New Testament
p A prosperous fool is a grievous burden.  -- Aeschylus
p A proverb is a short sentence based on long experience.  --  Miguel de Cervantes
p A prudent question is one-half of wisdom.  -- Bacon
p A quiet conscience sleeps in thunder.
p A real friend walks in when the rest of the world walks out.
p A relationship cannot be healthier than both people.
p A Renaissance man refuses to define himself.
p A rich person is not one who has the most, but one who needs the least.
p A ringing telephone is a request, not an order.
p A rising tide lifts all boats.  -- Sean Lemass
p A rolling stone gathers no moss.  -- Publilius Syrus
p A scientist looking at nonscientific problems is just as dumb as the next guy.
p A scientist must be successful and not a success-fool.  -- Gerhard Uhlenbruck
p A second class effort is a first class mistake.
p A second fault ought not to be pardoned.  -- G. Delamothe
p A secret is too little for one, enough for two, too much for three.
p A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing.  -- Clive James
p A serious work in philosophy could be written that consisted entirely of jokes.
p A ship on the beach is a lighthouse to the sea.  -- Dutch proverb
p A short prayer penetrates heaven.
p A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.  -- Joseph Stalin
p A slave is one who waits for someone to come and free him.  -- Ezra Pound
p A small fire makes often a great smoke.  -- G. Delamothe
p A small leak will sink a great ship.  -- Benjamin Franklin
p A smooth sea never made a skilled sailor.  -- Franklin D. Roosevelt
p A snowflake near lightspeed completely obliterates a planet, even Jupiter.  -- Axel Emmermann
p A standard that no one follows is worse than useless; it is a waste of time.
p A stitch in time saves nine.
p A straight stick is crooked in the water.
p A straw vote only shows which way the hot air blows.  -- O'Henry
p A stupid person cannot be advised.  -- Lawrence Hirsch
p A system meant for common use should rarely need uncommon knowledge.  -- Redford
p A tale never loses in the telling.
p A teacher affects eternity.  -- Henry Adams
p A thief passes for a gentleman when stealing has made him rich.  -- Fuller
p A thing is not necessarily true because a man dies for it.
p A thing is not true for you until it is true in thought, word, and deed.  -- God?
p A third party cannot mediate a dispute if they are even subtley involved.
p A thought is often original, though you have uttered it a hundred times.
p A tree is known by its fruit.  -- New Testament
p A tribe is a group of people who honor the same perceptions.  -- Carolyn Myss
p A true leader cannot make anyone do something they do not want to do.  -- Sir Chris Bonington
p A true sign of wealth is free time -- freedom from drudgery.  -- Daniel Newman
p A truth that's told with bad intent beats all the lies you can invent.  -- Blake
p A violent man will die a violent death.  -- Lao Tsu
p A vision is only as good as the clarity of the image presented.  -- TWendle
p A wealth of information creates a poverty of attention.  -- Herbert Simon
p A weed is a plant whose virtues have not been discovered.  -- Ralph Emerson
p A wise lover values not so much the gift of the lover as the love of the giver.
p A wise man cares not for what he cannot have.  -- George Herbert
p A wise man is never surprised.  -- Horace
p A wise person makes his own decisions, a weak one obeys public opinion.
p A witty saying proves nothing.  -- Voltaire
p A woman is as old as she looks before breakfast.  -- E. W. Howe
p A woman is as old as she looks to a man who likes to look at her.  -- Finley Dunne
p A woman is as young as she feels like telling you she is.
p A woman never forgets the men she could have had; a man, the women he couldn't.
p A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.  -- Gloria Steinem
p A word in time is worth two afterwards.  -- James Carmichaell
p A word to the wise is enough.  -- Miguel de Cervantes
p A writer must not shift your point of view.  -- William Safire
p A writer without an audience is a writer; a writer with an audience, very lucky.
p A yawn is a silent shout.  -- G. K. Chesterton
p A young man might have more money than brains -- but not for long!
p A [person] without religion is like a fish without pajamas.  -- J. Powers
p Ability has nothing to do with opportunity.  -- Napoleon
p Above all things, reverence yourself.
p Absence makes the heart grow fonder.  -- Sextus Propertius
p Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
p Absence sharpens love.  Presence strengthens it.  -- Thomas Fuller
p Absence works wonders.  -- Tottel
p Abstraction is representing the whole by a part of the whole.
p Accept forgiveness as a way of life.
p Accept loneliness as normal, merely a sign that action is required.  -- Will Limon
p Accept your ordination.  -- Carolyn Myss
p Achilles cannot defeat the tortoise if he thinks of space and time.  -- Valery
p Action is the antidote to despair.  -- Joan Baez
p Action is what separates an opinion from a belief.  -- Patel
p Action makes more fortune than caution.
p Action may not always bring happiness, but there is no happiness without action.
p Actions speak louder than words.  -- Confucius
p Ad astra per aspera.  (To the stars through hardships.)
p Adaptation precludes adaptivity.  -- Carl White
p Adde parvum parvo magnus acervus erit.  (Add little to little, get big pile.)
p Addiction is an adaptation.  It's not you.  It's your cage.  -- Bruce Alexander
p Admit it, unplug, and get it over with.  -- Carolyn Myss
p Adolf Hitler made a mistake admiring Napoleon's strategy.
p Advances are made by answering questions...  Discoveries by questioning answers.  -- Bernard Haisch
p Adversity introduces man to himself.
p Adversity makes a man wise, not rich.  -- John Ray
p Advice from an old carpenter:  Measure twice, saw once.
p Advice is a dangerous gift; be cautious about giving and receiving it.
p Advice is a form of nostalgia.  -- Mary Schmich
p Advice is least heeded when most needed.
p Advice only works for the people that give it.  -- Scott Adams
p Advocacy addiction limits our ability to learn from others; use inquiry instead.
p Affection blinds reason.  -- J. Howell
p Affection makes a fool of any man.  -- Ben Jonson
p After a calm comes a storm.  -- Thomas Draxe
p After a storm comes a calm.
p After age 30, we are all in extra innings.  -- Alan Silverstein
p After dinner sit awhile, after supper walk a mile.  -- Whetstone
p After enlightenment, do the laundry.  -- Zen proverb
p After pleasure comes pain.  -- J. C. Bridge
p After the game, the king and the pawn go in the same box.  -- Italian proverb
p Age before beauty; and pearls before swine.  -- Dorothy Parker
p Age does not protect you from love, but love somewhat protects you from age.
p Age doesn't always bring wisdom.  Sometimes age comes alone.
p Age is a high price to pay for maturity.
p Age is like love, it cannot be hid.  -- Dekker
p All are given the key to heaven's gates; the same key opens the gates of hell.
p All are not merry that dance lightly.
p All are not thieves that dogs bark at.
p All art is but imitation of nature.  -- Seneca
p All clouds bring not rain.
p All dreams are possible until proven otherwise.  -- Kenny Loggins
p All education is accompanied by pain.  -- Aristotle
p All finite play is play against itself.  -- James Carse
p All forms of government are pernicious, including good government.  -- Edward Abbey
p All generalizations are dangerous, even this one.  -- Dumas
p All gold is fool's gold.  -- Edward Abbey
p All good work is done in defiance of management.  -- Tom Peters
p All governments need enemies.  How else to justify their existence?  -- Edward Abbey
p All great discoveries are made by mistake.  -- Young
p All great discoveries have been made from a willingness to not be right.  -- God?
p All great ideas are controversial, or have been at one time.
p All great truths begin as blasphemies.  -- George Shaw
p All hope abandon, ye who enter here!  -- Dante Alighieri
p All I ask of you is forever to remember me as loving you.
p All I know is, I will get guidance when I need it.  -- Carolyn Myss
p All I need to do is change one attitude and that is enough to change my world.
p All I want from you is your joyful sharing.  -- Lee Coit
p All in all, it's just another brick in the wall.
p All inventions are force multipliers.
p All is fair in love and war.
p All is not gold that glitters.
p All is not lost that is delayed.  -- A. Boyer
p All is well that ends well.  -- John Heywood
p All laws are simulations of reality.  -- John C. Lilly
p All life evolves by the differential survival of replicating entities.  -- Richard Dawkins
p All limits must be zero, one, or infinite.
p All machines are amplifiers.
p All may begin a war, few can end it.
p All men are mortal.  -- Haughton
p All men know the utility of useful things, but know not the utility of futility.
p All modern thought is permeated by the idea of thinking the unthinkable.
p All my life I wanted to be someone; I should have been more specific.  -- Wagner
p All obstacles not foreseen will be tripped over.
p All pain other than physical arises from failed expectations.
p All people smile in the same language.
p All philosophy lies in two words:  Sustain and abstain.  -- Epictetus
p All professions are organized conspiracies against the laity.  -- Russell
p All progress depends on the unreasonable man.  -- George Shaw
p All relationship is a mirror of your relationship with yourself.  -- Deepak Chopra
p All roads in the Middle East lead to the bizarre.  -- John Chanselor
p All roads lead to Rome.  -- La Fontaine
p All that is said in the kitchen should not be heard in the hall.
p All that we may see or seem, is but a dream within a dream.  -- Edgar Allan Poe
p All the world's churchyards are full with irreplaceable people.
p All things are good untried.  -- James Carmichaell
p All things come to he who waits.
p All things excellent are as difficult as they are rare.
p All things merge into one, and a river runs through it.  -- Norman McLain
p All things obey money.  -- Guazzo
p All truth, like love, is eternal -- while it lasts.  -- William Etkin
p All wars are civil wars, because all men are brothers...  -- Francois Fenelon
p All we learn from history is that we learn nothing from history.  -- Georg Hegel
p All you accomplish by defending someone is to concede that he needs a defense.
p All you have to offer another human being, ever, is your own state of being.
p All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.
p All your fears must be embraced, entertained, honored, and you go on with them.
p Allow each soul to walk its path.  -- Conversations with God
p Allow others to make educational mistakes.
p Allow your children to face the consequences of their actions.  -- Brown
p Almost everything is easier to get into than out of.
p Almost everything looks better after a good night's sleep.  -- H. Jackson Brown
p Almost was never hanged.  -- Roger Edgeworth
p Alternatives exclude.  Saying "yes" to one thing says "no" to another.  -- Neifert
p Always be careful to make a bad impression on undesirables.
p Always do what you are afraid to do.  -- Emerson
p Always find time for that which makes you happy to be alive.
p Always the dullness of the fool is the whetstone of the wits.
p Amateurs talk strategy while generals talk logistics.
p Ambition is the last refuge of the failure.  -- Oscar Wilde
p America's best buy for a nickel is a telephone call to the right person.
p Americans are people who insist on living in the present, tense.
p Americans do the right thing, but only after exhausting all other possibilities.  -- Winston Churchill
p An addict bonds with heroin because he can't bond as fully with anything else.
p An American is a man with two arms and four wheels.  -- A Chinese child
p An aphorism is a one-line novel.  -- Leonid Sukhorukov
p An apple a day keeps the doctor away.
p An argument is the longest distance between two points.
p An armed society is a polite society.
p An army is nothing but a well-organized lynch mob.  -- Edward Abbey
p An army marches on its stomach.  -- Napoleon
p An artist who is self-taught is taught by a very ignorant person indeed.
p An atheist is one point beyond the devil.  -- Fuller
p An atom-blaster is a good weapon, but it can point both ways.
p An average person laughs about 15 times a day.
p An easy answer to every human problem:  Neat, plausible, and wrong.  -- Mencken
p An efficient bureaucracy is the greatest threat to liberty.  -- Eugene McCarthy
p An egg today is better than a hen tomorrow.  -- Benjamin Franklin
p An ego trip takes you nowhere.
p An emotionless life is biologically impossible.  -- Lawrence Hirsch
p An empty man is full of himself.  -- Edward Abbey
p An empty purse fills the face with wrinkles.  -- Thomas Draxe
p An empty stomach is not a good political advisor.  -- Albert Einstein
p An enduring paradox of the human mind is that it doesn't know itself very well.
p An era can be said to end when its basic illusions are exhausted.  -- Miller
p An expert is a person who knows his limitations.
p An expert is an ordinary guy 50 miles from home.
p An expert knows no more than you do, but has it better organized.
p An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth.
p An honest answer is a sign of true friendship.  -- Solomon
p An honest man's the noblest work of God.  -- Alexander Pope
p An honest tale speeds best being plainly told.
p An idea is not responsible for the people who believe in it.
p An idea is only as good as its execution.
p An idea well-expressed is like a design of gold, set in silver.  -- Solomon
p An idealist is a person who helps other people to be prosperous.  -- Henry Ford
p An idle brain is the devil's shop.  -- W. Perkins
p An incorrect belief may still benefit its believer.
p An intellectual is someone whose mind watches itself.  -- Albert Camus
p An investment in knowledge always pays the best interest.  -- Benjamin Franklin
p An occasion lost cannot be redeemed.  -- John Ray
p An open auction extracts the highest price from any buyer.
p An optimist laughs to forget; a pessimist forgets to laugh.
p An ounce of application is worth a ton of abstraction.  -- Booker
p An ounce of clear truth is worth a pound of obfuscation.
p An ounce of emotion equals a ton of facts.
p An ounce of good fortune is worth a pound of forecast.  -- Fuller
p An ounce of vanity can ruin a ton of merit.
p An owl is the king of the night.  -- Thomas Draxe
p An ox is taken by the horns, and a man by the tongue.
p Analogies prove nothing...  But they can make one feel at home.  -- Freud
p And malt does more than Milton can to justify God's ways to man.  -- Housman
p And only the good die young.  -- Billy Joel
p And that's the way it is...  -- Walter Cronkite
p And tomorrow will be like today, only more so.  -- Isaiah 56:12 [NSV]
p Angels do not support BS.  -- Carolyn Myss
p Anger goes after the first available target.  -- Reggie Rivers
p Anger is a short madness.  -- Taverner
p Anger kills as surely as the other vices.
p Animals cannot be harvested.  They mature, but they do not ripen.  -- James Carse
p Another such victory over the Romans, and we are undone.  -- Pyrrhus
p Answers almost never fulfill the promise of our questions.  -- John Taylor
p Anxiety is a condition of the privileged.
p Any clod can have the facts, but having opinions is an art.  -- Charles McCabe
p Any difference that makes a difference is information.  -- Gregory Bateson
p Any difference that makes no difference is noise.  -- Gregory Bateson
p Any doom that can be predicted won't happen.  -- Scott Adams
p Any excuse will serve a tyrant.  -- Aesop
p Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain -- and most fools do.  -- Carnegie
p Any fool can make a rule and every fool will mind it.  -- Thoreau
p Any fool can paint a picture, but it takes a wise person to be able to sell it.
p Any illusion requires both time and space to be experienced.
p Any man who thinks of himself as therapy should not have a license to practice.
p Any negativity can make you sick.  -- Carolyn Myss
p Any new tax law must exempt enough voters to win the next election.
p Any philosophy that can be put in a nutshell belongs there.  -- Harris
p Any reality that you get stuck in is the wrong one.  -- Ram Dass
p Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.  -- Arthur Clarke
p Any system that depends on reliability is unreliable.
p Any technology distinguishable from magic is insufficiently advanced.  -- Gehm's corollary
p Any time that you crave, there is always going to be suffering built right in.
p Anyone can hold the helm when the sea is calm.  -- Publilius Syrus
p Anyone can make history.  Only a great man can write it.  -- Oscar Wilde
p Anyone can make mistakes, but only an idiot persists in his error.  -- Cicero
p Anyone may arrange his affairs so that his taxes shall be as low as possible. -- Judge Learned Hand
p Anyone who wants to rule, should, ipso facto, not be allowed to do so.
p Anyone without a sense of humor is at the mercy of everyone else.  -- Rotsler
p Anything free comes with no guarantee.
p Anything free is worth what you pay for it.
p Anything is easy if someone else does it for you.
p Anything is easy if you can assimilate it to your collection of models.  -- Papert
p Anything is possible if you don't know what you're talking about.
p Anything is possible, but only a few things actually happen.  -- Rich Rosen
p Anything is possible, unless it is not.
p Anything that sticks out usually gets hammered back in.
p Apparently there are multiple way sto invoke multiple universes.
p Appearance VERSUS reality?  Appearance IS reality...  -- Edward Abbey
p Appearances often are deceiving.  -- Aesop
p Apply good consumerism to your love relationships.  -- Will Limon
p Approach your limits from the safe side.  -- Volker Hetzer
p Architecture is frozen music.  -- Hegel
p Argue for your limitations and sure enough, they are yours.  -- Richard Bach
p Armed with these patterns, we go forward and brilliantly predict... the past. -- Allan Roth
p Art has no enemy but ignorance.  -- Ben Jonson
p Art is a lie that makes us realize the truth.  -- Picasso
p Art is never finished, only abandoned.  -- Leonardo da Vinci
p Artistic temperament is a disease that afflicts amateurs.  -- G. K. Chesterton
p As a man lives, so shall he die; as a tree falls, so shall it lie.
p As a rule, pantheism is only a respectful variety of atheism.  -- Schopenhauer
p As average skill increases, it's more difficult to outperform by large margins.  -- Larry Swedroe
p As far as the question of Martian life, if we don't go, we won't know.  -- Robert Zubrin
p As for the future, your task is not to foresee, but to enable it.
p As goatherd learns his trade by goat, so writer learns his trade by wrote.
p As is the mother, so is her daughter.  -- Old Testament
p As life is to live, so love is to give.  -- Patricia Barc
p As others hurt and betray us, so are we the perpetrators of pain.  -- Will Limon
p As silent as the grave.  -- Robert Stevenson
p As soon as man is born he begins to die.
p As the area of your knowledge grows, so does the perimeter of your ignorance.  -- Neil Tyson
p As the body becomes more limited, the soul expands.  -- Dustin Hoffman
p As the question, so the answer.  -- Torriano
p As the radius of knowledge increases, so does the circumference of ignorance.
p As we let our own light shine, we give others permission to do the same.
p As we migrated into Europe we discovered something new, called winter.  -- Paul Stamets
p Ashes to ashes, dust to dust; if God won't have you, the devil must.
p Ask a self-answering question; get a self-questioning answer.  -- John Flagg
p Ask much to have little.
p Ask no questions and you will be told no lies.  -- Charles Dickens
p Ask not for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee.  -- John Donne
p Ask not what's inside your head, but what your head's inside of.  -- Gibson
p Ask yourself whether you are happy and you cease to be so.  -- John Mill
p Assertiveness is essential to a healthy relationship.
p Assume the worst, hope for the best, accept reality.  -- Morgan Housel
p Assumption is the mother of all screw-ups.  -- Wethern
p Asteroids are nature's way of asking, "How's that space program coming along?"
p Astrology is true, but the astrologers cannot find it.  -- George Herbert
p At 50, everyone has the face he deserves.  -- George Orwell
p At either end of the social spectrum there lies a leisure class.  -- Beck
p At four we know all the questions.  At eighteen we know all the answers.
p At retirement, human capital falls to zero.  -- Pfau and Kitces
p At the feast of ego, everyone leaves hungry.
p At the moment of meeting, the parting begins.
p Attachments fall away like a snake sheds its skin.  -- Ram Dass
p Attack the problem, not each other.  -- Will Limon
p Auribus teneo lupum.  (I hold a wolf by the ears.)
p Authority should command respect, not demand respect.
p Autocracy is based on the theorem that one man is smarter than many.
p Autograph your work with quality.
p Avert misunderstanding by calm, poise, and balance.
p Avoid unnecessary dependency on large scale, harmful predictions.  -- Nassim Taleb
p Avoidable complexity should indeed be avoided.
p Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure to it.
p Bad is never good until worse happens.  -- Danish proverb
p Bad money drives out good money; new love drives out old love.
p Barbarian:  Thinks the customs of his tribe and island are laws of nature.
p Barking dogs seldom bite.
p Be a Fundamentalist -- ensure the Fun always comes before the mental.  -- Bhaerman
p Be a good listener 'cause you never learn much from talking.  -- Will Rogers
p Be a light unto the darkness, and curse it not.  -- Conversations with God
p Be agreeable in manner, and resolute in action.  -- Lord Chesterfield
p Be an expert on what's strong, not on what's wrong.  -- Will Limon
p Be ashamed to die until you have won one victory for humanity.  -- Horace Mann
p Be bold in what you stand for and careful what you fall for.  -- Mary Webb
p Be both a speaker of words and a doer of deeds.  -- Homer
p Be careful about what you teach your children.  They might believe you.
p Be careful what you plug yourself into.  -- Carolyn Myss
p Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it.
p Be cheerful while you are alive.
p Be conservative in what you generate, but liberal in what you accept.
p Be emotionally prepared to walk away from any deal that doesn't work for you.
p Be faithful to that which exists nowhere but in yourself.  -- Andre Gide'
p Be fearful when others are greedy, and greedy when others are fearful.  -- Warren Buffett
p Be good and you will be lonesome.  -- Mark Twain
p Be happy with the real pleasures in life.
p Be humble or you will stumble.
p Be in the world but not of it.  -- Meher Baba
p Be kind and courteous to everyone.  -- Peter Chantilis
p Be moderate where pleasure is concerned, avoid fatigue.
p Be nice to people on your way up; you'll meet them on your way down.  -- Mizner
p Be not anxious about what you have, but about what you are.  -- St. Gregory I
p Be not simply good -- be good for something.  -- Henry Thoreau
p Be organized:  This is a euphemism for being efficiently lazy.  -- Isaac Asimov
p Be self-reliant and your success is assured.
p Be spontaneous!
p Be sure your ladder of success is leaning against the right wall.  -- Dobson
p Be the most positive person you know.
p Be thou familiar, but by no means vulgar.  -- William Shakespeare
p Be to friends' virtues very kind; be to their faults a little blind.
p Be willing to lead your life, not just follow it.
p Beauty and chastity seldom agree.
p Beauty fades like a flower.
p Beauty has nothing to do with the package I come in; it is just what I radiate.
p Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
p Beauty is one of the rare things which do not lead to doubt of God.  -- Anouilh
p Beauty is potent but money is omnipotent.
p Beauty may have fair leaves, yet bitter fruit.  -- Lyly
p Beauty that doesn't make a woman vain makes her very beautiful.  -- Josh Billings
p Because we don't think about future generations, they will never forget us.
p Become famous for finishing important, difficult tasks.  -- H. Jackson Brown
p Becoming number one is easier than remaining number one.  -- Senator Bill Bradley
p Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need more.  -- Hallock
p Before buying a piece of property, walk around its perimeter.
p Before thirty, men seek disease; after thirty, diseases seek men.  -- Chinese
p Before Xerox, five carbons were the maximum extension of anyone's ego.
p Before you accuse, walk a mile in their shoes.
p Before you kill the cat, make arrangements for the mice.  -- Sufi proverb
p Beg from beggars and you will never be rich.
p Beggars cannot be choosers.
p Begin a lesson with a humorous illustration.  -- the Talmud
p Begin well, end badly; begin badly, end worse.
p Behaviors don't continue unless we get something for them, even just attention.
p Behind all individual differences there turns out to be only one of us.
p Behind every argument is someone's ignorance.
p Being brave does not mean going out looking for trouble.
p Being consistent is less important than being happy.  -- Marlo Thomas
p Being defeated is often a temporary condition.  Giving up makes it permanent.
p Being deserving of praise blinds us to flattery.  -- William Wall
p Being flexible is how you exercise your adult part.
p Being human involves becoming a burden.  -- Roy Bonisteel
p Being lazy will make you poor, but hard work will make you rich.  -- Solomon
p Being on sea, sail; being on land, settle.  -- George Herbert
p Being part of the tribal mind is part of your evolution.  -- Carolyn Myss
p Being predictable in your style puts you at the mercy of your adversary.
p Being right is seldom enough.  Even the best ideas must be packaged and sold.
p Belief in God?  An afterlife?  I believe in rock...  -- Edward Abbey
p Belief in the supernatural reflects a failure of the imagination.  -- Edward Abbey
p Belief is not the beginning but the end of all knowledge.  -- Johann von Goethe
p Believe and ye shall receive.
p Believe only half of what you see, and nothing that you hear.  -- Mulock
p Believe that life is worth living and your belief will help create the fact.
p Believing God created it all is religion.  Wondering how it works is science.
p Best is best cheap.  -- Wolcot
p Best to bend it while it is a twig.
p Better a cruel truth than a comfortable delusion.  -- Edward Abbey
p Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without.  -- Chinese proverb
p Better a lean peace than a fat victory.  -- Sanford
p Better a little loss than a long sorrow.  -- Langland
p Better an open enemy than a false friend.
p Better clean death than dirty life.  -- Frank Herbert
p Better late than never.  -- Titus Livius
p Better living a beggar than buried an emperor.
p Better safe than sorry.
p Better some of a pudding than none of a pie.  -- John Ray
p Better the devil you know than the devil you don't know.
p Better the foot slip than the tongue.  -- Sanford
p Better to be ignorant of a matter than half know it.  -- Publilius Syrus
p Better to be patient on the road than a patient in the hospital.  -- C. Jenkins
p Better to be poor and fear the Lord than to be rich and in trouble.  -- Solomon
p Better to be the head of an ass than the tail of a horse.  -- Clarke
p Better to reign in Hell then serve in Heaven.  -- Milton
p Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than speak and remove all doubt.
p Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.
p Better untaught than ill taught.  -- John Ray
p Between a good reputation and great wealth, choose a good reputation.  -- Solomon
p Beware of all enterprises that require new clothes...  -- Henry Thoreau
p Beware of the man of one book.  -- George Herbert
p Beware of the man who has no enemies.  -- Edward Abbey
p Beware of the man who knows the answer before he understands the question.
p Beware of your wishes:  They will probably come true.  -- Edward Abbey
p Beware substantiation of abstracta, which leads to fallacies.
p Beware temptation -- the more of it you see, the better it looks.
p Beware the legless man who teaches running.
p Beware the wrath of a patient person.
p Beware those who cannot tell God's will from their own.  -- Barbara Taylor
p Big brother isn't watching you, you're watching big brother -- all 181 channels.
p Bigger isn't always better, but better will always get bigger.  -- Kevin Jones
p Biochemistry is the study of carbon compounds that crawl.  -- Mike Adams
p Birds of a feather flock together.
p Bizarreness is the essence of the exotic.
p Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed.  -- Pope
p Blessings on him that invented sleep!  -- Cervantes
p Blinding speed can compensate for a lot of deficiencies.  -- David Nichols
p Blood is thicker than water.
p Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it.
p Books as well as food nourish and warm people.  Books make connections.  -- Sarton
p Boredom:  The desire for desires.  -- Leo Tolstoi
p Borrowed garments never fit well.  -- Fuller
p Boys will be boys.
p Break a few rules.
p Brevity is the soul of wit.
p Build a better mousetrap and the world will beat a path to your door.
p Build a system any fool can use, and only a fool will want to use it.
p Build something foolproof and every fool will use it.
p Building a better mousetrap merely results in smarter mice.
p Bumper sticker:  My politics don't fit on a bumper sticker.  -- John Shelton
p Bureaucracy:  A giant mechanism operated by pygmies.  -- Honor de Balzac
p Business first and pleasure afterwards.  -- Surtees
p Business is a combination of war and sport.  -- Andre Maurois
p Busy souls have no time to be busybodies.  -- Austin O'Malley
p But "yes" can mean so many things.  -- John Taylor
p But how can fame and profit concern a man of genius?  -- Li Ch'i
p But in this world nothing is certain but death and taxes.  -- Benjamin Franklin
p But it does move!  -- Galileo Galilei
p Buy low, sell high.
p By allowing her to be totally herself...  She frees me to to be totally myself.
p By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail.
p By nature, men are nearly alike; by practice, they get to be far apart.
p By protracting life, we do not deduct one jot from the duration of death.
p By the time everyone agrees, it is too late.
p By the yard, life is hard.  By the inch, it's a cinch.
p By their fruit you will recognize them. (By their works ye shall know them.)  -- Matthew 7:16
p Cabbage has a higher yield per acre than any other vegetable.
p Call on God, but row away from the rocks.  -- Indian proverb
p Calling religion a mental illness is really insulting to mentally ill people.  -- Cristina Rad
p Can anyone remember when the times were not hard and money not scarce?  -- Ralph Emerson
p Can anything be sadder than work left unfinished?  Yes, work never begun.
p Cancer cures smoking.
p Capability does not imply intent.
p Capitalism without failure is like religion without hell.  -- Charlie Munger
p Capitalists will sell themselves the rope to hang themselves with.
p Care is no cure.  -- Greene
p Carpe diem:  Seize the day.
p Carrying resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for someone else to die.
p Cast not out the foul water till you bring in the clean.  -- James Carmichaell
p Cats, no less liquid than their shadows, offer no angles to the wind.
p Celebrity isn't an achievement in itself.  -- Carol Loomis
p Certain actors in history change the world by staging their own defeat.  -- Wolf
p Chance favors the prepared mind.  -- Louis Pasteur
p Chance is perhaps the pseudonym of God when He did not want to sign.  -- France
p Change your mind as often as the facts change.  -- Morgan Housel
p Change your thoughts and you change your world.
p Character consists of what you do on the third and fourth tries.  -- Michener
p Character is not made in a crisis -- it is only exhibited.  -- Robert Freeman
p Character is the power to change the face of things.
p Character is what you are in the dark.  --  Dwight Moody
p Charity begins at home.
p Charity should be spontaneous.  Calculated altruism is an affront.  -- Edward Abbey
p Charm is the quality in others that makes us more satisfied with ourselves.
p Chastity and virtue are their own punishment.
p Chastity is more a state of mind than of anatomy.  -- Edward Abbey
p Chastity is no more a virtue than malnutrition.  -- Alex Comfort
p Cheap things are of no value, valuable things are not cheap.
p Check again to ensure it's not loaded.
p Children are poor men's riches.
p Children become ready for toilet training and independence at the same time.
p Children have more need of models than of critics.
p Children need love, especially when they do not deserve it.
p Choice is a terrifying power.  -- Carolyn Myss
p Choice of words is spontaneous but no accident.  -- NLP
p Choice within constraint is essential; choice without constraint is paralyzing.  -- Barry Schwartz
p Choose happiness for yourself regardless of what others do.
p Choose not a spouse by the eye only.
p Christianity might be a good thing if anyone ever tried it.  -- George Shaw
p Circumstances rule men; men do not rule circumstances.  -- Herodotus
p Citizens want honest politicians until they want something fixed.
p Civility is a sign of strength, not weakness.  -- Peter Chantilis
p Civility means obeying the unenforceable.
p Civilization is limitless multiplication of unnecessary necessities.  -- Twain
p Civilization is what the neutron bombs are supposed to leave intact.  -- Enright
p Civilization remains a remote ideal.  -- Edward Abbey
p Civilizations that make it in the long run must reintegrate into the biosphere. -- Adam Frank
p Clarity is power.  -- Buckminster Fuller
p Classy:  You have a lot to say, but remain silent in front of fools.
p Cleanliness is next to Godliness.
p Clear thinking requires courage rather than intelligence.  -- Thomas Szasz
p Cleopatra lived closer in time to WWII than the building of the Great Pyramid.
p Cleverness is not wisdom.  -- Euripides
p Cloning is unnatural, but unnatural isn't... a synonym for bad.  -- Richard Dawkins
p Clothes make the man.
p Cogito ergo sum.  (I think, therefore I am.)  -- Rene Descartes
p Collective responsibility brings a lowering of moral standards.  -- Freeman Dyson
p College is a refuge from hasty judgment.  -- Robert Frost
p Comedy is tragedy plus time.  -- Steve Allen
p Comfort zones are most often expanded through discomfort.  -- McWilliams
p Coming events cast their shadows before.
p Command yourself to feel good about yourself.  -- Carolyn Myss
p Commit, and then figure it out.  -- Jimmy Chin
p Commitment is making time when there is none.
p Commitment is the stuff character is made of.
p Commitment is what transforms a promise into reality.
p Common minds discuss people; moderate minds, events; great minds, ideas.
p Common sense is instinct, and enough of it is genius.  -- Josh Billings
p Common sense is not so common.  -- Voltaire
p Common sense, in an uncommon degree, is what the world calls wisdom.  -- Coleridge
p Communication is next to impossible with someone who has no doubts.  -- Will Limon
p Communications are the lifeblood of a relationship, carrying the nutrients.
p Companionship is often shared loneliness.  -- Herbert Salzer
p Compensate complexity with simplicity.  -- Nassim Taleb
p Competence always contains the seeds of incompetence.
p Conceit causes more conversation than wit.  -- LaRouchefoucauld
p Concepts without words have no existence, and words without concepts no meaning.
p Concrete is heavy; iron is hard -- but the grass will prevail.  -- Edward Abbey
p Conflict is inevitable but not necessarily bad.  -- Paul Gillette
p Conflict is not possible without communication.  -- Fred Jandt
p Confusion can be both pleasant and helpful.
p Conquer yourself instead of the world.  -- Rene Descartes
p Conscience is God's presence in man.  -- Swedenborg
p Conscience makes egotists of us all.  -- Oscar Wilde
p Consciousness is a full-time job.  -- Carolyn Myss
p Consciousness is not an emergent property of the universe, but fundamental.  -- Christof Koch
p Consciousness means freedom from attachment.  -- Ram Dass
p Consensus is no substitute for leadership; it is the result of leadership.
p Conservatism is the blind and fear-filled worship of dead radicals.  -- Mark Twain
p Consider all outcomes before taking a step, and spend your life on one leg.
p Consistency is always easier to defend than correctness.
p Consistency is the last refuge of the unimaginative.  -- Oscar Wilde
p Consistency is the quality of a stagnant mind.  -- John Sloan
p Consistency requires you to be as ignorant today as you were a year ago.
p Constant reorganization is the hallmark of a dynamic organization.
p Contentment is the smother of invention.  -- Laura Watson
p Contexts serve as (mental) primers.  -- Ellen Langer
p Conversation enriches the understanding, but solitude is the school of genius.
p Convincing yourself that a bad idea is a good idea is a bad idea.
p Cooler heads will prevail.
p Cooperation:  Doing with a smile what you are forced to do.
p Corporations as persons, not property, let them deny the rights of real persons.
p Correlation does not imply causation.
p Costs are not losses. -- Richard Thaler
p Counsel must be followed, not praised.  -- Lyly
p Courage is grace under pressure.
p Courage is not the absence of fear but the conquest of it.  -- Scott Cochran
p Courage is the price life exacts for granting peace.  -- Amelia Earhart
p Covetousness brings nothing home.
p Cowards are cruel but the brave love mercy.  -- Gay
p Cream rises to the top, but so does scum.
p Creation is a mighty joke, but the laugh is at my own expense.  -- Meher Baba
p Creativity is allowing oneself to make mistakes.  Art is knowing which to keep.
p Creativity is no substitute for knowing what you are doing.
p Creativity, like love, should be diagnosed retrospectively.  -- John Schimel
p Credible people sign their work.
p Creditors have much better memories than debtors.
p Crisis is a motivator for change.
p Criticism comes easier than craftsmanship.  -- Zeuxis
p Cult:  A small, unpopular religion.  Religion:  A large, popular cult.
p Cultivate happiness and it becomes a habit.
p Culture is the habit of being pleased with the best and knowing why.
p Curiosity is ill manners in another's house.  -- Oudin
p Curiosity will conquer fear even more than bravery will.  -- James Stephens
p Cynicism is an unpleasant way of saying the truth.  -- Lillian Hellman
p Darkness is cheap.  -- Charles Dickens
p Data isn't information; information isn't knowledge; knowledge isn't wisdom.
p De gustibus non es disputandum. (In matters of taste there can be no disputes.)  -- old Roman axiom
p Dead men tell no tales.
p Deal with reality, or reality will deal with you.
p Death and taxes may be inevitable, but they should not be simultaneous.  -- Mack
p Death is a self-fulfilling prophecy.  You just don't dwell on it.  -- Nance
p Death is every man's final critic.  To die well you must live bravely.  -- Edward Abbey
p Death is just nature's way of telling you to slow down.
p Death is the one experience that we cannot put in perspective afterwards.
p Death is the ultimate low, from which we do not recover.  -- Kevin Keirn
p Death keeps no calendar.  -- George Herbert
p Death pays all debts.
p Debunking misinformation is an order of magnitude harder than creating it.  -- Brandolini
p Decisions terminate panic.
p Deeds are fruits, words are but leaves.  -- Thomas Draxe
p Deeds are males, and words are females.  -- Sanford
p Defeat is worse than death because you have to live with defeat.
p Degrees and credentials are primarily badges of compliance.  -- Bruce Levine
p Delay is preferable to error.  -- Thomas Jefferson
p Delay is the deadliest form of denial.  -- Parkinson
p Delusion fends off disillusion.  -- Ben Staub
p Democracy is good.  I say this because other systems are worse.  -- Nehru
p Democracy is the art of running the circus from the monkey cage.  -- Mencken
p Democracy is the worst form of government -- except for all the others.
p Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
p Democracy means only that people are sovereign; not that they are infallible.  -- Rod Dreher
p Dependable is not the same as accurate.  -- Frederick Brooks
p Depression is anger without enthusiasm.
p Deprive a mirror of its silver and even the Czar won't see his face.
p Desire for greatness prevents its achievement.
p Desire has no rest.
p Desire unacted is corruption.  -- Ursula LeGuin
p Desires and longings are the root cause of all suffering.  -- Meher Baba
p Desires are nourished by delays.
p Despair is the necessary prerequisite for the next level of consciousness.
p Desperate diseases must have desperate cures.
p Details call things into being.  -- Leonard Bernstein
p Determine that the thing can and shall be done, and then we will find the way.
p Devil's advocacy is an honorable profession.
p Did God the designer choose a method designed precisely as if he wasn't there?  -- Richard Dawkins
p Difficult to find a black cat in a dark room, especially if there is no cat.  -- Confucius
p Discontent is the first step in the progress of a man or a nation.  -- Oscar Wilde
p Discouragement is simply the despair of wounded self-love.  -- De Fenelon
p Discussions of morality must inevitably lead to immoral statements.  -- Bradshaw
p Disengage from consumerism as the main avenue of experience.
p Dishonor will not trouble me, once I am dead.
p Divine justice, and how it plays out, is perfect.  -- Carolyn Myss
p Divorce can be a creative experience.  -- Will Limon
p DNA is not really a thing, it is a memory.  -- Deepak Chopra
p Do more than anyone expects, and pretty soon everyone will expect more.
p Do not ask for what you will wish you had not got.  -- Seneca
p Do not be angry with me if I tell you the truth.  -- Socrates
p Do not be intimidated by reality.
p Do not be overly suspicious where it is not warranted.
p Do not beg trouble from the future.  -- Nancy Kirkwood
p Do not believe everything you hear or anything you say.
p Do not clog intellect's sluices with bits of knowledge of questionable uses.
p Do not count your chickens before they are hatched.  -- Aesop
p Do not cross a river if it is four feet deep on average.  -- Nassim Taleb
p Do not handicap your children by making their lives easy.  -- Robert Heinlein
p Do not judge a book by its cover.
p Do not learn the tricks of the trade; learn the trade.
p Do not seek answers that cannot be given; you would not be able to live them.
p Do not stoop to tie your laces in your neighbor's melon patch.
p Do not think by infection, catching an opinion like a cold.
p Do not triumph before the victory.
p Do not try to live forever.  You will not succeed.  -- George Shaw
p Do not worry about which side your bread is buttered on:  You eat BOTH sides.
p Do one thing every day that scares you.  -- Mary Schmich
p Do the thing and have the power.  -- Ralph Emerson
p Do to others as you would have them do unto you.
p Do unto others as they would have you do unto them.  -- Haley
p Do unto yourself as you would have others do unto you.
p Do what you love, and follow your passion.  -- Jim and June Spencer
p Do what you want -- but KNOW what you are doing.  -- Kenny Washington
p Do you ever just seem to not be able to get around to procrastinating?
p Do you wish people to think well of you?  Don't speak well of yourself.  -- Pascal
p Doctors do not cry but men do.  -- Harry Weiss
p Doctors think many patients are cured who have simply quit in disgust.  -- Herold
p Does this path have a heart?  -- Carlos Castaneda
p Dog wisdom:  Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.
p Dog wisdom:  Eat with gusto and enthusiasm.
p Dog wisdom:  If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.
p Dog wisdom:  Let others know when they have invaded your territory.
p Dog wisdom:  Take naps and stretch before rising.
p Dog wisdom:  Thrive on attention and let people touch you.
p Dogma takes over when facts fail.
p Dogs that bark at a distance bite not at hand.  -- Camden
p Doing gets it done.
p Doing is demonstrating that you know something.
p Doing what you love is freedom.  Loving what you do is happiness.
p Doing your best is more important than being the best.  -- Cathy Rigby's mom
p Dollar-cost average your entire life, you'll beat almost everyone who doesn't.  -- Morgan Housel
p Don't ask the meaning of life.  Life is asking, what's the meaning of you?  -- Scott Pelley
p Don't be ashamed to say what you are not afraid to think.  -- Montaigne
p Don't be mad about growing old.  Some aren't that lucky.
p Don't be reckless with other people's hearts.  -- Mary Schmich
p Don't be so afraid of making a mistake that you can't make a decision.
p Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have, or sleep all you want.  -- Brown
p Don't burn any bridges you might need to cross again later.
p Don't change a hair for me, not if you care for me.  -- Lee Coit
p Don't compare your insides with other people's outsides.
p Don't confuse mere inconveniences with real problems.  -- H. Jackson Brown
p Don't confuse motion with progress (or effort with results).
p Don't confuse things that need action with those that take care of themselves.
p Don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either.  -- Mary Schmich
p Don't count the days.  Make the days count.  -- Muhammed Ali
p Don't cross the bridge till you get to it.  -- Longfellow
p Don't die until you're dead.  -- Billy Connolly
p Don't do something.  Just stand there.  -- Vanguard founder Jack Bogle
p Don't ever slam a door; you might want to go back.
p Don't expect drastic changes fast.  Good practices require practice.  -- Hanson
p Don't find fault, find a remedy; anyone can complain.
p Don't get even -- get better.  -- Carolyn Myss
p Don't have good ideas if you aren't willing to be responsible for them.
p Don't judge a man until you have walked a mile in his shoes.  -- Confucius
p Don't judge your insides by other peoples' outsides.
p Don't just adopt opinions; develop them.
p Don't keep going to the well when the well is dry.
p Don't kid yourself.  Little is relevant, and nothing lasts forever.
p Don't let editors edit the life out of your sentences!  -- Isaac Asimov
p Don't let God laugh alone.  -- Josef Engressia
p Don't let what you can't do stop you from doing what you can do.
p Don't limit your challenges; challenge your limits.  -- Jerry Dunn 
p Don't look a gift horse in the mouth.
p Don't look for the right person; be the right person.  -- Will Limon
p Don't make a big deal out of everything; just deal with everything.
p Don't make it a project.  Much of the joy of things lies in their serendipity.
p Don't meet troubles half-way.  -- Christer Sundqvist
p Don't outlive your money.  -- H. Jackson Brown
p Don't panic; calmness attracts answers.
p Don't pet a dog you have just kicked.
p Don't pick a fight with an old man.  If too old to fight, he'll just kill you.
p Don't put all of your eggs in one basket.
p Don't put anything in writing that you wouldn't want to see in print.  -- Young
p Don't run from love.  There is no other direction.
p Don't send your spirit on missions of destruction.  -- Carolyn Myss
p Don't speak about Time, until you have spoken to him.
p Don't stop along the way at all.  That's illusion too.  -- Ram Dass
p Don't stop to step on the ants when the elephants are stampeding.
p Don't take anything seriously except happiness.  -- Albert Camus
p Don't teach your children what to think; just teach them to think.  -- Tannenbaum
p Don't tell me the sky's the limit when there are footprints on the moon.  -- Paul Brandt 
p Don't think that a house covered with snow has no fire in it.  -- George Shaw
p Don't try to have the last word -- you might get it.  -- Lazarus Long
p Don't try to pitch from third base.
p Don't use big words for little matters.  -- Samuel Johnson
p Don't use yesterday as an excuse for not being fine.  -- Carolyn Myss
p Don't use your powers, let them go.  -- Ram Dass
p Don't Worry, Be Happy.  -- Meher Baba
p Doubt is humble, and that's what man needs to be.  -- Bill Maher
p Draw a circle around your love and hate will walk the line.  -- Hugh Prather
p Draw your salary before spending it.
p Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing.  -- Robert Benchley
p Dream as if you'll live forever.  Live as if you'll die tomorrow.  -- James Dean
p Dry bread at home is better than roast meat abroad.  -- George Herbert
p Dry socks are far more important than clean underwear.  -- Len McDougall
p During depressions, assets return to their rightful owners.  -- Andrew Mellon
p During the lows I find hope in knowing another high will come along.  -- Keirn
p Duty is what one expects from others.
p Each bird loves to hear himself sing.  -- Howell
p Each circumstance is a gift, and in each experience is hidden a treasure.  -- God?
p Each day can be whatever it is, and it's all right.  -- Ram Dass
p Each man is his own prisoner, in solitary confinement for life.
p Each of us bears his own Hell.  -- Publius Maro
p Each one of us is an experiment-of-one.  -- George Sheehan
p Each one of us is plugged into a schemata of archetypal patterns.  -- Carolyn Myss
p Each person's journey into consciousness recapitulates all of man's journey.
p Each problem solved introduces a new unsolved problem.
p Early to bed and early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise.
p Earth is the cradle of reason, but it's impossible to live eternally in cradles.  -- Konstantin Tsiolkovsky
p Earth is the insane asylum of the universe.
p Easy come, easy go.
p Eat to live, and not live to eat.  -- Benjamin Franklin
p Eat, drink, and be merry.
p Eclipses clearly illuminate numerous features of society.  -- David Daye
p Economic compulsion determines ethical perspective.  -- Lawrence Hirsch
p Economy makes men independent.
p Educated:  Can hear almost anything without losing temper or self-confidence.
p Education consists of pounding abstract ideas into concrete heads.
p Education is a method whereby one acquires a higher grade of prejudice.  -- Peter
p Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.  -- Will Durant
p Education is a weapon.  -- Josef Stalin
p Education is the process of casting false pearls before real swine.  -- Edman
p Education is what survives when what has been learnt has been forgotten.
p Education makes a straight cut ditch of a free meandering brook.  -- Thoreau
p Eighty percent of success is showing up.  -- Woody Allen
p Eliminate any artificial "creativity" processes in the company.  -- Scott Adams
p Emotion:  Energy in motion.
p Emotions honestly tell what is your investment and what are your expectations.
p Empowering your child does not depower you.  -- Barbara Coloroso
p Endurance is not toleration.
p Enemies are people whose story you haven't heard yet.
p Energy flowing through a system organizes that system into greater complexity. -- Alan MacRobert
p Energy flows where attention goes.  -- Christiane Turner
p Engineering is the art of knowing how to avoid difficult issues.  -- Dr. Budak
p Engineering is the art of making the impossible possible.  -- Robert Zubrin
p Engineers are the natural enemies of marketing people.  -- Scott Adams
p Enjoy your body.  Use it every way you can.  -- Mary Schmich
p Enjoy yourself, it's later than you think.  -- Rasmus Petersen
p Ensure your mind makes contracts your body can meet.
p Envy and mediocrity are an explosive mixture.  -- Irvine Page
p Envy is a pain of mind that successful men cause their neighbors.
p Envy provides the mud that failure throws at success.
p Established technology tends to persist in spite of new technology.  -- Blaauw
p Eternity is a mere moment, just long enough for a joke.  -- Hermann Hesse
p Eureka!  -- Archimedes
p Even a cabbage can look at a king.
p Even a hawk is an eagle among crows.
p Even a straight line is art in someone's eyes.
p Even God lends a hand to honest boldness.
p Even if a marriage is made in heaven the maintenance must be done on Earth.
p Even if we fail, we'll learn.  -- Hachiro Shimanuki
p Even if you win the rat race, you're still a rat.
p Even the best of friends cannot attend each other's funeral.  -- Kehlog Albran
p Even the boldest zebra fears the hungry lion.
p Even the finest of cookbooks is no substitute for the poorest of dinners.
p Even the smallest candle burns brighter in the dark.
p Every 5-7 years, people forget that recessions occur every 5-7 years.  -- Morgan Housel
p Every absurdity has a champion to defend it.
p Every activity takes more time than you have.
p Every attempt to impose order leaves something outside the frame.  -- Carlo Rovelli
p Every blessing ignored becomes a curse.  -- Paulo Coelho
p Every child is gifted and talented.  You just have to pull it out.
p Every clarification breeds new questions.
p Every cloud engenders not a storm.
p Every cloud has a silver lining.  -- Gilbert
p Every cubic inch in space is a miracle.  -- Walt Whitman
p Every day you add one more day to your history.  -- Carolyn Myss
p Every erroneous inference involves admitting insufficient evidence as data.
p Every exit is an entry somewhere else.  -- Tom Stoppard
p Every fool aspired to be a knave.  -- Mackay, of the South Sea Bubble
p Every generation laughs at the old fashions, but follows religiously the new.
p Every genius is a child, every child is a genius.
p Every good idea started out as a bad idea.  -- Doug Baskins
p Every horse thinks his own pack the heaviest.
p Every human is... that profound secret and mystery to every other.  -- Dickens
p Every intelligent conversation is punctuated by periods of silence.
p Every job is a self-portrait of the person who did it.
p Every man a little beyond himself is a fool.
p Every man dies...  Not every man truly lives.  -- William Wallace
p Every man has a right to be conceited until he is successful.  -- Disraeli
p Every man has a scheme that absolutely will not work.
p Every man has his price.  Every price has its man.
p Every man has two vocations:  His own and philosophy.  -- Edward Abbey
p Every man is a fool sometimes, and none at all times.  -- George Herbert
p Every man is a king in his own house.
p Every man is all of man.  -- Jean-Paul Sartre
p Every man is as God made him, ay, and often worse.  -- Miguel de Cervantes
p Every man is best known to himself.  -- Thomas Draxe
p Every man is mad on some point.
p Every man is the architect of his own fortune.
p Every man is working out his destiny in his own way and no one can be of help.
p Every man likes his own thing best.
p Every man loves what he is good at.  -- Shadwell
p Every man who takes office in Washington either grows or swells.  -- Wilson
p Every medal has its reverse.
p Every mile is two in winter.  -- George Herbert
p Every minority group in order to survive works harder than usual.  -- Katchalski
p Every moment is precious.  And precarious.  -- Edward Abbey
p Every nation has the government it deserves.  -- Joseph De Maistre
p Every new generation is a fresh invasion of savages.  -- Harvey Allen
p Every now and then, bite off more than you can chew.  -- H. Jackson Brown
p Every oak has been an acorn.
p Every patient is a doctor after they are cured.
p Every pawn move loosens the position.  -- Siegbert Tarrasch
p Every person has a unique tongue print.
p Every person on earth plays a central role in the history of the world.  -- Paulo Coelho
p Every purchase has its price.
p Every revolution was first a thought in one man's mind.  -- Emerson
p Every saint has a past and every sinner has a future.  -- Oscar Wilde
p Every single person has his or her divine purpose for being here.  -- Carolyn Myss
p Every single person you relate to has a completely different culture.  -- Coit
p Every truth starts life as a heresy and ends life as an orthodoxy.  -- Aldous Huxley
p Every truth that finally wakes up in you changes the rules of your life.  -- Carolyn Myss
p Every why hath a wherefore.
p Every word is like an unnecessary stain on silence and nothingness.  -- Beckett
p Everybody has something to conceal.  -- Humphrey Bogart
p Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.  -- Dykstra
p Everybody ought to have a friend.
p Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
p Everyone complains of his memory, no one of his judgement.
p Everyone does better when everyone does better.  -- Hightower
p Everyone in favor of birth control has already been born.  -- Laurence Peter
p Everyone is born a king, and most people die in exile.
p Everyone is entitled to his own opinion, but not his own facts.  -- Daniel Moynihan
p Everyone is ignorant -- only on different subjects.  -- Will Rogers
p Everyone is in the best seat.  -- John Cage
p Everyone is partly man and partly woman.  -- Virginia Woolf
p Everyone is someone's fool.
p Everyone knows what ought to be done with everyone else's children.
p Everyone loves praise.  Look hard for ways to give it to them.  -- Brown
p Everyone stays busy keeping other people busy.
p Everyone thinks of changing mankind, but no one thinks of changing himself.
p Everyone wants to change the world, but no one wants to change their mind.
p Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about.  -- Ian Maclaren
p Everyone's faults are written in their foreheads.
p Everyone, when they are young, knows what their destiny is.  -- Paulo Coelho
p Everything bows to success, even grammar.  -- Victor Hugo
p Everything changes but change itself.  -- John F. Kennedy
p Everything expands to fill the available space.
p Everything goes wrong at once.
p Everything has an end.
p Everything has beauty, but not everyone sees it.  -- Confucius
p Everything has some value -- if you use the right currency.
p Everything I did in my life that was worthwhile I caught hell for.  -- Warren
p Everything in excess!  To enjoy the flavor of life, take big bites.  -- Robert Heinlein
p Everything in the world may be endured except continual prosperity.  -- Johann von Goethe
p Everything in war is very simple, but the simplest thing is difficult.  -- Carl von Clausewitz
p Everything in your universe becomes your teacher.  -- Ram Dass
p Everything is negotiable.
p Everything is written in the Soul of the World, and there it will stay forever.
p Everything must have a beginning.
p Everything should be built top-down, except the first time.
p Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler.  -- Albert Einstein
p Everything takes longer than you think it will.  -- Murphy
p Everything tends toward chaos.  -- John Quill Taylor
p Everything that goes up must come down.
p Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease.  -- Bill Maher
p Everything will kill you, but without it you would be nothing.
p Evil is never intended as evil.  -- James Carse
p Evil is the termination of infinite play.  -- James Carse
p Evil is... the restriction of all play to one or another finite game.  -- James Carse
p Evolution is a theory that accounts for variety, not superiority.  -- Joan Pontius
p Examine what is said, not him who speaks.  -- Arab proverb
p Example has more followers than reason.  -- Christian Bovee
p Example is not the main thing in influencing others.  It is the only thing.
p Excellence is not an act but a habit.  -- Aristotle
p Excellent things are hard to come by.  -- Clarke
p Exceptions are pernicious because they conceal laws.  -- Henri Poincar
p Execute every act of thy life as though it were thy last.  -- Marcus Aurelius
p Executives count their beans instead of feeling passion about customers.
p Exotic foreign places don't seem exotic to the people who live there.
p Expansion means complexity; and complexity decay.
p Expectations are resentment in training.  -- Cindy Ryk
p Experience is a hard teacher for it gives the test first and the lesson later.
p Experience is sometimes dangerous.  -- Florio
p Experience is the father of knowledge and the mother of wisdom.
p Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes.  -- Oscar Wilde
p Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want.
p Experience keeps a dear school, but fools will learn in no other.  -- Franklin
p Experience should be a guide post, not a hitching post.
p Experience without learning is better than learning without experience.
p Expert advice is a great comfort, even when it is wrong.  -- Ellen Currie
p Explanation is an antagonistic encounter.  -- James Carse
p Express an opinion, but send advice by freight.
p Expressing anger is a form of public littering.  -- Willard Gaylin
p Expressing negative emotions contributes to recovery from hurts.
p Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence.  -- Carl Sagan
p Extraordinary people use their wisdom to avoid the need for their skill.
p Extreme fear can neither fight nor fly.
p Extroverts must talk to think; introverts must think to talk.
p e^(i*pi) + 1 = 0
p Face reality:  Consistently adequate is good enough.  -- Marianne Neifert
p Facts are meaningless except as part of a system.  -- Morris Cohen
p Facts are stubborn things.  -- Tobias Smollett
p Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored.  -- Aldous Huxley
p Facts, apart from their relationships, are like labels on empty bottles.
p FAIL = First Attempt In Learning.
p Failure is falling down.  Success is getting back up.
p Failure is more frequently from want of energy than want of capital.
p Failure is the path of least persistence.
p Failure teaches success.
p Fain would I climb, yet fear I to fall.
p Fair words and foul play cheat both young and old.  -- Mapletoft
p Fair words hurt not the mouth.
p Fair words make me look to my purse.  -- George Herbert
p Faith goes out through the window when beauty comes in at the door.
p Faith is believing what you know ain't so.
p Faith means making a virtue out of not thinking.  -- Bill Maher
p Faith without works is dead.  -- New Testament
p Fake news has real consequences! -- John Martin
p False hope is better than no hope at all.
p False modesty is the refuge of the incompetent.
p Fame is a magnifying glass.
p Fame is but the breath of the people.
p Fame is proof that people are gullible.  -- Ralph Emerson
p Fame is the perfume of heroic deeds.  -- Socrates
p Familiarity breeds contempt.  -- Augustinus
p Fancy gizmos don't work.
p Far duller than a serpent's tooth it is to spend a quiet youth.
p Fashion:  A despot whom the wise ridicule and obey.  -- Ambrose Bierce
p Fate knows best sometimes.  -- John Taylor
p Fatigue is the best pillow.
p Fear is interest paid on a debt you may not owe.  -- McWilliams
p Fear is the result of impurity.  -- Ram Dass
p Fear of death is worse than death itself.
p Fear teaches us in the most graphic terms just what it is we value.  -- Will Limon
p Fear:  False Expectations About Reality.
p February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon.
p Feelings are neither good nor bad; they are just indicators.  -- Will Limon
p Few lawyers die well; few physicians live well.
p Few men have the ambition to be great, although many aspire to be thought so.
p Few of us seem to realize that pleasure is not the same as happiness.  -- Highet
p Few people recover from having had a childhood.  -- Robert Niland
p Few things in life are as kind as forgetfulness.
p Few words and many deeds.
p Few, if any, survive their teens.  -- Maya Angelou
p Fields with the word "Science" in their names usually aren't.
p Fifty percent of something is better than 100 percent of nothing.  -- Suze Orman
p Fighting for peace is like making love for virginity.
p Figures won't lie, but liars will figure.  -- C. H. Grosvenor
p Financial diversification means always having to say you are sorry.  -- Brian Portnoy
p Find a job you love, and you will never have to work again.  -- Mark Twain
p Find an aim in life before you run out of ammunition.  -- Arnold Glasow
p Find time to work smarter.
p Find ways to be wealthy that don't depend on earning cash or buying things.
p Fine words dress ill deeds.
p Fingers were made before forks, and hands before knives.
p Finite play is inherently contradictory; infinite play is paradoxical.  -- James Carse
p Finite players play within boundaries; infinite players play with boundaries.
p Fire is a low-temperature phenomenon...  in the universe.  -- Arthur Clarke
p Fire, water, and money are good servants but terrible masters.
p Firmness of delivery dates is inversely proportional to tightness of schedule.
p First come, first served.
p First deserve, and then desire.
p First in time, first in right.  -- Colorado water law
p First step to getting what you want:  Courage to get rid of what you don't want.
p First think, and then speak.
p Fish and visitors smell in three days.
p Fish or cut bait.
p Fix the problem, not the blame.
p Flattery is like cologne:  To be smelled, but not swallowed.  -- Josh Billings
p Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee.  -- Muhammed Ali
p Focused action beats brilliance any day.  -- Art Turock
p Follow the good side right to the fire, but not into it.
p Follow the river and you will get to the sea.
p Follow your bliss.  -- Joseph Campbell
p Folly grows without watering.  -- George Herbert
p Fond of the game, but no fool -- a real man.  -- Louis-Ferdinand Celine
p Food for thought is no substitute for the real thing.  -- Walt Kelly
p Fool me once, shame on you.  Fool me twice, shame on me.  -- Scotti
p Fools are always at the bottom of the food chain.  -- Cesare
p Fools don't attempt suicide; rather, they succeed at it.  -- John Taylor
p Fools rush in where angels fear to tread.
p For best results, authority and responsibility should be commensurate.
p For courage mounteth with occasion.
p For every credibility gap, there is a gullibility fill.  -- R. Clopton
p For fast-acting relief, try slowing down.
p For God's sake, stop researching for a while and begin to think.  -- Moberly
p For humans, honest is a matter of degree.  -- Scott Adams
p For life to have meaning, one must have something significant yet to do.
p For the love of lust is the root of all evil...  Lust came before money.
p For the love of money is the root of all evil.  -- New Testament
p For the unlearned, old age is winter.  For the learned, it's the harvest season.
p For thee the wonder-working Earth puts forth sweet flowers.  -- Titus Carus
p For us there is only the trying.  -- T. S. Eliot
p Forbidden fruit is sweet.  -- Old Testament
p Force has no place where there is need of skill.  -- Herodotus
p Forget what you know and learn.  -- Roger von Oech
p Forget your troubles as easily as you do your blessings.  -- NRTA Journal
p Forgive us, for we also know not what we don't.  -- John Taylor
p Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.  -- John F. Kennedy
p Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.  -- Mohandas Gandhi
p Forgiveness means giving up your right to punish another.
p Forgiveness of another is a gift you give to yourself.
p Fortune can take from us nothing but what she gave us.
p Fortune favors the brave.
p Fortune knocks at least once at every man's gate.
p Fortune never seems so blind as to those upon whom she has bestowed no favors.
p Freedom begins between the ears.  -- Edward Abbey
p Freedom is its own punishment.  -- P.J. O'Rourke
p Freedom is nothing else but the chance to do better.  -- Albert Camus
p Freedom is slavery.  Ignorance is strength.  War is peace.  -- George Orwell
p Freedom is the recognition of necessity.  -- Spinoza
p Freedom is the right to be wrong, not the right to do wrong.  -- John Diefenbaker
p Freedom isn't free; it is purchased by respecting the liberties of others.
p Freedom of the press belongs to he who owns one.
p Freedom, not safety, is the highest good.  -- Edward Abbey
p Friends agree best at a distance.
p Friends are people you can be quiet with.
p Friends are thieves of time.
p Friends listen to what you say.  Best friends listen to what you don't say.
p Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.  -- Jones
p Friendship cannot stand always on one side.
p Friendship is forgetting what you give and remembering what you receive.
p Friendship is one mind in two bodies.  -- Mencius
p From each according to his abilities, to each according to his needs.  -- Marx
p From error to error, one discovers the entire truth.  -- Sigmund Freud
p From fanaticism to barbarism is only one step.  -- Denis Diderot
p From hearing comes wisdom; from speaking, repentance.  -- Mapletoft
p Fruit ripens not well in the shade.  -- Fuller
p Furious activity is no substitute for understanding.  -- H. H. Williams
p Fuzzy project goals avoid the embarrassment of estimating the costs.
p Genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration.  -- Thomas Edison
p Genius is born, not paid.  -- Oscar Wilde
p Genius is seeing origins.
p Genius is the talent of a person who is dead.
p Genius might have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
p Genuine travel has no destination.  -- James Carse
p Genuine travelers travel not to overcome distance but to discover distance.
p Geologic time is measured by mass extinctions.  -- Charlene Anderson
p Get even...  With the people who have helped you.
p Get up one time more than you are knocked down.  -- Peter
p Getting old is giving up one damn thing after another.  -- Irvin Yalom
p Ghosts are the insomniacs among the dead.  -- Louis Jenkins
p Gifts blind the eyes.
p Give a lie twenty-four hours' start, and you can never overtake it.
p Give me a fish and I will eat today.  Teach me to fish and I will eat forever.
p Give me enough medals, and I'll win any war.  -- Napolean
p Give religion privilege, and it gets corrupted.  -- Martin Marty
p Give the Devil his due, but be careful that there ain't much due him.
p Given a choice between grief and nothing, I'd choose grief.  -- William Faulkner
p Given enough time, almost everything will occur.
p Given sufficient time, what you put off doing today will get done by itself.
p Giving away your personal power is an explosive fuel for power struggles.
p Giving leadership to those incapable of governing themselves is foolishness.
p Giving to the poor insures their predicament.
p Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.  -- Napoleon Bonaparte
p Glory to the pattern finders.  They make sense out of apparent chaos.  -- Raham
p Goals...  Plans...  They're fantasies, part of a dream world...  -- Wally Shawn
p God came to the United States in the form of LSD.  -- Ram Dass
p God can make an ass with three tails, but not a triangle with four sides.
p God comes to see without a bell.
p God complains not, but does what is fitting.  -- George Herbert
p God does not play dice with the universe.  -- Albert Einstein
p God gives burdens; also shoulders.
p God gives us the nuts, but he does not crack them.  -- German proverb
p God has no intention of setting a limit to the efforts of man to conquer space.
p God heals and the doctor takes the fee.  -- Benjamin Franklin
p God is a comic playing to an audience afraid to laugh, with no front row.
p God is an artist who paints with broad strokes.
p God is great, too great for me.  -- Kurt Tucholsky
p God is not all-powerful as he cannot build a wall he cannot jump.  -- Pascal
p God is the tangential point between zero and infinity.  -- Alfred Jarry
p God loves everyone in the world who doesn't love himself.  Does God love God?
p God made man, but Samuel Colt made men equal.
p God made the country, and man made the town.
p God made the integers; all else is the work of Man.  -- Kronecker
p God made us plain and simple, but we have made ourselves very complicated.
p God makes and man shapes.
p God may be subtle, but he isn't plain mean.  -- Albert Einstein
p God meditates in geniuses, dreams in poets, and sleeps in other people.
p God offers to every mind its choice between truth and repose.  -- Emerson
p God sends cold after clothes.
p God sends meat and the devil sends cooks.  -- Thomas Deloney
p God strikes with his finger, and not with all his arm.  -- Delamothe
p God walking on Earth is more important than man walking on the Moon.  -- Jim Irwin
p God will not look you over for medals, degrees or diplomas, but for scars.
p God works with you, not for you.
p God's career would end tomorrow were there no more problems.  -- Neale Walsch
p God's mill grinds slow but exceedingly fine.
p God, it looks like it's going to be you and me for the rest of my life.  -- Coit
p Gold that's put to use more gold begets.  -- William Shakespeare
p Good artists borrow.  Great artists steal.  -- Steven Jobs
p Good beginning makes a good ending.
p Good behavior is the last refuge of mediocrity.  -- Henry Haskins
p Good counsel never comes too late.
p Good fortune will find you, providing you gave directions.
p Good gift: Someone really wants it, but feels guilty buying it for themselves.  -- Dan Ariely
p Good humor is the health of the soul, sadness the poison.
p Good judgement comes from experience, which comes from bad judgement.
p Good leaders being scarce, following yourself is allowed.
p Good listeners make good lovers.
p Good management is knowing what's fundamental to success and what's not.  -- Adams
p Good manuals are not written...  They are rewritten.
p Good memories have ill judgements.  -- James Kelly
p Good men are scanty, make much of one.  -- Fletcher
p Good nature and good sense must ever join; to err is human, to forgive, divine.
p Good poetry and bad poetry look pretty much the same at fifty yards.  -- Taylor
p Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.  -- Godwin
p Good that the teeth guard the tongue.
p Good things come in small packages.
p Good to begin well, better to end well.
p Good words are worth much, and cost little.  -- George Herbert
p Good, to forgive; best, to forget.  -- Robert Browning
p Gossip is so tasty, how we love to swallow it!  -- Solomon
p Government is the last solution but the first suggestion for many problems.
p Governments lie; newspapers lie; but in a democracy they are different lies.
p Grace is more beautiful than beauty.  -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
p Gratitude is a lively sense of future favors.  -- Sir Robert Walpole
p Gratitude is the memory of the heart.  -- J. B. Massieu
p Great achievements require relatively few ideas and even less men.  -- Uhrin
p Great acts are made up of small deeds.  -- Lao Tsu
p Great art is indefinable but that's all right; it exists anyway.  -- Edward Abbey
p Great art is never perfect; perfect art is never great.  -- Edward Abbey
p Great blunders are often made, like large ropes, of a multitude of fibers.  -- Victor Hugo
p Great businesses must survive bad managers because eventually they'll have to.
p Great expectations lead to great disappointments.
p Great intellects are skeptical.  -- Friedrich Nietzsche
p Great love and great achievements involve great risk.  -- H. Jackson Brown
p Great men have great faults.  -- Thomas Draxe
p Great minds have purposes; others have wishes.  -- Washington Irving
p Great opportunities to help others seldom come; small ones surround us every day.
p Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds.
p Greater qualities are necessary to bear good fortune than bad.  -- La Rochefoucald
p Greatness is a transitory experience.  It is never consistent.
p Grown men do not need leaders.  -- Edward Abbey
p Growth for the sake of growth is the ideology of the cancer cell.  -- Edward Abbey
p Half of being smart is knowing what you are dumb at.
p Half the truth is often a great lie.  -- Benjamin Franklin
p Half the world knows not how the other half lives.  -- J. Hall
p Handle yourself with your head, handle others with your heart.
p Happiness adds and multiplies as we divide it with others.
p Happiness equals reality minus expectations.  -- Tom Magliozzi
p Happiness is a perpetual possession of being well deceived.  -- Jonathan Swift
p Happiness is just an illusion, filled with sadness and confusion.
p Happiness isn't something you experience; it's something you remember.  -- Levant
p Happy folks do not make history.  -- French proverb
p Happy is he that is happy in his children.  -- Fuller
p Happy is the man who becomes wise, who gains understanding.  -- Solomon
p Happy-go-lucky people can only be happy when they are lucky.
p Hard facts are hard to beat.
p Hard reality has a way of cramping your style.  -- Daniel Dennett
p Haste makes waste.  -- R. C. Trench
p Hasten slowly.  -- Suetonius
p Hate is a disease, and tolerance is the cure.  -- Dennis Shepard
p Hate stirs up trouble, but love overlooks all offenses.  -- Solomon
p Hate the sin and love the sinner.  -- Mohandas Gandhi
p Hating people is like burning down your own house to get rid of a rat.  -- Fosdick
p Hatred is blind, as well as love.  -- Fuller
p Hatred is never ended by hatred but by love.  -- Buddhism
p Have no fear of perfection -- you'll never reach it.  -- Salvador Dali
p Have no friends not equal to yourself.  -- Confucius
p Have preferences, not expectations; make choices, not demands.
p Have the courage to be honest with yourself.  -- Carolyn Myss
p Have you ever gone out to see how much fun you'd be to be with?  -- Lee Coit
p Have you tried on your smile today?
p Having a mind of one's own doesn't necessarily imply having any mind as such.
p Having been poor is no shame, but being ashamed of it, is.  -- Benjamin Franklin
p Having made one lie, he is fain to make more to maintain it.  -- Fuller
p Having no security is better than thinking you have security when you don't.
p Having nothing, nothing can he lose.  -- William Shakespeare
p Having the fewest wants, I am nearest to the gods.  -- Socrates
p He bears misery best that hides it most.  -- Harvey
p He cannot be good that knows not why he is good.  -- I. Sidney
p He cannot speak well that cannot hold his tongue.
p He cries wine and sells vinegar.  -- Howell
p He gets a double victory who conquers himself.
p He has not acquired a fortune; the fortune has acquired him.  -- Bion
p He has slept well that remembers not he has slept ill.  -- Fuller
p He is a good friend that speaks well of us behind our backs.
p He is a good orator who convinces himself.  -- Mapletoft
p He is at ease who has enough.
p He is lifeless that is faultless.
p He is not laughed at that laughs at himself first.
p He is now rising from affluence to poverty.  -- Mark Twain
p He is poor indeed that can promise nothing.  -- Thomas Draxe
p He is rich enough that wants nothing.
p He is the best of men who dislikes power.  -- Mohammed
p He is the kind of man for the times that need the kind of man he is.
p He is truly wise who gains wisdom from another's mishap.
p He is wise that knows when he is well enough.
p He jests at scars who never felt a wound.  -- William Shakespeare
p He knows not how to know who knows not also how to unknow.  -- Richard Burton
p He knows not what good is who has not tried what evil is.  -- Torriano
p He laughs best that laughs last.  -- Sir J. Vanbrugh
p He lives long that lives well.
p He loses his thanks who promises and delays.  -- Thomas Draxe
p He loses indeed that loses at last.  -- Fuller
p He loses nothing who keeps God for his friend.  -- Cotgrave
p He or she who would gather roses must not fear thorns.  -- Dutch proverb
p He played the king as if afraid someone else would play the ace.  -- John Brown
p He praises who wishes to sell.
p He sits not sure that sits too high.  -- Cotgrave
p He spent his last shilling on a purse.
p He teaches ill who teaches all.
p He that bringeth a present, findeth the door open.  -- Scottish proverb
p He that brings good news knocks hard.  -- Cotgrave
p He that can have patience can have what he will.
p He that cannot abide a bad market deserves not a good one.  -- John Ray
p He that cannot pay let him pray.  -- John Ray
p He that counts all costs will never put plow in the earth.  -- Carmichaell
p He that does what he will, does not what he ought.
p He that eats least eats most.
p He that falls in love with himself, will have no rivals.  -- Franklin
p He that falls today may rise tomorrow.
p He that fears you present will hate you absent.  -- Fuller
p He that goes barefoot must not plant thorns.
p He that has a full purse never wanted a friend.  -- James Kelly
p He that has a great nose, thinks everyone is speaking of it.
p He that has lost his credit is dead to the world.
p He that has money has what he wants.
p He that has no money needs no purse.  -- Thomas Draxe
p He that has not silver in his purse, should have silk on his tongue.
p He that has time has life.
p He that hurts another hurts himself.  -- Sanford
p He that is born a fool is never cured.  -- Harward
p He that is carried down the stream need not row.  -- Fuller
p He that is fallen cannot help him that is down.  -- George Herbert
p He that is giddy thinks the world turns round.  -- William Shakespeare
p He that is his own counsel has a fool for a client.
p He that is not sensible of his loss has lost nothing.
p He that kills a man when he is drunk, shall be hanged when he is sober.
p He that knows little soon repeats it.  -- John Ray
p He that knows nothing doubts nothing.  -- Cotgrave
p He that lends, gives.  -- George Herbert
p He that lies upon the ground can fall no lower.  -- Alain de Lille
p He that lives in hope dances without music.
p He that lives long suffers much.
p He that lives most, dies most.  -- George Herbert
p He that lives upon hope will die fasting.
p He that lives well is learned enough.  -- Cotgrave
p He that lives wickedly can hardly die honestly.  -- Thomas Draxe
p He that loves well sees afar off.  -- George Herbert
p He that makes a good war makes a good peace.
p He that makes a thing too fine, breaks it.  -- George Herbert
p He that marries for wealth sells his liberty.
p He that nothing questions, nothing learns.
p He that pays last never pays twice.
p He that plants a tree plants for posterity.
p He that seeks finds.  -- New Testament
p He that seeks trouble, never misses.
p He that sleeps with dogs must rise up with fleas.  -- Seneca
p He that sows good seed shall reap good corn.
p He that speaks to a fool, talks to himself.  -- James Kelly
p He that stays in the valley shall never get over the hill.  -- Thomas Draxe
p He that steals honey should beware of the sting.  -- James Kelly
p He that will be served, must be patient.  -- George Herbert
p He that will eat the kernel must crack the nut.
p He that will enter into Paradise must have a good key.  -- Thomas Draxe
p He that will lie will steal.
p He that would govern others, first should be the master of himself.
p He was meant for a gentleman, but was spoilt in the making.  -- Jonathan Swift
p He who angers you, conquers you.  -- Elisabeth Kenny
p He who asks is a fool for five minutes; he who does not remains a fool forever.
p He who begins many things finishes but few.
p He who can, does.  He who cannot, teaches.  -- Bernard Shaw
p He who dares knows adventure.
p He who defines the terms wins the argument.  -- Chinese proverb
p He who despises himself nevertheless esteems himself as a self-despiser.
p He who dies with the most peace of mind wins.
p He who dies with the most toys has missed the point of the game.
p He who fears the unknown may one day flee from his own backside.  -- Sinbad
p He who fights and runs away lives to fight another day.  -- Leng-Tzu
p He who foresees calamities suffers them twice over.
p He who gives promptly gives twice.  -- Miguel de Cervantes
p He who goes into the conclave a pope comes out a cardinal.
p He who has a fair wife needs more than two eyes.
p He who has a WHY to live for can bear with almost any HOW.  -- Friedrich Nietzsche
p He who has imagination without learning has wings but no feet.
p He who has no poetry in himself will find poetry in nothing.
p He who has the gold makes the rules.
p He who hates vices hates mankind.
p He who hesitates is lost.  -- Leng-Tzu
p He who hesitates is sometimes saved.  -- James Thurber
p He who is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else.
p He who knows others is wise.  He who knows himself is enlightened.  -- Lao Tsu
p He who knows that enough is enough will always have enough.  -- Lao Tsu
p He who knows, does not speak.  He who speaks, does not know.  -- Lao Tsu
p He who laughs, lasts.
p He who lives without folly is less wise than he believes.
p He who makes no mistakes makes nothing.
p He who opens a school door, closes a prison.  -- Victor Hugo
p He who owes is in all wrong.  -- Torriano
p He who sees much can endure much.  -- Emanuel Lasker
p He who slings mud generally loses ground.  -- Adlai Stevenson
p He who tells you how great he is usually isn't.
p He who thinks he is raising a mound might only in reality be digging a pit.
p He who wonders discovers that this in itself is wonder.  -- Escher
p He who would climb the ladder must begin at the bottom.  -- Palmer
p He's poor as Job, and not so patient.  -- Byron
p Health follows a change in mindset, just as in the case for placebos.  -- Ellen Langer
p Health is better than wealth.
p Health is not valued till sickness comes.
p Health:  The capacity to completely accept with joy the fact that you are alive.
p Hearts may agree, though heads differ.  -- Fuller
p Heaven does not worth according to human justice.  -- Carolyn Myss
p Heaven has no regard for physical comfort.  -- Carolyn Myss
p Heaven is a space where you can get whatever you want, and then it isn't enough.
p Heaven is to be at peace with all things.  -- George Santayana
p Heaven is under our feet as well as over our heads.  -- Thoreau
p Heaven takes care of children, sailors, and drunken men.
p Hell is a place where you have nothing to do but amuse yourself.
p Hell is always open.  -- Vergil
p Hell is not a place you go, it's a way you live.  Same with heaven.
p Hell is wherever heaven is not.  -- Delamothe
p Help can come any which way -- anything is possible.  -- Carolyn Myss
p Henry Ford didn't make a penny until he was forty.
p Her head looks as if it had worn out two bodies.  -- Vermont saying
p Here comes the orator, with his flood of words and his drop of reason.
p Here it is standing:  Atoms with consciousness; matter with curiosity.  -- Richard Feynman
p Here lies a good fellow who spent his life while he had it.  -- Horatio Alger
p Hey, everything goes wrong every minute.  What you do is fix it.  -- Gus Pagnois
p Higher technology does not necessarily equate to higher anything else.  -- Donovan
p Hindsight is an exact science.
p His bark is worse than his bite.
p Historians are gossips who tease the dead.  -- Voltaire
p History books that contain no lies are extremely dull.
p History develops, art stands still.  -- E. M. Forster
p History illuminates the actions of men, primatology those of women.
p History is a spectator sport.
p History is any succession of events seen with the effect of posteriority.  -- Nassim Taleb
p History is not a spectator sport.  -- Robert Zubrin
p History is written by the survivors.  -- Max Lerner
p History knows no resting places and no plateaus.  -- Henry Kissinger
p History may not repeat but sometimes it rhymes.  -- Mark Twain
p History usually clarifies stupidity.
p History will be kind to me for I intend to write it.  -- Winston Churchill
p Holding on to the past interferes with what the divine is doing in the present.
p Home is home, though it be never so homely.  -- James Kelly
p Home is the nicest place you will ever go.
p Home is the sailor, home from the sea...  -- Kipling
p Home is where I want to be, but I guess I'm already there.  -- David Byrnes
p Home is where the heart is.
p Homo sapiens is the greatest catastrophe since the Cretaceous extinction.
p Honest, smart, effective:  Choose at most one.
p Honesty is better than lying.
p Honesty is the best policy.
p Honey is sweet, but the bee stings.
p Honor lies in honest toil.  -- Grover Cleveland
p Hope is a good breakfast, but it is a bad supper.
p Hope is a waking dream.
p Hope is most powerful when backed up by action.
p Hope is not a great investment strategy.  -- John Waggoner
p Hope is the poor man's bread.  -- George Herbert
p Hope keeps man alive.  -- Withals
p Hope springs eternal in the human mind.
p Hot love is soon cold.  -- Lyly
p Hot tempers cause arguments, but patience brings peace.  -- Solomon
p Houston, Tranquillity Base here.  The Eagle has landed.  -- Neil Armstrong
p How apt the poor are to be proud.
p How are you going to shape the future if you don't know the past?  -- Billie Jean King
p How beautiful it is to do nothing, and then rest afterward.  -- Spanish proverb
p How bitter a thing it is to look into happiness through another man's eyes.
p How can I know what I think until I see what I say?  -- E. M. Forster
p How can so many take The Amazing Journey and not be amazed?  -- Steve Hug
p How can you avoid hurting someone's feelings without being a liar?
p How can you tell the dance from the dancer?
p How complete is the delusion that beauty is goodness.
p How do we acquire wisdom along with all these shiny things?  -- David Brin
p How does a project get to be a year late?  One day at a time.  -- Frederick Brooks
p How happy we would be if we lost all we had -- and then regained it.  -- Seneca
p How high I am, how much I see, how far I reach, depends on me.
p How long does it take to learn that violence begets violence?  -- Marc Salkin
p How much more money does a millionaire need?  Just one more dollar.
p How old would you feel if you didn't know how old you were?
p How vast the realm is our current oblivion.
p How you look depends on where you go.
p Human beings are omnivores.  We eat everything, and the box it came in.
p Human beings live longer and better when they enjoy what they do.  -- J. Asimov
p Human birth is precious because of the degree of awareness of one's predicament.
p Human nature is not only about as bad as it can be, but a great deal worse.
p Human rationality isn't a scientist, it's a lawyer.  -- Jonah Lehrer
p Humankind's greatest experiences still lie ahead of us.
p Humans are captivated by stories, but largely oblivious to data.  -- David Hultstrom
p Humans are communications junkies.  We just can't get enough.  -- Alan Kay
p Humans are motivated by what has been done for them lately.  -- Daniel Koshland
p Humans are not rational beings; they are rationalizing beings.
p Humans can't think randomly.  -- Allan Roth
p Humans need simple answers for complex problems.  -- Lawrence Hirsch
p Humble hearts have humble desires.  -- Cotgrave
p Humility is a virtue when you have no other.  -- Edward Abbey
p Humility is not a state of mind conducive to the advancement of learning.
p Humility to genius is as an extinguisher to a candle.  -- Shenstone
p Humor is a drug which it's the fashion to abuse.  -- William Gilbert
p Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.  -- de Bono
p Hunger finds no fault with the cookery.
p Hunger is not caused by scarcity of food but scarcity of democracy.  -- Lappe'
p Hunger is the best sauce.  -- Cicero
p Hunger knows no friend.  -- Daniel Defoe
p Hurt people hurt people.  -- Will Bowen
p Hurting yourself is not sinful -- just stupid.  -- Robert Heinlein
p Hypocrites are real atheists.  -- Francis Bacon
p I am a deeply religious non-believer.  This is a somewhat new kind of religion.  -- Albert Einstein
p I am a man; nothing human is alien to me.
p I am an enemy of the State.  But isn't everyone?  -- Edward Abbey
p I am becoming more energy than matter.  -- Carolyn Myss
p I am convinced the desire to formulate truths is a virulent disease.  -- James
p I am cured of my illness; I am healed with my illness.  -- James Carse
p I am exactly where I am supposed to be.  -- Carolyn Myss
p I am glad I will not be young in a future without wilderness.  -- Aldo Leopold
p I am looking for an honest man.  -- Diogenes the Cynic
p I am not afraid of tomorrow, for I have seen yesterday and I love today.
p I am not this thought.  -- Ram Dass
p I am the story I tell myself.  -- Greg Wait
p I am two fools, I know, for loving, and for saying so.  -- John Donne
p I believe in getting into hot water; it keeps you clean.  -- G. K. Chesterton
p I believe in nothing that I cannot touch, kiss, embrace...  -- Edward Abbey
p I can believe anything, provided it is incredible.  -- Oscar Wilde
p I can explain it for you, but I can't understand it for you.
p I can give you an argument, but I can't give you an understanding.  -- Samuel Johnson
p I can't afford to waste my time making money.  -- Jean Agassiz
p I can't complain, but sometimes I still do.  -- Joe Walsh
p I cannot and will not cut my conscience to fit this year's fashions.  -- Hellman
p I cannot be alone; it's not possible.  -- Carolyn Myss
p I cannot prove this statement is true.  -- Bo Curry
p I cannot tell you my truth until you stop telling me yours.  -- God?
p I couldn't possibly fail to disagree with you less.  -- John Taylor
p I cried because I had no socks, until I met a man who had no shoes.
p I do not believe in personal immortality; it seems so unnecessary.  -- Edward Abbey
p I do not know myself and God forbid that I should.  -- Johann von Goethe
p I do not take drugs -- I am drugs.  -- Salvador Dali
p I don't gamble.  There are other ways to win at life.  -- Mike Moxcey
p I don't know, I don't care, and it doesn't make any difference.  -- Jack Kerouac
p I don't make much sense because the rest of the world doesn't either.
p I don't make the rules, Gil, I only play the game.  -- Cash McCall
p I don't mind going nowhere as long as it's an interesting path.
p I don't see why any system of beliefs deserves respect simply because it exists.  -- Cristina Rad
p I don't speak for others and they don't speak for me.
p I don't think comedy is an escape from tragedy.  They are both life.  -- Nichols
p I don't want to make money.  I just want to be wonderful.  -- Marilyn Monroe
p I dream things that never were; and I say "Why not?"  -- George Shaw
p I fear explanations explanatory of things explained.  -- Abraham Lincoln
p I find great humor in the fact that we ever take ourselves seriously.  -- Adams
p I forgive and quite forget old faults.  -- William Shakespeare
p I found Rome a city of bricks and left it a city of marble.  -- Augustus Caesar
p I have become me without my consent.
p I have been a lucky man.  But someone has to be.  -- Edward Abbey
p I have lost all and found myself.  -- Clarke
p I have met my hero, and he is me.  -- George Sheehan
p I have never been hurt by anything I didn't say.  -- Calvin Coolidge
p I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.  -- Mark Twain
p I have never, ever seen God come through the front door.  -- Carolyn Myss
p I have no special talents.  I am only passionately curious.  -- Albert Einstein
p I have nothing to say, and I am saying it.  -- John Cage
p I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.  -- Publilius Syrus
p I have promises to keep, and miles to go before I sleep.  -- Robert Frost
p I have with me two gods, Persuasion and Compulsion.  -- Themistocles
p I know what I know, but I will keep it to myself.  -- Howell
p I like a state of continual becoming, with a goal in front and not behind.
p I like being single.  I am always there when I need me.  -- Art Leo
p I love treason but hate a traitor.
p I might make you feel, but I can't make you think.  -- Gerald Bostock
p I never know how much of what I say is true.  -- Bette Midler
p I never think of the future.  It comes soon enough.  -- Albert Einstein
p I never tried quitting, and I never quit trying.  -- Dolly Parton
p I never wish for anyone's death, but read a few obituaries with a chuckle.  -- Mark Zimmerer
p I only know that I do not know, but that is something after all.
p I only know what I read in the papers.  -- Will Rogers
p I prefer rogues to imbeciles, because they sometimes take a rest.  -- Dumas
p I put up my thumb...  And it blotted out the planet Earth.  -- Neil Armstrong
p I realized something about perfection...  It comes only with time.  -- Collymore
p I respect faith, but doubt is what gets you an education.  -- Wilson Mizner
p I saw that, finally, my responsibility was to work on myself.  -- Ram Dass
p I say little but think the more.  -- William Shakespeare
p I seem to be a verb.  -- Buckminster Fuller
p I slept and dreamed that life was Beauty; I woke, and found that life was Duty.
p I strive to be brief but I become obscure.  -- Horace
p I think time is a merciless thing.  -- Tennessee Williams
p I touch the future.  I teach.  -- Christa McAuliffe
p I tremble for my country when I reflect that God is just.  -- Thomas Jefferson
p I try not to break the rules but merely to test their elasticity.  -- Bill Veeck
p I try to avoid my own mental biases.  I rub my own nose into my own mistakes.  -- Charlie Munger
p I understand why you are confused.  You're thinking too much.  -- Carole Wallach
p I used to be disgusted, now I find I am just amused.  -- Costello
p I wanted to do it just as he did; so I began to learn.  -- Cesar Chavez
p I wasted time and now doth time waste me.  -- William Shakespeare
p I will do nothing for you that you will not do for your Self.  -- God?
p I wish I didn't know now what I didn't know then.  -- Bob Seeger
p I wish I were as certain about anything as some people are about everything.
p I would consider it an honor to be fossilized.  -- famous anthropologist
p I would like to know what I was fencing in and what I was fencing out.  -- Frost
p I would rather be defeated with love in my heart than be victorious without it.
p I would rather be the first man here than the second in Rome.  -- Julius Caesar
p I would sooner be notorious than unknown.
p I [am] a channel through which music emerges from the chaos of noise.  -- Vangelis
p I'd much rather see lube oil running out of a bearing than metal particles.  -- Jim Potterf
p I'll meet you... on the dark side... of the moon...  -- Pink Floyd
p I'm against a homogenized society because I want the cream to rise.  -- Frost
p I'm always doing that which I cannot do, in order that I may learn how to do it.  -- Pablo Picasso
p I'm an idealist.  I don't know where I'm going, but I'm on my way!  -- Sandberg
p I'm running out of cheeks to turn.  -- John Taylor
p I've finally become what I had merely intended to seem.  -- Ludwig von Humboldt
p Idealism increases in direct proportion to your distance from the problem.
p Ideals are like the stars; we never reach them, but chart our course by them.
p Ideas:  Funny little things that don't work unless you do.
p Ideology (noun):  An imaginary relationship to a real situation.
p Idle hands are the devil's playground.
p Idleness is leisure gone to seed.
p Idleness is the holiday of fools.
p If a camel flies, no one laughs if it doesn't get very far.  -- Paul White
p If a cat has nine lives, a lie has ninety-nine.  -- Blackmore
p If a document is over two pages long, few people will ever read it.  -- Adams
p If a fool persists in his folly he shall become wise.  -- William Blake
p If a guy is over 25% jerk, he's in trouble.  -- Lee Iacocca
p If a man has talent and cannot use it, he has failed.  -- Thomas Wolfe
p If a man hasn't discovered something that he will die for, he isn't fit to live.
p If a man hears much that a woman says, she is not beautiful.  -- Haskins
p If a person can't communicate, the very least he can do is to shut up!  -- Lehrer
p If a plant grows in abundance, it is a plant of virtue.  -- old Gypsy proverb
p If a string has one end, then it has another end.  -- Miksch
p If a thing's worth doing, it is worth doing badly.  -- G. K. Chesterton
p If an ad leaves off the price, it means if you knew it, you wouldn't pay it.
p If an inch represents one AU, then a light year is one mile, within 1%.
p If anything can go wrong, it will.  -- Murphy
p If anything is sacred, the human body is sacred.  -- Walt Whitman
p If at first you don't succeed, try, try again.  -- Confucius
p If blame can be shifted, it will be.
p If Christ were here now there is one thing he would not be -- a Christian.
p If either religion or science were infallible, it would incorporate the other.
p If everybody was satisfied with himself, there would be no heroes.  -- Mark Twain
p If everything you try works, you aren't trying hard enough.  -- Gordon Moore
p If fifty million people say a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing.
p If God did not exist, it would be necessary to invent him.  -- Voltaire
p If God exists only in the gaps, then God is diminished with each new discovery.
p If God made us in His image, we have certainly returned the compliment.
p If God wanted us to have a president, he would have sent us a candidate.
p If guns are outlawed, only the government will have guns.  -- Edward Abbey
p If happiness is in your destiny, you need not be in a hurry.  -- Chinese proverb
p If he works for you, you work for him.  -- Japanese proverb
p If I cannot bend Heaven, I shall move Hell.  -- Virgil
p If I had finished this sentence.  -- Hofstadter
p If I have seen further, it is by standing on the shoulders of giants.  -- Newton
p If it can't bite you, it can't kiss you.
p If it doesn't matter, it doesn't matter.
p If it happens, it must be possible.
p If it is to be, it is up to me.
p If it still works for you, it's not obsolete.
p If it works, don't fix it.  -- Sam Rayburn
p If it's not necessary to make a decision, it's necessary not to make a decision.
p If life gives you lemons, make lemonade.
p If life is merely a joke, the question still remains:  For whose amusement?
p If love is blind, it best agrees with night.  -- William Shakespeare
p If men could become pregnant, abortion would be a sacrament.
p If money is a means to an end, then inflation is an end to the means.  -- Seitler
p If N=1, all bets are off.  -- Chuck Forsberg
p If no one measures up, check your yardstick.
p If no one uses it, there is a reason.
p If not controlled, work flows to the competent person until he is submerged.
p If one tells the truth, one is sure sooner or later, to be found out.  -- Oscar Wilde
p If only I had known, I should have become a watchmaker.  -- Albert Einstein
p If peace cannot be maintained with honor, it is no longer peace.  -- John Russell
p If people behaved like governments, you'd call the cops.  -- Kelvin Throop
p If plugged into tribal thought forms, you're also plugged into tribal diseases.  -- Carolyn Myss
p If religion remains unchallenged, so are the social problems that come with it.  -- Cristina Rad
p If slavery is not wrong, nothing is wrong.  -- Lincoln
p If someone truly loves you, they ask how to make you happy; they don't guess.
p If stock market experts were so expert, they would buy stock, not sell advice.
p If the bed could tell all it knows it would put many to the blush.  -- Overbury
p If the end does not justify the means -- what can?  -- Edward Abbey
p If the enemy is in range, so are you.
p If the master dies and the disciple grieves, the lives of both have been wasted.
p If the poor cannot always get meat, the rich cannot always digest it.
p If the solution is too complex you haven't stated the problem right.  -- Baskins
p If the thought is not the thinker then the thinker can choose the thought.
p If the universe is the answer, what is the question?  -- Leon Lederman
p If the Universe were fair, we would deserve all the pain that we suffer.
p If there are epigrams, there must be meta-epigrams.
p If there is a wrong way to do something, then someone will do it.  -- Murphy
p If there is no wind, row.  -- Polish proverb
p If there's something that's good for you, do it as much as you can.  -- Thaut
p If war is the answer, then it's a stupid question.
p If we could love our enemies we would have none.  -- Thomas McKeown
p If we crave some cosmic purpose, let us find ourselves a worthy goal.  -- Carl Sagan
p If we don't practice failing, we can only safely fly on sunny days.  -- Amelia Earhart
p If we don't survive, we don't do anything else.  -- John Sinclair
p If we look for the good in others, we discover the best in ourselves.  -- Walsh
p If we stop trying to understand things, we'll all be sunk.  -- Frank Oppenheimer
p If what you're doing doesn't work, try something different.
p If wilderness is outlawed, only outlaws can save wilderness.  -- Edward Abbey
p If ye sow the wind, ye shall reap the whirlwind.  -- Old Testament
p If you accept yesterday and love today, you will not be afraid of tomorrow.
p If you aim at nothing, you are bound to hit it.
p If you always postpone pleasure you will never have it.
p If you are afraid of loneliness, don't marry.  -- Chekhov
p If you are at the poker table wondering who the patsy is, it's probably you.  -- William Bernstein
p If you are careful enough, nothing bad or good will ever happen to you.
p If you are going to make rubbish, be the best rubbish in it.  -- Richard Burton
p If you are short of everything but the enemy, you're in a combat zone.
p If you are too busy to read, then you are too busy.
p If you are wise, you will keep quiet.  -- Solomon
p If you aren't going all the way, why go at all?
p If you argue with a fool, chances are he's doing the same thing.
p If you brutalize the world around you, you also brutalize yourself.  -- Flanders
p If you can afford to do the right thing, you cannot afford to do otherwise.
p If you can distinguish between good and bad advice, you don't need advice.
p If you can dream it, you can do it.  -- Walt Disney
p If you can't be right, at least be consistent.  -- Allan Roth
p If you can't explain it simply, you don't understand it.
p If you can't feed 'em, don't breed 'em.
p If you can't lick 'em, join 'em.
p If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen.
p If you can't tell the difference, there is no difference.
p If you can't write it right, you can't think it right.
p If you carry enough gear for every emergency, you'll eventually need to use it.
p If you choose not to decide you still have made a choice.  -- Rush
p If you continually give you will continually have.
p If you detect a problem in communicating, it is your problem.
p If you dig a pit, you will fall in it.  -- Old Testament
p If you do not change your direction, you might end up where you are headed.
p If you do not go within, you go without.  -- Conversations with God
p If you do not think about the future, you cannot have one.  -- John Galsworthy
p If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always gotten.
p If you don't deal with anger, it will deal with you.  -- Will Limon
p If you don't get it, don't worry about it, it will come back bigger.
p If you don't know the world, you can't take appropriate action in the world.  -- Adam Conover
p If you don't know where you are going, any road will take you there.  -- Carroll
p If you don't like a job, don't get good at it.  -- Jon Cohen
p If you don't like change, you're going to like irrelevance even less.  -- Shinseki
p If you don't make mistakes, you aren't really trying.  -- Coleman Hawkins
p If you don't read, you're not any better than people who can't read.  -- Mark Twain
p If you don't rebalance your portfolio periodically, the markets do it for you.
p If you don't scale the mountain, you can't see the plain.  -- Chinese proverb
p If you don't strike oil in twenty minutes, stop boring.  -- Andrew Carnegie
p If you don't take care of your body, where will you live?
p If you don't understand my silence, you will never understand my words.  -- Taylor
p If you don't visit a bad neighborhood, it will visit you.  -- Thomas Friedman
p If you dress like you know what you're doing, people will think you do.  -- Duggan
p If you ever need a helping hand, you will find one at the end of your arm.
p If you explain a joke, it ceases to be funny.
p If you fall in a pond, check your pockets for fish.  -- Darrell Royal
p If you find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn't go anywhere.
p If you find your foot in your mouth, floss with your shoelaces and move on.
p If you flatter your friends, you set a trap for yourself.  -- Solomon
p If you get the feeling I don't love you, feel again.
p If you give love, it has to be unconditional; there is no other kind.  -- Coit
p If you have a job without aggravations, you don't have a job.
p If you have more than three priorities, you don't have any.  -- Jim Collins
p If you have no enemies, it's a sign fortune has forgot you.
p If you have the right attitude, interesting problems will find you.  -- Raymond
p If you have to ask what jazz is, you will never know.  -- Louis Armstrong
p If you have to ask you will never know.
p If you have to walk on thin ice...  You might as well dance!
p If you haven't got a sense of humor, you haven't got any sense at all.
p If you haven't time to do it right now, how will you redo it right later?
p If you itch for it, scratch for it.
p If you keep an open mind people will throw a lot of garbage in it.
p If you keep people awake long enough, you can make them believe anything.  -- Chuck Dederich
p If you knew what you were doing you would probably be bored.  -- Fresco
p If you know your best, it's easier to say no to the merely good.  -- Neifert
p If you lend money in close friendship, it is sure to close friendship.  -- Murthy
p If you lie upon roses when young, you'll lie upon thorns when old.  -- Quarles
p If you love life it will love you back.
p If you make demands, you are trapped in others's actions.  -- Will Limon
p If you must fail, fail early.
p If you must fly, fly well.  -- George Herbert
p If you must hate, hate gently.
p If you must say something anonymously, it's probably not worth saying.
p If you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun.
p If you only have a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail.  -- Maslow
p If you reach the endzone, act like you've been there before.  -- Joe Paterno
p If you refuse to accept anything but the best, you very often get it.
p If you see fraud and don't shout fraud, you are a fraud.  -- Nassim Taleb
p If you seem to know what you are doing, you will be given more to do.
p If you share less, you will find you have less to share.  -- Dave Mata
p If you smile at someone, they might smile back.
p If you steal for others you shall be hanged yourself.  -- Torriano
p If you struggle with money, you will struggle in life.  -- Peter Dunn
p If you suspect a person, don't employ him.
p If you take care of the future, you take care of yourself.  -- Oren Lyons
p If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.  -- Mark Twain
p If you think adventure is dangerous, try routine.  It is lethal.  -- Paulo Coelho
p If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.  -- Derek Bok
p If you think you are above other people, you might really be standing all alone.
p If you think you have no faults, that makes one.
p If you think you're free, there's no escape possible.  -- Ram Dass
p If you treat people right they will treat you right -- 90% of the time.
p If you trim yourself to suit others, soon you will whittle yourself away.
p If you try to please everyone, someone will be displeased.
p If you wait long enough, all your neighbors will build your fence.
p If you want a place in the sun, you must leave the shade of the family tree.
p If you want a quality, act as if you already had it.  -- William James
p If you want divine justice, die.  -- Nick Seldon
p If you want people to think you wise, just agree with them.
p If you want something different, do something different.  -- Chris Bouten
p If you want to annoy your neighbors, tell the truth about them.  -- Pietro Aretino
p If you want to know what God thinks of money, look at the people he gives it to.
p If you want to test a man's character, give him power.  -- Abraham Lincoln
p If you want unconditional enthusiasm and love, get a dog.  -- Clara Thompson
p If you wish to succeed, consult three old people.
p If you won't bring your power into the light you'll maneuver it in the darkness.
p If you work on your mind with your mind, how can you avoid immense confusion?
p If you would be at ease, all the world is not.  -- George Herbert
p If you would keep a secret from an enemy, tell it not to a friend.
p If you would know the value of money, go try to borrow some.  -- Ben Franklin
p If you would make an enemy, lend a man money, and ask it of him again.  -- Ray
p If you wouldn't shoot your mother for it, it's not worth taxing.  -- O'Rourke
p If you're going to be thinking anything, you might as well think big.  -- Trump
p If you're gonna be dumb, you'd better be tough.  -- Johnny Cash
p If you're happy, you're successful.
p If you're in debt, you can't say no.  -- Tom Hanks
p If you're not allowed to laugh in heaven, I don't want to go there.  -- Luther
p If you're not sitting at the table, you're on the menu.
p If your bread is stale, make toast.
p If your friends all jumped off a bridge, would you?
p If your riches are yours, why can't you take them with you to the next world?
p If youth but knew, if old age but could.  -- Henri Estienne
p Ignorance doesn't kill you, but it makes you sweat a lot.  -- Haitian proverb
p Ignorance is bliss.
p Ignorance is easier to cure than arrogance.
p Ignorance is the first guarantee of poverty and peonage.  -- Pancho Villa
p Ignorance is the mother of adventure.
p Ignorance, like faith and love, often blinds men.  -- Michael Uhrin
p Ignore people who refuse to change their mind when the facts change.  -- Morgan Housel
p Ill agreement is better than good judgement.
p Ill news comes often on the back of worse.
p Illness is nothing more than yet another form of neutral experience.  -- Carolyn Myss
p Illusion is the first of all pleasures.  -- Voltaire
p Imagination is more important than knowledge.  -- Albert Einstein
p Imagination is the one weapon in the war against reality.  -- Jules de Gaultier
p Imagine there's no heaven...  It's easy if you try.  -- John Lennon
p Imitation is the sincerest flattery.  -- Colton
p Immortality can always be assured by spectacular error.  -- John Galbraith
p Importance is one of the most important of our illusions.  -- Herbert Salzer
p Important if true.  -- A.W. Kinglake (proposed warning label on churches)
p Improvement requires change.  But change is not necessarily improvement.
p Impurity means thoughts which define oneself as separate.  -- Ram Dass
p In a hierarchical organization, the higher the level, the greater the confusion.
p In a hierarchy every employee rises to his level of incompetence.  -- Dr. Peter
p In a leopard the spots are not observed.  -- George Herbert
p In a nation of sheep, one brave man forms a majority.  -- Edward Abbey
p In a philosophical dispute, he gains most who is defeated, since he learns most.
p In a time of universal deceit, telling the truth is a revolutionary act.  -- George Orwell
p In a world without sorrow, nightingales would burp.  -- E. M. Cioran
p In all labor there is profit, but mere talk leads only to poverty.  -- Proverbs
p In America the typewriters sleep with the good plumbing.
p In America, sex is an obsession, in other parts of the world it is a fact.
p In any human endeavor, work seeks the lowest hierarchical level.
p In art as in life, form and subject, body and soul, are one.  -- Edward Abbey
p In calm waters, every ship has a good captain.  -- Swedish proverb
p In charity there is no excess.  -- Francis Bacon
p In defeat, unbeatable; in victory, unbearable.  -- Winston Churchill, on Montgomery
p In every country the sun rises in the morning.  -- George Herbert
p In every fault there is folly.
p In expressing love we belong among the undeveloped countries.  -- Saul Bellow
p In giving advice seek to help, not to please your friend.  -- Solon
p In God we trust; all others pay cash.
p In her dealings with man Destiny never closes her accounts.  -- Oscar Wilde
p In high school, you teach subjects.  In grade school, you teach children.
p In investing, a sign you are doing the right thing is that it hurts.  -- Allan Roth
p In investing, moderation in all things is preferred to excess in any one thing.
p In life, some people get "shipped and handled" more than others.  -- Will Limon
p In loosing time, a man gets no money.  -- Thomas Draxe
p In Los Angeles there are fewer people than there are automobiles.
p In love's wars he who flies is conqueror.  -- Torriano
p In medicine, sins of commission are mortal, sins of omission venial.  -- Tronchin
p In modern life nothing produces such an effect as a good platitude.  -- Oscar Wilde
p In most instances, all an argument proves is that two people are present.
p In my end is my beginning.
p In nature there are no rewards or punishments, only actions and consequences.
p In order to be it you've got to give up knowing you know.  -- Ram Dass
p In order to progress we must recognize our ignorance and leave room for doubt.
p In our lives, death is both more removed and with us constantly.  -- Marc Salkin
p In painting you must give the idea of the true by means of the false.  -- Degas
p In science the difficulty is not the discovery, but realizing one has made it.
p In sickness health is known.  -- Torriano
p In silence also there's a worth that brings no risk.  -- Simonides of Ceos
p In success there's a tendency to keep on doing what you were doing.  -- Alan Kay
p In the absence of that which is not, that which IS, is NOT.  -- God?
p In the beginner's mind are many possibilities, but in the expert's mind, few.
p In the country of the blind, the one eye'd man is king.
p In the deepest water is the best fishing.  -- Thomas Draxe
p In the kingdom of blind men the one-eyed is king.
p In the kingdom of blind men the one-eyed must be mad.
p In the last 4000 years no new animals have been domesticated.
p In the long run we're all dead.  -- John Keynes
p In the matter of taxation, every privilege is an injustice.  -- Voltaire
p In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity.  -- Albert Einstein
p In the midst of movement and activity, carry your stillness within you.  -- Deepak Chopra
p In the moment you pledge your highest love, you greet your greatest fear.  -- God?
p In time of peace, prepare for war.
p In time, the mask becomes the face.
p In too much dispute truth is lost.
p In trying times, keep trying.
p In vino veritas.  (In wine there is truth.)  -- Pliny
p In war it is not permitted twice to err.
p In war, truth is the first casualty.  -- U Thant
p In Washington (DC), the urgent overwhelms the important.  -- Tony Snow
p In writing, fidelity to fact leads eventually to the poetry of truth.  -- Edward Abbey
p Income almost always summons expenses. -- Peter Dunn
p Incompetence knows no barriers of time or place.
p Incompetence plus incompetence equals incompetence.
p Individuals often forget and forgive, but societies never do.  -- Averbury
p Individuals resist factual information that threatens their defining values.  -- Dan Kahan
p Indomitable in retreat; invincible in advance; insufferable in victory.
p Infinite speech has the form of listening.  -- James Carse
p Infinite speech is not ABOUT anything; it is always TO someone.  -- James Carse
p Information deteriorates upward through bureaucracies.
p Information in the present can change the past.  -- Scott Adams
p Information is the inverse of entropy.
p Information that is hard to access is worth less than none at all.
p Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.  -- Martin King Jr
p Innocence is no protection.  -- Jonson
p Innovation is hard to schedule.  -- Dan Fylstra
p Insanity is expecting different results from repeating the same behavior.
p Inside every large problem is a small problem struggling to get out.  -- Hoare
p Instead of loving your enemies, treat your friends a little better.  -- Howe
p Instead of panicking, detach like Buddha.  -- Carolyn Myss
p Institutions are devoid of humanity; they are established for productivity.
p Insulting those who don't already hold your point of view isn't persuasive.  -- Bob Moore
p Integrity costs so very little.
p Integrity has no need of rules.  -- Albert Camus
p Intellect annuls Fate.  So far as a man thinks, he is free.  -- Ralph Emerson
p Intellectual assets, unlike physical assets, increase in value with use.
p Intellectual objectivity is often seduced by semantic skullduggery.  -- Hirsch
p Intelligence is more often than not misused.
p Intelligence is the art of good guessing.  -- Horace Barlow
p Intelligence without character is a dangerous thing.  -- Gloria Steinem
p Intelligent people think before they speak.  -- Solomon
p Intention is not action.
p Internal consistency is valued more than efficient service.
p Internalized oppression is the part of us that believes we're less than perfect.
p Intimacy comes from the resolution of conflict, not the lack of it.  -- Will Limon
p Intimacy is the exchange of vulnerabilities.  -- Masters and Johnson
p Intimacy:  Two trees growing close together, but not in each other's shadow.
p Into every life a bit of rain must fall.
p Intolerance is a state no tolerant man can tolerate.  -- McGinley
p Intolerance is the last defense of the insecure.
p Intuitive insight is not a gift, it is a skill.  -- Carolyn Myss
p Invest in the past.  It will always be with you.
p Investing is simple, but not easy.  -- Warren Buffett
p Investing is simple, but taxes aren't.  -- Allan Roth
p Investing is taking a risk only when you expect a positive return.  -- Allan Roth
p Investing isn't a game, and doing it right really isn't any fun.  -- Allan Roth
p Investing should oscillate between boring and painful.  -- Allan Roth
p Investors should remember that excitement and expenses are their enemies.  -- Warren Buffett
p Irritation is one of the great gifts we give each other.  -- Lee Coit
p Is a mirage real?  Well, it's a real mirage.  -- Edward Abbey
p Is no one inspired by our present picture of the universe?  -- Richard Feynman
p Is there anyone so wise as to learn by the experience of others?  -- Voltaire
p Is this true or only clever?  -- Augustine Birrell
p Isn't fun the best thing to have?
p It ain't creative if it don't sell.
p It ain't over till it's over.  -- Yogi Berra
p It costs more to do ill than to do well.  -- George Herbert
p It doesn't matter who you marry; next morning you will find it was someone else.
p It has yet to be proven that intelligence has any survival value.  -- Arthur Clarke
p It is a fundamental law of nature that nothing ever quite works out.
p It is a great point of wisdom to find out one's own folly.
p It is a great victory that comes without blood.
p It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.  -- Albert Einstein
p It is a poor judge who cannot award a prize.
p It is a poor workman who blames his tools.
p It is a principle function of society to validate titles.  -- James Carse
p It is a principle of human nature to hate those whom you have injured.  -- Tacitus
p It is a profitable thing, if one is wise, to seem foolish.  -- Aeschylus
p It is a rare problem that can't be solved by fewer people or less government.
p It is a short way from the penthouse to the outhouse.  -- (coach) Dan Reeves
p It is a silly fish that is caught twice with the same bait.
p It is a very sad thing that nowadays there is so little useless information.
p It is a wise father that knows his own child.
p It is all a game; play it to have fun.  -- Price
p It is always best to do a thing wrong the first time.  -- Osler
p It is always with the best intentions that the worst work is done.  -- Oscar Wilde
p It is amazing how much "mature wisdom" resembles being too tired.  -- Robert Heinlein
p It is amazing how much one person can do, little by little, over time.
p It is amusing that a virtue is made of the vice of chastity...  -- Voltaire
p It is annoying to be honest to no purpose.  -- Ovid
p It is as cheap sitting as standing.  -- Torriano
p It is as good to be in the dark as without light.  -- John Ray
p It is as natural to die as to be born.
p It is bad not to do any research, but badly done research is even worse.
p It is best to be off with the old love before you are on with the new.
p It is better never to begin than never to make an end.  -- Alexander Barclay
p It is better to be a beggar than a fool.  -- Torriano
p It is better to be a coward for a minute than dead the rest of your life.
p It is better to be a martyr than a confessor.  -- Sanford
p It is better to be alone than in bad company.
p It is better to be deceived by a friend than to suspect him.
p It is better to be deceived than to be undeceived by those we love.
p It is better to be happy than wise.  -- W. Alley
p It is better to be wanted for murder that not to be wanted at all.  -- Marty Winch
p It is better to be wise than smart.
p It is better to beg than to steal.
p It is better to buy than borrow.  -- Taverner
p It is better to die on your feet than to live on your knees.
p It is better to die with honor than live with shame.
p It is better to divorce than to murder.
p It is better to eat than to be eaten.
p It is better to give than receive.
p It is better to go by your enemy's grave than his gate.  -- Robinson
p It is better to go to heaven in rags than to hell in embroidery.  -- Fuller
p It is better to have men ask why you have no statue than why you have one.
p It is better to have than to hear of a good thing.  -- John Ray
p It is better to keep the devil at the door than turn him out of the house.
p It is better to know nothing than to know what ain't so.  -- Josh Billings
p It is better to know some of the questions than all of the answers.  -- Thurber
p It is better to know, than not to know.  -- Paul Harvey
p It is better to live rich than to die rich.
p It is better to pass a danger once than be always in fear.  -- Julius Caesar
p It is better to say, "here it is" than, "here it was."  -- James Carmichaell
p It is better to speak truth rudely than lie covertly.  -- George Herbert
p It is better to suffer ill than do ill.
p It is better to travel in hope than arrive in despair.  -- Tom Magliozzi
p It is better to wear out than to rust out.  -- Richard Cumberland
p It is better to win control over yourself than over whole cities.  -- Solomon
p It is dangerous to be a farsighted midget in a land of nearsighted giants.
p It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.  -- Voltaire
p It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.  -- George Shaw
p It is difficult to be depressed while you are doing something.
p It is difficult to see the picture when you are inside the frame.
p It is easier to be a result of the past than a cause of the future.
p It is easier to be wise for others than for oneself.  -- La Rochefoucald
p It is easier to do good than be good.
p It is easier to fight for principles than live up to them.  -- Alfred Adler
p It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.  -- Stewart
p It is easier to praise poverty than to bear it.
p It is easier to pull down than to build up.
p It is easier to resist at the beginning than at the end.  -- Leonardo da Vinci
p It is easier to run down a hill than up one.
p It is easy to be brave from a safe distance.  -- Aesop
p It is evil to act as though the past is bringing us to a specifiable end.
p It is extraordinary how extraordinary the ordinary person is.  -- George Will
p It is good to have some friends both in heaven and hell.  -- G. Delamothe
p It is good to marry late or never.  -- Thomas Draxe
p It is hard having a hierarchical mind in a serial world.  -- Alan Silverstein
p It is hard to be graceful getting off a high horse.
p It is hard to fight an enemy who has outposts in your head.  -- Sally Kempton
p It is hard to write even a bad book.
p It is impolite to silence a fool and cruel to let him go on.
p It is impossible for a man to learn what he thinks he already knows.  -- Epictetus
p It is impossible for an optimist to be pleasantly surprised.
p It is impossible to enjoy idling thoroughly unless one has plenty of work to do.
p It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious.
p It is in surrendering that the victory is won.  -- Conversations with God
p It is incumbent on every generation to pay its own debts.  -- Thomas Jefferson
p It is just as easy to make a dollar today as it will be next year.  -- Packard
p It is least productive to make more efficient what need not be done at all.
p It is lost that is unsought.  -- John Heywood
p It is misery enough to have once been happy.
p It is more civilized to make fun of life than to bewail it.  -- Seneca
p It is more important to get in the first thought than the last word.
p It is more pain to do nothing than something.  -- George Herbert
p It is much better to become the saint, rather than to go and have his visit.
p It is much easier and much faster to destroy than to build.  -- Nassim Taleb
p It is much easier to be critical than to be correct.  -- Benjamin Disraeli
p It is much easier to change what you are doing than what another is doing.
p It is much harder to find a job than to keep one.  -- Jules Becker
p It is necessary to think even to decide which facts to collect.  -- Hutchins
p It is never too late to be what you might have been.  -- George Eliot
p It is never too late to have a happy childhood.
p It is never too late to learn.
p It is no good trying to teach people who need to be taught.  -- Aleister Crowley
p It is not a bad little planet, if you know the right people.
p It is not easy to play the clown when you have to run the whole circus.
p It is not enlightened to shrink so others won't feel insecure around you.
p It is not enough to be a market-focused company.  You must be customer-centered.
p It is not enough to be a strong player, one must also play well.  -- Tarrasch
p It is not enough to succeed.  Others must fail.  -- Gore Vidal
p It is not every question that deserves an answer.  -- Publilius Syrus
p It is not granted to man to love and to be wise.  -- Francis Bacon
p It is not honest to be tactful.  -- Robert Taft
p It is not how long but how well we live.
p It is not necessary to appreciate fine wine to drink it.  -- Henry Gay
p It is not possible to step in the same river twice.  -- Heraclitus
p It is not reality that is important, but how you perceive things.
p It is not the beard that makes the philosopher.  -- E. Gayton
p It is not the man who has too little, but the man who craves more, that is poor.
p It is not the perfect but the imperfect who have need of love.  -- Oscar Wilde
p It is not the size of the army, it's the frenzy of the attack.
p It is not who you know, it's what you are.  -- John Taylor
p It is not wise to show one's heart to the world.  -- Oscar Wilde
p It is not work that kills, but worry.
p It is one thing to praise discipline, and another to submit to it.  -- Cervantes
p It is only shallow people who do not judge by appearances.
p It is personalities, not principles, that move the age.  -- Oscar Wilde
p It is possible to love a human being if you don't know them too well.
p It is simple to make things complex, but complex to make them simple.
p It is simultaneously true that masks work and mask mandates do not work.  -- Dr. Shira Doron
p It is sin to think evil of others, but it is seldom a mistake.  -- H. L. Mencken
p It is smart to pick your friends -- but not to pieces.
p It is so much easier to be together when we drop our masks.  -- Liv Ullman
p It is so very difficult for a sick man not to be a scoundrel.  -- Samuel Johnson
p It is sometimes necessary to belabor the obvious.  -- Lawrence Hirsch
p It is stupid to get drunk.  -- Solomon
p It is the business of little minds to shrink.  -- Carl Sandburg
p It is the business of scientists to explain away the magic in the world.
p It is the business of the future to be dangerous.  -- Hawkwind
p It is the confession, not the priest, that gives us absolution.  -- Oscar Wilde
p It is the last straw that breaks the camel's back.
p It is the nature of people to love, then destroy, then love again...  -- God?
p It is the sick oyster which possesses the pearl.  -- J. A. Shedd
p It is the spectator, and not life, that art really mirrors.  -- Oscar Wilde
p It is the wise bird who builds his nest in a tree.
p It is to no purpose to counsel him who is lucky.  -- Torriano
p It is tragic when a man outlives his body.  -- Sigmund Freud
p It is unwise to be too sure on one's wisdom.  -- Mohandas Gandhi
p It is your concern when your neighbor's wall is on fire.  -- Horace
p It isn't the whistle that moves the train.
p It may not be true but it is well contrived.  -- Giordano Bruno
p It pays to be obvious, especially if you have a reputation for subtlety.
p It pleases me as much to doubt as to know.  -- Dante
p It takes a certain brilliance to keep a simple idea simple.  -- Allan Roth
p It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else.  -- Erma Bombeck
p It takes all sorts to make a world.  -- Thomas Shelton
p It takes less time to do a thing right than to explain why you did it wrong.
p It takes two to make a quarrel.
p It was a dream of perfect bliss, too beautiful to last.  -- T. H. Bayly
p It was fear that first made gods in the world.  -- Statius
p It was only in my forties that I started to feel young.  -- Henry Miller
p It's a cold bowl of chili when love lets you down.  -- Neil Young
p It's a terrific burden being right and competent all the time.  -- Lee Coit
p It's a total freedom when the other person says:  Do what you want to do.  -- Coit
p It's all in your mind, you know...
p It's all right to be Goliath, but always act like David.  -- Phil Knight
p It's better that we disagree than be in agreement and all be wrong.  -- Kahn
p It's easier to fool people than to convince them that they've been fooled.  -- Mark Twain
p It's easier to get forgiveness for being wrong than forgiveness for being right.
p It's easy to sit up and take notice, but hard to get up and take action.
p It's for fun.  Money's just the way we keep score.  -- Henry Tyroon
p It's hard to be reasonable with someone who isn't.
p It's kind of silly and fun...  But I think silly fun things are important.  -- Elon Musk
p It's not a question of who's right and who's wrong, but of what do we do now?  -- Oren Lyons
p It's not bragging if you can back it up.  -- Muhammed Ali
p It's not difference that creates problems; it's dominance that creates problems.
p It's not how old you are, but how you are old.
p It's the job of the press to comfort the afflicted and afflict the comfortable.
p It's the little things that count, especially when nobody is looking.
p It's the money you don't spend that gives you the freedom to build wealth.
p It's the thought that counts.  -- Confucius
p It's time to take on self-creation and move away from the tribal.  -- Carolyn Myss
p It's tough to bargain with someone who has nothing to lose.
p It's very hard to define entropy for the entire universe.  -- Lawrence Shulman
p It's what a fellow thinks he knows that hurts him.
p It's what you do after you're born that counts.  -- John Taylor
p It's your love that defines you, not who loves you.
p Jesus don't walk on water no more; his feet leak.  -- Edward Abbey
p Jesus was killed by a Moral Majority.
p Job descriptions are hideously cumulative.  -- Scott Adams
p Judge a man by his foes as well as by his friends.  -- Joseph Conrad
p Judge not, and neither condemn, for you know not why a thing occurs...  -- God?
p Judge people by what they are, not where they are.
p Judging is like telling God that the divine doesn't know what it's doing.  -- Carolyn Myss
p Jumping to conclusions is a dangerous exercise.
p Just about anything worth learning is worth learning the hard way.  -- Seth Godin
p Just because you arrive does not mean your map is correct.
p Justice delayed is justice denied.  -- old French proverb
p Justice is incidental to law and order.  -- J. Edgar Hoover
p Keep a diary, and some day it'll keep you.  -- Mae West
p Keep an open mind, but not so open that your brains fall out.  -- Kallis
p Keep the promises you've made to yourself.  -- Paul Sassenrath
p Keep your boss's boss off your boss's back.
p Keep your laws off my body!
p Keep your old love letters.  Throw away your old bank statements.  -- Schmich
p Key aspects of advertising:  Attention, interest, motivation.
p Kill reverence and you've killed the hero in man.  -- Ayn Rand
p Kind hearts are soonest wronged.  -- Breton
p Kindness comes of will.
p Kindness is like a boomerang:  It always comes back.
p Kisses are a better fate than wisdom.
p Kissing a smoker is like licking an ash tray.
p Kites rise highest against the wind -- not with it.  -- Winston Churchill
p Know yourself thoroughly and compromise carefully.  -- Will Limon
p Knowing through intellect is merely another power.  -- Ram Dass
p Knowledge comes, but wisdom lingers.  -- Tennyson
p Knowledge is better than ignorance.
p Knowledge is knowing that you do not know.
p Knowledge is power.  -- Francis Bacon
p Knowledge makes one laugh, but wealth makes one dance.  -- George Herbert
p Knowledge need never be justified by utility.
p Knowledge steepens our soul's angle of repose.  -- John Taylor
p Knowledge without common sense is folly.
p Knowledge without practice makes but half an artist.
p Lack of capability is usually disguised by lack of interest.  -- Alan Silverstein
p Lack of money is the root of all evil.  -- George Shaw
p Language is the most powerful tool ever invented anywhere by anyone.  -- Asimov
p Large standard deviations indicate failure to account for hidden effects.
p Laugh when you can; cry when you must.
p Laughter is the closest distance between two people.  -- Victor Borge
p Law is the process by which the unmanifest becomes the manifest.  -- Deepak Chopra
p Law makers should not be law breakers.
p Law stands mute in the midst of arms.  -- Cicero
p Law, without force, is impotent.  -- Pascal
p Laws are made to protect citizens, not please them.  -- Judge Dredd
p Laws are spider webs through which big flies pass and little ones get caught.
p Laws grind the poor, and rich men rule the law.  -- Goldsmith
p Lazy people should learn a lesson from the way ants live.  -- Solomon
p Leaders have a bias for action.  -- Jack Canfield
p Learn from other people's mistakes; you don't have time to make your own.
p Learn how to say no without feeling the need to explain why.
p Learn to be flexible; it makes the curves in your life much easier to maneuver.
p Learn to be intense without being tense.  Pressure is not tension.  -- Joe Torre
p Learn to disagree without being disagreeable.  -- Peter Chantilis
p Learn to evaluate how much energy you have invested in your perceptions.  -- Carolyn Myss
p Learn to forgive by practicing forgiveness.
p Learn to pause, or nothing worthwhile can catch up to you.
p Learned men are the cisterns of knowledge, not the fountainheads.
p Learning is not compulsory...  Neither is survival.  -- W. Edwards Deming
p Learning is the eye of the mind.  -- Thomas Draxe
p Learning is the product of self-organization.
p Learning makes a good man better and an ill man worse.
p Learning without thought is labor lost; thought without learning is perilous.
p Leave no stone unturned.  -- Euripides
p Lend and lose; so play fools.  -- John Ray
p Lend money to a bad debtor and she will hate you.
p Less is more.  -- Robert Browning
p Let a fool be made serviceable according to his folly.  -- Joseph Conrad
p Let a fool hold his tongue and he will pass for a sage.  -- Publilius Syrus
p Let all your conclusions be tentative.
p Let everything you own be either beautiful or useful.
p Let go of things that don't serve you.  -- Marianne Neifert
p Let him that would move the world first move himself.  -- Socrates
p Let life be short; else shame will be too long.
p Let nature take her own course.  -- Torriano
p Let not your sun go down on your wrath.  -- St. Paul
p Let other people praise you, even strangers; never do it yourself.  -- Solomon
p Let patience grow in your garden always.
p Let reason rule all your actions.  -- Thomas Draxe
p Let sleeping dogs lie.  -- Leng-Tzu
p Let thy speech be better than silence, or be silent.  -- Dionysius the Elder
p Let us rest our eyes on the fleecy skies and the cool, green hills of Earth.
p Let us run with patience the race that is set before us.  -- Hebrews 12:1
p Let what comes, come.  Let what goes, go.  What remains is true.
p Let your words be the very picture of your heart.  -- John Wesley
p Let's make the facts louder than the opinion.  -- Kait Parker
p Leveraging always beats prototyping.
p Liar:  One who tells an unpleasant truth.
p Liars begin by imposing upon others, but end by deceiving themselves.
p Liars have need of good memories.
p Liberty don't work as good in practice as it does in speeches.  -- Will Rogers
p Liberty is always dangerous, but it is the safest thing we have.  -- Fosdick
p Liberty is not for the faint of heart.  -- Mark Laslo
p Life attracts life.  -- Paulo Coelho
p Life can hardly survive truly interesting times.  -- Philip Morrison
p Life can only be understood backward, but it must be lived forward.  -- Soren Kierkegaard
p Life consists of many little things, but to do them well is a big thing.
p Life consists of what a man is thinking of all day.  -- Emerson
p Life creates the conditions that are conducive to life.
p Life defies one line characterization.  -- Eugene Miya
p Life imitates art -- but badly.  -- Edward Abbey
p Life imitates art far more than art imitates life.  -- Oscar Wilde
p Life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it.  -- Lou Holz
p Life is a brief interlude between nothingness and eternity.
p Life is a business which does not cover its expenses.  -- Schopenhauer
p Life is a comedy to him who thinks, and a tragedy to him who feels.  -- Walpole
p Life is a game in which what is not, is more important than what is.  -- Erhard
p Life is a handicap event, and a winner may finish deep in the pack.  -- Sheehan
p Life is a meaningless comma in the sentence of time.  -- Garrat & Kidd
p Life is a series of collisions with the future.  -- Jose Ortega y Gasset
p Life is a situation comedy that will never be canceled.  -- Steve Bhaerman
p Life is a whim of several billion cells to be you for a while.
p Life is a yo-yo, and mankind ties knots in the string.
p Life is cruel?  Compared to what?  -- Edward Abbey
p Life is either a daring adventure or it is nothing at all.  -- Helen Keller
p Life is for the living.
p Life is half spent before we know what it is.
p Life is information that replicates.  -- Christoph Adami
p Life is just an appetizer.
p Life is just one damned thing after another.  -- Frank O'Malley
p Life is just too complicated to be smart all the time.  -- Scott Adams
p Life is like a room full of open doors that close as you get older.
p Life is like an onion:  You peel off layer after layer, and find nothing in it.
p Life is like photography, you use the negative to develop.  -- Steve Bhaerman
p Life is like riding a bicycle.  To keep your balance, you must keep moving.
p Life is not a dress rehearsal.
p Life is not a problem to be solved, but a reality to be experienced.
p Life is not a process of discovery, but a process of creation.  -- God?
p Life is not a spectator sport.
p Life is not having been told that the man has just waxed the floor.  -- Nash
p Life is not so short but that there is always time enough for courtesy.
p Life is one long process of tiring.  -- Samuel Butler
p Life is one long struggle in the dark.  -- Titus Carus
p Life is really generous to those who pursue their destiny.  -- Paulo Coelho
p Life is short, but it is long enough to ruin any man who wants to be ruined.
p Life is short; don't waste too much time rearranging the atoms.  -- Alan Silverstein
p Life is shot at us point-blank.  -- Ortega y Gasset
p Life is stranger than fiction; love is stronger than friction.
p Life is sweet.
p Life is the childhood of our immortality.  -- Johann von Goethe
p Life is the cumulative effect of a handful of significant shocks.  -- Nassim Taleb
p Life is the first gift, love is the second, and understanding is the third.
p Life is the greatest bargain:  We get it for nothing.  -- H. Ayalti
p Life is the living you do; death is the living you don't do.  -- Joseph Pintauro
p Life is the only game in which the object of the game is to learn the rules.
p Life is the process of making and distributing free lunches.  -- Tom von Alten
p Life is the urge to ecstasy.
p Life is too important to take seriously.  -- Corky Siegel
p Life is too short to be little.  -- Disraeli
p Life is too short to eat boring food.
p Life is too tragic for sadness:  Let us rejoice.  -- Edward Abbey
p Life is tough, but it's tougher if you're stupid.  -- John Wayne
p Life is unfair.  And it's not fair that life is unfair.  -- Edward Abbey
p Life is what happens to us while we are making other plans.  -- Thomas La Mance
p Life is what you do while you are waiting to die.  -- Nikos Kazantzakis
p Life isn't about finding yourself.  Life is about creating yourself.  -- Shaw
p Life lies not in living, but in liking.
p Life meets no one halfway.
p Life need not be a zero-sum game.
p Life runs on current sunlight; we run on ancient photosynthesis (fossil fuels).  -- Janine Benyus
p Life script:  Spells cast upon you in childhood.
p Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage.  -- Anais Nin
p Life uses local resources.  -- Janine Benyus
p Life without a friend, is death without a witness.  -- George Herbert
p Life wouldn't be so hard if we didn't expect it to be so easy.
p Life your life so that if someone says, "Be yourself," it's good advice.  -- Orben
p Life's difficulties are intended to make us better, not bitter.
p Life's key elements:  Carbon, hydrogen, oxygen, nitrogen, sulfur, phosphorus.
p Lifeless bees do not gather honey.  -- English proverb
p Light winnings make heavy purses.
p Lighten up, while you still can, don't even try to understand...
p Lightly come, lightly go.
p Like a river, money must keep flowing; otherwise it begins to stagnate.  -- Deepak Chopra
p Like any kind of gear, backpacking gear suffers from diminishing returns.  -- Mann
p Like father, like son.
p Like winter snow on summer lawn, time past is time gone.
p Listeners never hear good of themselves.
p Little and often fills the purse.
p Little fishes slip through nets, but great fishes are taken.  -- Barclay
p Little things console us because little things afflict us.  -- Blaise Pascal
p Little things please little minds.
p Live and let live.
p Live each day as if it were your last.  -- Leng-Tzu
p Live now:  There's plenty of time to be dead later.  -- John Taylor
p Live with grace.
p Live your life as if it matters to Life, and it will.  -- Kevin Cook
p Live your live such that you need not hide your diary.
p Living means dying.  -- Engels
p Loan someone a sympathetic ear.
p Logic doesn't apply to the real world.  -- Marvin Minsky
p Logic is in the eye of the logician.  -- Gloria Steinem
p Logical systems are at the mercy of their postulates.
p Loneliness is a terrible price to pay for independence.
p Loneliness is God's waiting room.  -- Walter Landor
p Loneliness is the pain of being alone; solitude is the joy of being alone.
p Lonely is a man without love.
p Long before you learn about forgiveness, you learn about tribal justice.  -- Carolyn Myss
p Long life has long misery.
p Look afar and see the end from the beginning.
p Look after the molehills and the mountains will take care of themselves.
p Look at everything through a tribal perspective.  -- Carolyn Myss
p Look before you leap.  -- Confucius
p Look for a life partner who is soul food, not eye candy.  -- Karen Salmansohn
p Look not on pleasures as they come but as they go.  -- George Herbert
p Looking breeds liking.  -- Ravenscroft
p Losing makes winning worthwhile.  -- Reyer
p Lots of folks confuse bad management with destiny.  -- Frank Hubbard
p Lovability starts with loving yourself.  -- Will Limon
p Love (the feeling) is the fruit of love (the verb).  -- Stephen Covey
p Love and gluttony justify everything.  -- Oscar Wilde
p Love and scandal are the best sweeteners of tea.
p Love asks faith, and faith asks firmness.  -- George Herbert
p Love comes by looking.
p Love comes from trust, trust comes from experience, and it must be earned.
p Love comes in at the window and goes out at the door.  -- Gruter
p Love covers a multitude of faults.  -- Torriano
p Love everyone, serve everyone, and remember God.  -- Ram Dass
p Love goes toward love.  -- William Shakespeare
p Love is a fruit in season at all times and within reach of every hand.
p Love is a hole in the heart.
p Love is a human religion in which another is believed in.  -- Robert Seidenberg
p Love is a much stronger drug than LSD.  -- Ram Dass
p Love is a product of habit.
p Love is a sweet torment.
p Love is a verb.  -- Will Limon
p Love is an ideal thing, marriage a real thing...  -- Johann von Goethe
p Love is blind.
p Love is divine power.  -- Carolyn Myss
p Love is free.
p Love is friendship set on fire.
p Love is full of fear.  -- William Shakespeare
p Love is giving more and never keeping score.
p Love is lawless.
p Love is measured not in moments of time, but in timeless moments.  -- Bartocei
p Love is not something you have; it is something you do.  -- Will Limon
p Love is sweet in the beginning but sour in the ending.  -- William Shakespeare
p Love is the force that makes us fully human.  -- David Suzuki
p Love is the greatest gift you can receive.  But you must give it to yourself.
p Love is unconditional caring for an imperfect being.  -- Scott Peck
p Love lives in cottages as well as in courts.
p Love makes a wit of the fool.
p Love makes all hard hearts gentle.
p Love makes one fit for any work.  -- George Herbert
p Love makes the world go round.
p Love means adapting yourself to another person's needs.  -- Rekha
p Love means never having to say you're sorry.  -- Love Story
p Love means telling you why you're sorry.
p Love needs no teaching.  -- Raleigh  (wrong!)
p Love never dies of starvation, but often of indigestion.  -- Anne de Lenclos
p Love relationships are the highest risk investments you will ever make.  -- Will Limon
p Love should make marriage, and not marriage love.  -- William Shakespeare
p Love springs from elements we have within our grasp.  -- Will Limon
p Love the future, for you are going to spend the rest of your life there.
p Love truth, pardon error.  -- Voltaire
p Love will find a way.
p Love will not overcome a lack of parity.  -- Will Limon
p Love your friend with his fault.
p Love your friend, but look to yourself.  -- James Kelly
p Love your neighbor, yet don't pull down your hedge.  -- Benjamin Franklin
p Luck is when preparation and opportunity meet.  -- Trudeau
p Luck:  Careful planning, well executed.
p Lucky in life, unlucky in love.  -- E. Phillpotts
p Lying is a way of taking personal responsibility for reality.  -- G. Keillor
p Machinery... always requires a search for consumable power.  -- James Carse
p Machines should work; people should think.
p Madness takes its toll.
p Magisterial speech is amplified speech; it is speech that silences.  -- James Carse
p Maine is the only state whose name is just one syllable.
p Majorities, of course, start with minorities.  -- Robert Moses
p Make a living, but make room for life.
p Make allowances for your friends' imperfections as readily as for your own.
p Make choices and decisions, not judgements and demands.  -- Will Limon
p Make haste slowly.  -- Benjamin Franklin
p Make hay while the sun shines.
p Make it tough enough for the enemy to get in and you won't be able to get out.
p Make much of what you have.  -- Withals
p Make not the door wider than the house.
p Make not two sorrows of one.
p Make the most of the best and the least of the worst.
p Making rules is easy, but living by them is virtually impossible.
p Making variations on a theme is really the crux of creativity.  -- Hofstadter
p Maktub.  (It is written.)
p Man and wife make one fool.
p Man belongs wherever he wants to go.  -- Wernher von Braun
p Man can believe the impossible, but never the improbable.  -- Oscar Wilde
p Man cannot discover new oceans unless he has courage to lose sight of the shore.
p Man does not live by words alone, despite that sometimes he must eat them.
p Man does what he can, and God what he will.  -- Thomas Draxe
p Man has an almost infinite capacity for taking things for granted.  -- Aldous Huxley
p Man is a dog's idea of what God should be.  -- Holbrook Jackson
p Man is a military animal; glories in gunpowder, and loves parade.  -- Bailey
p Man is a sort of tree that we are too apt to judge by the bark.
p Man is a wolf to man.  -- Plautus
p Man is an obligate aerobe.
p Man is born to live, and not to prepare to live.  -- Boris Pasternak
p Man is by nature a political animal.  -- Aristotle
p Man is most nearly himself when he achieves the seriousness of a child at play.
p Man is not a lovable animal.  -- Edward Abbey
p Man is not disturbed about things, but by his opinion about things.  -- Epictetus
p Man is the child of customs, not the child of his ancestors.  -- ibn Khaldun
p Man is the highest animal because man does the classifying.
p Man is the measure of all things.  -- Protagoras
p Man must decide...  What will be the monument of his existence.  -- Frankl
p Man must shape his tools lest they shape him.  -- Arthur Miller
p Man proposes, God disposes.  -- Thomas a Kempis
p Man punishes the action, but God the intention.  -- Fuller
p Man shall not live by bread alone.  -- New Testament
p Man weeps to think that he will die soon; a woman that she was born so long ago.
p Man's extremity is God's opportunity.
p Man's horizons are bounded by his vision.
p Man's reach must exceed his grasp, for why else the heavens?  -- Robert Browning
p Man's vehicle is finite and he's trying to know something about the infinite.
p Managers can either influence or control, but not both.
p Manners make the man.
p Many a man would have been worse if his estate had been better.  -- Franklin
p Many are called; few are chosen.  Fewer still get to do the choosing.
p Many are called; few volunteer.
p Many drops make a flood.
p Many give advice; few give help.  -- Herbert Salzer
p Many hands make light work.  -- John Heywood
p Many lords, many laws.  -- Thomas Draxe
p Many men counsel others better than themselves.  -- J. Hewes
p Many pages make a thick book.
p Many receive advice, few profit by it.  -- Publilius Syrus
p Many small make a great.
p Many speak much who cannot speak well.
p Many things can be done in a day if you don't make that day tomorrow.
p Many things grow in the garden that were never sown there.
p Many things happen unlooked for.
p Many would be cowards if they had courage enough.  -- Thomas Fuller
p Many young scientists work too much and read and think too little.  -- Max Perutz
p Marriage is a covenant between two people notarized by God.  -- Bill Miles
p Marry in haste:  Repent in leisure.
p Mater artium necessitas.  (Necessity is the mother of invention.)
p Mathematics and death are never in error.  -- Yvgeney Zamyatin
p Mathematics is the language God used to write the universe.
p Maturity is knowing when and where to be immature.
p Maturity is knowing you are right without needing to prove it.
p Maximize the serendipity around you.  -- Nassim Taleb
p May the road rise up to greet you, and the wind always be at your back.  -- Irish
p May you always have the strength to enjoy your weaknesses.  -- Laura Watson
p May you live all the days of your life.
p May you live in interesting times.  -- Chinese curse
p Maybe I was a little bit too optimistic.  Success can't be predicted.  -- Drake
p Mediocrity requires aloofness to preserve its dignity.  -- Charles Dawes
p Memory is the medium of the must-have-been.  -- Julian Jaynes
p Memory is the mother of all wisdom.  -- Aeschylus
p Memory should be the starting point of the present.
p Men always learn from their mistakes how to make new ones.  -- A.J.P. Taylor
p Men and nations act rationally when all other possibilities are exhausted.
p Men are but children of a larger growth.  -- Dryden
p Men are more concerned to use ideas than to understand them.  -- J. H. Randall
p Men are only fellow voyagers with other creatures in the odyssey of evolution.
p Men are taught to apologize for their weaknesses; women for their strengths.
p Men behave wisely once they have exhausted all alternatives.  -- Abba Eban
p Men dream more about coming home than about leaving.  -- Paulo Coelho
p Men freely believe that what they wish to desire.  -- Julius Caesar
p Men have become the tools of their tools.  -- Henry Thoreau
p Men love to hear well of themselves.  -- Clarke
p Men love to wonder, and that is the seed of science.
p Men love with their eyes; women love with their ears.  -- Zsa Zsa Gabor
p Men still remember the first kiss after women have forgotten the last.
p Men take only their needs into consideration; never their abilities.  -- Napoleon
p Men will believe more easily that which they do not understand.  -- de Montaigne
p Men work hard, but women work miracles.  -- Ricky Gervais
p Mercy to the criminal might be cruelty to the people.
p Metaphysics is a cobweb that the mind weaves around things.  -- Edward Abbey
p Midnight shakes the memory as a madman shakes a dead geranium.  -- T.S. Eliot
p Might makes right.
p Mind manifests in matter.  -- Ram Dass
p Mind other men, but most yourself.  -- Clarke
p Minds are like parachutes; they only function when fully open.  -- James Dewar
p Misery loves company, but company does not reciprocate.
p Misfortunes arrive on wings and leave on foot.
p Misfortunes never come alone.
p Misplaced precision stifles initiative.
p Mistakes are oft the stepping stones to failure.
p Mistakes are the ornament of freedom.
p Mistrust is the most necessary characteristic of the chess player.  -- Tarrasch
p Moderates give a power base to extremists.  -- Richard Dawkins
p Moderation in all things.  -- Publius Afer
p Money alone sets the world in motion.  -- Publius
p Money answers all things.  -- Old Testament
p Money can buy friendship but money cannot buy love.
p Money drives politics, often over cliffs.  -- Jack Schmidt
p Money has no memory.  -- John Taylor
p Money is a good servant but a bad master.  -- Francis Bacon
p Money is like a promise, easier made than kept.
p Money is like an arm or a leg:  Use it or lose it.  -- Henry Ford
p Money is often lost for want of money.  -- Thomas Draxe
p Money is tender when you have it, and tough when you haven't.
p Money isn't everything; sometimes it isn't even enough.
p Money makes a man free everywhere.
p Money makes money.  -- Trafford
p Money makes the man.
p Money never goes out of season.
p Money never made a fool of anybody; it only shows them up.  -- Kin Hubbard
p Money will say more in one moment than the most eloquent lover can in years.
p Moral principles can never be compromised; they can only be abandoned.
p Morality is a private and costly luxury.  -- Henry Adams
p Morality is an illusion; only ethics is real.
p Morality is simply the attitude we adopt to people whom we personally dislike.
p Morality is the root, as well as consequence, of survival.  -- Lawrence Hirsch
p Morals gain greater clarity when the questionable action is done to you.
p More belongs to marriage than four bare legs in a bed.
p More happiness, less stuff:  Shouldn't that be our whole society's objective?  -- Ray Anderson
p More people are flattered into virtue than bullied out of vice.  -- R. S. Surtees
p More people would learn from their mistakes if not so busy denying them.  -- Harold Smith
p Most of society's arguments are kept alive by a failure to acknowledge nuance.  -- Tim Minchin
p Most of the desires we have do not need physical bodies to be satisfied.  -- Dass
p Most people are unenthusiastic about their work.
p Most people change because they are forced to.  -- Will Limon
p Most people deserve each other.  -- Shirley
p Most people die at 25 but aren't buried until they're 75.  -- Benjamin Franklin
p Most people prefer certainty to truth.
p Most people wouldn't know music if it came up and bit them on the ass.  -- Zappa
p Most powerful is he who has himself in his own power.  -- Seneca
p Most religious teachers (try) to prove the unproven by the unprovable.  -- Oscar Wilde
p Most suicides are committed with a knife... fork, and spoon.
p Motivation is what gets you started.  Habit is what keeps you going.
p Mountaineers are almost always right when they "go with their gut."  -- Sturgis
p Mountains are good for us.  They get us to increase our effort.  -- Paul Nesbit
p Much law, but little justice.  -- Fuller
p Much learning makes men mad.  -- Ariosto
p Much of what we call knowledge is merely a temporary frame around chaos.
p Much tells me little; little tells me much.  -- John Taylor
p Mud thrown is ground lost.
p Muddy water let stand becomes clear.  -- Lao Tse
p Music clouds the intellect but clarifies the heart.  -- Edward Abbey
p Music endures and ages far better than books.  -- Edward Abbey
p Music in the soul can be heard by the universe.  -- Lao Tsu
p Music is the eye of the ear.  -- Thomas Draxe
p Must I hold a candle to my shames?  -- William Shakespeare
p Mutual respect is the key to avoiding conflict.  -- Peter Chantilis
p My body takes commands from my soul.  -- Carolyn Myss
p My boys, let us be grave:  Here comes a fool.  -- Dr. Clarke, of Beau Nash
p My cup runneth over with love.
p My greatest strength as a consultant is to be ignorant and ask a few questions.
p My job is an interesting hobby.  I take everything else seriously.  -- Steve Hug
p My job is just to work on myself, and if anything happens, it happens.  -- Dass
p My life is an extraordinary series of mistakes.  -- Anthony Hopkins
p My old information was held hostage by the tool I used to create it.  -- Goldfarb
p My only concern is to set man absolutely, unconditionally free.  -- Krishnamurti
p My purpose for you is that you should know yourself as me.  -- God?
p Myth is the highest form of our listening to each other.  -- James Carse
p Myths are not stories that have meanings, but stories that give meanings.
p Nagging is the repetition of unpalatable truths.  -- Baroness Edith Summerskill
p Names and natures do often agree.
p Narcissists don't learn from mistakes because they don't think they make any.
p Narrow gathered, widely spent.
p Nationalism is an infantile disease; it is the measles of mankind.  -- Albert Einstein
p Nature abhors a vacuum.
p Nature always has more imagination than we have.  -- Freeman Dyson
p Nature bats last.  The laws of physics are equal-opportunity.
p Nature is content with a little.
p Nature is indifferent to our love, but never unfaithful.  -- Edward Abbey
p Nature is not benign.  Natural laws have no pity.  -- Robert Heinlein
p Nature must be interpreted as matter, energy, and information.  -- Shannon
p Nature tries everything at least once.  -- Arthur Clarke
p Nature, time, and patience are the three great physicians.  -- Mapletoft
p Nature, to be commanded, must be obeyed.  -- Francis Bacon
p Necessity has no holiday.
p Necessity is the plea for every infringement of human freedom.  -- William Pitt
p Needs are a function of what other people have.
p Negative people have a problem for every solution.
p Neither a borrower nor a lender be; for loan often loses both itself and friend.
p Neither in hope nor in fear.  -- motto of Isabella d'Este
p Neither spread the germs of gossip nor encourage others to do so.
p Neurons that fire together, wire together.  -- Donald Hebb
p Neutrality is at times a greater sin than belligerence.  -- Justice Brandeis
p Never answer a question until it is asked.
p Never appeal to a man's "better nature".  He may not have one.  -- Robert Heinlein
p Never argue with a fool.  People might not know the difference.
p Never argue with a man who buys ink by the barrel.  -- Greener
p Never assume villany when mere incompetence suffices.
p Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.
p Never be foolish enough to consider yourself infallible.
p Never before have so many people known so little about so much.  -- James Burke
p Never buy a thing you don't want merely because it is dear.  -- Oscar Wilde
p Never call a man a fool.  Borrow from him.
p Never change a winning theme.  -- Gerhard Uhlenbruck
p Never confuse "I love you" with "I want to marry you."  -- Leroy King
p Never debate; escalate.  -- Carl Trautman
p Never delegate making yourself happy.
p Never give up, for that is just the time that the tide will turn.  -- Stowe
p Never go to sea with two chronometers; take one or three.
p Never ignore friction.
p Never insult an alligator until you have crossed the river.
p Never interrupt when you are being flattered.  -- H. Jackson Brown
p Never laugh at your own jokes.
p Never let a major crisis go to waste.  -- Rahm Emanuel
p Never let them take a picture of you holding a martini.
p Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what is right.  -- Asimov
p Never let yourself think that you are wiser than you are.  -- Solomon
p Never lose a holy curiosity.  -- Albert Einstein
p Never lose your ignorance; you cannot replace it.  -- Erich Remarque
p Never make a permanent decision based on a temporary emotion.
p Never miss a check, it might be mate.
p Never move a pawn and you will never lose a game.  -- Siegbert Tarrasch
p Never outrun that which you can outsmart.
p Never pay a compliment as though you expected a receipt.
p Never promise more than you can perform.  -- Publilius Syrus
p Never put off till tomorrow what can be done today.
p Never rely on what you think you know.  -- Solomon
p Never risk what you can't afford to lose.  -- H. Jackson Brown
p Never say never.
p Never speak more clearly than you think.  -- Neils Bohr
p Never swap your integrity for money, power, or fame.  -- H. Jackson Brown
p Never take a drink when you are feeling sorry for yourself.
p Never take what you cannot use.  -- H. Jackson Brown
p Never trust a friend who deserts you at a pinch.  -- Aesop
p Never trust anyone who can't say:  "I don't know."  -- Greg Goebel
p Never trust anyone who says money is no object.
p Never trust the advice of a man in difficulties.  -- Aesop
p Never try to teach a pig to sing.  It wastes your time and annoys the pig.
p Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.
p Never underestimate the stimulation of eccentricity.  -- Neil Simon
p Never volunteer for anything.  -- Lackland
p Never waste time explaining yourself to someone committed to misunderstanding.  -- Ethan Siegel
p Never wrestle a pig.  You both get dirty and the pig likes it.
p New systems generate new problems.
p Newspapers often print the first draft of history.
p Night is the mother of counsel.
p Nihilism is the only philosophy that denies its own existence.
p Nine men in ten are suicides.  -- Benjamin Franklin
p Nine tenths of wisdom consists in being wise in time.
p No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.  -- Aesop
p No amount of genius can overcome a preoccupation with detail.
p No battle plan ever survives contact with the enemy.
p No bird soars too high if he soars with his own wings.  -- William Blake
p No bucks, no Buck Rogers.  -- Tom Wolfe
p No evil proceeds on any grounds of reason.  -- Titus Livius
p No excellent soul is exempt from a mixture of madness.  -- Aristotle
p No good building without a good foundation.
p No light, but rather darkness visible.  -- Milton
p No lock will hold against the power of gold.
p No man better knows what good is than he who has endured evil.
p No man can bargain with a clock.  -- Michael Uhrin
p No man can be a good ruler unless he has first been ruled.
p No man can be a patriot on an empty stomach.  -- W. C. Brann
p No man can play the fool as well as the wise man.
p No man has a lease of his life.
p No man is a hero to his valet.  -- Madame Anne Cornuel
p No man is an island.  -- John Donne
p No man is good enough to govern another without that other's consent.  -- Lincoln
p No man is rich enough to buy back his past.  -- Oscar Wilde
p No man is wise at all times.
p No man is wise enough to be another man's master.  -- Edward Abbey
p No man lives so poor as he was born.  -- Fuller
p No man who needs a monument ever ought to have one.  -- Nathaniel Hawthorne
p No man's credit is as good as his money.  -- E. W. Howe
p No man's life, liberty or property are safe while the Legislature is in session.  -- Gideon Tucker
p No matter how certain you are, always consider that you might be wrong.
p No matter how much cynicism you have, it is never enough to keep up.  -- Tomlin
p No matter how smart you are, you spend much of your day being an idiot.  -- Adams
p No matter what a guy thinks of, it's almost always false.  -- Richard Feynman
p No matter what we are talking about, we are talking about ourselves.  -- Prather
p No matter what you do, you are intuitive.  -- Carolyn Myss
p No matter who's in my life, they're there by divine design.  -- Carolyn Myss
p No news is good news.  -- J. Payn
p No one becomes depraved in a moment.
p No one can get ahead of you when they are kicking you in the rear.
p No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.  -- Eleanor Roosevelt
p No one can out-perform their own self-image.
p No one ever listened himself out of a job.  -- Calvin Coolidge
p No one gets off this planet unenlightened.  -- Carolyn Myss
p No one has yet invented a successful substitute for work.
p No one is rich enough to do without a neighbor.  -- Danish proverb
p No one is satisfied with his fortune or dissatisfied with his intellect.
p No one knows what he can do till he tries.  -- Publilius Syrus
p No one regards what is before his feet; we all gaze at the stars.
p No one understands anything that isn't funny.
p No one understands everything, and no one needs to.  -- J. Redford
p No opinion has ever been too errant to become creed.  -- Bertrand Russell
p No pain, no gain.
p No people do so much harm as those who go about doing good.  -- Mandell Creighton
p No problem is insoluble in all conceivable circumstances.
p No problem is so formidable that you can't walk away from it.  -- Schulz
p No question is so difficult as one to which the answer is obvious.  -- George Shaw
p No region can include itself as well.  -- Whitehead
p No rose without a thorn.
p No snowflake in an avalanche ever feels responsible.  -- Stanislaw Lee
p No sooner said than done -- so acts your man of worth.  -- Quintus Ennius
p No tyranny is more fierce than the tyranny of morality.  -- P. D. Ouspensky
p No value can be put upon good counsel.  -- Howell
p No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple.
p Nobility is expensive, non-productive, and parasitic.  -- Alan Weisman
p Nobody ever got a rainbow unless they got some rain.  -- Jim Croce
p Nobody ever got to the top without slipping up.  -- Colin Powell
p Nobody has so many friends that he can afford to lose one.  -- Edward Abbey
p Nobody roots for Goliath.  -- Wilt Chamberlain
p Non Illegitemus Carborundum.  (Don't let the bastards wear you down.)
p Noncooperation with evil is as much a duty as is cooperation with good.  -- Mohandas Gandhi
p None knows the weight of another's burden.  -- George Herbert
p None love the bearer of bad news.  -- Sophocles
p Nonsense and beauty have close connections.  -- E. M. Forster
p Nonsense needs complex misdirection to make it sound plausible.  -- Conquest
p Nostalgia is what turns the past tense into past perfect.
p Not all who own a harp are harpers.  -- Marcus Terentius Varro
p Not doing more than average is what keeps the average down.  -- Harvey Mackay
p Not everyone whose eyes are closed is asleep.  -- Hebrew proverb
p Not failure, but low aim is sin.  -- Benjamin Mays
p Not getting what you want is sometimes a stroke of good luck.  -- Brown
p Not knowing is the hardest thing to know.
p Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
p Not only do organisms evolve; the mechanisms by which they evolve, evolve too.
p Nothing astonishes men so much as common sense and plain dealing.  -- Emerson
p Nothing beats love at first sight except love with insight.
p Nothing dries sooner than tears.  -- Cicero
p Nothing endures but change.  -- Heraclitus
p Nothing ever fatigues me, except that which I dislike.  -- Jane Austen
p Nothing focuses the mind like a hanging.  -- Samuel Johnson
p Nothing goes out of date as fast as our predictions for the future.
p Nothing great is ever achieved without enthusiasm.  -- Ralph Emerson
p Nothing in life is to be feared.  It is only to be understood.
p Nothing in the physical world is stronger than you unless you give it strength.
p Nothing is as easy as it looks.  -- Murphy
p Nothing is as simple as we hope it will be.  -- Jim Horning
p Nothing is but what is not.
p Nothing is enough for the man to whom enough is too little.  -- Epicurus
p Nothing is ever accomplished by a reasonable man.  -- Bucy
p Nothing is ever all said and done.
p Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.  -- Weller
p Nothing is impossible for the man who will not listen to reason.  -- Blutarsky
p Nothing is impossible to a willing heart.
p Nothing is impossible to God.
p Nothing is more annoying than a low man raised to a high position.  -- Claudian
p Nothing is more dangerous than an idea when it is the only one you have.
p Nothing is often a clever thing to do, and always a clever thing to say.
p Nothing is so fatiguing as the eternal hanging on of an uncompleted task.
p Nothing is so firmly believed as which is least known.  -- de Montaigne
p Nothing is so frustrating as a bad situation beginning to improve.  -- Shannon
p Nothing is so good that somebody, somewhere, will not hate it.  -- Pohl
p Nothing is sometimes the best thing to say.
p Nothing makes a vacation seem better than hindsight.
p Nothing makes for more good old days than a bad memory.
p Nothing succeeds without a champion.
p Nothing that is violent is permanent.
p Nothing that is worth knowing can be taught.  -- Oscar Wilde
p Nothing ventured, nothing gained.  -- Leng-Tzu
p Nothing's beautiful from every point of view.  -- Horace
p Notice how your desires keep manifesting in thoughts.  -- Ram Dass
p Nowadays, the illiterates can read and write.  -- Alberto Moravia
p O Lord -- if there is a Lord; save my soul -- if I have a soul.  -- Ernest Renan
p Obedience is much more seen in little things than in great.  -- Fuller
p Obedience is the first duty of a soldier.
p Obligation kills passions.
p Observation is a passive science, experimentation an active science.  -- Bernard
p Obstacles are what you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
p Obstinancy is the strength of the weak.  -- Lavater
p Occasionally lose sight, never lose vision; nothing is gained through division.
p Of all forms of caution, caution in love is the most fatal.
p Of all forms of currency, guilt is the most inconvertible.  -- John Taylor
p Of course life is finite, but the only sane way to live is to pretend otherwise.  -- Alan Silverstein
p Of making many books there is no end.  -- Old Testament
p Of money, wisdom, and good faith there is commonly less than men count upon.
p Of money, wit, and virtue believe one-fourth of what you hear.  -- Mapletoft
p Often it's not the water but the cup.  -- John Taylor
p Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive.  -- William Shakespeare
p Old age comes stealing on.
p Old age is the harbor of all ills.  -- Bion
p Old age is the most unexpected of things that can happen to a man.  -- Trotsky
p Old age needs so little, but it needs that little so much.
p Old friends and old wine and old gold are best.
p Old friendships bear witness to your life in its entirety.  -- Carol Moss
p Old love will not be forgotten.  -- T. Heywood
p Old men go to death; death comes to young men.
p Old sin makes new shame.
p Old soldiers never die.  Young ones do.
p Old thanks pay not for a new debt.  -- Torriano
p On your journey to consciousness you must go through the dark night of the soul.
p Once a thief, always a thief.  -- Stevens
p Once a use and ever a custom.
p Once a word has been allowed to escape, it cannot be recalled.  -- Horace
p Once harm has been done, even a fool understands it.  -- Homer
p Once one has tasted life, death doesn't even seem natural.  -- Philip Roth
p Once you accept his assumptions even a madman seems reasonable.
p Once you become a walker, you become a conservationist.  -- Colin Fletcher
p Once you realize God knows everything, you're free.  -- Ram Dass
p One 'tis not significant till it be the last one.
p One bad general is better than two good ones.  -- Lincoln
p One big pile is better than two little piles.  -- Arlo Guthrie
p One by one, like leaves from a tree, all my faiths have forsaken me.  -- Teasdale
p One can acquire everything in solitude except character.  -- Stendahl
p One can always be kind to people about whom one cares nothing.  -- Oscar Wilde
p One can hardly please all men.  -- Thomas Draxe
p One can never consent to creep when one feels the impulse to soar.  -- Keller
p One can only accept in others what one can accept in oneself.  -- James Baldwin
p One can't proceed from the informal to the formal by formal means.
p One cannot prevent a problem by pretending that it doesn't exist.  -- Schumacher
p One cause is good until the other is understood.
p One enemy can do more harm than ten friends can do good.
p One family builds a wall, two families enjoy it.
p One good turn deserves another.  -- Gaius Petronius
p One grain fills not a sack, but helps his fellow.
p One hand cannot applaud.  -- Arabian proverb
p One has a right to judge a man by the effect he has over his friends.  -- Oscar Wilde
p One is not superior merely because one sees the world as odious.  -- Chateaubriand
p One learns to itch where one can scratch.  -- Ernest Bramah
p One lie or one peanut...  One leads to another.
p One lives in the hope of becoming a memory.  -- A. Porchia
p One mad action is not enough to prove a man mad.  -- Fuller
p One man's ceiling is another man's floor.  -- Paul Simon
p One man's gain is another man's loss.  -- D. H. Lawrence
p One man's magic is another man's engineering.
p One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.  -- Robert Heinlein
p One master in any house is enough.  -- Erasmus
p One may sooner fall than rise.  -- Thomas Draxe
p One meets his destiny often on the road he takes to avoid it.
p One must be frank to be relevant.  -- Corazon Aquino
p One must imagine Sisyphus happy.  -- Albert Camus
p One never goes so far as when one doesn't know where one is going.  -- Johann von Goethe
p One never loses anything by politeness.
p One nuclear bomb can ruin your whole day.
p One of the fundamental laws of creation is that energy comes before matter.
p One of the greatest pains to human nature is the pain of a new idea.  -- Bagehot
p One of these days is none of these days.
p One pair of ears dry a hundred tongues.  -- George Herbert
p One pardons in the degree that one loves.  -- Le Rochefoucauld
p One person tells a falsehood, a hundred repeat it as true.
p One person with courage makes a majority.
p One picture is worth more than ten thousand words.  -- Chinese proverb
p One place you don't want to be special is in the doctor's office.
p One poison drives out another.
p One positive weighs more than twenty negatives.
p One seldom sees a monument to a committee.
p One should have faith in rain but never trust it.
p One should never do anything one cannot talk about after dinner.  -- Oscar Wilde
p One sows and another reaps.
p One success is worth more than a thousand failures.
p One tale is good till another is told.
p One way to get into trouble is to be right at the wrong time.
p One without education is compelled to use his brains.
p One word is worth a thousand pictures.  If it's the right word.  -- Edward Abbey
p One's real life is often the life that one does not lead.
p Only 10% of anything can be in the top 10%.
p Only a ballplayer's errors are published every day.
p Only a fool has no doubts.
p Only a fool is astonished by the foolishness of mankind.  -- Edward Abbey
p Only a mediocre person is always at his best.  -- Somerset Maugham
p Only a moralist advocates a virtue even to those incapable of it.  -- Wall
p Only a strong player knows how weakly he plays.  -- Saviely Tartakower
p Only at the planes below the fourth chakra do you need to maintain a body.
p Only cowards insult dying majesty.  -- Aesop
p Only fools are positive.  -- Moe Howard
p Only fools say it can't be done.
p Only God can make random selections.
p Only ideas that we actually live by are of any value.  -- Hermann Hesse
p Only invest in products and companies you can explain to a six year old.  -- Morgan Housel
p Only military people deal with randomness with genuine... intellectual honesty.  -- Nassim Taleb
p Only one person in a thousand knows the trick of really living in the present.
p Only that in you which is me can hear what I'm saying.  -- Ram Dass
p Only the educated are free.  -- Epictetus
p Only the ephemeral is of lasting value.  -- Ionesco
p Only the rich preach contentment to the poor.
p Only those who attempt the absurd can achieve the impossible.
p Only what we partly know inspires us with the desire to know more.  -- Emerson
p Only when you journey fully conscious to the pain do you gain the wisdom.
p Ontogeny recapitulates phylogeny.
p Onward through the fog.
p Opinions cannot survive if one has no chance to fight for them.  -- Thomas Mann
p Opportunities are often things you haven't noticed the first time around.
p Opportunity makes the thief.
p Opposites attract.  -- Leng-Tzu
p Oppression makes a wise man mad.
p Optimization hinders evolution.
p Orthodoxy is a relaxation of the mind accompanied by a stiffening of the heart.
p Other people's tools work only in other people's gardens.
p Other times, other manners.
p Our bodies were designed to have integrity.  -- Carolyn Myss
p Our business in life is not to succeed but to continue to fail in high spirits.
p Our choice is limited:  Either the whole universe, or nothing.  -- H. G. Wells
p Our fantasies are stepping stones to our realities.  -- Mae Jameson, astronaut
p Our greatest weariness comes from work not done.  -- Eric Hoffer
p Our idea was if you couldn't find a job, you'd make one for yourself.  -- Packard
p Our investment in another creates the level of involvement we have with them.
p Our life stories and the history of the world were written by the same hand.
p Our money can never be as valuable as our memories or our friendships.  -- Ogburn
p Our nature demands love, and our happiness depends on it.
p Our property must intrude on another, stand in another's way.  -- James Carse
p Our self image is our window to our world.  -- Will Limon
p Our sins and our debts are often more than we think.  -- Howell
p Our spirit is fuel; it is energy.  -- Carolyn Myss
p Our stuff has become a "footprint" that is trampling on our Garden of Eden.  -- Norris Burkes
p Our sun rises precisely where we choose to see it rise.  -- John Taylor
p Our whole society is addicted to debt.  -- Peter Nelson
p Our wires are attached to the fact that financial energy equals sexual energy.
p Ours is a world of nuclear giants and ethical infants.  -- Omar Bradley
p Out of sight, out of mind.  -- Leng-Tzu
p Out there, we are all part of the food chain.
p Over my mask / is your mask of me.  -- Mitsuye Yamada
p Own the market rather than try to outsmart it.  -- Allan Roth
p Pack it in, pack it out.
p Pain is inevitable, but suffering is our choice.
p Pain makes cowards of us all.  -- Vince Lombardi
p Painted pictures are dead speakers.  -- Breton
p Paradise for a happy man lies in his own good nature.  -- Edward Abbey
p Passion is as crucial as rocket fuel when you're trying to leave Earth.  -- Andrew Chaiken
p Past cure, past care.
p Patch griefs with proverbs.
p Patience is a flower that grows not in every one's garden.  -- Thomas Draxe
p Patience is a minor form of despair, disguised as virtue.  -- Bierce
p Patience is not the ability to wait, but to keep a good attitude while waiting.
p Patience is the best remedy for every trouble.  -- Titus Maccius Plautus
p Patience is the companion of wisdom.  -- St. Augustine
p Patience under old injuries invites new ones.
p Patience, time, and money accommodate all things.  -- George Herbert
p Patriotism is inherently belligerent.  -- James Carse
p Pauca sed matura.  (Few but excellent.)  -- Gauss
p Paul's Law of Reorganizations:  Tornados don't bother earthworms.
p Pawn endings are to chess what putting is to golf.  -- Cecil Purdy
p Pay attention to what you want to control.  -- Carolyn Myss
p Pay attention to your body.  It doesn't lie.
p Pay attention, and you will have understanding.  -- Solomon
p Peace is the work of strong men; war, the courage of the cowardly.
p Peace of mind makes the body healthy, but jealousy is like cancer.  -- Solomon
p Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite.
p Penny wise, pound foolish.
p People are better than their theology.  -- Emerson
p People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges.  -- Joseph Newton
p People become how they're treated.  -- Doug McKenzie
p People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care.
p People don't govern better than they campaign.  -- Tom von Alten
p People don't want to write.  They want to have written.  -- Graham Greene
p People free to do as they choose usually imitate what others are doing.  -- Jonah Berger
p People get better if you pay attention to them.  -- Steven Bratman
p People like to talk more than they like to listen.  -- Scott Adams
p People live as if they'll never die, then die as if they had never lived.
p People look for affirmation, not information.
p People lose their health to make money, then lose their money to regain health.
p People love high ideals, but they got to be about 33-percent plausible.  -- Rogers
p People mistake obscurity for profundity.
p People often don't value what they don't pay for.  -- H. Jackson Brown
p People only accept change in necessity, and see necessity only in crisis.  -- Jean Monnet
p People only notice squeaky wheels.
p People only pay attention to what they discover for themselves.  -- Semple
p People only see what they are prepared to see.  -- Ralph Emerson
p People optimize that which is measured, and hide their dirt elsewhere.  -- Tom DeMarco
p People say they don't have enough time, but they have all the time there is.
p People should be measured in feats, not feet.
p People sucking on the public teat have an obligation not to bite it.
p People support that which they help to create.
p People tend to make rules for others and exceptions for themselves.
p People tend to steer in the direction of the object that has their attention.  -- Carl Ozek
p People think love is an emotion.  Love is good sense.  -- Ken Kesey
p People think they're thinking when they're merely rearranging their prejudices.
p People who can least afford to pay rent pay rent.
p People who can most afford to pay rent build equity.
p People who censor books are usually illiterate.  -- John MacDonald
p People who cry frequently enjoy better health overall.  -- Victor Parachin
p People who do know history repeat it as long as it is profitable.  -- Les Earnest
p People who don't have goals work for those who do.  -- Jack Canfield
p People who have nothing to say are never at loss in talking.  -- Josh Billings
p People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.
p People who prefer the finer things in life prefer people.
p People who set traps for others get caught themselves.  -- Solomon
p People who value security more than liberty will have neither.  -- Ben Franklin
p People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up.
p People with a hot temper do foolish things; wiser people remain calm.  -- Solomon
p People with narrow minds usually have broad tongues.
p People would never do anything if they knew what they were getting into.
p Peoples' opinions change, but the conviction of their correctness never does.
p Perceived necessity makes prostitutes of us all.
p Perception is reality, but perception is not necessarily truth.
p Perfection is a minor virtue.  -- Edward Abbey
p Perfection is not attainable, but by chasing perfection we can catch excellence.  -- Vince Lombardi
p Perhaps it was because Nero played the fiddle that they burned Rome.
p Perhaps we invented God to take the burden of self-judgement from us.
p Perserverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.
p Personal attacks demean those who make them.
p Personal finance is 80% behavior and 20% head knowledge.  -- Dave Ramsey
p Personal integrity is cleaning up your mess in a public restroom.
p Personality is the psychological equivalent of scar tissue.
p Personality is to man what perfume is to a flower.  -- Charles Schwab
p Persons who disagree with you are always emotional and employ faulty reasoning.
p Pessimist:  Man who looks for a pink slip before the money in his pay envelope.
p Philosophers only interpret the world differently; the point is, to change it.
p Philosophy is to the real world as masturbation is to sex.  -- Karl Marx
p Philosophy just fools you into thinking what you do is right.  -- O'Connor
p Philosophy will clip an angel's wings.  -- John Keats
p Physical strength can never permanently withstand the impact of spiritual force.
p Physicians kill more than they cure.  -- Burton
p Pictures are the books of the unlearned.  -- Fuller
p Pictures worth a thousand words take ten thousand times as long to draw.
p Pigs treat us as equals.  -- Winston Churchill
p Place your clothes and weapons where you can find them in the dark.
p Plain dealing is praised more than practiced.  -- Clarke
p Plan carefully what you do, and whatever you do will turn out right.  -- Solomon
p Plan for success, and deal with failure.  -- Paul Rygaard
p Plan to throw one away; you will, anyhow.  -- Frederick Brooks
p Plans are nothing; planning is everything.
p Plants are at the bottom of the food chain and do their own mining.
p Plants stand still and wait to be counted.  -- John Harper
p Play is not the absence of work.
p Playing a game shows some of one's character.  How one loses shows all of it.
p Pleasure in the job puts perfection in the work.  -- Aristotle
p Plenty breeds pride.  -- Gascoigne
p Plug yourself into the attitude of gratitude.  -- Carolyn Myss
p Poison is poison though it comes in a golden cup.
p Political power grows out of the barrel of a gun.  -- Mao Zedong
p Politicians are the only people who create problems, then campaign against them.  -- Charlie Reese
p Politics has slain its thousands, but religion has slain its tens of thousands.  -- Sean O'Casey
p Pollution is merely a misplaced resource.
p Poor is a man whose words die with him.  -- John Taylor
p Popular consensus says that reality is based on popular consensus.
p Possessions create pain.
p Post hoc, ergo propter hoc.  (After this, therefore caused by this.)
p Post proelium, praemium.  (After the battle, the reward.)
p Poverty is being invisible... excluded from community.  It is internal exile.
p Poverty is living below your reference point.
p Poverty is the mother of all arts.
p Poverty is the parent of revolution and crime.  -- Aristotle
p Power attracts the corruptible.  -- David Brin
p Power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely.
p Power does not corrupt man; fools in a position of power corrupt power.  -- Shaw
p Power grows out of someone else's dependency.
p Power is poison.
p Power rules, but love wins.
p Power to the peaceful.
p Practice is the best of all instructors.  -- Publilius
p Practice makes permanent.
p Practice may not make perfect, but it makes permanent.  -- John Milton
p Practice random acts of intelligence and senseless acts of self-control.
p Practice random acts of kindness and senseless acts of beauty.
p Practice yourself what you preach.  -- Titus Plautus
p Praise in public, scold in private.
p Praise makes good men better, and bad men worse.
p Praise the child, and you make love to the mother.
p Praise the sea, but keep on land.  -- Florio
p Pray for what you want, but work for what you need.
p Pray to God, but keep rowing to shore.  -- Russian proverb
p Prayer should be the key of the day and the lock of the night.
p Prayer should never be answered; if it is... it becomes correspondence.  -- Oscar Wilde
p Prejudice is being down on something you are not up on.
p Preserve the old, but know the new.
p Pretense is always a prologue.  -- Michael Uhrin
p Prevention is better than cure.
p Pride feels no pain.
p Principles have no real force except when one is well fed.  -- Mark Twain
p Prior Planning Prevents Piss Poor Performance.
p Privilege isn't presence of perks+benefits, but absence of obstacles+barriers.  -- Marie Beecham
p Problems that go away by themselves come back by themselves.  -- Davis
p Procrastination is the fertilizer that makes difficulties grow.
p Productivity is often not worth the personal price.
p Professional sales people do not compromise their integrity for a sale.
p Professionals are predictable, it is the amateurs that are dangerous.
p Program yourself to become intuitively aware.  -- Carolyn Myss
p Progress is made by lazy men looking for an easier way to do things.  -- Robert Heinlein
p Progress stops on satisfaction.  -- Mika Salkola
p Promise is debt.
p Promises are like pie-crust, made to be broken.  -- Ward
p Promising costs nothing; it's the delivering that kills you.
p Promising is the eve of giving.
p Promptness is its own reward, if one lives by the clock instead of the sword.
p Proof by repeated assertion is no proof at all.
p Prophecy is many times the principal cause of the events foretold.  -- Hobbes
p Proposals, as understood by the proposer, will be judged otherwise by others.
p Prosperity is only an instrument to be used, not a deity to be worshipped.
p Prosperity makes friends; adversity tries them.  -- Publilius Syrus
p Prototype designs always work.  -- Don Vonada
p Prototyping is always unexpectedly expensive.  -- Alan Silverstein
p Providing too much information defeats the purpose of providing any.  -- John Roberts
p Psychoanalysis is the mental disease whose therapy it claims to be.  -- Kraus
p Psychotherapy is just as high as the psychotherapist.  -- Ram Dass
p Public goods, privately provided, tend to be under-provided.
p Public property is never so well taken care of as private property.  -- Cobbett
p Punctuality is the virtue of the bored.  -- Evelyn Waugh
p Puritan:  A person who pours righteous indignation into the wrong things.
p Pursue contentment, not happiness.  Avoid the hedonic treadmill.
p Put all your eggs in one basket and -- WATCH THAT BASKET.  -- Mark Twain
p Put not your trust in money, but put your money in trust.  -- Oliver Holmes
p Put your brain in gear before starting your mouth in motion.
p Put your genius into your life.  Put only your talent into your work.
p Put your trust in those who are worthy.
p Quality is not a stage in the process.  It is the way of the process.
p Quality, without quantity, is little thought of.
p Quantum mechanics are the dreams stuff is made of.
p Question authority.
p Questions are never indiscreet; answers sometimes are.  -- Oscar Wilde
p Quick believers need broad shoulders.  -- George Herbert
p Quickly come, quickly go.
p Quiet the outer world, so that the inner world might bring you sight.  -- God?
p Quietness is a great treasure.  -- Henderson
p Quit while you're ahead.  -- Leng-Tzu
p Rainbows are just to look at, not to really understand.
p Rank has its privileges.
p Rather a man without money than money without a man.
p Rather sell than be poor.  -- John Ray
p Readers are not interested in the mechanics of authorship.  -- A. A. Milne
p Reading is thinking with someone else's head instead of one's own.
p Reading is to the mind what exercise is to the body.  -- Sir Richard Steele
p Reading makes a full man; conference a ready man; and writing an exact man.
p Real epidemiologists don't shake hands.  -- T. Christopher Bond
p Real joy comes from doing something worthwhile.
p Real love stories never have endings.
p Real men don't feel the need to prove it.
p Real politics are the possession and distribution of power.  -- Benjamin Disraeli
p Real poverty is lack of books.  -- Colette
p Real wealth can only increase.  -- R. Buckminster Fuller
p Reality is the flaw in the perfection of nothingness.
p Reality is when it happens to you.
p Reality often astonishes theory.  -- Tom Magliozzi
p Reason and love keep little company nowadays.  -- William Shakespeare
p Reason has always existed, but not always in a reasonable form.  -- Karl Marx
p Reason has seldom failed us because it has seldom been tried.  -- Edward Abbey
p Reason rules all things.
p Reasonable people find it difficult to... understand unreasonable behaviour.  -- Carlo Cipolla
p Rebellion lay in his way, and he found it.
p Records were made to be broken.
p Red clouds in the east, rain the next day.
p Red sky at night, sailors delight; red sky at morning, sailors take warning.
p Reformers should be conscious of the law of unintended consequences.  -- Stone
p Refuse to replicate your own dehumanization.  -- Lillian Roybal-Rose
p Regardless of how many times you are right, you will sometimes be wrong.
p Relationships are a wonderful way of getting your buttons pushed.  -- Lee Coit
p Religion has done love a great service by making it a sin.  -- Anatole France
p Religion is a defense against the experience of God.  -- Carl Jung
p Religion is certainty without proofs.  -- Amiel
p Religion is the fashionable substitute for Belief.  -- Oscar Wilde
p Religion is the opium of the people.  -- Karl Marx
p Religion is what keeps the poor from murdering the rich.  -- Napoleon
p Religion may be morally useful without being intellectually sustainable.  -- Mill
p Religion stops a thinking mind.
p Religion... enables humans who don't have all the answers to think that they do.  -- Bill Maher
p Religions are like glow worms, they require darkness to shine.  -- Schopenhauer
p Religions die when they are proved to be true.  -- Oscar Wilde
p Religions revolve madly around sexual questions.  -- Remy de Gourmont
p Rely on the two finest teachers, trial and error.  -- Colin Fletcher
p Remain as much as possible in the state of the witness.  -- Ram Dass
p Remember that there is an outside world to see and enjoy.  -- Hans Liepmann
p Remember the poor -- it costs nothing.  -- Josh Billings
p Remember them as they were and write them off.  -- Ernest Hemingway
p Remember to never split an infinitive.  -- William Safire
p Remembering is for those who have forgotten.  -- Chinese proverb
p Repeated failure is no guarantee of eventual success.
p Reproduction is the ultimate form of consumption.
p Reputation is commonly measured by acres.
p Research should begin and end in the library.  -- Michael Shimkin
p Research:  See what everyone saw, but think what no one else thought.
p Resentment is the most precious flower of poverty.  -- Carson McCullers
p Resist the urge to tinker.  -- Scott Adams
p Resoluteness sleeps in a bed of knowledge.  -- John Taylor
p Respect must be earned, not commanded.
p Respect the past, knowing it was once all that was humanly possible.
p Respect the role luck has played on some of your role models.  -- Morgan Housel
p Revelation is not sealed.  (Direct connection to Truth remains obtainable.)
p Revenge is mine, saith the lord.  -- Bible
p Revenge is sweet.
p Rich folk have many friends.
p Rich folks's money is always on paper; poor folks's money is in cash.
p Rich:  You have enough money that your money works for you, and not vice-versa.
p Riches cover a multitude of woes.
p Riches have wings.
p Riches serve a wise man but command a fool.
p Right wrongs no man.  -- Henderson
p Ripen tomatoes stem end up at room temperature.
p Rising equity glidepaths create a "Heads you win, tails you don't lose" outcome.  -- Pfau and Kitces
p Rivers need a spring.  -- George Herbert
p Rock gives reality to the otherwise abstract notion of transhuman time.  -- Edward Abbey
p Rocks might teach us life's secrets, were it not for the language barrier.
p Romance addiction is an invention of Western culture.  -- Anne Schaeff
p Romantic stages are mental illness:  You're "crazy about someone." -- Will Limon
p Rome was not built in a day.  -- Cervantes
p Rotten wood cannot be carved.  -- Confucius
p Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.
p Rule 1:  Don't sweat the small stuff.  Rule 2:  It's all small stuff.
p Rule youth well, and age will rule itself.
p Ruling a big country is like cooking a small fish.  -- Lao Tsu
p Sailors go round the world without going into it.
p Sailors have a port in every storm.  -- J. T. Smith
p Salary is no object:  Strive only to keep body and soul apart.
p Sanity is nothing more than the ability to live in harmony with nature's laws.
p Satire does not look pretty upon a tombstone.
p Saving face is important.  Give your opponent the opportunity to withdraw.
p Say no, then negotiate.  -- Helga
p Saying and doing are two different things.  -- J. de Luna
p Scandal is gossip made tedious by morality.  -- Oscar Wilde
p Scatter with one hand, gather with two.  -- Howell
p Scholarship is polite argument.  -- Philip Rieff
p Science and conscience belong together.  -- Gerhard Uhlenbruck
p Science can progress on the basis of error as long as it is not trivial.
p Science demands a tolerance for ambiguity.  -- Carl Sagan
p Science has no enemy but the ignorant.  -- L. Digges
p Science is always wrong.  It never solves a problem without creating ten more.
p Science is magic that works.  -- Kurt Vonnegut
p Science is more than a body of knowledge; it is a way of thinking.  -- Carl Sagan
p Science is sometimes a cruel mistress.
p Science is the process for sorting out the possible from the impossible.  -- Tom Siegfried
p Science is the topography of ignorance.  -- Oliver Holmes
p Science is the whore of industry and the handmaiden of war.  -- Edward Abbey
p Science is trustworthy precisely because it can fail.  -- Stuart Firestein
p Science without religion is lame, religion without science is blind.  -- Albert Einstein
p Science's great tragedy:  The slaying of a beautiful hypothesis by an ugly fact.
p Science, based on evidence, cares nothing for what you personally like or don't.
p Science:  An orderly arrangement of what at the moment seem to be facts.
p Science:  No thing is nothing.  -- Gerhard Uhlenbruck
p Science:  Nonsense does not always make no sense.  -- Gerhard Uhlenbruck
p Science:  The creation of dilemmas by the solution of mysteries.
p Science:  To see or not to see, that's the main question.  -- Gerhard Uhlenbruck
p Scientific minds do not so much provide right answers as ask right questions.
p Scientific progress:  Milestones or millstones?  -- Gerhard Uhlenbruck
p Scientists keep romantics honest; romantics keep scientists human.
p Scientists... can often recognize nonsense when they come across it.  -- Crick
p Scripts determine the destiny and the identity of the individual.  -- Eric Berne
p Search for life, and Life will find you.  -- Kevin Cook
p Searching for the invisible is not for the faint of heart.  -- Stephen Hawking
p Season your words with kindness; someday you might have to eat them.
p Second thoughts are best.
p Second-rate people hire third-rate people.
p Secrecy is the beginning of tyranny.
p Sed quis custodiet ipsos Custodes?  (Who guards the Guardians?)
p See things symbolically instead of literally.  -- Carolyn Myss
p See yourself as a success and your success is assured.
p Seek and ye shall find.  -- Bible
p Seek not to understand that you may believe but believe that you may understand.
p Seek the road which makes death a fulfillment.  -- Dag Hammarskjold
p Seek the testimony of the few; and number not voices, but weight them.  -- Kant
p Seeking for the Buddha's nature is much like riding an ox in search of the ox.
p Seize the day; put no trust in the morrow!  -- Horace
p Seldom seen, soon forgotten.
p Self do, self have.
p Self-abuse is the most certain road to the grave.  -- G. M. Calhoun
p Self-determination does not negate self-control.
p Self-hatred is the source of all problems on the planet.  -- Oprah Winfrey
p Self-justification is not the same thing as lying or making excuses.  -- Tavris and Aronson
p Self-preservation is the first law of nature.
p Self-veiling is a contradictory act -- a free suspension of our freedom.  -- James Carse
p Selling the solution is often more difficult than solving the problem.  -- Salzer
p Seriousness is the only refuge of the shallow.  -- Oscar Wilde
p Servants make the worst masters.
p Set aside a little time every once in a while to experience silence.  -- Deepak Chopra
p Set goals that have many ways of being realized.  -- Scott Adams
p Seven turns out to be a very hip number in the melodrama.  -- Ram Dass
p Severe enforcement of a bad law will hasten its repeal.  -- Lawrence Hirsch
p Sex appeal is 50% what you've got and 50% what people think you've got.
p Sex discriminates against the shy and ugly.
p Shakespeare and Dante divide the world between them.  -- T. S. Eliot
p Shame is an improper emotion invented by pietists to oppress the human race.
p She bore a great soul in a little body.  -- Quiller-Couch
p She did not think he deserved the compliment of rational opposition.  -- Austin
p She runs the gamut of emotions from A to B.  -- Dorothy Parker
p Shielding men from the effects of folly fills the world with fools.  -- Spencer
p Ships fear fire more than water.  -- George Herbert
p Short acquaintance brings repentance.  -- John Ray
p Show me one man who deserves to live forever.  -- Edward Abbey
p Show you care about security, or security will show it "cares" about you.
p Sic transit gloria mundi.  (So passes away the glory of the world.)  -- Kempis
p Sickness shows us what we are.  -- Fuller
p Sight is a faculty; seeing is an art.  -- George Beston
p Silence cannot be misquoted.
p Silence is sometimes the best answer.
p Silence is the element in which great things fashion themselves.  -- Carlyle
p Silence is the unbearable repartee.  -- Charles Dickens
p Silence is wisdom, when speaking is folly.  -- Fuller
p Silence seldom hurts.  -- Fuller
p Simple jobs always get put off because there will be time to do them later.
p Simple pleasures are the last refuge of the complex.
p Simple pleasures are the last refuge of the complex.  -- Oscar Wilde
p Simple tasks should be simple, and complex tasks should be possible.  -- Ed Moore
p Simplicity does not precede complexity, but follows it.
p Simplicity may be a gift, but I think complexity is much more interesting.  -- Elizabeth Quill
p Sin boldly.  -- Martin Luther
p Sin has many tools, but a lie is the handle that fits them all.
p Sin lies only in hurting other people unnecessarily.  -- Robert Heinlein
p Sin that is hidden is half-forgiven.  -- G. Fenton
p Sing, sing a song of joy, for love and understanding!
p Singleness is gaining a sense of self you will not compromise for someone else.
p Six feet of earth make all men equal.
p Skepticism is a barren coast, without a harbor or a lighthouse.
p Skepticism is dangerous.  That's exactly its function.  -- Carl Sagan
p Skepticism is the beginning of faith.  -- Oscar Wilde
p Skepticism is the mark and even the pose of the educated mind.  -- John Dewey
p Skeptics laugh in order not to weep.  -- Anatole France
p Slang:  Language that doffs its coat, spits on its hands, and goes to work.
p Sleep is the best meditation.  -- Tenzin Gyatso, XIV Dalai Lama
p Sleep is the brother of death.
p Sloth is a somatic skepticism, the way the flesh doubts.  -- E. M. Cioran
p Slowly, but surely, humanity makes real the dreams of the wise.  -- A. France
p Small opportunities are often the beginning of great enterprises.  -- Demosthenes
p Small profits and quick returns.
p Small rain lays great dust.  -- John Ray
p Small streams of caring become a pool of love.
p Small things make mean men proud.  -- William Shakespeare
p Smart folks speak from experience.  Smarter folks, from experience, don't speak.
p Smart people learn from mistakes; geniuses learn from other people's mistakes.  -- Alan Silverstein
p So I have promised you, I'll be as good as my word.  -- William Shakespeare
p So long as you stay vague, nothing changes.  -- Carolyn Myss
p So long as your will is in a fog, you will be an addict.  -- Carolyn Myss
p So many ask God to grant so much, and then take so much for granted!  -- White
p So many men, so many minds.  -- Terence
p So many men, so many opinions; every one his own way.
p So of cheerfulness, or a good temper, the more it is spent, the more remains.
p Social innovations tend to the level of minimum tolerable well-being.
p Social problems are very much harder than scientific ones.  -- Richard Feynman
p Social skills require rapidly inferring meaning from facial expression.
p Societies that rely on conscription to survive do not deserve to exist.
p Society attacks early, when the individual is helpless.  -- B.F. Skinner
p Society is a mule, not a car; if pressed harder, it will kick and throw you off.
p Society is defined by its boundaries; a culture is defined by its horizon.
p Soft words and hard arguments.  -- John Ray
p Soldiers in peace are like chimneys in summer.
p Solitude is the nest of thought.
p Solitude:  A great place to visit, but a bad place to stay.
p Some lives are tragic, some ridiculous.  Most are both at once.  -- Edward Abbey
p Some men are alive simply because it is against the law to kill them.  -- Ed Howe
p Some men are like a clock on the roof; they are useful only to the neighbors.
p Some men rob you with a six-gun, others with a fountain pen.  -- Woodie Guthrie
p Some men succeed in spite of their faults, others because of them.  -- McKeown
p Some of us are becoming the men we wanted to marry.  -- Gloria Steinem
p Some of us learn from other peoples' errors.  The rest must be the other people.
p Some people are too lazy to put food in their own mouths.  -- Solomon
p Some people believe anything if you whisper it.
p Some people live from the chin up.
p Some people read because they are too lazy to think.
p Some people think they are worth a lot of money simply because they have it.
p Some problems can never be solved, only outgrown.  -- Carl Jung
p Some rise by sin and some by virtue fall.
p Some self-veiling is present in all finite games.  -- James Carse
p Some tasks are easier to do than to delegate.  -- Alan Silverstein
p Some things have to be believed to be seen.
p Someone whom you reject today, will reject you tomorrow.
p Something must be left to chance.  -- W. C. Russell
p Sometimes even to live is an act of courage.  -- Seneca
p Sometimes I wonder whether God enjoys Christmas.  -- Horace Rumpole
p Sometimes I worry about being a success in a mediocre world.  -- Lily Tomlin
p Sometimes it takes a painful experience to make us change our ways.  -- Solomon
p Sometimes it takes wisdom to stop beating your head against the wall.
p Sometimes let things happen, but sometimes make things happen.
p Sometimes something worth doing is worth overdoing.  -- David Letterman
p Sometimes you must tread water until you know which way is the shore.  -- Zeidman
p Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known.  -- Carl Sagan
p Sooner begun, sooner done.
p Sooner or later the worst possible set of circumstances is bound to occur.
p Sorrow is always dry.
p Sorrow is good for nothing but sin.  -- Camden
p Sorrow makes silence her best orator.  -- S. Daniel
p Sorrow shared is halved; joy shared is doubled.
p Sorrow will pay no debt.
p Sorry I wrote you such a long letter; I didn't have time to write a short one.
p Space is to place as eternity is to time.  -- Joseph Joubert
p Space is unforgiving.  -- Louis Friedman
p Spacetime tells matter how to move, and matter tells spacetime how to curve.  -- John Wheeler
p Spare the rod and spoil the child.  -- Old Testament
p Spare when you are young, and spend when you are old.
p Spatial boundaries are evident in every finite conflict.  -- James Carse
p Speak fitly, or be silent wisely.
p Speak not of my debts, unless you mean to pay them.  -- George Herbert
p Speak only well of people and you will never have to whisper.
p Speak well of your friend, of your enemy say nothing.  -- Mapletoft
p Speak when you are spoken to.  -- John Ray
p Speaking or writing without thinking is like shooting without aiming.  -- Glasow
p Spectacular achievements are always preceded by unspectacular preparation.  -- Roger Staubach
p Speech is silver, silence is golden.
p Speeches are like babies:  Easy to conceive, but extremely hard to deliver.
p Speed doesn't kill, indecision does.  Speed just reduces your available choices.
p Spend enough time confirming the need and the need will disappear.
p Spend more time planning your marriage than your wedding.
p Spending less money creates more time.  -- Jeff Yeager
p Spirituality is the sense of awe and wonder for the creation that surrounds us.  -- Norris Burkes
p Squander nothing, share everything.
p Stagger onward rejoicing.  -- WH Auden
p Stagnation is stopping in one's tracks and waiting for death to approach.
p Standard is better than better.  Standard plus better is better yet.
p Start being grateful for the person even though you can't see the gift.  -- Coit
p Starvation is no laughing matter.  -- Thackeray
p Statistics are no substitute for judgement.  -- Henry Clay
p Statistics should support common sense.  -- Nancy Kanwisher
p Staying the same is the first step towards getting worse.  -- Jon Kedrowski
p Steady movement is more important than speed, much of the time.  -- Corwin
p Step back for a moment and witness the choices you make.  -- Deepak Chopra
p Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me.  -- Leng-Tzu
p Stocks let us eat well.  Bonds let us sleep well.
p Stolen water is sweeter.  Stolen bread tastes better.  -- Solomon
p Stone walls have ears, and a bird of the air shall carry the matter.  -- Scott
p Stop one from digging his grave and he will hit you over the head with a shovel.
p Stop tolerating in your leaders what you would not tolerate in your friends.
p Straight trees have crooked roots.  -- Lyly
p Strangers are just friends who have never met.  -- John Taylor
p Stress is an equal opportunity destroyer.  -- Brian Seaward
p Strike while the iron is hot.  -- Chaucer
p Strive for perfection; settle for happiness.
p Stronger is one who holds back while pushing forward.  -- John Taylor
p Study to be quiet, and to do your own business.  -- Saint Paul
p Stupid people advertise their ignorance.  -- Solomon
p Stupidity is immune to education.  -- Scott Adams
p Stupidity, like virtue, is its own reward.  -- Bill Davidsen
p Sturgeon's Law:  Ninety percent of everything is crud.
p Substance is one of the greatest of our illusions.  -- Eddington
p Success breeds comfort, and comfort breeds failure.
p Success comes from aspiration, desperation, perspiration, and inspiration.
p Success covers a multitude of blunders.  -- George Shaw
p Success gives man big head, also big belly.  -- Confucius
p Success has a thousand fathers, but failure is an orphan.
p Success is built on a willingness to fail.
p Success is getting what you want; happiness is wanting what you get.
p Success is merely a matter of luck.  Ask any failure.  -- Earl Wilson
p Success is not a destination; it is a journey.  -- Zig Ziglar
p Success is not forever and failure isn't fatal.
p Success is not the immunity of adversity but the proof that you've conquered it!
p Success is the ability to fulfill your desires with effortless ease.  -- Deepak Chopra
p Success is the sole earthly judge of right and wrong.  -- Adolph Hitler
p Success isn't permanent and failure isn't fatal.  -- Mike Ditka
p Success makes a fool seem wise.  -- Mapletoft
p Success never happens until you decide to leave mediocrity.
p Such sights as this are reserved for those who will suffer to behold them.
p Sudden friendship, sure repentance.  -- James Kelly
p Suffer now, summit later. (mountaineering training advice)  -- Jim Davidson
p Suffering is purification:  It's like the fire that gets you straight.  -- Dass
p Suffering plus meaning equals wisdom.  -- Evan Hodkins
p Supercompetence is more objectionable than incompetence.
p Surprise is a crucial element in most finite games.  -- James Carse
p Surrender your game, in which you have certain mastery, in order to go for more.
p Survival isn't a hobby, it's an attitude.  -- Len McDougall
p Survival of the species is everyone's business.
p Surviving is one thing; enjoying survival is another.  -- Michael Lindemman
p Suspicion always haunts the guilty mind.  -- William Shakespeare
p Sweet appears sour when we pay.  -- Howell
p Sweet April showers do spring May flowers.  -- Thomas Tusser
p Systems resemble the organizations that create them.  -- Johnson
p Tact in audacity is knowing how far you can go without going too far.  -- Cocteau
p Tact is the art of making a point without making an enemy.
p Tailors and writers must mind the fashion.  -- Lyly
p Take all things as they come, and be content.  -- Davies
p Take away my good name and take away my life.  -- John Ray
p Take care of the feet, and the miles take care of themselves.
p Take care of the luxuries and the necessities will take care of themselves.
p Take care of the pennies and the dollars will take care of themselves.
p Take care of the sense and the sound will take care of itself.  -- Lewis Carroll
p Take no more on you than you're able to bear.  -- James Kelly
p Take only pictures, leave only footprints, kill only time.
p Take out the garbage or live with the stink.  -- Sam Kaplan
p Take total responsibility for yourself and your own happiness.  -- Vikki Coit
p Take what you can use and let the rest go by.  -- Ken Kesey
p Take your fee while the patient is still in pain.  -- John of Salisbury
p Take your own thoughts seriously, for they will shape you.  -- Albert Einstein
p Taking a break in the middle is not so rewarding as when the job is finished.
p Talk of an angel and you will hear his wings.
p Talk of the devil, and he is presently at your elbow.  -- Torriano
p Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.  -- Euripides
p Talk to a man about himself and he will listen for hours.  -- Benjamin Disraeli
p Talkers are no good doers.  -- William Shakespeare
p Talking much about oneself can also be a means to conceal oneself.  -- Friedrich Nietzsche
p Talking pays no toll.  -- George Herbert
p TANSTAAFL:  There ain't no such thing as a free lunch.  -- Robert Heinlein
p Tantra means using the senses to go beyond the senses.  -- Ram Dass
p Tastes differ.
p Tears will get you sympathy.  Sweat will get you results.
p Technology is dominated by those who manage what they do not understand.
p Technology is no more of a problem now than it has always been.  -- J. Redford
p Technology will continue to make our lives harder.  -- Scott Adams
p Technology:  The knack of so arranging the world that we need not experience it.
p Television proves that people will look at anything, rather than each other.
p Tell a child he got one right, not 99 wrong.
p Tell a lie and find a truth.
p Tell me whom you love, and I will tell you who you are.  -- Houssaye
p Tell the truth and run.  -- Yugoslav proverb
p Tempt not a desperate man.  -- William Shakespeare
p Ten persons who speak make more noise than 10,000 who are silent.  -- Napoleon
p Tensions are normal in the claustrophobia of powerless subcultures.  -- Gary Wolf
p Thank God we don't get all the government we pay for.  -- Will Rogers
p That never ends ill which begins in God's name.  -- Clarke
p That sick man is not to be pitied who has his cure in his sleeve.  -- Fuller
p That that is past, cannot be recalled or helped.  -- Thomas Draxe
p That the world is, is the mystical.  -- Ludwig Wittgenstein
p That which is easily done is soon believed.  -- Codrington
p That which is everybody's business is nobody's business.  -- Izaak Walton
p That which is incapable of proof itself is not proof of anything else.  -- Shelley
p That which is not good for the swarm, neither is it good for the bee.
p That which is possible is inevitable.  -- William Williams
p That which is truth will rise to the surface.  -- Ram Dass
p That which is well done is twice done.
p That's one small step for a man; one giant leap for mankind.  -- Neil Armstrong
p The "silly" question is the first intimation of some totally new development.
p The ability to tax is the ability to control.
p The absent are never without fault, nor the present without excuse.  -- Franklin
p The absurd is the essential concept and the first truth.  -- Albert Camus
p The abuse of greatness is when it disjoins remorse from power.  -- William Shakespeare
p The advance of a language is retarded by sensitive ears.  -- Thomas McKeown
p The advertisement is the most truthful part of a newspaper.  -- Thomas Jefferson
p The answers to prayers are usually found in those who pray.
p The art of writing is knowing when to stop.  -- Josh Billings
p The attacker must vanquish; the defender need only survive.
p The author writes in my book; why should I not write in his?  -- John Taylor
p The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.  -- Andrew Rooney
p The average life of an organization chart is six months.  -- Scott Adams
p The average nutritional value of promises is roughly zero.
p The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.
p The awakening is to the realization that you are in fact being guided.  -- Dass
p The bad news is that time flies.  The good news is that you're the pilot.  -- Michael Altshuler
p The balance between ecology and society is exquisitely delicate.  -- Alan Weiseman
p The basic raw material of the universe is non-material.  -- Deepak Chopra
p The basis of optimism is sheer terror.
p The bee sucks honey out of the bitterest flowers.  -- Nashe
p The beginning of wisdom is to call things by their proper name.  -- Confucius
p The belly is not filled with fair words.  -- John Ray
p The belly is the truest clock.
p The best carpenter makes the fewest chips.
p The best climber in the world is the one who's having the most fun.  -- Alex Lowe
p The best defense is a good offense.
p The best grapefruit are thin-skinned and flat on top and bottom, not pointy.
p The best investment on Earth, is Earth.
p The best is the enemy of the good.  -- Voltaire
p The best mirror is an old friend.
p The best people, like the best wines, come from the hills.  -- Edward Abbey
p The best places of all, I have never mentioned.  -- Edward Abbey
p The best prophet of the future is the past.
p The best remedy for any problem is to avoid it.  -- Len McDougall
p The best substitute for brains is silence.
p The best thing to spend on your children is time.
p The best things in life are free.  -- Confucius
p The best things in life...  Aren't things.
p The best time to plant a tree is 20 years ago.
p The best way not to find a (love) partner is to attempt to find a partner.
p The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.  -- Twain
p The best way to get rid of worries is to let them die of neglect.
p The best way to keep your friends is not to give them away.
p The best way to make your dreams come true is to wake up.  -- H. Power
p The best way to predict the future is to create it.  -- Peter Drucker
p The better part of valor is discretion.  -- William Shakespeare
p The bigger one thing is, the smaller it makes another thing.  -- Elizabeth Goudge
p The bigger they are, the harder they fall.
p The biggest difference between time and space is that you can't reuse time.
p The biggest mistake is not learning from all your other mistakes.
p The blind hear your whisper, the deaf see your wink.  -- Thomas McKeown
p The book which most should be forbidden is a catalog of forbidden books.
p The bottom line rests on Earth.  -- David Brower
p The brain allows man to escape from the laws of evolution...  -- Loren Eiseley
p The brain works from the moment of birth until you stand up to speak in public.
p The brainwashed do not know they are brainwashed.  -- Wendy Williams
p The brevity of life calls for good wine.  -- L. Bohn
p The brighter you are, the more you have to learn.  -- Don Herold
p The burnt child dreads the fire.
p The busiest men have the most time.
p The busiest people are those whose time is their own.
p The buyer needs a hundred eyes, the seller but one.
p The Caesar salad was named for hotel owner Caesar Cardini of Tijuana, Mexico.
p The cat that chases two mice catches none.  -- Leng-Tzu
p The chief danger in life is that you might take too many precautions.  -- Adler
p The clearest way into the universe is through a forest wilderness.  -- John Muir
p The closer you get to becoming part of history, the more you appreciate history.  -- Alan Silverstein
p The confused mind always says, "no".
p The consequences of events are as important as the probabilities of outcomes.
p The correct prayer is never a prayer of supplication, but of gratitude.  -- God?
p The correlation between confidence and future regret is incredibly high.  -- Morgan Housel
p The covetous man is ever in want.  -- Horace
p The coward does it with a kiss, the brave man with a sword.  -- Oscar Wilde
p The creative is found in anyone who is prepared for surprise.  -- James Carse
p The cuckoo bird does not lay his own eggs.
p The cup of our happiness is hollowed out by the flow of our tears.  -- Kalil Gibran
p The curve of pleasure is hyperbolic:  First steps largest and most significant.
p The customer is always right.
p The dark side of the moon is harder to see; beaming light on it costs energy.  -- Nassim Taleb
p The day has eyes, the night has ears.  -- Fergusson
p The dead abandon you; then, with the passage of time, you abandon the dead.  -- Jennifer Senior
p The dead are gone, and the show must go on.  -- Karl Wallenda
p The dearer a thing is, the cheaper as a general rule we sell it.  -- Butler
p The degree of civilization in a society can be judged by entering its prisons.
p The descent to Hades is the same from every place.  -- Anaxagoras
p The desire to become enlightened is still you desiring something.  -- Ram Dass
p The deterioration of our planet is an outward mirror of an inner condition.  -- David Suzuki
p The development of the will is the essential core of your spiritual journey.
p The devil can cite Scripture for his purpose.  -- William Shakespeare
p The devil dances in an empty pocket.
p The Devil must not be believed even when he tells the truth.  -- Thomas Aquinas
p The devil tempts the busy man, but the idle man tempts the devil.
p The die is cast.  -- Gaius Julius Caesar
p The difference between ideas and results is a good manager.
p The difference between theory and practice is less in theory than in practice.
p The difference between tragedy and humor is whether it is happening to you.
p The dinosaurs became extinct because they didn't have a space program.  -- Niven
p The discerning person is always at a disadvantage.
p The distrust of wit is the beginning of tyranny.  -- Edward Abbey
p The door is the key.
p The dose makes the poison.  -- Dr. Bruce Ames
p The duty of the patriot is to protect his country from the government.  -- Paine
p The early bird catches the worm.  -- Confucius
p The Earth has all the time in the world -- and we don't.  -- Oren Lyons
p The Earth is not inherited from our parents, but borrowed from our children.
p The Earth is our mother; our nine months are up.
p The easiest way to steal is to let the victim think he's doing the stealing.
p The effort required to correct your course increases exponentially with time.
p The employer generally gets the employees he deserves.  -- Walter Bilbey
p The end crowns the work.
p The end does not justify the means, whatever people may say.  -- Thomas
p The end justifies the means.  -- Hermann Busenbaum
p The end makes all equal.
p The end of anything is better than its beginning.  -- Old Testament
p The end of labor is to gain leisure.
p The environment is as high as I am.  -- Ram Dass
p The errors to avoid are those that eliminate opportunities to try again.
p The essence of wealth is life energy.  -- Deepak Chopra
p The essential is invisible to the eye.  -- St. Exupery
p The essential thing is not to have conquered but to have fought well.
p The evils of controversy are temporary, its benefits are permanent.  -- R. Hall
p The exception proves the rule.
p The exercise of power always presupposes resistance.  -- James Carse
p The external world is socially constructed.  -- Ellen Langer
p The eye is a radical, the tongue an anarchist, the ear a conservative.  -- McKeown
p The eyes have one language everywhere.  -- George Herbert
p The face is no index to the heart.
p The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
p The fairest flowers soonest fade.
p The falsely dramatic drives out the truly dull.
p The farmer doesn't go to work; he wakes up surrounded by it.
p The farther you go, the less you know.  -- Lao Tsu
p The fashion wears out more apparel than the man.  -- William Shakespeare
p The fear of evil is worse than the event.  -- Marmion
p The feeling of love is your experience of God.  -- Conversations with God
p The feminists have a legitimate grievance.  But so does everyone else.  -- Edward Abbey
p The fewer his years, the fewer his tears.  -- Fuller
p The fewer the influences in one's life, the more ill-balanced they become.
p The field cannot well be seen from within the field.  -- Emerson
p The finest eloquence is that which gets things done.
p The finite play for life is serious; the infinite play of life is joyous.
p The finite player plays for immortality; the infinite player plays as a mortal.
p The fire that warms us at a distance will burn us when near.
p The first and last frosts are the worst.  -- George Herbert
p The first duty of a revolutionary is to get away with it.  -- Abbie Hoffman
p The first love is the fastest.
p The first principle is that you must not fool yourself...  -- Richard Feynmann
p The first requisite for immortality is death.  -- Stanislaw Lem
p The first rule is to last.  -- Dan Rather
p The first rule of business is that the customer always comes first.
p The first step to helping the world is finding peace in your own mind.  -- Hayward
p The first symptom of a heart problem is chest pain; the second is denial.
p The first thing every child learns is that he is not the entire universe.
p The first version always gets thrown away.
p The foolish ask questions that the wise cannot answer.  -- Oscar Wilde
p The foot feels the foot when it feels the ground.  -- Buddha
p The fossil hunter does not kill, he resurrects.  -- Dr. George Simpson
p The fragile should break early, while it's still small.  -- Nassim Taleb
p The French Revolution was accomplished before it happened.
p The function of consciousness is to tell us the story of our lives.  -- Hayward
p The further a society drifts from truth, the more it hates those that speak it.  -- George Orwell
p The future is a race between education and catastrophe.  -- H. G. Wells
p The future is purchased by the present.  -- Samuel Johnson
p The future just ain't what it used to be.  -- Yogi Berra  (It never was.)
p The future just isn't what it used to be, but the past's as good as it ever was.
p The future will be increasingly less predictable.  -- Nassim Taleb
p The game is much more interesting than we thought it was.  -- Ram Dass
p The game of enlightenment starts from exactly where you are at this moment.
p The gap between your thoughts is your connection to pure potentiality.  -- Deepak Chopra
p The gem cannot be polished without friction, nor man perfected without trial.
p The gift of flight is reserved for those who jump.  -- Marley Porter
p The gods match you question for question.  -- Carolyn Myss
p The gods never show off -- they don't have to.  -- Carolyn Myss
p The gods play in divine paradox.  -- Carolyn Myss
p The gods, too, are fond of a joke.  -- Aristotle
p The golden age never was the present age.
p The Golden Rule is of no use to you whatever unless you realize it is your move.
p The golden rule is that there is no golden rule.  -- Bernard Shaw
p The good thing about science is that it's true whether or not you believe in it.  -- Neil Tyson
p The graveyards are full of indispensable people.
p The greater the man, the greater the crime.
p The greater your dreams, the more terrible your nightmares.  -- Edward Abbey
p The greatest ability is dependability.
p The greatest fool may ask more than the wisest man can answer.  -- Colton
p The greatest gift you can give someone is to be whole and not dependent on them.
p The greatest gifts we give cannot be seen.  -- Carolyn Myss
p The greatest griefs are those we cause ourselves.  -- Sophocles
p The greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.  Only people who risk are free.
p The greatest man in history was the poorest.
p The greatest mistake is to sacrifice health for any other advantage.
p The greatest obstacle to communication is the perception it already occurred.
p The greatest of faults is to be conscious of none.
p The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.  -- Bagehot
p The greatest prayer is patience.
p The greatest productive force is human selfishness.  -- Robert Heinlein
p The greatest remedy for anger is delay.
p The greatest scholars are not the best preachers.  -- E. Leigh
p The greatest skill appears to be fumbling.  -- Lao Tsu
p The greatest use of life is to spend it on something that outlasts it.  -- James
p The greatest victory is graceful acceptance of defeat.
p The guiding principle of science is economy of explanation.  -- A. N. Whitehead
p The hand of a truly great engineer is nearly invisible.  -- Rork Kuick
p The hand that kindles cannot quench the flame.
p The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world.
p The hard thing to do is the right thing to do.  -- John MacDonald
p The harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.  -- Thomas Jefferson
p The harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph.  -- Thomas Paine
p The harder you work the luckier you get.
p The hardest part of ethics is holding to them when they are used against you.
p The hardest thing in the world is to put feeling, deep feeling, into words.
p The hardest thing to learn in life is which bridge to cross and which to burn.
p The head never starts to swell until the mind stops growing.
p The heart has its reasons which reason knows nothing of.  -- Blaise Pascal
p The heart is wiser than the intellect.
p The highest form of generalship is to conquer the enemy by strategy.
p The highest form of ignorance is rejecting something you know nothing about.  -- Wayne Dyer
p The highest that a man can attain is to be able to do.  -- Georg Gurdjieff
p The highway to virtue isn't paved at all.
p The hippo has no sting, but the wise man would rather be sat upon by the bee.
p The horrible fact is people don't know what they want until you give it to them.
p The horrors of war, great as they are, pale before the horror of evil unopposed.
p The hour which gives us life begins to take it away.  -- Seneca
p The human body is centuries in advance of the physiologist.  -- Roger Bannister
p The human brain has figured out a lot about how it works.  -- Tom Siegfreid
p The human mind seeks to resolve internal conflict, even by false means.
p The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.  -- Twain
p The human soul is not satisfied by worldly things.  -- Oren Lyons
p The idle man does not know what it is to enjoy rest.
p The idle mind knows not what it is it wants.  -- Quintus Ennius
p The important is seldom urgent; the urgent is seldom important.  -- Eisenhower
p The important thing is not to stop questioning.
p The impossible is what no one can do until someone does.
p The Indian discovered the white man in 1492.  -- Stan Freberg
p The indoor life is the next best thing to premature burial.  -- Edward Abbey
p The industrial corporation is the natural enemy of nature.  -- Edward Abbey
p The industrial way of life leads to the industrial way of death.  -- Edward Abbey
p The infinite player does not die at the end of play, but in the course of play.
p The ink with which all history is written is merely fluid prejudice.
p The job is to finish the journey in one lifetime.  -- Ram Dass
p The journey in this lifetime is about how to plug your spirit in with wisdom.
p The joyfulness of infinite play... Learning to start something we cannot finish.
p The knowledge that makes us cherish innocence makes innocence unattainable.
p The laborer is worthy of his hire.  -- New Testament
p The last Christian died on a cross.  -- Friedrich Nietzsche
p The last drop makes the cup run over.
p The last regret is usually the worst.
p The last thing one discovers in writing a book is what to put first.  -- Pascal
p The last vestiges of the old Republic have been swept away.
p The law has for its end not justice but peace.  -- Thomas McKeown
p The law is not the same at morning and at night.  -- George Herbert
p The laws of physics always override the laws of economics.  -- Dan Holohan
p The leader is the slave of history.  -- Leo Tolstoi
p The least questioned assumptions are often the most questionable.  -- Paul Broca
p The less a statesman amounts to, the more he loves the flag.
p The less between you and nature, the more you appreciate nature.  -- Fletcher
p The less I speak, the more I meditate.  -- Kyd
p The less one has to do, the less time one finds to do it in.  -- Chesterfield
p The less you have to do, the less time you find to do it in.
p The license never belongs to the licensed, nor the commission to the officer.
p The life which is unexamined is not worth living.  -- Plato
p The light of a hundred stars does not equal the light of the moon.
p The limits of cheap equipment will be tested by the weather.
p The limits of our rational mind are becoming more apparent sooner.  -- Ram Dass
p The little I know, I owe to my ignorance.  -- Sacha Guitry
p The longer we live, the more wonders we see.  -- James Kelly
p The longer you keep your temper the better it will get.
p The longer you look at it the less you will like it.
p The longest part of the journey is the passing of the gate.
p The love of money and the love of learning rarely meet.  -- George Herbert
p The love of the wicked is more dangerous than their hatred.  -- Fuller
p The love that's too violent will not last long.  -- James Kelly
p The lure of the marvelous blunts our critical faculties.  -- Carl Sagan
p The magic of the unknown path is, it's not contaminated by your expectations.
p The main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing.  -- Stephen Covey
p The majority of the stupid is invincible and guaranteed for all time.  -- Albert Einstein
p The man at the top of the mountain didn't fall there.  -- Vince Lombardi
p The man who can make hard things easy is the educator.  -- Ralph Emerson
p The man who has never been flogged has never been taught.  -- Menander
p The man who raises a fist has run out of ideas.  -- H. G. Wells
p The man who runs may fight again.  -- Menander
p The man who wakes up and finds himself a success hasn't been asleep.
p The map is not the territory.
p The mark of adulthood is postponing gratification.
p The master's eye makes the horse fat.  -- Plutarch
p The meaning of life is to pick one.  -- Stephen Glover
p The meaning of our existence is not invented by ourselves, but rather detected.
p The meaning of your communication is the response that you get.
p The measure of anyone's freedom is what he can do without.  -- L. M. Montgomery
p The medicine, the more bitter it is, the more better it is in working.  -- Lyly
p The medium is the message.  -- Marshall McLuhan
p The meek shall inherit the Earth.  The bold shall inherit the stars.
p The mere imparting of information is not education.  -- Carter Woodson
p The mind has no power at all without the heart.  -- Carolyn Myss
p The mind is a terrible master and a wonderful servant.  -- Ram Dass
p The mind is an erogenous zone.  -- J. D. Salinger
p The mind is not a vessel to be filled but a fire to be kindled.  -- Plutarch
p The mind... in itself can make a Heaven of Hell, a Hell of Heaven.  -- Milton
p The minute a man is convinced that he is interesting, he isn't.  -- Leacock
p The minute I need something from you, I'm setting myself up for unhappiness.
p The moment one definitely commits oneself, then providence moves too.  -- Murray
p The money you refuse will never do you good.  -- Mapletoft
p The Moon is not a destination -- it is a direction.  -- Mike Collins, astronaut
p The more corrupt a society, the more numerous its laws.  -- Edward Abbey
p The more easily you get your wealth, the sooner you will lose it.  -- Solomon
p The more energetically clear we get, the more honest we must become.  -- Carolyn Myss
p The more fantastic an ideology or theology, the more fanatic its adherents.
p The more humble the more honorable.  -- Clarke
p The more I help others to succeed, the more I succeed.  -- Ray Kroc
p The more I want to get something done, the less I call it work.  -- Richard Bach
p The more light a torch gives, the shorter it lasts.  -- Fuller
p The more noble, the more humble.  -- Thomas Draxe
p The more of anything, the less the value of every such thing.  -- Alan Silverstein
p The more one has, the more one desires.  -- Torriano
p The more people talk on the phone, the less money they make.
p The more the merrier.  -- Confucius
p The more there's in it, the more there's of it.  -- Jonathan Swift
p The more things a man is ashamed of, the more respectable he is.  -- Bernard Shaw
p The more urgency dominates your life, the more importance does not.  -- Covey
p The more we disagree, the more chance there is that at least one of us is right.
p The more we live by our intellect, the less we understand the meaning of life.
p The more you know, the less you think you know.
p The more you know, the more it hurts.  -- Old Testament
p The more you learn, the less you know.
p The more you say, the less people remember.
p The more you sweat in peace, the less you bleed in war.
p The more you sweat in training, the less you bleed in combat.
p The mosquito exists to keep the mighty humble.  -- Alan Silverstein
p The most asked question in the world:  "What will 'they' say?"  -- Carolyn Myss
p The most dangerous animals in the woods have six legs.  -- Len McDougall
p The most exhausting thing in life is being insincere.  -- Anne Lindberg
p The most formidable weapon against errors of every kind is reason.  -- Paine
p The most generous gift relieves the recipient of the debt of gratitude.
p The most hopelessly stupid man is he who is not aware that he is wise.
p The most important thing in life is not the triumph but the struggle.
p The most important things are hardest to say, because words diminish them.
p The most incomprehensible thing about the world is that it is comprehensible.
p The most powerful forms of giving are non-material.  -- Deepak Chopra
p The most serious struggles are those for sexual property.  -- James Carse
p The most solid stone is the lowest one in the foundation.
p The most wasted day of all is that in which we have not laughed.
p The moving finger writes; and, having writ, moves on.
p The nearer to the church, the further from God.  -- John Heywood
p The nearer we approach great men, the clearer we see that they are men.
p The nearest way to glory is to strive to be what you wish to be thought to be.
p The night rinses what the day has soaped.
p The nuclear bomb took all the fun out of war.  -- Edward Abbey
p The obstacle is the way.  -- Marcus Aurelius
p The obvious answer is always overlooked.  -- Whitehead
p The office is designed for "work", not productivity.  -- Scott Adams
p The old are preoccupied with their pains, the young with their passions.
p The old fellows stole all our good ideas.  -- Fred Goudy
p The old men do not grow wise.  They grow careful.  -- Ernest Hemingway
p The older you get, the more you need people who knew you when you were young.
p The only absolute attainable knowledge is that life is meaningless.  -- Tolstoy
p The only certainty is that nothing is certain.  -- Pliny the Elder
p The only decent thing to do behind a person's back is pat it.
p The only difference between a rut and a grave is their dimensions.
p The only feeling warmer than friendship is that of an old love.
p The only food for thought is more thought.  -- Peter Ustinov
p The only imperfect thing in nature is the human race.
p The only monsters in the wilderness are those you brought with you.  -- McDougall
p The only place where success comes before work is in a dictionary.  -- Sassoon
p The only problem with seeing too much is that it makes you insane.  -- Phaedrus
p The only relationship you're guaranteed to be in is the one with yourself.
p The only reliable information in a newspaper is the date.
p The only reward of virtue is virtue.  -- Ralph Emerson
p The only successful substitute for brains is silence.  -- Herbert Prochnow
p The only thing constant is change.
p The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
p The only thing one can be sure of changing is oneself.  -- Aldous Huxley
p The only thing that prisons demonstrably cure is heterosexuality.  -- MacDonald
p The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.  -- Franklin Roosevelt
p The only things one never regrets are one's mistakes.  -- Oscar Wilde
p The only time you can coast in life is when you're going downhill.  -- Merrill
p The only time you really live fully is from thirty to sixty.  -- Hervey Allen
p The only valid market survey is a signed purchase order.
p The only way to amuse some people is to slip and fall on an icy pavement.
p The only way to entertain some folks is to listen to them.  -- Frank Hubbard
p The only way to get the best on an argument is to avoid it.  -- Dale Carnegie
p The only way to have a good relationship is to never, never compromise.  -- Coit
p The only way to learn is by changing your mind.  -- Orson Scott Card
p The only winner in the War of 1812 was Tchaikovsky.  -- Solomon Short
p The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.  -- Neils Bohr
p The opposite of addiction is not sobriety; it is human connection.  -- Johann Hari
p The optimist sees the doughnut, the pessimist, the hole.  -- Wilson
p The orange that is too hard squeezed yields a bitter juice.  -- Fuller
p The output of engineers is specifications, not products.  -- Mickey Smith
p The oxen are slow, but the Earth is patient.
p The pain passes but the beauty remains.  -- Auguste Renoir
p The passive voice should never be used.  -- William Safire
p The past always looks better in the present.
p The past is history, the future is mystery, and the present is a gift.
p The path of valor leads but to the grave.
p The path to the future lies through the corpus callosum.  -- Carl Sagan
p The pen is mightier than the sword.  -- Leng-Tzu
p The person who steals an egg will steal a chicken.  -- H. Jackson Brown
p The person who would know has got to make love with the unknown.  -- Ram Dass
p The philosopher exists like the saint, only as an ideal.  -- William Dilthey
p The philosophies of one age have become the absurdities of the next.  -- Osler
p The place where we do our scientific work is a place of prayer.  -- Needham
p The plural of anecdote is not data.
p The plural of spouse is spice.
p The porcupine with the sharpest quills gets stuck on a tree more often.
p The power of love overcomes the love of power.  -- Glennon Doyle
p The power to license is the power to deny.
p The power to tax involves the power to destroy.  -- John Marshall
p The present time has one advantage over every other.  It is our own.  -- Colton
p The press of evolution on man's consciousness is inevitable.  -- Ram Dass
p The prevailing view of aging is that we essentially rust to death.  -- Shulman
p The price of greatness is responsibility.
p The prince of darkness is a gentleman.  -- William Shakespeare
p The problem with experts is that they do not know what they do not know.  -- Nassim Taleb
p The proof of the pudding is in the eating.  -- Miguel de Cervantes
p The prosperous man is never sure that he is loved for himself.
p The public is an untrustworthy animal.  -- John MacDonald
p The Public is merely a multiplied "me".  -- Mark Twain
p The purpose of diplomacy is to prolong a crisis.  -- Spock
p The purpose of property is to make our titles visible.  -- James Carse
p The pyramids were as old to the Romans as the Romans are to us.
p The quality of the answer is proportional to the quality of the question.
p The quest for success and the quest for truth do not mix well.  -- Kurt Eissler
p The question is not to whom do I talk, but who listens?  -- God?
p The race is long and, in the end, it's only with yourself.  -- Mary Schmich
p The race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong.
p The real evil of old age is not the body's decline, but the soul's indifference.
p The real geniuses simply have their bright ideas closer together.  -- Lichtenburg
p The real tragedy of the poor is that they can afford nothing but self-denial.
p The religion of one age is the literary entertainment of the next.  -- Ralph Emerson
p The reward of a thing well done is to have done it.  -- Emerson
p The reward of love is jealousy.  -- Fuller
p The rich man may dine when he will, the poor man when he may.  -- Erasmus
p The rich would have to eat money, but luckily the poor provide food.
p The right to be heard does not include the right to be taken seriously.
p The right to be let alone is indeed the beginning of all freedom.  -- Douglas
p The right to revolt has sources deep in our history.  -- Justice William Douglas
p The ripest fruit falls first.
p The road to hell is paved with good intentions.  -- Leng-Tzu
p The root purpose of government is to enable public goods.
p The rules of an infinite game must change in the course of play.  -- James Carse
p The saddest moment in a person's life comes but once.
p The saint must be believed even when he tells the lie.
p The salvation of man is through love and in love.  -- Viktor Frankl
p The same knife cuts bread and fingers.
p The same man cannot be both friend and flatterer.  -- Benjamin Franklin
p The school of life is a compulsory education.
p The scriptures are books that offer instruction on the management of power.
p The sea refuses no river.  -- Lyly
p The secret to being a successful investor is that there really is no secret.  -- Bill McNabb, Vanguard CEO
p The self is not something that one finds.  It is something that one creates.
p The shadow side of the mind is that you are susceptible to illusion.  -- Carolyn Myss
p The sharper the storm, the sooner it's over.
p The shifts of Fortune test the reliability of friends.
p The shortest answer is doing.  -- George Herbert
p The shortest distance between two people is a smile.  -- Peter Chantilis
p The sickness of the body may prove the health of the soul.  -- J. Hewes
p The silliest response to someone threatening you is to hurt yourself.  -- Tom von Alten
p The sky is no longer the limit.  -- Richard Nixon
p The sleepy fox has seldom feathered breakfasts.
p The smallest of good deeds exceeds the greatest of good intentions.
p The society that creates natural waste creates human waste.  -- James Carse
p The solace and comfort that religion brings actually comes at a terrible price.  -- Bill Maher
p The sole thing achieved by any privacy law is to make the bugs smaller.
p The solution to a problem changes the nature of the problem.  -- Peer
p The sooner the better.
p The sooner you die, the longer you're dead.  -- John Quill Taylor
p The soul is not where it lives, but where it loves.
p The Soul of the World is nourished by people's happiness.  -- Paulo Coelho
p The soul would have no rainbow had the eyes no tears.
p The speech of the man in the street is invariably strong.  -- Emerson
p The speed of anything depends on the flow of everything.
p The speed of light is defined to be EXACTLY 299,792,458 meters per second.
p The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.  -- New Testament
p The squeaky wheel gets the grease.
p The strong give up and move away, while the weak give up and stay.
p The strong live off the weak, and the smart live off the strong.
p The strongest man in the world is he who stands alone.  -- Henrik Ibsen
p The sun knows no shadows.  -- John Taylor
p The sun never sets on those who ride into it.  -- RKO Radio
p The sun shines upon all alike.
p The sun will set without thy assistance.  -- Talmud
p The sunlights differ, but there is only one darkness.  -- Ursula LeGuin
p The superfluous is very necessary.  -- Voltaire
p The supreme triumph of reason is to cast doubt upon its own validity.  -- Unamuno
p The surest protection against temptation is cowardice.  -- Mark Twain
p The sweetest water is in deepest wells.  -- Sir John Beaumont
p The tactful way to say "wrong" is:  "That turns out not to be the case."
p The tailor makes the man.  -- Erasmus
p The task he undertakes is numbering sands and drinking oceans dry.  -- William Shakespeare
p The task of an educator should be to irrigate the desert, not clear the forest.
p The test of a vocation is the love of the drudgery it involves.  -- Logan Smith
p The thief is sorry he is to be hanged, but not that he is a thief.  -- Fuller
p The thin end of the wedge is to be feared.
p The thing is that you can tune yourself.  -- Ram Dass
p The three best ways to get where you want to go are:  Persist, persist, persist.
p The tigers of wrath are wiser than the horses of instruction.
p The time to fix the roof is when the sun is shining.
p The time to retire is when you have enough, and have had enough.
p The tongue is more venomous than a serpent's sting.
p The tongue is not steel, yet it cuts.
p The tragedy of man is what dies inside himself while he still lives.
p The tragedy of old age is not that one is old, but that one is young.  -- Wilde
p The training for dying is exactly what the training for living is.  -- Ram Dass
p The tree in which the sap is stagnant remains fruitless.  -- Hosea Ballou
p The tribe determines your relationship to reality... and therefore to guidance.
p The true power of the universe you can BE but you cannot have.  -- Ram Dass
p The truth a man accepts most willingly is the one he desires.  -- Francis Bacon
p The truth about a man lies first and foremost in what he hides.  -- Malraux
p The truth is more important than the facts.  -- Frank Lloyd Wright
p The truth is rarely pure, and never simple.  -- Oscar Wilde
p The truth is that the truth is not always true.  -- Gerhard Uhlenbruck
p The truth shows best being naked.
p The truth... is the funniest joke in the world.  -- Muhammad Ali
p The Turing test does not consider that we humans are gullible by nature.  -- Cade Metz
p The ultimate sin of any celebrity is to be boring.  -- Bo Curry
p The United States is a nation of laws, badly written and randomly enforced.  -- Frank Zappa
p The universe is a school of hard knocks for the soul.
p The universe is hard to comprehend because there is nothing to compare it with.
p The universe is populated by stable things.  -- Richard Dawkins
p The universe is the projection of your desires.  -- Ram Dass
p The universe seems neither benign nor hostile, merely indifferent.  -- Carl Sagan
p The unknown always passes for the marvelous.  -- Tacitus
p The unlived life is not worth examining.  -- Guy Kawasaki
p The use of a quotation is the admission of inadequacy.  -- Samuel Coleridge
p The used key is always bright.
p The very remembrance of my former misfortune proves a new one to me.
p The victory is not in winning but in the courage to enter the race.
p The voice is the best music.  -- Breton
p The water flows, but the river stays.  -- John Taylor
p The way of the world is to praise dead saints and prosecute live ones.  -- Howe
p The way out is never as easy as the way in.
p The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost.
p The weed of crime bears bitter fruit.
p The whole is simpler than the sum of its parts.  -- W. Gibbs
p The will to do, the soul to dare.  -- Sir Walter Scott
p The will to win is nothing without the will to prepare.  -- Juma Ikangaa
p The will to win is worthless if you don't get paid for it.  -- Reggie Jackson
p The wind has no home, and its only clothes are tree branches.  -- Matthew Barry
p The Winds of Grace are blowing perpetually, we need only raise our sails.
p The winter of 1932 was so cold that Niagara Falls froze completely solid.
p The wise shepherd never trusts his flock to a smiling wolf.
p The wiser you are, the more worries you have.  -- Old Testament
p The wolf may lose his teeth, but never his memory.  -- Thomas Draxe
p The word "dog" does not bite.  -- William James
p The world exists for its own sake, not for ours.  Swallow THAT pill!  -- Edward Abbey
p The world has no lack of incredibly stupid people.
p The world hates change, yet it is the only thing that has brought progress.  -- Charles Kettering
p The world is a madhouse, so it's right that it's patrolled by armed idiots.
p The world is a stage, but the play is badly cast.  -- Oscar Wilde
p The world is basically composed of C- students.  -- Donald Wiesner
p The world is full of cactus, but you don't have to sit on it.  -- Will Foley
p The world is in danger from two sources:  Order and Disorder.  -- Valery
p The world is too complex for us.  Evolution didn't keep up.  -- Scott Adams
p The world must be made safe for democracy.  -- Woodrow Wilson
p The world owes you nothing.  It was here first.  -- Mark Twain
p The world population of chickens is about equal to the number of people.
p The world wants to be deceived.  -- Sebastian Brant
p The worst cliques are those which consist of one man.  -- George Shaw
p The worst form of failure is the failure to try.
p The worst is not so long as we can say, "This is the worst."  -- King Lear
p The worst thing about new books is, they keep us from reading the old ones.
p The worst year in the bond market beats the worst day in the stock market.
p The years wrinkle our skin, but lack of enthusiasm wrinkles our soul.  -- Socrates
p Them that has, gets.
p Theory is gray, but the golden tree of life is green.  -- Johann von Goethe
p There ain't no justice that we can stand to live with.  -- Geis
p There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar.
p There are about 550 hairs in the average eyebrow.
p There are as many realities as you care to imagine.  -- Lawrence Durrell
p There are but few men who have character enough to lead a life of idleness.
p There are few sorrows, however poignant, in which a good income is of no avail.
p There are lots of ways to get wealthy.  Don't constrain yourself.  -- Scott Adams
p There are more atoms in a glass of water than glasses of water in all oceans.
p There are more bacteria cells than human cells in a human body.
p There are more Italians in New York City than in Rome.
p There are more plastic flamingos in America than real ones.
p There are more stars in space than grains of sand on every beach on Earth.
p There are more underdogs in the world than there are favorites.  -- Joe Namath
p There are more ways into the woods than out.
p There are more ways of killing a cat than choking her with cream.
p There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.  -- George Carlin
p There are no accidents whatsoever in the universe.  -- Ram Dass
p There are no answers, only cross-references.  -- Weiner
p There are no menial jobs, only menial attitudes.  -- William Bennett
p There are no rules around here.  We're trying to accomplish something.  -- Thomas Edison
p There are no victims in the universe, only creators.  -- Conversations with God
p There are no victims, only volunteers.  -- Eleanor Roosevelt
p There are old pilots, and bold pilots, but there are no old bold pilots.
p There are periods of going out and there are periods of turning back in.  -- Dass
p There are some things one would rather HAVE DONE than DO.  -- Edward Abbey
p There are stages in your development where you need a guru.  -- Ram Dass
p There are three kinds of lies:  Lies, damned lies and statistics.  -- Disraeli
p There are tough players and nice guys, and I'm a tough player.  -- Bobby Fischer
p There are two sides to every question.  -- J. Ralph
p There are two types of pain in life:  Regret, and discipline...  Take your pick.
p There are wonders enough out there without our inventing any.  -- Carl Sagan
p There exist tasks that cannot be done by more than 10 people or fewer than 100.
p There has never been a day in my life when I was not in love.  -- Edward Abbey
p There is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in.  -- Leonard Cohen
p There is a difference between eating and dining.  -- Doug Quarnstrom
p There is a God-shaped vacuum in every heart.  -- Blaise Pascal
p There is a great deal of art to creating something that seems artless.  -- Asimov
p There is a huge gap between advice and help.
p There is a kind of poetry in simple fact.  -- Edward Abbey
p There is a lot to be said for not saying a lot.
p There is a remedy for all things but death.
p There is a time for all things.
p There is a time of speaking and a time of being still.  -- William Caxton
p There is always a wrong way to do something right.  -- Christer Sundqvist
p There is always an easier way to do it.
p There is always someone better off than yourself.
p There is always someone worse off than yourself.
p There is an immeasurable distance between late and too late.  -- Anne Swetchine
p There is an X factor in the dynamic of creation when energy becomes matter.
p There is danger in delaying, good fortune in acting.
p There is great force hidden in a sweet command.
p There is hopeful symbolism in... that flags do not wave in a vacuum.  -- Clarke
p There is more pride in the refusal of an honor than in its acceptance.
p There is more talk than trouble.  -- Bretnor
p There is more to life than increasing its speed.  -- Mohandas Gandhi
p There is more to life than just avoiding death.  -- Jeff Hummel
p There is never time to do it right, but always time to do it over.
p There is no battle worth the winning save that against ignorance and fear.
p There is no better surgeon than one with many scars.
p There is no bottom to worse.  -- Cohen
p There is no cure for birth or death save to enjoy the interval.  -- Santayana
p There is no difference between a wise man and a fool when they fall in love.
p There is no end to the writing of books, and too much study will wear you out.
p There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear.
p There is no fool to the old fool.  -- John Heywood
p There is no grief that time does not lessen and soften.
p There is no heavier burden than a great potential.
p There is no immaculate conception of disaster.  -- Aneurin Bevan
p There is no key to the Universe, but it has been left unlocked.  -- Steve Bhaerman
p There is no law that vulgarity and literary excellence cannot coexist.  -- Hodge
p There is no love like the first.  -- Howell
p There is no man really clever who has not found that he is stupid.  -- Chesterson
p There is no ox so dumb as the orthodox.  -- George Gillette
p There is no place like home.  -- Dufferin
p There is no point in being grown up if you can't be childish sometimes. -Dr. Who
p There is no possibility of conversation with a loudspeaker.  -- James Carse
p There is no reasoning with a righteous mind.  -- Marcia McConnell Ranch
p There is no right way to do something wrong.
p There is no royal road to geometry.  -- Euclid
p There is no sadder sight than a young pessimist.
p There is no safety in numbers, or in anything else.  -- James Thurber
p There is no satisfaction in hanging a man who does not object to it.  -- Shaw
p There is no science without fancy and no art without facts.  -- Vladimir Nabokov
p There is no security on this Earth.  There is only opportunity.  -- MacArthur
p There is no sin except stupidity.  -- Oscar Wilde
p There is no statute of limitations on stupidity.
p There is no successful standard that has preceded a successful product.
p There is no such thing as a context-free message.
p There is no such thing as a moral or an immoral book.  -- Oscar Wilde
p There is no such thing as a short-term victory for the environment.  -- Sawhill
p There is no such thing as pure pleasure; some anxiety always goes with it.
p There is no trajectory so pathetic as that of an artist in decline.  -- Edward Abbey
p There is no universal diet suitable for everyone.
p There is no use in crying over spilled milk.
p There is no use in having a dog and doing your own barking.
p There is no virtue that poverty destroys not.
p There is no way to erase the unwritten law.
p There is not one word in the Gospels in praise of intelligence.  -- Russell
p There is nothing in this world constant but inconstancy.  -- Swift
p There is nothing more restful than taking orders from fools.
p There is nothing new except what has been forgotten.  -- Marie Antoinette
p There is nothing new under the sun.  -- Ecclesiastes 1:9
p There is nothing so easy that it becomes difficult when done with reluctance.
p There is one good wife in the country, and every man thinks he has her.
p There is only one way to kill capitalism:  By taxes, taxes, and more taxes.
p There is only one way to treat a cold, and that is with contempt.  -- Osler
p There is pain in getting, care in keeping, and grief in losing riches.  -- Draxe
p There is reason in all things.
p There is safety in anonymity.  -- Alan Silverstein
p There is small choice in rotten apples.  -- William Shakespeare
p There is too much beauty upon this Earth for lonely men to bear.  -- Le Gallienne
p There is unmanifest and manifest and it's all right here now.  -- Ram Dass
p There may be many reasons for who we are, but there are no excuses.  -- Will Limon
p There never was a good war or a bad peace.  -- Benjamin Franklin
p There never was a good war or a bad revolution.  -- Edward Abbey
p There really is a Santa Claus...  If you're willing to accept the job.
p There seems no plan because it is all plan.  -- C. S. Lewis
p There will be sleeping enough in the grave.  -- Benjamin Franklin
p There would be no great ones if there were no little ones.
p There's a fine line between an attitude problem and thinking clearly.  -- Heller
p There's a great deal of difference between doing and saying.  -- Torriano
p There's a point at which "being early" becomes "being wrong."  -- John Waggoner
p There's a type of pride that can be rooted in humility.  -- Kevin Fedarko
p There's a verse in the Bible that says anything you want.
p There's a whole WORLD in a mud puddle!  -- Doug Clifford
p There's never a bad time to buy stocks, but there are bad times to sell.
p There's no limit to the good you can do if you don't care who gets the credit.  -- Ronald Reagan
p There's nothing like matter of fact; seeing is believing.  -- Abruthnot
p Therefore love moderately; long love does so.  -- William Shakespeare
p These days the gods deliver their lessons by burning up mountains of money.
p These little things are great to little men.  -- Oliver Goldsmith
p They all sweated beneath the same sun; looked up in wonder at the same moon.
p They also serve who only stand and wait.  -- John Milton
p They die well that live well.  -- Thomas Draxe
p They have been at a great feast of languages, and stolen the scraps.
p They love dancing well that dance among thorns.  -- Camden
p They love too much that die for love.  -- Cotgrave
p They must have the defects of their qualities.  -- Balzac
p They never love us, whom we mistrust.  -- Clarke
p They talk most who have the least to say.  -- Matthew Prior
p They that live longest, must die at last.  -- Thomas Draxe
p They who love most are least set by.  -- Howell
p They're so heavenly minded that they're no earthly good.
p Things are not always what they seem.  -- Phaedrus
p Things determine each other, but man is ultimately self-determining.  -- Frankl
p Things do not change; we change.  -- Thoreau
p Things get worse under pressure.
p Things present are judged by things past.  -- Sanford
p Think globally; act locally.  -- Rene Dubos
p Think it through, then follow through.  -- Rickenbacker
p Think on the end before you begin.
p Think twice of a good bargain.  -- Edgeworth
p Thinking is the talking of the soul with itself.  -- Plato
p Thinking is very far from knowing.  -- Stevens
p Thinking is wise, planning is better, doing is best.
p This is the beginning of the end.  -- Talleyrand
p This is to be taken with a grain of salt.  -- Trapp
p This nuclear arms race...  [will only] make the rubble bounce.  -- Winston Churchill
p This sentence contradicts itself -- no actually it doesn't.  -- Hofstadter
p This sentence does not have the property it claims not to have.  -- Boeninger
p This statement is unprovable.  -- Goedel
p This was the most unkindest cut of all.  -- William Shakespeare
p This world might be only illusion -- but it's the only illusion we've got.
p Those making the worst use of their time are first to complain of its brevity.
p Those sensible enough to give good advice are sensible enough to give none.
p Those that make the best use of their time have none to spare.  -- Fuller
p Those were the days when men were men and giants walked the earth.
p Those who are not busy being born are busy dying.
p Those who become wise are happy; wisdom will give them life.  -- Solomon
p Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities.  -- Voltaire
p Those who can make you believe absurdities, can make you commit atrocities.  -- Voltaire
p Those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything.  -- George Shaw
p Those who cannot forget the past are condemned to remember it.  -- Goodman Ace
p Those who desire eternal life, live badly.  -- Pubililius Syrus
p Those who do not know how to fight worry die young.  -- Dale Carnegie
p Those who do the most usually demand the least.
p Those who fear death most are those who enjoy life least.  -- Edward Abbey
p Those who follow the crowd will never be followed by a crowd.  -- John Maxwell
p Those who in quarrels interpose, must often wipe a bloody nose.
p Those who learn nothing from history are doomed to repeat it.  -- Santayana
p Those who live by the sword, die by the sword.
p Those who stand in the middle of the road get hit by traffic going both ways.
p Those who talk don't know.  Those who don't talk, know.
p Those who think religion is about belief don't understand religion or belief.  -- Nassim Taleb
p Those who work much do not work hard.  -- Henry Thoreau
p Those who worked the hardest are the last to surrender.  -- Gary Ward
p Thou didst create the night, but I made the lamp.  -- unknown Urdu Poet
p Thou has not half the power to do me harm, as I have to be hurt.
p Thou hast seen nothing yet.  -- Miguel de Cervantes
p Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil.
p Though the fox run, the chicken has wings.  -- George Herbert
p Thought is free.  -- Gower
p Three hours a day will produce as much as a man ought to write.  -- Trollope
p Three thermodynamics laws:  You can't win, break even, or get out of the game.
p Throw it away?  There is no away.
p Time ain't money when all you got is time.
p Time and tide wait for no man.
p Time and truth try all.  -- Porter
p Time as he grows old teaches all things.  -- Aeschylus
p Time consumes all things.
p Time emerges from a world without time.  -- Carlo Rovelli
p Time flies when you're having fun.
p Time goes, you say?  Ah no!  Time stays, WE go.  -- Austin Dobson
p Time in the market beats timing the market.
p Time is a flexible and renewable resource.
p Time is but the stream I go a-fishing in.  -- Henry Thoreau
p Time is money.
p Time is often said to be money, but it is more:  It is life.  -- Avebury
p Time is the best healer, when it isn't a killer.  -- D H Lawrence
p Time is the best healer.
p Time is the father of truth.
p Time is the most valuable thing a man can spend.  -- Theophrastus
p Time is the rider that breaks youth.  -- George Herbert
p Time is very dangerous without a rigid routine.  -- Flannery O'Connor
p Time is, time was, and time is past.  -- Greene
p Time reveals all things.  -- Erasmus
p Time stays not the fool's leisure.  -- Cotgrave
p Time tries truth.
p Time undermines us.  -- George Herbert
p Time will not tell.  -- Steve Hug
p Time works wonders.
p Time wounds all heels.  -- Jane Ace
p Timely blossom, timely ripe.  -- Clarke
p Times change and we with them.
p To acquire knowledge, one must study; but to acquire wisdom, one must observe.
p To an artist, a metaphor is as real as a dollar.  -- Tom Robbins
p To ask is not a crime.  To be rejected is not a calamity.  -- Chinese proverb
p To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.  -- Aristotle
p To avoid earthquakes, when you find a fault, just don't dwell on it.  -- Bhaerman
p To avoid sickness, eat less.  To prolong life, worry less.  -- Chu Hui Weng
p To be a fool at the right time is also an art.
p To be adult is to be alone.  -- Jean Rostland
p To be alive at all involves some risk.  -- Harold MacMillan
p To be at home everywhere is to neutralize space.  -- James Carse
p To be beloved is above all bargains.  -- George Herbert
p To be great is to be misunderstood.  -- Ralph Emerson
p To be ignorant of one's ignorance is the malady of the ignorant.  -- Alcott
p To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated but not be able to say it.
p To be is to be related.  -- C. J. Keyser
p To be miserable you must have leisure to wonder if you are happy or not.  -- Shaw
p To be powerful is to have one's words obeyed.  -- James Carse
p To be remembered, write things worth reading or do things worth writing.
p To be wise, the only thing you need to know is when to say "I don't know."
p To be, never try to seem.
p To become outstanding, one must be an outsider.  -- Gerhard Uhlenbruck
p To care for the future is to live well in the present.  -- E O Wilson
p To climb the ladder of success you must get through the crowd at the bottom.
p To communicate is the beginning of understanding.  -- AT&T
p To conquer fear is the beginning of wisdom.  -- Bertrand Russell
p To conquer without risk is to triumph without glory.  -- El Cid
p To convince someone they are wrong, let them have their way.
p To criticize the incompetent is easy; to criticize the competent is harder.
p To defend the Saigon regime is not worth one more human life.  -- Senator Muskie
p To deny the Constitution is to provoke revolution.
p To die tomorrow is no worse than dying on any other day.  -- Paulo Coelho
p To do nothing is in every man's power.
p To do the impossible, you must see the invisible.  -- Murdock
p To do two things at once is to do neither.  -- Publilius Syrus
p To double your joy, divide it with someone.
p To double your misery, divide it with your neighbor.  -- Christer Sundqvist
p To endure what is unendurable is true endurance.  -- Japanese proverb
p To every rule there is a exception, and vice versa.
p To experience the elements, you must get out of the vehicle.
p To extend your limits, you must push them...  And it often hurts.
p To feel absolutely right is the beginning of the end.  -- Albert Camus
p To fight your karma is just as frustrating as to accept your karma. -- Deepak Chopra
p To follow another is evil; it does not matter who it is.  -- Krishnamurti
p To fright a bird is not the way to catch it.
p To get back one's youth, one has merely to repeat one's follies.  -- Oscar Wilde
p To give happiness is to deserve happiness.
p To have a crisis is one thing.  To dwell in perpetual crisis is another.
p To have died once is enough.
p To have knowledge, you must first have reverence for the Lord.  -- Solomon
p To him that has lost his taste, sweet is sour.
p To him who is in fear, everything rustles.  -- Sophocles
p To improve averages, focus on the worst.  -- Tomoo Matsubara
p To improve people's behaviors, change their pictures of their roles.  -- Covey
p To invent, you need a good imagination and a pile of junk.  -- Thomas Edison
p To invoke randomness is to plead ignorance.  -- Nassim Taleb
p To keep your friends, treat them kindly; to kill them, treat them often.
p To keep your life simple, keep your needs simple.
p To laugh at men of sense is the privilege of fools.
p To lead people, you must follow behind.  -- Lao Tsu
p To light a candle is to cast a shadow.
p To live dishonestly costs you biologically.  -- Carolyn Myss
p To live is to suffer; to survive is to find meaning in the suffering.  -- Allport
p To live off a garden you practically must live in it.
p To look at a painting, many things are needed, and the first of them is a chair.
p To love is to admire with the heart; to admire is to love with the mind.
p To love is wise; to hate is foolish.  -- Bertrand Russell
p To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance.  -- Oscar Wilde
p To make a simulation of nature, you'd better make it quantum mechanical.  -- Richard Feynman
p To make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.  -- Carl Sagan
p To make something dirt cheap, make it out of dirt.  -- Donald Sadoway
p To many, total abstinence is easier than perfect moderation.  -- St. Augustine
p To me, faith is not just a noun but also a verb.  -- President Jimmy Carter
p To Mother Nature, you are just self-propelled carrion.  -- Kenneth Rowberry
p To profit from good advice requires as much wisdom as to give it.
p To promise and give nothing is comfort to a fool.  -- Thomas Draxe
p To realize one's destiny is a person's only real obligation.  -- Paulo Coelho
p To refuse praise is to seek praise twice.
p To regret nothing is the beginning of wisdom.
p To remember is to take the body time-traveling.  -- Deepak Chopra
p To retain those who are present, be loyal to those who are absent.  -- Covey
p To save a single life is better than to build a seven story pagoda.
p To see a need and wait to be asked, is to already refuse.
p To see God clearly, all illusion must fail you.  -- Carolyn Myss
p To stay youthful, stay useful.
p To strive, to seek, and not to yield.  -- Alfred Lord Tennyson
p To succeed one must have access to success.  -- Gerhard Uhlenbruck
p To teach is to learn twice.  -- Joseph Joubert
p To the landlords belong the doorknobs.
p To the man with an empty stomach, food is God.  -- Mohandas Gandhi
p To them it is us who are the enemy.  -- N. F. Simpson
p To thine own self be true.
p To those who fought for it, freedom has a flavor the protected will never know.
p To transform the world, we must begin with ourselves.  -- Krishnamurti
p To travel hopefully is better than to arrive safely.  -- Robert Stevenson
p To use the machine for control is to be controlled by the machine.  -- James Carse
p To use violence is to already be defeated.  -- Chinese proverb
p To your employer, are you profit or overhead?
p Today is the first day of the rest of your life.  -- Birgitta Yavari
p Today is the scholar of yesterday.
p Today is what yesterday made it.
p Tolerance requires intolerance of those who preach intolerance.  -- Danny Low
p Tomorrow never comes.
p Tomorrow, you can be anywhere.
p Too bad ignorance isn't painful.
p Too busy to laugh?  Then you are too busy.
p Too clever is dumb.  -- Ogden Nash
p Too far east is west.
p Too many cooks spoil the broth.  -- Kingsley
p Too much liberty spoils all.
p Too much money makes one mad.  -- Howell
p Too much of one thing is not good.
p Too much of ought is good for nought.
p Too often we enjoy the comfort of opinion without the discomfort of thought.  -- John F Kennedy
p Tradition does not mean to guard the ashes, but to keep the flame burning.
p Tragedy is a joke we haven't figured out yet.  -- Garrison Keillor
p Tragedy is learning the wrong thing from a fiasco.
p Train yourself to spot the difference between the sensational and the empirical.  -- Nassim Taleb
p Travelers change climates, not conditions.
p Treat wisdom as your sister, and insight as your closest friend.  -- Solomon
p Treat words as if they were diamonds, and scatter them sparingly.  -- Pauline Phillips
p Treat your friend as if he might become an enemy.  -- Publilius Syrus
p Trees must be distinguished from the forest -- even if there is but one tree.
p Tribal permission lets you not take responsibility for where your energy goes.
p Trouble brings experience and experience brings wisdom.
p Troubles are like babies; they only grow by nursing.
p True greatness is rarely achieved without collateral damage.  -- James Tabor
p True happiness will be found only in true love.
p True science teaches us to doubt and, in ignorance, to refrain.  -- Bernard
p True storytellers do not know their own story.  -- James Carse
p True success is the experience of the miraculous.  -- Deepak Chopra
p True wealth is free time:  Freedom from drudgery and unwanted commitments.  -- Daniel Newman
p Truly simple systems... require infinite testing.  -- Norman Augustine
p Trust everyone...  Then cut the cards.
p Trust in Allah, but tie your camel.  -- Arabian proverb
p Trust not a new friend nor an old enemy.
p Truth emerges more readily from error than from confusion.  -- Francis Bacon
p Truth fears no trial.
p Truth is a matching grant.  -- Carolyn Myss
p Truth is hard to find and even harder to obscure.
p Truth is just truth.  You can't have opinions about truth.  -- P. Shickele
p Truth is only believed when someone has invented it well.  -- George Santayana
p Truth is stranger than fiction.
p Truth is the highest form of human motivation.  -- Stephen Covey
p Truth may be lost in a crowd.  -- Wilson
p Truth might be blamed, but cannot be shamed.
p Truth will come to light.  -- William Shakespeare
p Truth's best ornament is nakedness.  -- Fuller
p Truth, in matters of religion, is simply the opinion that has survived.  -- Oscar Wilde
p Truths and roses have thorns about them.  -- Mapletoft
p Truths too fine spun are subtle fooleries.  -- Mapletoft
p Try always all ways.  -- Gerhard Uhlenbruck
p Try not to become a man of success but rather a man of value.  -- Albert Einstein
p Try not.  Do.  Or do not.  There is no try.  -- est
p Try to forget everything.  What you can't forget -- that's what you learned.
p Try to have a rational conversation with someone who's in love.
p Try to imagine what life would be like without bureaucracy.
p Try to relax and enjoy the crisis.  -- Ashleigh Brilliant
p Trying to define yourself is like trying to bite your own teeth.  -- Alan Watts
p Trying to have too much fun is self-defeating.  -- Alan Silverstein
p Trying to squash a rumor is like trying to unring a bell.  -- Shana Alexander
p Turn enemies into friends by doing something nice for them.  -- H. Jackson Brown
p TV is chewing gum for the eyes.  -- Frank Lloyd Wright
p Twelve significant photographs in any one year is a good crop.  -- Ansel Adams
p Two captains will sink the ship.
p Two eyes can see more than one.
p Two feet on the ground are worth one in the mouth.
p Two fools in one house are too many.
p Two heads are better than one.
p Two is company, three's a crowd.  -- Leng-Tzu
p Two marks of a holy person:  Giving, and forgiving.
p Two mediocre ideas do not add up to one great idea.
p Two men look out through the same bars; one sees mud, and one the stars.
p Two most important days in your life: Day you're born, and day you find out why.
p Two of a trade seldom agree.
p Two things do prolong your life:  A quiet heart and a loving wife.  -- Deloney
p Two wrongs don't make a right.
p Ultimately, everything becomes food.  -- John Taylor
p Unconditional love means the capacity to not have private agendas.  -- Carolyn Myss
p Uncontrolled anger is an athlete's worst enemy.  -- Reggie Rivers
p Under a dictatorship, everything that is not forbidden is obligatory.
p Under every stone sleeps a scorpion.  -- Taverner
p Unhappy the land that is in need of heroes.  -- Bertolt Brecht
p Unless women share sexual risk taking, they cause their own objectification.
p Unrepeatability is a characteristic of culture everywhere.  -- James Carse
p Use it or lose it.
p Use makes mastery.  -- Taverner
p Use the mind to obtain wisdom, not the power to control.  -- Carolyn Myss
p Use the simplest solution that suffices.
p Using drugs is an attempt to make up for the good times that one hasn't had.
p Values and beliefs make perfect sense to the people who hold them.
p Values are caught, not taught.  -- Dobson
p Variety is the spice of life, but monotony buys the groceries.
p Variety is the spice of life.  -- Confucius
p Veni, vidi, vici.  (I came, I saw, I conquered.)  -- Julius Caesar
p Veni, Vidi, Visa.  (I came, I saw, I bought.)
p Vests are to suits as seat-belts are to cars.
p Victims see what is; survivalists see what can be.  -- Len McDougall
p Victory lies not in sleep's defeat.  -- John Taylor
p Vincit qui patitur:  He conquers, who endures.  -- Percy Cerutty
p Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.  -- Salvador Hardin
p Virtue is its own revenge.  -- E. Y. Harburg
p Virtue is its own reward.  -- John Dryden
p Virtue is not hereditary.  -- Thomas Paine
p Virtue is not left to stand alone.  He who practices it will have neighbors.
p Virtue is the beauty of the mind.
p Virtue is the only true nobility.
p Virtue never grows old.
p Volumes might be written upon the impiety of the pious.  -- Herbert Spencer
p Wait for that wisest of all counselors, Time.  -- Pericles
p Wake not a sleeping wolf.  -- William Shakespeare
p Wake up each day saying "Good morning, God", not "Good God, morning!"
p Walk softly and carry a big stick.
p Walls have ears.  -- Shelton
p Want to forget all your troubles?  Wear tight shoes.
p War does not determine who is right...  Only who is left.
p War hath no fury like a non-combatant.  -- Charles Montague
p War is an equal opportunity destroyer.
p War is death's feast.
p War is much too important a matter to be left to the generals.  -- Clemenceau
p War is soon begun, but not so quickly brought to an end.
p War is terrorism with a bigger budget.
p War is the last refuge of incompetent statesmen.
p War is the real enemy.
p War makes thieves, and peace hangs them.
p War spares not the brave, but the cowardly.  -- Anacreon
p War, hunting, and love, are as full of trouble as pleasure.  -- Buckminster Fuller
p Warning:  Humor may be hazardous to your illness.  -- Ellie Katz
p Wars bring scars.  -- Clarke
p Waste is the antiproperty that becomes the possession of losers.  -- James Carse
p Waste not fresh tears over old griefs.  -- Euripides
p Wasting time is an important part of life.  -- Ashleigh Brilliant
p We all do murder the things we love, mostly by the word unsaid.  -- William Etkin
p We all have a story to live.  What story are you living?  -- Greg Rose
p We all have style, but few have class.
p We all know what you mean; it's just that you mean it so poorly.  -- John Taylor
p We all like our relatives when we're little.  -- Kin Hubbard
p We all live in a state of ambitious poverty.  -- Decimus Junius Juvenalis
p We all live under the same sky, but we don't all have the same horizon.
p We are all born mad.  Some remain so.  -- Samuel Beckett
p We are all directly above the center of the earth.
p We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.  -- Wilde
p We are all in the same boat, shooting holes in the hull.  -- David Grinspoon
p We are all in this alone.  -- Lily Tomlin
p We are all ONE, say the gurus.  Aye, I might agree -- but one WHAT?  -- Edward Abbey
p We are all volunteers.  -- Pat Czarnik
p We are all worms.  But I do believe I am a glowworm.  -- Winston Churchill
p We are always looking, or should be, for what really inspires us.  -- Peter Tyson
p We are an impossibility in an impossible universe.  -- Ray Bradbury
p We are anthill men upon an anthill world.  -- Ray Bradbury
p We ARE as gods and might as well get good at it.  -- Whole Earth Catalog
p We are as organized energetically as we are physically.  -- Carolyn Myss
p We are becoming a nation of private opulence and public squalor.
p We are being educated when we know it least.  -- David Gardner
p We are born dying.  -- Caleb Finch (scientist)
p We are confronted with insurmountable opportunities.  -- Walt Kelly
p We are divinity in disguise.  -- Deepak Chopra
p We are drowning in information.  -- EO Wilson
p We are each our own devil, and we make this world our hell.  -- Oscar Wilde
p We are going to have peace even if we have to fight for it.  -- Dwight Eisenhower
p We are here on earth to fart around; don't let anybody tell you any different.
p We are here to let go of that which we are not.
p We are how the universe I's itself.  -- Alan Watts
p We are in fact mystics without monasteries.  -- Carolyn Myss
p We are known by the company we keep.
p We are loved in spite of what we are.  -- Victor Hugo
p We are not alone.
p We are not here for a long time.  We are here for a good time.
p We are not humans on a spiritual path, rather we are spirits on a human path.
p We are not meant to mourn our traumas for more than a short time.  -- Carolyn Myss
p We are not punished for our sins, but by them.
p We are not victims of the world we see, but of the way we see the world.
p We are old enough to be wiser.  -- John Wesley
p We are only now beginning to recognize we need to learn to love unconditionally.
p We are seeing the empowerment of the individual to conduct war.  -- John Robb
p We are social animals; hell is other people.  -- Nassim Taleb
p We are the sum of all the lives we once lived.
p We are what we pretend to be.  -- Kurt Vonnegut Jr.
p We are who we are in relating to others.  -- James Carse
p We avoid attributing cleverness to someone else -- unless it is an enemy.
p We become what we do.
p We believe some things because they make us look good to people we care about.  -- Michael Kitces
p We can embody the truth, but we cannot know it.  -- Yates
p We can lick gravity, but sometimes the paperwork is overwhelming.  -- Von Braun
p We can live without our friends, but not without our neighbors.  -- James Kelly
p We can only hate in others what we first hate in ourselves.  -- John Taylor
p We can only pay our debt to the past by putting the future in debt to ourselves.
p We can only write well of that which we know.  -- John Taylor
p We can't break the real spiritual laws.  -- Lee Coit
p We can't change, but we can expand.  -- Nelson
p We cannot do everything at once, but we can do something at once.  -- Coolidge
p We come too late to say anything which has not been said already.  -- Bruyere
p We define genius as constructive reaction against one's training.  -- Berenson
p We do not count a man's years, until he has nothing else to count.  -- Emerson
p We do not remember days; we remember moments.
p We do not spontaneously learn that we don't learn that we don't learn.  -- Nassim Taleb
p We don't call it sin today, we call it self-expression.  -- Baroness Stocks
p We don't even understand in the West what it means to train consciousness.
p We don't get perspective on what's close to us until we spend time away from it.  -- Mark Manson
p We don't know a millionth of one percent about anything.  -- Thomas Edison
p We don't know how to give gifts of energy -- we still give gifts of matter.
p We don't know who discovered water, but we're certain it wasn't a fish.  -- Barlow
p We don't recognize the significant events in our lives while they're happening.
p We don't stop hiking because we grow old, we grow old because we stop hiking.
p We don't value our ignorance enough.  -- Alan Alda
p We don't want God to be a wild force.  -- Carolyn Myss
p We dwell at the bottom of the sky.
p We expect others to act rationally even though we are irrational.  -- Scott Adams
p We get too soon old and too late smart.
p We give advice, but we cannot give the wisdom to profit by it.  -- Rochefoucauld
p We have all the land now we will ever have.  -- Orville Freeman
p We have art that we do not die of the truth.  -- Friedrich Nietzsche
p We have global influence but lack global control.  -- David Grinspoon
p We have lingered long enough on the shores of the Cosmic Ocean.  -- Carl Sagan
p We have met the enemy, and he is us.  -- Walt Kelly
p We have nothing to fear but our own inertia.  -- Rich Lamb
p We have nowhere else to go...  This is all we have.  -- Margaret Mead
p We have to walk as slow as our slowest person to keep society f*ing moving.  -- Jim Jeffries
p We laugh at death because we know death will have the last laugh on us.  -- Lou Grant (Mary Tyler Moore show)
p We live in a global village but it is filled with neighbors from hell.  -- Low
p We love others the way we would like them to love us.
p We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.  -- Winston Churchill
p We may love a place and still be dangerous to it.  -- Wallace Stegner
p We may make our plans, but God has the last word.  -- Solomon
p We might be alone.  We might not be alone.  Either way the idea is staggering.
p We must choose:  The stars or the dust.  Which shall it be?
p We must make up our minds to be ignorant of much, if we would know anything.
p We need less emotion and more thought.  -- Richard Dawkins
p We need to look at multiple lives to test and shape our own.  -- Mary Bateson
p We never find out anything new, we just remember it.  -- Ram Dass
p We not only live in a cage, we build the cage, and live in a corner of it.
p We ought not to permit a cottage industry in the God business.  -- John Marchi
p We owe it to ourselves to question everything.
p We prefer to speak evil of ourselves rather than not speak of ourselves at all.
p We promise according to our hopes, and perform according to our fears.
p We promise more in a day than we can fulfill in a year.
p We promise what we want, but deliver what we got before.
p We really want to save the wilderness because the wilderness really saves us.  -- Brooke Williams
p We reclaim what we love by being activists on its behalf.  -- Marc Salkin
p We remember our dreams; we do not remember our sleep.  -- Marguerite Yourgenar
p We secure our friends not by accepting favors but by doing them.  -- Thucydides
p We see only what we know.  -- Johann von Goethe
p We see things not as they are, but as we are.
p We seldom repent talking too little, but very often talking too much.  -- Bruyere
p We set up relationships initially on the basis of false advertising.  -- Coit
p We should learn from our mistakes, but how... Unless we first admit we made any?  -- Tavris and Aronson
p We take issue even with perfection.  -- Pascal
p We take on the strength of that which we overcome.
p We take photos as a return ticket to a moment otherwise gone.  -- Katie Thurmes
p We teach others how to treat us.  -- Wayne Dyer
p We that are young shall never see so much nor live so long.  -- William Shakespeare
p We think that if we can label a thing we have understood it.  -- Sangharakshita
p We use machines against ourselves...  And machinery against itself.  -- James Carse
p We usually get what we order from life.  -- Will Limon
p We want God to be a mental, logical force because that feels so controllable.
p We will be asked to do something we can't tolerate just to develop endurance.
p We win some, we lose some, and some get rained out.
p We would like to train for wisdom, not knowledge.  -- Ram Dass
p We would rather be ruined by praise than saved by criticism.  -- Norman Peale
p We're all open parentheticals, waiting for the close parenthesis to come.  -- Emily VanDerWerff
p We're motivated to seek rewards; this urge exceeds our pleasure in getting them.
p We, all of us, have a vested interest in keeping the game going.  -- God?
p Wealth comes from excellence, and not excellence from wealth.  -- Plato
p Wealth goes to wealth.  -- Torriano
p Wealth is not so much possessed as it is performed.  -- James Carse
p Wealth protects the rich; poverty destroys the poor.  -- Solomon
p Wealthy is having the freedom to maximize one's life experiences.  -- Mark Manson
p Weapon:  An index of the lack of development of a culture.
p Welcome to the Future!  It's just starting now ...
p Well begun is half done.  -- Aristotle
p Well done is better than well said.
p Well, one must get an idea someplace.  -- Stephen Hawking
p Were Heaven preferable to Earth, suicide would be a sacrament.  -- William Wall
p What a joy it is to find just the right word for the right occasion!  -- Solomon
p What a strange game.  The only winning move is not to play.  -- WOPR (War Games)
p What are we doing?  Nothing.  -- Ram Dass
p What avail are forty freedoms without a blank spot on the map?  -- Leopold
p What awful irony is this?  We are as gods, but know it not.
p What can be asserted without evidence can be dismissed without evidence.  -- Christopher Hitchens
p What cannot be cured must be endured.
p What changes can you personally make to get the results you want?
p What color is a chameleon on a mirror?
p What confounds a society is not serious opposition, but lack of seriousness.
p What consciousness means is being aware of where your energy goes.  -- Carolyn Myss
p What convinces is conviction.  -- Lyndon Johnson
p What could we do together that we would both really enjoy doing?  -- Lee Coit
p What do you care what other people think?  -- Richard Feynmann
p What do you mean, it's too late?  We're not dead yet!  -- Shampoo (the movie)
p What does "done" look like?
p What does it all mean?
p What does not destroy me, makes me stronger.  -- Friedrich Nietzsche
p What excuses stand in your way?  How can you eliminate them?  -- Roger von Oech
p What fools these mortals be.  -- Lucius Seneca
p What garlic is to salad, insanity is to art.
p What good is progress if it is unevenly distributed?
p What got you here won't get you there.  -- Marshall Goldsmith
p What happens to your fist when you open your hand?  -- Zen proverb
p What I aspired to be, and was not, comforts me.  -- Robert Browning
p What I ought to do, I can; if I can, why don't I?
p What I tell you three times is true.  -- Robert Heinlein
p What is a "free gift"?  Aren't all gifts free?
p What is a magician but a practicing theorist?  -- Obi-Wan Kenobi
p What is beautiful is good and who is good will soon also be beautiful.  -- Sappho
p What is chaos but matter disturbed by immaterial forces?  -- Herbert Read
p What is done to children, they will do to society.
p What is food to one, is to others bitter poison.  -- Titus Lucretius Carus
p What is history but a fable agreed upon?  -- Napoleon Bonaparte
p What is life without a character?  -- Trusler
p What is new is not true and what is true is not new.
p What is obvious to you is not obvious to others...  And vice versa.
p What is the blessing here?  -- Vikki Coit
p What is the sound of one hand clapping?  -- Zen proverb
p What is the vector that is orthogonal to itself?
p What love means is that we are sharing a common state together.  -- Ram Dass
p What matters is not how often you are right, but... your cumulative errors.  -- Nassim Taleb
p What must be, must be.  -- John Wesley
p What on earth would a man do with himself if something did not stand in his way?
p What one believes to be true either is true or becomes true.  -- John Lilly
p What one can conceive and believe one can achieve.
p What part of my Self do I wish to experience now in the face of this calamity?
p What really changes your life is the passionate pursuit of something you love.
p What really matters is not the choice you make but your attitude about it.
p What separates the flyers from the walkers is the ability to take off.  -- Carl Sagan
p What sin has not been committed in the name of efficiency?
p What soon grows old?  Gratitude.  -- Aristotle
p What the fool does in the end, the wise man does at the beginning.
p What the government gives it must first take away.  -- Dan Quayle
p What the scientists have in their briefcases is terrifying.  -- Nikita Khruschev
p What the world really needs is more love and less paperwork.  -- Pearl Bailey
p What this country needs is more free speech worth listening to.  -- Hansel Duckett
p What tribal rules are you plugged into?  -- Carolyn Myss
p What we do not understand we do not possess.  -- Johann von Goethe
p What we first learn, we best can.  -- James Kelly
p What we know about the human possibility is so absurdly trivial thus far.
p What we obtain too cheap, we esteem too lightly.  -- Thomas Paine
p What we resist, persists.
p What we see depends on mainly what we look for.  -- John Lubbock
p What will you do when the new wears off and the old shines through?
p What would you attempt to do if you knew you could not fail?  -- Schuller
p What you are, not what you have, is what makes you rich.
p What you do in the time of your greatest trial can be your greatest triumph.
p What you do speaks so loudly that I cannot hear what you say.  -- Ralph Emerson
p What you don't know can hurt you, but you won't know it.
p What you don't know won't help you much either.  -- Bennett
p What you enjoy is much more important than what you have.
p What you expect in relationships with others you must first find in yourself.
p What you have caused, you can change.  -- Will Limon
p What you leave alone today will come back to haunt you tomorrow.  -- Confucius
p What you see but can't see over is as good as infinite.  -- Thomas Carlyle
p Whatever begins in freedom cannot end in necessity.  -- James Carse
p Whatever else you get, get insight.  -- Solomon
p Whatever has been well said by anyone is my property.  -- Seneca
p Whatever is funny is subversive.  -- George Orwell
p Whatever it is, I fear Greeks even when they bring gifts.  -- Virgil
p Whatever man has done, man may do.  -- C. Reade
p Whatever occurs from love is always beyond good and evil.  -- Friedrich Nietzsche
p Whatever the game is, play it as a professional.  -- Peter Medawar
p Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it.  -- Johann von Goethe
p Whatever you do will be insignificant, but it is very important that you do it.
p Whatever you want to do, do it now.  There are only so many tomorrows.  -- Landon
p Whatsoever was the father of a disease, an ill diet was the mother.  -- Herbert
p When a couple starts keeping score, there is no winning, just degrees of losing.
p When a man says money can't do anything, that settles it:  He hasn't any.  -- Howe
p When a man's house is on fire, it's time to break off chess.  -- James Fuller
p When a measure becomes a target, it ceases to be a good measure.  -- Charles Goodhart
p When a paradigm shifts, everyone goes back to zero.  -- Joel Barker
p When a thing is done advice comes too late.  -- G. Delamothe
p When all men speak, no man hears.  -- James Kelly
p When all think alike, then no one is listening.  -- Walter Lippman
p When among apes, one must play the ape.
p When an experience comes along, you just note it and just let it go.  -- Ram Dass
p When an expert stops learning, he is no longer an expert.
p When angry count ten before you speak.  If very angry a hundred.  -- Jefferson
p When bad predictions go unpunished, what incentive is there to stop making them?  -- Dubner and Levitt
p When children stand quiet they have done some ill.  -- George Herbert
p When cutting down trees, remember to pause now and then to sharpen your axe.
p When does later become never?
p When elephants fight, the grass loses.
p When events change, I change my mind.  What do you do?  -- Paul Samuelson
p When everyone agrees with me, I know I am wrong.
p When faith and hope fail try charity; it is love in action.
p When fortune knocks, be sure to open the door.  -- Boyer
p When fortune smiles, embrace her.
p When God is invoked by the state, it's all too easy for the state to become God.
p When guns are outlawed, only outlaws will have guns.  -- Art Denman
p When I get angry...  I've made some kind of a law that's not true.  -- Vikki Coit
p When I know who I am, you and I are one.  -- Hanuman
p When I rest, I rust.  -- Fritz Thyssen
p When ideas fail, words come in very handy.  -- Johann von Goethe
p When in doubt, do as doubters do.  -- John Taylor
p When in doubt, follow your heart.
p When in doubt, leave out the adjective.
p When in doubt, take all the defaults.
p When injustice becomes law, resistance becomes duty.  -- Thomas Jefferson
p When it is dark enough you can see the stars.  -- Ralph Emerson
p When leaders act contrary to conscience, we must act contrary to leaders.
p When love and skill work together, expect a masterpiece.  -- John Ruskin
p When money talks there are few interruptions.
p When people are least sure, they are most dogmatic.  -- John Galbraith
p When people are stressed, common sense goes out the window.  -- Brian Seaward
p When people share their fears with you, share your courage back.
p When people show you who they are, believe them.  -- Maya Angelou
p When pleasure remains, does it remain a pleasure?
p When pointing out another's mistake, always consider their feelings.
p When poverty comes in at the doors, love leaps out at the windows.
p When sex is good, it is only 2% of a marriage; but when it is bad, it is 98%.
p When something of great importance is given to you, it is always born humbly.
p When sorrow is asleep, wake it not.  -- MA Stoddart
p When success turns a person's head, he is facing failure.
p When the belly is full the mind is among the maids.
p When the blind lead the blind they both fall over the cliff.
p When the candles are out all women are fair.  -- Plutarch
p When the cat is away, the mice will play.
p When the dust is clear, one knows if he is riding a horse or an ass.  -- Chinese
p When the gods wish to punish us they answer our prayers.  -- Oscar Wilde
p When the going seems easy, check that you're not going downhill.
p When the grid is at capacity there is little margin for error.
p When the mind is denied the sting of losing, it never figures out how to win.  -- Jonah Lehrer
p When the need arises, anything within reach becomes a hammer.
p When the only choices are win or lose, everyone loses.  -- Will Limon
p When the situation is hopeless, there's nothing to worry about.  -- Edward Abbey
p When the student is ready, the teacher appears.  -- Hindu proverb
p When the toes are hot, the hiking boots are shot.
p When the wind is great, bow before it; when the wind is heavy, yield to it.
p When two friends have a common purse, one sings and the other weeps.  -- Mapletoft
p When two men in a business always agree, one of them is unnecessary.  -- Wrigley
p When up to your ass in alligators, you forget your goal was to drain the swamp.
p When war begins then hell opens.  -- Torriano
p When war is looked upon as vulgar, it will cease to be popular.  -- Oscar Wilde
p When we are flat on our backs there is no way to look but up.  -- Roger Babson
p When we begin the journey of the self, it seems to require a stage of aloneness.
p When we have gold, we are in fear; when we have none, we are in danger.  -- Draxe
p When we have not what we like, we must like what we have.  -- Bussy-Rabutin
p When we succeed in being the only speaker, there is no speaker at all.  -- James Carse
p When we take the secure path we sign on for the lesson there is no such thing.
p When wine is in, wit is out.  -- Hall
p When you ain't got nothin', you got nothin' to lose.
p When you are at Rome live in the Roman style.  -- St. Ambrose
p When you are average, you are as close to the bottom as to the top.
p When you are in a hole, stop digging.
p When you are in command, command.  -- Admiral Nimitz
p When you are not going within, come from within as you deal with the world.
p When you are ready to face life alone, you are ready for marriage.  -- Fisher
p When you are tribal, you will be religious, but you won't be spiritual.  -- Carolyn Myss
p When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.  -- Wayne Dyer
p When you dig another out of trouble, you have a place to bury your own.
p When you don't talk, things get awfully quiet.  -- Martha Hartly
p When you finally become a perfect parent, you are unemployed.  -- Barbara Coloroso
p When you find yourself walking through hell, keep walking! -- Winston Churchill
p When you get angry your IQ drops 20 points.  -- Douglas Baskins
p When you get what you want you don't want it as much.
p When you go out to buy, don't show your silver.
p When you have a fight with your conscience and get licked, you win.  -- Nuggets
p When you have no agenda with power, all of it comes to you.  -- Carolyn Myss
p When you have seen one nuclear war, you have seen them all.
p When you have to kill a man it costs nothing to be polite.  -- Winston Churchill
p When you invest your energy in being a victim, you say to God, "You screwed up."
p When you invoke heaven, heaven comes.  -- Carolyn Myss
p When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself.  -- Wayne Dyer
p When you kill time you murder success.
p When you look into an abyss, the abyss also looks into you.  -- Friedrich Nietzsche
p When you lose, don't lose the lesson.  -- H. Jackson Brown
p When you make a pact with the devil, word it very carefully.
p When you mean no, say it in a way that's not ambiguous.  -- H. Jackson Brown
p When you need professional advice, get it from professionals.  -- Brown
p When you play for more than you can afford to lose, then you know the game.
p When you quit working, retire TO something, not FROM something.
p When you shoot an arrow of truth, dip its point in honey.  -- Arabian proverb
p When you starve with a tiger, the tiger starves last.
p When you talk to yourself, or about yourself, watch your language!  -- Will Limon
p When you try to bring your mind to one point, at first it speeds up incredibly.
p When you turn honest it limits your choices.  -- Carolyn Myss
p When you want something, all the universe conspires to help you achieve it.
p When you're tired, small problems seem big, and big problems are insurmountable.
p When you've won the game, stop playing.  -- William Bernstein
p When your work speaks for itself, don't interrupt.  -- Henry Kaiser
p Whenever people agree with me I always feel I must be wrong.  -- Oscar Wilde
p Whenever you possibly can, do good to those who need it.  -- Solomon
p Where are you at?  Where are you going?  What must you do to get there?
p Where drums beat, laws are silent.
p Where ignorance is bliss it is foolish to borrow your neighbor's newspaper.
p Where love is not, there is hatred.  -- Thomas Draxe
p Where love is, there is faith.
p Where on Earth is the early warning system for man-made disasters?  -- Goodman
p Where pain predominates, agony can be a valued teacher.  -- Frank Herbert
p Where people live there will be tragedy.  -- Tom Stybr
p Where there is much light there is also much shadow.  -- Johann von Goethe
p Where there is whispering there is lying.
p Where there's a will, there's a way.
p Where there's smoke, there's fire.
p Where you stand depends on where you sit.  -- Rufus Miles
p Whereof one cannot speak, thereof one must be silent.  -- Wittgenstein
p Wherever a man exercises authority, there is a man who resists authority!
p Wherever there is a secret, there must be something wrong.
p Wherever they burn books, they will eventually burn people.  -- H. Heine
p Whether you think you can or you can't, you're right.  -- Henry Ford
p While there is life, there is hope.  -- Publius Afer
p While we are sleeping, two-thirds of the world is plotting to do us in.  -- Dean Rusk
p Who chooses to compete with another can also choose to play with another.
p Who does not trust enough will not be trusted.  -- Lao Tsu
p Who goeth a-borrowing goeth a-sorrowing.  -- Thomas Tusser
p Who has not a good tongue, ought to have good hands.  -- John Ray
p Who is more busy than he that has least to do?  -- Thomas Draxe
p Who is worse shod than the shoemaker's wife?
p Who knows most, speaks least.  -- Torriano
p Who knows what evil lurks in the minds of men?  The Shadow knows.
p Who knows what he knows and what he doesn't know is one who knows.  -- Confucius
p Who likes not his business, his business likes not him.  -- T. Wright
p Who lives by hope will die by hunger.
p Who never wins can rarely lose, who never climbs as rarely falls.  -- Whittier
p Who steals my purse steals trash.  -- William Shakespeare
p Who swims in sin shall sink in sorrow.
p Who to himself is law no law doth need, offends no law, and is a king indeed.
p Whoever MUST play, cannot PLAY.  -- James Carse
p Whoever rows the boat doesn't have time to rock it.
p Whoever would lie usefully should lie seldom.
p Whole civilizations rise from stories -- and can rise from nothing else.  -- James Carse
p Whom we love best, to them we can say least.
p Why are we all put here to suffer and die?
p Why attack God?  He might be as miserable as we are.
p Why be a man when you can be a success?  -- Bertold Brecht
p Why do I live in the desert?  Because the desert is the locus Dei.  -- Edward Abbey
p Why do we study poverty instead of wealth?
p Why doesn't everybody leave everybody else the hell alone?  -- Jimmy Durante
p Why I oppose the nuclear arms race:  I prefer the human race.  -- Edward Abbey
p Why look for more knowledge when you do not pay attention to what you know?
p Why look here for the joke?  It is all around us.
p Why not go out on a limb?  Isn't that where the fruit is?
p Why should a rich man steal?  -- John Ray
p Why should ANYTHING exist?  NOTHING would be tidier.  -- Edward Abbey
p Wicked people cannot sleep unless they have done something wrong.  -- Solomon
p Wilderness begins in the human mind.  -- Edward Abbey
p Wilderness... is the only thing left that is worth saving.  -- Edward Abbey
p Will is no skill.
p Win without boasting and lose without excuse.
p Winged flight is fundamentally a control problem, not a lift problem.  -- Erik Conway
p Winners never quit and quitters never win.
p Winners outrun defeat by not stopping; losers give in to defeat by not starting.
p Wisdom consists of the anticipation of consequences.  -- Norman Cousins
p Wisdom is experience assimilated.
p Wisdom is knowing what to do next.
p Wisdom is knowing what to do with what you know.  -- J. Winter Smith
p Wisdom is long, violence is short.  -- Carl van Doren
p Wisdom is ofttimes nearer when we stoop than when we soar.  -- William Wordsworth
p Wisdom is rarely found on the best-seller list.
p Wisdom is to live in harmony with the world at the moment it is.  -- Ram Dass
p Wisdom is what's left after we smarten up.
p Wise men change their minds; fools never do.
p Wise men have their mouth in their heart; fools have their heart in their mouth.
p Wise men learn by other men's mistakes; fools, by their own.  -- Plautus
p Wise men make proverbs and fools repeat them.  -- Palmer
p Wise men propose, and fools determine.
p Wise men see more from the bottoms of wells than fools see from mountain tops.
p Wise people learn when they can.  Fools learn when they must.  -- Wellington
p Wish in one hand and spit in the other -- see which one gets full first.
p Wishful thinking is far less likely to produce results than direct action.
p Wishing without work is like fishing without bait.  -- Frank Tyger
p Wit has truth in it.  Wisecracking is simply calisthenics with words.
p Wit is the only wall between us and the dark.
p With clothes the new are best; with friends the old are best.
p With enough qualifiers, everything is special.  -- Alan Silverstein
p With just enough of learning to misquote.  -- Byron
p With stupidity the gods themselves struggle in vain.  -- von Schiller
p With the foolish we should play the fool.  -- Menander
p With what fortitude we bear the suffering of others.  -- Thomas McKeown
p Within half a percent, pi seconds is a nanocentury.  -- Tom Duff
p Without adventure, civilization is in full decay.  -- Alfred Whitehead
p Without execution, vision is just another word for hallucination.  -- Mark Hurd
p Without fear, there is no courage.  -- Jeffrey Smith
p Without fools there would be no wisdom.
p Without love intelligence is dangerous; without intelligence love is not enough.
p Without music, life would be a mistake.  -- Friedrich Nietzsche
p Without wood, a fire goes out; without gossip, quarreling stops.  -- Solomon
p Women are wiser than men because they know less and understand more.  -- Stephens
p Women blink nearly twice as much as men.
p Women nod acknowledgment; men nod agreement.  -- Lillian Roybal-Rose
p Wonder is the daughter of ignorance.
p Wonders will never cease.
p Words and feathers the wind carries away.
p Words are but wind.
p Words are only painted fire; a book is the fire itself.  -- Mark Twain
p Words are the least reliable purveyor of Truth.  -- Conversations with God
p Words are the voice of the heart.
p Words are, of course, the most powerful drug used by mankind.  -- Kipling
p Words bind men.
p Words have a longer life than deeds.  -- Pindar
p Words may pass, but blows fall heavy.  -- John Ray
p Words must be weighed, not counted.
p Work expands to fill the time available for its completion.  -- Parkinson
p Work is a form of nervousness.  -- Don Herold
p Work is love made visible.  -- Kalil Gibran
p Work is the worst thing you can do for your health.  -- Howard Brubaker
p Work like you don't need the money; love like you've never been hurt.
p World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.  -- Albert Einstein
p Worrying is the most natural and spontaneous of all human functions.  -- Thomas
p Worth seeing?  Yes, but not worth going to see.
p Would that my hand were as swift as my tongue.  -- Alfieri
p Would you rather be right, or would you rather be happy?  -- Tom Magliozzi
p Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been.  -- Mark Twain
p Writing about music is like dancing about architecture.
p Wrong has no warranty.
p Wrong laws make short governance.  -- Harding
p Wrong never comes right.
p Years know more than books.  -- George Herbert
p Yes, I can summon my creativity.  -- Madonna
p You always find what you are looking for in the last place you look.
p You are a creator; you create with your every thought.  -- Esther Hicks
p You are a wish to be here wishing yourself.  -- Philip Whalen
p You are almost as happy as you think you are.
p You are an energetic being long before you are a physical being.  -- Carolyn Myss
p You are becoming more simultaneous with God than linear with humanity.  -- Carolyn Myss
p You are just a visitor to the history factory.  -- Tony Snow
p You are never too old to become younger.  -- Mae West
p You are not original if your peers agree with what you are doing.  -- Heimlich
p You are not paid enough to worry about your job.
p You are only here for a short visit.  So be sure to stop and smell the flowers.
p You are only responsible for the effort, not the outcome.
p You are taking yourself far too seriously.
p You are terrified of how truth can change your life.  -- Carolyn Myss
p You are the only authority on what is best for you.  -- Hugh Prather
p You are what you eat.  -- Adelle Davis
p You become more and more like a river.  -- Ram Dass
p You can "get" knowledge, but you can only BE wise.  -- Ram Dass
p You can always find what you are not looking for.
p You can always pick up your needle and move to another groove.  -- Timothy Leary
p You can always tell luck from ability by its duration.
p You can be sincere and still be wrong.  -- Walter Lippmann
p You can be young without money, but you can't be old without it.  -- Tennessee Williams
p You can bear anything if it isn't your own fault.  -- Katharine Gerould
p You can do anything you want, but not everything you want.
p You can easily play a joke on a man who likes to argue:  Agree with him.  -- Howe
p You can fix a bad page, but you can't fix a blank page.  -- anonymous
p You can fool too many of the people too much of the time.  -- James Thurber
p You can lead a boy to college but you cannot make him think.  -- Elbert Hubbard
p You can lead a horse to water, but you cannot make it drink.
p You can live outside the law, but you must be honest.
p You can make it foolproof, but you can't make it damnfoolproof.  -- Naeser
p You can make it illegal, but you can't make it unpopular.
p You can move the world with an idea, but you have to think of it first.
p You can neither win nor lose if you don't run the race.  -- David Bowie
p You can never do just one thing.  -- Hardin
p You can never get enough of what you don't really want.  -- Huston Smith
p You can never run away.  Not ever.  The only way out is in.  -- Junot Diaz
p You can no more win a war than you can win an earthquake.  -- Jeanette Rankin
p You can only improve on saying nothing by saying nothing often.  -- Frank Tyger
p You can own a dog, but you can only feed a cat.
p You can send your relationship to an early grave with a series of little digs.
p You can shear a sheep many times, but you can only skin it once.
p You can tell the ideas of a nation by its advertisements.  -- George Douglas
p You can't control what you can't measure.  -- Tom DeMarco
p You can't cross a chasm in two small jumps.  -- David Lord George
p You can't cross the sea merely by staring at the water.  -- Rabindranath Tagore
p You can't depend on the man who made the mess to clean it up.  -- Richard Nixon
p You can't depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.  -- Mark Twain
p You can't erase a dream, you can only wake me up.  -- Peter Frampton
p You can't fall off the floor.  -- Paul
p You can't fool heaven.  -- Carolyn Myss
p You can't get to the light without going through the darkness.  -- Carolyn Myss
p You can't have a better tomorrow when you are mostly thinking of yesterday.
p You can't have other people do your pushups for you.  -- Jack Canfield
p You can't have your cake and eat it too.
p You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old.  -- George Burns
p You can't love someone else unless you can first love yourself.  -- Bruce Fisher
p You can't produce a baby in one month by impregnating nine women!  -- Handel
p You can't simulate pain intellectually.  You must live through it.  -- MacKinnon
p You can't study the darkness by flooding it with light.  -- Edward Abbey
p You can't take money with you when you die.  -- Marryat
p You can't teach an old dog new tricks.  -- Leng-Tzu
p You can't tell which way the train went by looking at the track.
p You can't tie two rocks together and expect them to float.  -- Jesse Berst
p You cannot achieve the impossible without attempting the absurd.
p You cannot antagonize and influence at the same time.
p You cannot fool all of the people all the time.  -- Abraham Lincoln
p You cannot give what you do not have.
p You cannot have a science without measurement.  -- R. W. Hamming
p You cannot have trust without U.
p You cannot hold a man down without staying down with him.  -- Booker Washington
p You cannot kill time without injuring eternity.  -- Thoreau
p You cannot live a meaningless life; it's against the spiritual rules.  -- Carolyn Myss
p You cannot lose what you never had.
p You cannot make your candle brighter by blowing out someone else's.
p You cannot play at chess if you are kindhearted.
p You cannot propel yourself forward by patting yourself on the back.
p You cannot reshape human nature without mutilating human beings.  -- Edward Abbey
p You cannot see farther than others by standing on the feet of giants.
p You cannot see the city for the houses.
p You cannot see the forest for the trees.
p You cannot shake hands with a clenched fist.  -- Indira Gandhi
p You cannot use your friends and have them too.
p You catch more bees with honey than vinegar.
p You do not know a bird from the shell out of which it hatched.
p You do not know your friend until you have quarreled with him.  -- Thomas McKeown
p You don't drown by falling in water.  You drown by staying there.  -- R. Allen
p You don't get a second chance to make a first impression.
p You don't have to agree in order to understand.  -- Lillian Roybal-Rose
p You don't have to know, you just have to know who knows.  -- John Taylor
p You don't know a person until you have divided an inheritance with him.
p You don't know what to ask for to make you happy because you've never had it.
p You don't manage people.  You manage things.  You lead people.  -- Grace Hooper
p You don't need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows.
p You either learn as you go or don't.  -- John Taylor
p You either set standards, or you follow them.
p You get half of what you pay for.
p You get the most of what you need the least.
p You get things done by getting them done.  -- Tom Brokaw
p You get what you don't pay for.  -- John C. Bogle, founder of Vanguard Group
p You get what you pay for.  -- Leng-Tzu
p You have a strict obligation have no opinion about things you don't understand  -- Morgan Housel
p You have no inalienable right to another's continued affection.
p You have no obligation to always love someone you once loved.
p You have no obligation to have an opinion about anything.  -- Morgan Housel
p You have not converted a man because you have silenced him.  -- John Morley
p You have the power to influence all with whom you come in contact.
p You have to play harder than you work to make working worthwhile.
p You have to, at each level, go beyond that level.  -- Ram Dass
p You improvise!  You adapt!  You overcome!  -- Clint Eastwood
p You just can't recreate that color blue on Earth, I don't know why.  -- Astronaut Scott Parazynski
p You keep your heart and mind separate because they have so much power.  -- Carolyn Myss
p You know how to win a victory, Hannibal, but not how to use it.  -- Maharbal
p You know not what is success or failure in the soul's reckoning.  -- God?
p You know what is wrong with a lot more confidence than you know what is right.  -- Nassim Taleb
p You live only once, but in that life you must die a thousand different deaths.
p You might as well be you.  Then you know if someone likes you, they like you.
p You might not be responsible for falling down, but you are for getting back up.
p You miss 100% of the shots you never take.  -- Wayne Gretzky
p You must awake for your dreams to come true.
p You must learn the rules of the game, then play better than anyone else.  -- Albert Einstein
p You must look where it is not, as well as where it is.  -- Buckminster Fuller
p You must love, honor, and cherish yourself to do a good job with anyone else.
p You must pass failure on your way to success.
p You must transcend the rational mind; transcend the knower who knows.  -- Dass
p You need chaos in your soul to give birth to a dancing star.  -- Friedrich Nietzsche
p You need not sow weeds.  -- Fuller
p You never "find" time, but you can always "make" time.
p You never gain something but that you lose something.  -- Henry Thoreau
p You never know what is enough until you know what is more than enough.  -- Blake
p You never know what you can do till you try.
p You never lose, but sometimes the clock runs out on you.  -- Vince Lombardi
p You never own anything but that it owns you too.  -- St. Exupery
p You never win an argument until they attack your person.  -- Nassim Taleb
p You only betray yourself when you ignore the inner dreams for your life.
p You only learn the value of a minute after it's past.  -- Eugene Miya
p You only learn who has been swimming naked when the tide goes out.  -- Jimmy Buffett
p You only live once but, if you live right, once is enough.
p You pay more for your schooling than your learning is worth.  -- Clarke
p You philosophers are sages in your maxims and fools in your conduct.  -- Franklin
p You raise your voice when you should reinforce your argument.  -- Samuel Johnson
p You use dualism to go beyond dualism.  -- Ram Dass
p You want it bad, you will get it bad.  -- Savage
p You will face every thought and fear that has authority over you.  -- Carolyn Myss
p You will never get dizzy doing a good turn.
p You will never get enough approval to feel good about yourself.  -- Lee Coit
p You will remain deaf to my explanations until you suspect yourself of falsehood.
p You won't have an economy on a dead planet.  -- David Brower
p You're going to the experience of the transcendence of separateness.  -- Ram Dass
p You're not really diversified unless something you own makes you uncomfortable.
p You're twice as biased as you think you are; four times if you disagree.  -- Morgan Housel
p You're twice as gullible as you think you are.  -- Morgan Housel
p You've got to risk it all to have it all.  -- Ram Dass
p Young men may die, but old must die.
p Young men think old men are fools; but old men know young men are fools.
p Young men's knocks old men feel.  -- John Ray
p Young saint, old devil.
p Your ability to experience joy is tied to your ability to experience pain.
p Your actions prove what you think of yourself.  -- Will Limon
p Your attitude is more important than your aptitude.  -- Peter Chantilis
p Your best dreams may not come true; fortunately, neither will your worst dreams.
p Your best revenge is to live a happy life.
p Your biggest handicap is what you think intuitive sight is.  -- Carolyn Myss
p Your biography becomes your biology -- and that is law.  -- Carolyn Myss
p Your body is the greatest instrument you'll ever own.  -- Mary Schmich
p Your choices are half chance.  So are everybody else's.  -- Mary Schmich
p Your circle of competence is probably 90% smaller than you think it is.  -- Morgan Housel
p Your education begins where what is called your education is over.
p Your face is an exercise in fractal curves.  -- John Taylor
p Your family gave you the best they knew at the time.  -- Carolyn Myss
p Your first amendment means I can say the second amendment sucks dicks.  -- Jim Jeffries
p Your first friend is worth the next thousand.  -- John Taylor
p Your happiness is intertwined with your outlook on life.
p Your heart doesn't lie to your head; your head lies to your heart.  -- Carolyn Myss
p Your imagination, my dear fellow, is worth more than you imagine.  -- Louis Aragon
p Your inability to grasp science is not an argument against it.
p Your last mistake is your best teacher.
p Your life would be very empty if you had nothing to regret.
p Your mind understands what you have been taught; your heart, what is true.
p Your money burns a hole in your pocket.
p Your soul is on a mission from God to have experiences and return to God.
p Your spirit and your body thrive on living honorably.  -- Carolyn Myss
p Your superstitions still have you by the short hairs.  -- Carolyn Myss
p Your teachers are often people who have been right around you.  -- Ram Dass
p Your thought is the parent which gives birth to all things.  -- God?
p Your vibe attracts your tribe.  -- Pam Grout
p Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart.  -- Carl Jung
p Your winning smile is your greatest asset.
p Youth and age will never agree.
p Youth and white paper take any impression.  -- Edgeworth
p Youth had been a habit of hers so long that she could not part with it.
p Youth is a blunder; maturity a struggle; old age a regret.
p Youth is not a time of life but a state of mind.
p Youth is the trustee of posterity.
p Youth will be served.  -- Borrow
p Youth will have its swing.  -- Clarke
p Youth...  It is a wonder that anyone ever outgrows it.
p Zeal without knowledge is fire without light.  -- Fuller
p Zeal, when it is a virtue, is a dangerous one.  -- Fuller
p Zen is not easy.  It takes effort to attain nothingness.
p Zen is the sound of the ax chopping.  Chopping logic.  -- Edward Abbey